The Spare Dragon

2. Despair

*** Vanessa***

My lungs burn as I race through the forest, eager to get away from the dragon and crawl under a rock after the utter humiliation I just endured.

He called me a w***e, I whimper to myself, desperately fighting back tears as I find my way back to where I hid my clothes and shift back into my human form.

I’ve been called a w***e and a slut my whole life, but I had held on to hope that my next mate would never call me that. That they would see me and love me at first sight as I’d seen so many wolves experience before. That I would be more than just a quick f**k to them.

Guess that was just wishful thinking. I’m not worth much after all and I’m an i***t for ever thinking I could have something that beautiful for myself.

I wipe at my misty eyes as I slip on my clothes and grab my backpack, my wolf, Paloma, crying softly to herself in the depths of my mind.

I’m sorry you got stuck with me, I mumble as I start walking back into the village. You don’t deserve my punishment.

Don’t be, Paloma whimpers once she calms down. Perhaps he would have liked us more if I had been a prettier wolf.

I shake my head at this.

The dragon seemed to like you, I sigh knowingly. It was the human who hated me.

Paloma tries her best to console me but there is nothing she can say to make me feel better. There must be something seriously wrong with me, something that repels everyone once they get close enough. It’s the only logical explanation. I’ve dated several types of men. Men who were jerks and men who were sweet and kind, but no matter who they were, they never stuck around for more than a few months.

“You’re just too clingy. Too needy. Too easy. Too difficult. Too this. Too that,” they would say.

My legs move faster down the street as these words replay in my head over and over again, engraving themselves in the back of my mind for me to never forget that I will never be good enough for anyone.

I get to my apartment, my hands shaking as I fumble with the keys and struggle to put them into the keyhole. Once I calm down enough to open my door, I storm inside, my legs on the verge of giving out as I close the door and lean my back against it. Tears spill onto my cheeks as I undress and jump in the shower, a sob finally working its way out of my heart.

I don’t know how long I sit there and cry, but my thoughts drift off to what he had said.

“Please tell me you’re on some form of birth control?”

My hands roam down to my flat stomach as dark thoughts fill my mind. I try hard not to think about the loss I suffered, but some days, I’m reminded that there should have been a baby in my arms by now and I should have been a mother.

Will there ever be a man who will rejoice at the thought of me carrying their child? I wonder as I sit in the shower.

Feeling myself about to explode with all the emotions colliding in my head, I force myself out of the shower and change before pulling out my drawing book, charcoal, and an eraser. I settle down on the floor, hunching over the notebook and dipping my fingers into some pan pastel. My hands move over the paper mindlessly to create chaos on the page with dark black strokes before I take a stick of charcoal to deepen the shadows. Using an eraser, I bring light onto the page and carve out the image replaying in my head. I work in silence, letting my fingers make sense of what I’m feeling and by the time I'm finished, my fingers and the sides of my palms are stained black from all the blending.

Tears spill onto my cheeks when I see my mate’s face sculpted out in the shadows of the page, his scarred eye looking back at me from the side. He’s mesmerizing even in drawing form, but there is fear in his eyes. What is he so afraid of?

I close my eyes to hold back my tears. How am I ever going to get through this?

We’ll figure it out, Paloma whispers, her soothing voice bringing me a little comfort.

Even in her own pain, my wolf takes care of me. I need to do the same for her.

I get up to toss the drawing in the trash when my phone rings, my sister’s name popping up on the screen. I contemplate not answering, but it's very late in California. Surely, if she’s calling, it must be important.

Wiping away my tears and taking a few deep breaths, I calm myself down enough to sound cheerful and answer the phone.

“Hey Nat,” I say with forced enthusiasm. “What time is it there? It must be late for you. Is something wrong?” I ask, Natalia sighing deeply to herself.

“No,” she replies after a long awkward pause. “Kota wants to talk to you,” she adds curtly, switching to a video call and handing the phone to the child without saying another word.

“Nanessa?” a small voice answers , bringing a smile to my face.

“Dakota!” I squeal, rushing to my room and throwing myself on the bed to speak with my nephew. “Kota, how are you?”

“Good,” he replies back, smacking his lips together as he chews on something.

“Mi amor, we have to chew quietly, okay?” I hear Natalia say, Kota chewing more quietly.

“What are you eating?” I ask, Kota answering with the cutest laugh.

“String Cheese!” he says proudly, holding up his half eaten cheese stick to the camera. “Mommy gave me cheese. Do you want some?” he asks softly.

“I’m okay,” I laugh. “So why did you want to talk to me?”

“Because you were sad,” he says quietly.

The smile on my face falters.

How could he possibly know?

“Are you okay, Nanessa?” he asks, fresh tears spilling onto my cheeks.

“Yes, I am sweetie,” I whisper, doing my best to compose myself. “Thank you so much for asking.”

“My mommy says it's okay to cry when you’re sad,” he sighs. “Do you need a hug?”

“I would love a hug,” I say through a smile, placing the phone to my chest and squeezing it like a hug. When I pull it away, Kota looks up at me and smiles.

“Do you feel better now?” he asks, and I nod as best I can. “Don’t worry Nanessa. The pretty lady in my dream said that ummm… Oh no! I forgot what she said!” he gasps, slapping his palm to his forehead and shaking his head.

“Okay, Kota. You have to go back to bed now. It’s past your bedtime,” Natalia says, kissing her pup on his head.

“But what about Nanessa?” Kota whines.

“I’ll make sure she goes to bed too,” Natalia replies, ushering the pup up the stairs where I see the silhouette of her husband waiting to take the pup back to bed.

“Bye Nanessa!” I hear Kota shout from the top of the stairs, someone chuckling in the background.

My sister takes the phone and walks to a separate room, closing the door behind her and turning to me.

“I’m sorry for bothering you,” She says after a sigh. “Kota has dreams that we can’t explain completely, but they always come true. He said he had one of you and that he needed to tell you something, but he wouldn’t tell us what.”

“Oh, I see. So… Kota is gifted as well?” I ask, Natalia nodding her head.

“We believe so. My friend, Guinevere, went to another realm and got a little bit of information about what kind of wolves we are,” she says. “Have you spoken much to your wolf or thought at all about your abilities?”

“To be honest, I haven’t given it much thought,” I reply with a shrug. “I’ve been… preoccupied.”

She nods at this and explains the legend her friend told her.

“We’re what's called Letum wolves,” She explains. “As humans, our blood carried a deadly curse for Vampires, but as wolves, we became hunter wolves blessed by the Goddess of Night. There are seven wolves total with seven different gifts. I have Darkness. Kota has these strange dreams that come true. And you…”

“Have the Shadows,” I finish for her. “And your daughter? Is she a Letum or hunter wolf-thing too?”

Natalia shrugs. “I don’t completely understand how the bloodline works. We’ll have to wait until she’s older. All I know is that it’s rare for a Letum human to become a Letum wolf. We likely won’t meet any others like us.”

“Oh,” I reply, not really understanding anything of what she just said.

An awkward silence falls over us, Natalia picking at her nails while I mess with my hair.

“So… how have you been?” she finally says after clearing her throat.

“I’m okay,” I reply quietly, Natalia nibbling on her bottom lip. “You?”

“Yeah, we’re okay. New baby. New pack. New husband,” she says. “Everything’s…. New. We’re still trying to figure things out. How are things going for you?”

“It’s fine here,” I say with a shrug. “It’s a small village and an even smaller pack.”

“Any new friends?” she says with a forced smile. “You were always better at making friends than I was.”

I hate how awkward this is and attempt to put us both out of our misery.

“We don’t have to do this, you know?” I say, Natalia doing her best to remain composed. “Pretend to be friends or care about each other. I know what I did was unforgivable and I understand if you don’t want me in your life anymore.”

“See, that’s your problem, Nes,” Natalia retorts. “I never pretended to be your sister. I never hated you, but it seems you did. If you want to cut ties, fine, we can do that, but don’t for one second, blame that on me. I’m trying here. I’m really f*****g trying to forgive you, but I need you to give me time.”

“I’m sorry,” I reply. “I just don’t want you to feel like you need to forgive me. You don’t have to.”

“Okay,” Natalia nods, pinching the bridge of her nose. “We’ll get through this.”

We don’t say much before we exchange goodbyes and end the call. I lay back in my bed, staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours before my phone once again rings. Without looking at the caller ID, I answer, hearing Matilda, my boss, ask if I can come in today to cover a shift. Knowing I’ll only drive myself crazy in my apartment, I agree, grabbing my things and heading out the door.

.

.

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***Remus***

I followed her. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. I waited for several hours until she came out of her apartment and then I followed her to the little pub she works at, watching as she took several deep breaths at the door before forcing a smile on her face and greeting the other waiters inside.

I had to fight with Azos to not go into the pub until he finally agreed to return to Alderon.

The woman never leaves my thoughts as I fly into the Sky Realm, the look of agony on her face forever ingrained in my head. Not even the clear skies and beautiful views can distract me from the gaping hole forming in my heart the closer I get to the palace.

Several attendants come out onto the platform as I land, the servants bowing and getting to work draping me with my royal garments.

A shriek finally pulls me from my thoughts, and I look up to see Naomi crying as the servants chase after her. The little girl is barefoot, her dress unzipped as she races towards me with open arms.

“Remus!” She cries, jumping into my arms and hiding her face in my neck.

“What’s wrong, Naomi?” I ask softly before glaring at the servants for harassing her. “What have you done to her?”

“Nothing, your excellency,” they both mumble as they courtesy for me. “We are simply trying to get her in a dress like the Queen Mother asked us to do.”

“I can’t breathe in this dress!” Naomi shrieks, looking at me with tear filled eyes. “Please don’t make me wear it. I don’t like it, Remus! Please!”

My mother watches from the palace entrance, her face stern as she looks at me, but I shake my head in return. She remains in place as I approach the palace entrance, the fierce look in her eyes all too familiar, but I refuse to back down on this matter. Naomi is a child and I intend to let her enjoy her childhood as long as possible.

“She is a Lady,” My mother says as I ignore her and walk past her. “A Lady should know how to carry herself from a young age. That means walking, talking, and dressing like a Lady. You cannot keep her out of the loop for long Remus. She is a representation of you and of our Kingdom.”

“She is a little girl,” I retort. “Not a woman. She represents no one.”

“I am merely trying to better your image,” my mother retorts. “It would be of great help if you did not try to resist everything I suggest.”

“Oh because you’ve been such a great help so far!” I snap, turning back to look at her. “Ludos Electia, mother? Really?” I scoff. “How could you?”

“I am trying to help you,” she sighs, holding her head high as she faces me.

“Help me!?” I snap, my mother stepping back and looking away at the many portraits hanging on the walls. “Who’s side are you on, Mother? Theirs or mine because from where I stand, you’ve done little to show loyalty to me.”

There’s a fearsome look in her eyes when she looks back at me. “This is not a place to discuss such matters, but let me be perfectly clear, Remus. I never wanted this for you. I wanted to grant you a freedom I never had. A choice. Be grateful you will at least get to know and select your own Queen from among some of the most respected and eligible bachelorettes in all the Sky Realm. Some of us never had that luxury and I would certainly take advantage and do everything in my power to take the opportunity to choose someone best suited for me if I were you.”

I clench my jaw in anger. It is no secret that my mother and father did not marry for love, but how dare she claim this game is any better?

“Well, you’re not me,” I mutter, the Queen mother clasping her hands together.

“No, I’m not,” She says solemnly, bowing her head to me and walking in the direction of the royal gardens.

I watch her leave, still not fully trusting my mother and her intentions. She is a complicated woman, one I cannot fully understand and probably never will.

Sighing tiredly as Naomi whimpers, I carry the child upstairs to her bedroom, shooing the maids away so I can speak to her in private.

“Are you alright?” I ask, Naomi hugging me tightly.

Sitting on the edge of the bed with her, I let Naomi cry as much as she wants until she finally relaxes and goes into her closet to change into something more comfortable. She returns moments later in an oversized sweater and leggings.

“You know eventually, you will have to dress like a proper Lady,” I sigh, Naomi growling as she looks up at me.

“I am a Lady!” she snaps.

“A Lady would have put on the dress without making such a fuss,” I retort, Naomi stomping her foot at me.

“Well, why can’t a Lady just wear pants?” she huffs.

“And why must you always be so difficult?” I snap, the child crossing her arms over her chest.

“And why are you so old?” she retorts, my eyes widening in shock as my mouth hangs open.

She bursts into laughter at my reaction, holding her stomach as she throws her head back in a cackle.

“I am not old,” I snap, Naomi covering her mouth with her hands as she laughs. “I’m quite young for a dragon.”

“You’re an old lizard,” she giggles, a squeal escaping her lips as I throw her over my shoulder and toss her on the bed.

“I can’t stand you,” I mutter, the girl continuing to laugh as she looks up at me.

Her innocent smile reminds me of the woman in the woods, the beautiful woman who’s heart is now shattered.

Fuck, why did I have to think of her? I scold myself, Azos snarling at me.

Because she belongs here with us!, he snaps.

Needing a distraction, I walk over to the window and stare out at the capital in the horizon, reminding myself why I have to marry a complete stranger and not the beautiful she-wolf who’s eyes make me feel like I’m home.

A queen from an honorable kingdom would bring much needed alliances, trade agreements, more knights, and a hefty dowry to my people, I tell myself, but the view here pales in comparison to her.

“Remus, why are you sad?” Naomi asks quietly, suddenly appearing at my side.

She leans her head against my leg and sighs as she waits for my response.

“Well, there’s this girl I met, but I think I’ve made a mistake with her,” I reply. “And unfortunately, it may be a little too late to fix it.”

“Well, did you try saying you’re sorry?” she asks, looking up at me with raised eyebrows.

“Well… I…well, no,” I smile sheepishly, Naomi rolling her eyes in disbelief.

“Ugh, do I have to do everything?” She groans, slapping her palm to her forehead. “Dumb lizard,” she shakes her head. “You have to say you’re sorry.”

“I don’t think a ‘sorry’ will fix this,” I reply, the little girl taking me by the hand to her door. “Where are we going?”

“To say sorry,” she exasperates.

“Naomi!” I snap. “I have a meeting with the council members in a few hours that I have to prepare for and a dinner I can’t miss.”

The little girl, however, refuses to let go of my hand, dragging me all through the palace as several servants gawk and stare at the little Lady of Alderon holding their King hostage. She takes me to the platform, and despite my objections, refuses to let me go back into the palace until I’ve agreed to apologize.

“Fine!” I snap, asking the servants to bring me a bag of clothing for the trip. “We’ll go into the Earth realm, say sorry, and come back in time for my meeting.”

“Okay,” Naomi smiles triumphantly, stepping back to let me shift into my dragon.

I transform into my beast, Azos carefully grabbing Naomi and my bag in his claws before taking to the skies. Naomi squeals with joy as we rush through the clouds and out into the Earth realm where I find a place to shift into my human.

This is such a stupid idea, I mutter to myself after I change into my clothes and take Naomi’s hand.

Nope, Azos replies, excitement lingering in his voice at the prospect of reuniting with his she-wolf mate.

Naomi and I walk into the little town, my heart racing a mile a minute as we approach the pub I followed the wolf earlier to. From the window, I can see her smiling politely at two male guests as she takes their orders, an envious rage boiling within me when one of them makes her laugh. It takes everything in me not to storm inside and tear the men’s eyes out so they never look at her again, reminding myself that I have no right to be angry in the first place.

The delicious scent of scotch pie and fish and chips hits my nose as we walk into the pub, several customers chattering amongst themselves. All of the noise and scents, however, fade into obscurity when the woman’s eyes meet mine, the smile on her face disappearing.

She quickly turns away to finish writing down the orders before excusing herself and heading into the kitchen. My heart sinks as I watch her disappear behind the kitchen doors, but Naomi refuses to leave even after I explain to her that there is no point, finding a table near a window.

Knowing Naomi will not let this go until I’ve apologized to the wolf, I begrudgingly take a seat and wait. Moments later, my beautiful mate reappears, a composed smile on her face as she places a menu before each of us.

“Wow!” Naomi gasps. “You look like a real life princess!” she squeals excitedly.

“Oh, thank you,” The woman smiles, a slight blush forming on her cheeks. “Welcome. My name is Vanessa and I’ll be your server this afternoon,” she says softly, the sound of her voice like a beacon leading me home. “I’ll give you guys a few minutes to look over the menu and then I’ll get you started with some drinks.”

Vanessa…I whisper to myself, loving the way the name rolls off my tongue. Her name is Vanessa.

Naomi looks between Vanessa and I and grins from ear to ear, wiggling her eyebrows mischievously at me when she realizes Vanessa is the person I have to apologize to. I shake my head at her to stop being weird, but she only giggles, heat rising to my cheeks against my will as I try to shield my face.

“You have a funny accent, Vanessa,” Naomi says, my eyes widening in shock while Vanessa giggles to herself.

“Naomi, that was rude,” I mutter under breath, turning to Vanessa who avoids looking directly at me.

“It’s alright,” Vanessa says. “I get that a lot. I’m American, sweetie, so my accent is a little different. But I see you have an accent too,” she smiles. “Where are you from?”

“New Zealand,” Naomi says proudly. “And Remus is English.”

“Oh travelers,” Vanessa says to herself as she stands up straight. “Is your mother coming? Do you need another menu?”

“I don’t have a mom,” Naomie sighs. “It’s just Remus and I.”

Finally Vanessa turns to me, pressing her lips together in disappointment as she holds back tears.

Fuck, I forgot I told her I’m getting married, I sigh, Azos muttering that I’m a i***t under his breath.

“Right,” she says, smoothing back the skirt of her uniform. “Okay, I will be back to take your orders.”

I reach for her wrist as she tries to turn and leave.

“No wait!” I say, feeling those incredible sparks ripple up my arm as I wrap my fingers around her waist. “Please let me explain.”

“You don’t owe me any explanations,” Vanessa says, attempting to pull her arm from my grip. “I understand everything now.”

“No,” I plead, getting to my feet. “No, you don’t.”

Several patrons watch and stare as I pull her towards me, Vanessa’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

“Let go of me. Please. There are people watching. You’ve hurt me enough,” she whimpers. “Don’t humiliate me any further.”

I look around at the pub, realizing it’s full of wolves and they’re all looking at me. One of them rises from his seat and walks over to us, his cold gaze settled on me.

“Everything alright here, Nessa?” he asks, his eyes never leaving me.

“It’s fine, Paul,” Vanessa sighs. “The gentleman was just asking for the bathroom.”

Paul turns in the direction of the men’s restroom in the back, his voice deep and menacing.

“There’s a restroom there for ya,” he says. “Next time, keep your hands off the lady.”

My jaw clenches as I try to ignore the condescending tone in his voice and I walk towards the bathroom, telling Naomi to stay put while I’m away. I don’t linger too long in the restroom, washing my face to cool off the heat of my frustration.

Why can’t I just talk to this woman? I mutter to myself. She’s just a woman.

You barely function as a human, Azos replies. It’s a shame I can’t speak through you. At this rate, she’ll never want to speak to us again.

I don’t want her to speak to us! I argue. I can’t have her!

Why not? Azos snaps. The council wants a Queen. Here is one made just for us!

She is not a dragon, I retort. The council will not accept a woman of another species to be their Queen, not after Guienevere. Besides, a she-wolf for a wife is complicated.

If you wanted this, you’d find a way, Azos snarls. There is always a way when you put your mind to it. You want her so take her. Claim her. You are King of Alderon, not the spare, not the exiled prince. The King. And a King never takes orders from a council member.

He says nothing more, shutting me out to figure things out for myself.

I want to love this woman, but the last forbidden love I dared to explore was taken from me in cold blood, along with all thoughts of peace. I am the King, but a King of a very broken kingdom whose army is more loyal to their lords than to their ruler and whose nobility still questions his legitimacy. Alderon is holding on by a thread, and I must be the King who puts his people above his own heart, even if it hurts.