“Is it in your room now?”
“No. Quite the contrary,” Topher said. “I went into your room to retrieve the dictionary you stole, and it pummeled me with Infinite Jest.”
“As well it should. Considering the fact that I didn’t, as you so carelessly imply, steal your stupid dictionary, nor would I ever put my hands on its split-spined, moldy old cover in the first place.”
“How dare you!”
“In fact, I think I should reward my pernicious poltergeist. He clearly has my best interests in mind.”
That night, the ghost dumped the entire shelf of books on him while he was sleeping. A bruise the size of a golf ball rose up like a volcano on his forehead. By the end of the week he was so beaten, weary, and paranoid that Topher considered leaving him at home during the party.
“I’ll not have that schizo
