The October Amaryllis: Everything Has a Cost

Chapter 14 - February 28th, 2015 3:00 P.M.

While a large part of me wanted to repeat this better timeline permanently, I decided to make this my last day in it. I still wanted to see my great-grandmother in the past, and the curiosity of what she was like was tearing me apart like a sheet of paper. As impulsive as that decision was, at that moment, it felt like it had been entirely logical. Oh, what a fool I was… The whole situation reminded me of the fairy tale of The Fisherman and His Wife; for everything that I had been given, I still wanted more and more, never being satisfied. I could have visited every year possible and still wanted more. That’s my problem; I’m never thankful for what I have and always want more. I’m not a good person, to be completely honest with you.

“You know where I’ve always wanted to go?” I asked my dad, who was driving and rubbernecking at every possibility. It drove me insane, and yet I’d probably have done the same. I’m probably the biggest hypocrite of all time; I do exactly what I claim to hate and get all defensive when people call me out on it.

“Uh-huh, right…” he said, paying virtually no attention to either the road or me. I’m surprised we didn’t all die whenever he drove; he was like those androids from Arcadia.

“I’ve always wanted to go to that one Woodland Park Zoo,” I continued talking, annoyed. In case you’re not from Washington state, the Woodland zoo is this amazing zoo with over three hundred different types of animals. I remember seeing siamangs there, and they kept making these loud hooting sounds anytime I got closer to them. I’m not sure if they were angry or just curious, but their behavior amused me. I love animals more than people; they never call you ugly or laugh at you. If you hurt animals, I’ll hurt you. I still remember my dad telling me all about Michael Vick and his dogfighting ring; what a pathetic excuse for a human he is… And don’t give me a bunch of crap about how people can change; you have to be majorly screwed in the head to hang, shoot, and electrocute dogs. Well, I have Bad Newz for you, Mr. Vick; if I ever see you up in Seattle, I’ll make you suffer like those dogs.

“Uh-huh,” he said, staring at some crashed motorcycle on the side of the road. The ambulance was there, and a bunch of police officers were talking to a truck driver at about eight thousand miles an hour. I don’t know what any of them said to this day; it sounded like one of those bizarre conversations you hear in your dreams that make no sense once you wake up.

After that, I gave up talking to him as I saw it did little good. It’s not like he did it on purpose or anything, though. We just had a family full of ADHD people, and I was no different from the rest.

“Where are we going again, dear?” my mother asked my father, who finally had enough of an attention span to reply.

“Kerry Park, it’s in Queen Anne’s neighborhood, if I recall correctly. It’s a stunning vantage point; you won’t regret it,” he said with a small smile. The strangest part was that I didn’t see him smile, but I somehow knew that he did. Perhaps that makes no sense, but I can feel many things that I wouldn’t be able to explain, such as different people’s thoughts. I’m slightly clairvoyant now that I think about it; I mean, I’ve seen places and events in dreams and then actually experienced them. I once heard a girl in my class tell me that God speaks through dreams, so maybe he’s trying to reach out to me. Heh, let me tell you about the girl. Her name is Analee, and she’s from Logan, Utah. She’s LDS (Mormon) and eats green JELL-O pretty much 24/7. She invited me to go to church with her a couple of times, but I always kinda politely declined. I should go one of these days; it can’t hurt that much. I know many stereotypes about Mormons are false because of her; for example, they do not practice polygamy anymore. Well… there is the FLDS church, but we don’t talk about them.

After looking out of the window for a little while, I got incredibly sleepy. I wasn’t bored, but rather in a sort of trance from watching the stripes on the road fly by one after the other like little seagulls. It reminded me a bit of the drowsiness I would get from antihistamines where I was awake but barely. I swear, those things can seriously knock you out. When I was around six, I would constantly get carsick, so we would never travel without a pack of Dramamine. To this day, when I take it, I still get reminded of my younger days, where pretty much everything would make me throw up. I have a terribly weak stomach; I can’t even drink apple juice in the morning without it hurting like crazy. Don’t even get me started on the time I drank an entire bottle of lemon juice for a dare. I was kneeling over the toilet and groaning like I was a second away from dying.

I was hardly aware that I had even closed my eyes and fallen asleep on the window; it was as if I had my eyes open the entire time. It was very reminiscent of what I had felt while unconscious from the lightning, a peace so surreal that it almost felt as if it didn’t belong there. Death really isn’t so scary when you think about how peaceful it can be. Death is just the body entering into a permanent sleep, really; it’s the last nap you ever get to take.

* * *

“Hey, you really knocked out,” my dad said, brushing my hair when I finally woke up.

“I can never catch myself falling asleep; I’ve tried so many times,” I said, laughing lightly.

“You’ll have better luck getting rid of your shadow than catching yourself falling asleep, Clive,” he said with a small smile.

“You must have tried,” I joked.

“Hasn’t everybody?” he jested back.

“I tried, but he got mad at me and refused to ever talk to me. He’s uh… a little quiet, you see. He’s a shady fella,” I said, stretching my back.

That was enough to send my dad into a frenzy of laughter. I’m not sure exactly why he found it so funny, but it was strong enough to scare my mother awake. He’s one of those people that has a laugh like a villain’s. The closest comparison that I have is Jack Nicholson’s Joker. Here’s how I’d describe it, heeheeheehoohaheua.

“I’m sorry, that was just too good. Man, I haven’t heard anything that funny since Bill Hicks!” he said with tears coming out of his eyes.

“Bill Hicks?” I asked, confused.

“One day when you’re older, I’ll show you him; he was amazing,” he said, frowning.

“Did he die?” I asked curiously.

“Yeah, he died in 1994, if I remember correctly. Man, I can’t believe that was over twenty years ago…” he said with a nostalgic longing in his eyes.

“Well… the past will always be the past,” I said, patting his shoulder.

“Unless you can time travel, then time itself doesn’t exist in one solitary concept, as it is technically everything and nothing all at once,” he joked.

I think I just had a heart attack.

“Right…” I replied, acting confused.

“I’m just kidding; let’s go to the park. Would you like to see the greatest view of your life?” he asked the both of us excitedly.

“Has anybody ever said no to that?” I asked with a wide grin.

“Maybe in a different universe than ours.”