With him/her? NEVER!

Bouquet of thoughts

Barak

I rushed to the Blackwell Duchy's Manor as soon as I received the news that Nara woke up. With the engagement gift in my pocket, I rode my horse at a crazy speed. Only when I arrived to the gates I've realized, that I came here in such a hurry, only a man in love would. This thought pissed me, but it was too late to turn back, and the guards already noticed me and let me in. Walking through the well known corridors of the Blackwell's brought many memories back from our childhood. We used to hide behind those heavy red curtains, while playing hide and seek with our older siblings. I looked at the red carpet on the white marble floor, with its golden threads and smiled as I remembered when Nara stumbled on it and flew right against an old knight armor, completely demolishing it. We tried to put it together before anyone noticed it, but both of us was too short, obviously Nakos and Elda snitched us to the adults. On my way to Nara's room I wondered, where did our relationship got so sour? Then, at the door of her room I remembered. We started the academy together, and got separated, Nara turned into a gadget freak like the rest of her family and that was the time we got assigned to the royal twins. I fell beyond saving for Amelia, and Nara always acted so out of character around Arthur, that it made me sick. I felt like I've never known her, and the feeling of betrayal slowly grew it's roots in my soul. At her bedroom door I suddenly noticed that I forgot to bring flowers that were custom for the sick people. I took a quick look around and noticed a vase full of flowers. "Probably the maids had no time to arrange them yet!" - I thought and quickly grabbed a few in a bouquet. After taking a beep breath, I knocked on the heavy wooden door, and walked in. Nara was truly alive, but her state got me out of guard. She lost lots of weight during the month she had been unconscious. Her skin was slightly grey, her blond hair, that so many ladies envied, was now dull. I bowed a bit and nodded to Nakos who was sitting by her side.

- Hello Nara, I'm glad to see you awake. You scared everyone a lot. - she smiled so sincerely, but her eyebrows frowned suspiciously. Nakos smiled at the messy bouquet and gave a kiss to Nara's forehead.

- I'll let you two alone for a while, you have a lot to talk about. - he left and we were just starting at each other. I didn't know what to say or do. I never saw her so fragile... The Nara I knew was always rushing somewhere, usually with a toast in her mouth and reading something, or with a boiling liquid shouting to get out of her way. This version of her was so pitiful.

- Next time you might be lucky! - she said and caught me out of guard. I chuckled knowing that behind the fragile image, it was still the same annoying girl I knew.

- Nah, looks like you are tougher than you look. I'll need another way to get rid of my lovely fiance, now that she became the hero of the Empire. My sister and brother in law would skin me alive if I'd dare to turn my back to you now. - she rolled her eyes and with a really sophisticated voice she said.

- I'm so sorry that I didn't die! - Nara then pointed at the flowers.

- Are those poisonous? - Here we go! I shrugged.

- No idea, I just asked for the cheapest ones, but said to make it big. So I won't appear as a cheapskate. - Nara grimaced but suddenly her face turned emotionless and she blushed a bit. Then with worry in her voice she asked.

- Be honest... Do I look horrible? - "What should I say? Should I tell you we thought you'll die? That your cheeks are flat, your hair is dull, your skin is grey and the usually crazy flame in your eyes now is only a little sparkle?" - I cleared my throat.

- Just as horrible as usual.

- Thanks for the lie! - she said chuckling that ended up in coughing. I got to her side but didn't dare to pat her back in fear of breaking her. I looked around and noticed a glass and water on her nightstand. I grabbed them and handed her a glass of water saying.

- Please, choke on it! - she shook her head gently after drinking some of the water and said.

- I won't grant you that wish! - I felt a bit unsure about what should we talk about. Or should I simply leave? That's when I remembered of the excuse I came with, to check on her.

- This is yours. Engagement gift... - Nara's deer-like brown eyes widened at me in awe, and despite her sickly appearance, she looked really cute.

- So you want to marry me now? - "Do I!? - the question ran through my mind and for a split second I thought" Why not? ". My own feelings scared me to death and I even took a step further from Nara.

- No way!!! My parents forced me to buy you something as this is the custom. The Emperor is on cloud nine because of the decision he made. We might not be able to escape this engagement in the end, since you are alive and well... - I couldn't read Nara's emotions on her face. "Was she disappointed? Or relieved?" Soon she opened the box.

- I've ordered a customized tracking necklace for you from your brother. Since the previous one had been ruined. - I explained and she smiled at the gems, gently caressing the design of the necklace. Nara smiled at me then and said.

- Thanks, this is really thoughtful...

- Don't overthink it, I just happened to hear from Amy that they ripped it off of you. - I immediately regretted mentioning the incident, unconsciously I took a glance at Nara's neck, there was still a slight bruise around her slender neck where they ripped the necklace off. I didn't know why, but my hands clenched into fists as I remembered Nara in her own blood, falling to the ground.

- Eat something, you look like a skeleton. - I said and stormed out of her room without saying a proper goodbye. I almost bumped into Nakos who was just going back to Nara. When I was out of the Manor, I had to stop for a moment and take a deep breath, calming down my racing heart. The culprits were either dead by Nara's hands, or already interrogated and executed. Yet I wanted to kill them. At first I thought that I only feel so revengeful because they tried to harm the woman I was in love with, until Elda told me the truth about Nara's condition. One month. I couldn't get her out of my mind. I tried my best not to care about her, but each day I saw Nakos or overheard Arty and Amy talking about Nara, I felt like she was drifting away from us. I despised her so much for pretending to be someone she wasn't when she was surrounded by other nobles... But a world without her seemed to be simply wrong. I groaned with anger and fetched my horse. I rode home trying to comprehend the thoughts and feelings that were spiraling inside me. By the time I arrived home, I headed directly to the training grounds. Elda and Argus were there sparring. As soon ad they saw me they stopped and seeing my expression, Elda gave me her sword.

- You need to release some steam. - she said and walked to the side of the training ground. I looked up at my brother-in-law and swallowed unsure.

- Elda... - I mumbled and she shrugged.

- This is a conversation you need a man for, by the way... WATCH OUT! - she screamed the end of the sentence and I barely managed to block Argus's attack. He grinned at me and asked.

- So... How did your visit went?