The walk back to our training area is long and quiet. Both of us are lost in our own thoughts and it’s only when Teapot’s voice up ahead pierces through our ears do we get brought out of it.
“When I said drink, I meant drink here! And why aren’t you two drunk?” Teapot shouts, his tired eyes scanning both Dax and I for any injuries. He raised a hand up noticing how close Dax was clutching me. “I don’t want to know. The less I know, the better.”
“Dad,” Dax starts, but doesn’t finish.
Teapot gestured behind him, changing the topic. “You two are expected back at home in a few hours. We had best head out now.”
There was nothing to pack. We came here with only the clothes on our backs— the little that we had and nothing else. It was a training of survival so we didn’t need anything.
My insides turned, the alcohol and tree bark in my stomach sloshing.
My thoughts are going crazy.
All I can see or think about is that… tombstone and my mother hunched over it.
“Teapot,” I called out before we could start our long walk back. “I know I’ve asked this countless times already, but what happened in that tournament? You were there. Can you tell me?”
He turned to face me, his expression solemn and almost broken. “Anna, if your mother doesn’t want to say anything, then it is not my place to tell you what happened in that forest.”
The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop it. “It killed her. Whatever happened there. It really killed her.”
Teapot nods, chest fallen. “That’s what the tournament does.”
I shook my head, refusing to believe that my mother was broken by a mere competition. There is something there. Something nobody wants to tell me. “I don’t think it was just the tournament. I know, you know.”
Teapot takes me by surprise when he embraces me. “I understand your frustration and you have every right to be, but I can’t say more, Anna. I’m sorry.”
“Is she okay at least?” I asked, fighting the tremble of my voice.
His hand pats my back. It wasn’t exactly soothing because his large hand felt like he was tenderizing a piece of meat rather than a caring tap, but it was comforting nonetheless. “She will be. She’s strong. Just like you.”
Dax breaks up the hug with an uncomfortable whistle. “So, uh, what are the chances we can shift into our wolves and run back?”
A cruel smile spread across his father’s face and I already knew it was going to be a tortuous walk home. “Zero. We’re doing this the hard way. Walking the entire way back without rest, without food or water.”
“That takes hours.” Dax groans, kicking at the snow covered ground with his bare feet.
I couldn’t help but agree with him. “It only takes one if we’re in our wolf form and you said our arrival is already being waited on.”
“Less than respectfully, I don’t care who’s waiting for you.” Teapot says with a shrug. “You won’t be shifting in your wolves at any point in the tournament, not even on the walk back. Might as well practice it now.”
We voice out our complaints in not so low grumbles though it falls on expert selective hearing ears.
He had already turned around, walking away from Dax and I. “Come along you two.”
Teapot is the Beta of the pack, my mother’s right hand, her commander and, in my everyday life: my guardian. Often I wonder how he and my mother work so well together. They were both contenders at the same tournament and I heard they weren’t exactly friendly, but now it’s like they can’t work without each other. There’s a deep understanding between them, something I will never fully comprehend, but it’s an understanding I know they both depend on.
When one moves, the other moves. When one shows a small reaction, whether it be the slightest twitch or a widening of the eyes, and instantly the other knows exactly what to do.
It’s completely platonic. Sometimes I think they’re like this weird older brother and sister pair.
I glance towards Dax and wonder if we’ll be able to work well like our parents have. Platonic or not. Feeling my eyes on him, he glanced back at me and gave a small smile.
And with that, I feel much better.
I counted the time passed with lip smacks because I was thirsty and hungry and feeling the aftereffects of drinking without sustenance.
Smack. One.
Smack. Two.
Dead tree there. Thick snow here. Smack. Three.
My lip smacking was starting to get annoying by the hundredth time I did it and I knew this because Teapot suddenly swirled to face me with a frown on his face. “No amount of that will have you run back in your wolf form.”
“So mad.” I whispered towards Dax, who chuckled.
I have passed my thousand lip smack when the snow covered ground becomes a cleared dirt path and we could finally see the outline of the whimsical town. It was already dark but the big bonfire right in the middle of the town gave our home a beautiful Christmas glow. With the snow covered rooftops and the chimneys hard at work, it really did look like Christmas even if it wasn’t.
Despite how tired I was, I couldn’t help but grin widely at the sight of home.
Our town, our pack, this land, I love it. I love it more than anything.
There’s something about coming home that just warms the heart. The smell itself is different. I cannot explain it but it’s calming, like a safety blanket.
Right before we step into the town, Teapot lets out a yawn and waves a hand out. “Alright. You’re officially dismissed. See you two again in another two months for our next training session.”
Both Dax and I let out a sigh. We give each other one lingering gaze before running in opposite directions. Him to his house with his father and me to the Alpha’s mansion where my family is waiting.
I had no contact with them to practice for when my ability to mind link is removed during the tournament.
The Alpha’s mansion is all white concrete and wide windows, giving a perfect view of the town and the mountain ranges behind it. There’s a frozen lake right behind the mansion too, perfect for my grandmother, who loves it.
My feet get one step inside of our home from the main entrance before I am greeted by the boom of my mother’s command.
“I want this done. I want this done yesterday!” My mother’s low but sharp tone pierced through the quiet halls.
“Yes, Alpha.” A pair replied, their voices nearly shaking.
I waited in the living room for them to leave, listening closely for the back door to open and close. When the soft click of the door sounds, I quietly make my way to my mother’s study, passing by high ceilinged halls and an ornate fireplace that was burning wood which warmed the entire house. The door to her office is open, revealing my mother who’s sitting behind her table, arms crossed and staring down at a stack of paperwork that seemed to grow by the second. It was clear she had been home awhile, having run back to town in wolf form and, judging by the frown on her face, she was not in a good mood.
My mother looks up all of a sudden and her frown vanishes. “Oh, Anna, you’re home.” She stands from her seat, coming to greet me at her door. The years have been kind to my mother, her face flawless and beautiful, her hair silky black and smooth, but her eyes… her eyes, though they tried to be happy when in front of me, were sad. So very sad. “How was it? I’ll let the cooks know to prepare your favorites. I’m sure Teapot starved you out there.”
I forced a smile, trying to hide my own sadness from what I saw in the frozen forest and from how she looks right now… doing her best to look happy for me. “It was good. I learned a lot from him, but yes, a warm meal tonight would be most appreciated.”
“Tree bark and possible poisonous plants don’t exactly taste the best.” She says with a knowing look, having been there before. A second— a millisecond of something passed through her face and I thought she might cry before it was gone, replaced by the cold expression she usually has. “You should have a warm bath now. It’ll help with your purple toes.”
I wiggled my toes on her carpeted floor and was more than ready for the warmest bath in the world, but I just couldn’t bring myself to leave. Not after what I have seen. “Mom?”
She was already walking back to her chair. “Yes, Anna?”
One chance. I had one chance to let this one go and simply leave for my bath without having this difficult conversation. I don’t take this one chance. “Can you tell me what happened in that tournament?”
Her demeanor changes drastically. From welcoming to almost harsh. “Not right now, Anna.”
Another chance. And again I did not take it, trying once more. “But mom?”
She sinks into her seat and sighs tiredly, the bags under her eyes dark. “Anna please—“
“I saw you at the entrance of the frozen forest.” I admitted, biting my lip and feeling foolish.
Her eyes widened before letting out another exhausted sigh. “Of course you did.”
“I’m sorry.” I quickly apologized, feeling guilty for bringing this up but also desperate for answers. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know you didn’t.” She sucked in a deep breath, flinching as she did. For a moment, I thought she wouldn’t answer and ask me to leave, but instead she looked up at me, her expression so incredibly heartbroken to the point that I could almost feel it in my chest. It was a soul crushing kind of look, the kind that has burned deep for many years. “I lost someone in that tournament.”
The tombstone. The one she was crying over. “Who was it?”
My mother smiled but it was a pained one. “A good man. The best man.”
Her answer sunk in and as I look at her now, the pieces of this puzzle I was trying to solve started to take form. When I was young and my mom was really sad, she told me about a great love that she once had. She said it was like an eruption inside of her, making her knees weak and her feet stumble. She loved every minute of it, gladly stumbling and gladly had her knees weaken. It was quick, she said, quicker than she realized. And when she lost that love… it killed her as well. “I think you lost yourself a little too, mom.”
“Yes. I did and I don’t know how to get it back just yet.” She confesses, sounding dejected and a little hopeless.
I went to her side and wrapped my mother in an embrace because I did not know what else to do. “I’m sorry.”
She loops her arms in mine, keeping me close while blinking profusely. “You did nothing wrong, my perfect girl.”