The Alpha and Her Match

t w o

We haul the heavy jugs of vodka placed in these wooden containers through the godforsaken cold forest. Dax and I were walking around with no particular direction or destination, only following where the wind took us. For days we were taught how to track, how to hunt and how to know where we were at all times… so today, we just let it go and enjoyed ourselves.

“I think I’ve lost feeling in my big toe.” I told Dax, wiggling my bare feet in the snow.

He wiggles his bare feet as well. During our training, we were only permitted minimal clothing: a thin shirt and some even thinner pants. Dax and I looked like we were dressed for the beach and not the below temperatures of the north. “I lost that in the first week.”

“Yikes.” I grimaced, making a face at the sight of his dark toes. “It’s purple.”

He stubs his toe on a rock and I swear I hear it c***k. “It’s been every color except the right one.”

“It looks like it has been.” I adverted my eyes away from it in fear that just looking at his gnarly toe would give me the same one. “Who do you think is the better teacher? Your father or my grandfather?”

“In terms of temperament and general outlook on life?” He says mockingly, specifically towards Teapot, who’s general outlook on life is the size of a dust particle. “Definitely Alek Volkov. He’s easy going compared to my father, who always sounds like it’s the end of the world if we don’t follow him.”

“Grandfather is all about the skill and Teapot is all about the survival.” I mused with a laugh.

“And your mother was more on the strategy.” Our pack is known for its focus on battle and training the best warriors, starting on the day that we are born. All of us are taught how to fight, how to win fights and how to become the best. No one else, not even the capital, can beat our bravest and finest and it’s all because of training such as this.

I murmured my agreement. “It’s been tough.”

“It’ll be tougher in there.” He jerks his chin in the direction of the real frozen forest where the tournament will be held. Compared to where we are now with the real forest where it will be held, this place is a playpen for toddlers.

I stopped him by the tree line, the closest we’re allowed to be to the site of the tournament. We can see nothing here except for a flurry of snow and miles of white, but already the temperature has dropped even lower and the atmosphere of death has increased. Vaguely, we see tall black poles in the air but it could very well be our imagination. “This. I think this is the spot.”

Dax sighed, placing the jugs on the ground and looking straight ahead. “Of course this would be the spot.”

We get to work, digging down into the snow until we can set up a fire. Using branches, dried leaves and old tree bark, I watched Dax start the fire with expert hands. The flame came alive between us and the warmth that seeped through our outstretched hands was very welcome.

“Shall we drink?” Dax said after a while, his hands were red gripping one of the jugs.

I grabbed one of the jugs as well, popping open the cap and raising it over my head— it weighed heavier than me. “To the health of our toes and the success of the upcoming tournament!”

“To you.” He merely says before taking the longest drink that I’ve ever seen him do, that or the jug is just so heavy there’s no way to lift it back up from his mouth.

While I contemplated on helping him, I did the same and I can confirm that it was in fact the heavy jug nearly crushing my lips that kept us drinking. But as strong warriors of the north, we do not complain and continue on drinking the liquid that burned down our throats. It tasted like every vomit I’ve ever made in my entire life but it was good nonetheless.

When the jugs were light enough, we could finally put them down and breathe, lips smacking. My insides were already warm, my cheeks flushed and my ears tingling. Without much food in my stomach, the effects of the alcohol were almost instantaneous.

Dax started picking on the twigs on his feet, his fingers tracing the snow. He looked like he wanted to say something and I wondered what it could be. My best friend has never been open about himself. When he spoke, it was about work or his family but never really about himself. I always had to guess that part.

Maybe… maybe I have to start it— talk about myself so Dax can talk about himself too.

“I’m not as good as my mother.” I blurted out the first thing that I had in my mind.

This startled him, eyes blinking. “Anna,”

I lift my hand up to stop him, wanting to get it off my chest as soon as possible lest I feel ridiculous. “It’s true. I mean I’m fine, I do well, but I’m not legendary or great… I’m not like her. You’ve heard stories about my mother, how brilliant she is, and I just know I’ll never be like that.”

He stares at me for a long time until I can feel as though he’s seeing through me… seeing my soul. “What makes you think you have to be? Why can’t you just be Anna? People already love Anna.”

I look down at my rough hands. It’s scarred and broken… battle worn from years of training and fighting. “I don’t know. Sometimes I worry that I’m just like my father.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” Dax’s reassuring words were spoken through the crackling fire.

My eyes glanced up at his and I felt something shift in the cold air. “You’re okay with plain old regular Anna?”

“I like Anna in whichever way she is.” He smiles, a small one that warms me better than the vodka or fire ever could. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re brilliant. You’re your own level of greatness and legendary.”

He looked like he was thinking again, contemplating and fighting within himself.

It was making me anxious.

“Just say it, Dax.” I said as I bit my lower lip nervously. Whatever he’s about to say is something that he has kept for a very long time.

“I think I had a crush on you.” Dax mumbles under his breath, his cheeks red with a blush.

I almost didn’t catch his words. Almost.

But I did.

It seemed the whole world did as everything lay still and quiet. Not even the wind blew.

Romantic feelings… it’s a petty thing for our pack and it’s most definitely always ignored. Mates and similar things like that just don’t work with us or at least traditionally they didn’t. Though with my grandfather Alek Volkov choosing his destined mate, the pack has now been a lot more open to the fact that mates can be in our futures. Unfortunately for us, another problem has arisen: there’s a lack of destined mates these past few years. Fewer and fewer people meet their soulmates. So, we are right back where we started: feelings are a petty thing and should be ignored as much as possible. To guard our hearts, to guard ourselves.

Often, we are told that such emotions like these are what breaks a person.

A weakness.

Like giving a bullet to the enemy.

Still.

It’s not as if I’ve never had them before. Specifically towards Dax.

“I think I had a crush on you too.” I admitted, empowered by too much alcohol and not enough food. My heart beat was racing. I could hear it thumping in my chest.

I don’t miss the past tense that we used and I do not know how much of that is a lie. Upon looking at Dax under my eyelashes, I see that he has not missed it as well and is wondering the same thing I am.

'I think' is what we said to each other, but there was no doubt.

There was just so much that could go wrong. We could find our mates. We could be ruining a perfectly good friendship… more and more.

But then it could also be something good. For us.

And sometimes… most times, I just wanna tell him to f u ck our childhood together and just ruin our friendship.

I cleared my throat, clapping my hands together and raising the jug once more. “Let’s make a deal.”

Dax raises an eyebrow but lifts his jug of vodka anyway. “What kind of deal?”

“When we’re both thirty five and mateless, let’s marry.” I declared with a hiccup.

His eyes widened, lips parting. “This is quite a deal.”

I shrug, grinning widely. “I’m a bargain.”

“What kind of person would I be if I ignored such a good bargain?” He grins as well. “I accept.”

My hand reaches out to him. “Let’s pinky swear it.”

Dax chuckles at my childishness. “We’re not five, Anna.”

“We’re five at heart.” I pointed out. “Come on. Swear your love for me with a pinky.”

The blush on his face became much more apparent. “Hold on. Who said anything about—“

I forcefully grabbed his hand with the force of a thousand five year olds and looped our pinkies together. “No backing out now.”

Without another word, I drink to this, drowning myself in vodka because I am a coward and I cannot face my own feelings. Dax copies me because he also cannot face what is in front of him. So we do what we do best and ignore it using alcohol.

“Let’s do something to commemorate our deal.” I told him because I didn't know how else to escape this moment.

“Like what?” He asked, swallowing the last of his drink.

I stood, offering him my hand. “It’s a surprise.”

“Your bully energy is high today, Anna.” Dax tells me, but takes my hand regardless. “I’m here for it.”