Frozen Memories

A Man...His Ember Eyes

“Can you s..” The voices faded in and then out again, feelings throughout my body gradually settling into semi-consciousness.

    “What is it?!” The voice became clearer and nearer. My body felt buoyant, afloat, and weightless but steadily moving.

    “It’s a-I think -” A steady tug pulled me across what my mind assumed by this point to be water. “It’s a body!”

    I hear the deep voice yell as I feel myself being grabbed and lifted onto a more stable surface-one harder and uneven.

    “Alright boys, let's head back to the coast! We need to report the corpse to the captain! Go from there!” He yelled over what sounded like wind and water thrashing against each other.

    My mind attempted to will my eyes open-even move, but none of the above was possible. My body was heavily restrained, it seemed, as I was unable to budge. Or maybe my body just wasn’t ready to.

    No matter how hard I thought I was trying to move, my body stood still. It was as if I was paralyzed, my form a shell keeping myself restrained.

    “Do you think it’s a man or a woman?” I heard someone say-a male it sounded like and still, I could not budge to let whoever this person is, know that regardless of my s*x, I am alive!

    It felt like an eternity that I was fighting to be discovered, even lying in the arms of whoever was carrying me to my unknown destination.

    “What is all the commotion abou-what is this?!” This was obviously a different man, as his tone was deeper and more demanding.

    “Found it off the coast, Captain.” The one of before answered. “Judging-”

    “Well have you opened the body bag? Have you checked for a pulse?” The one that I assumed to be in authority had begun to flood the other with questions before he got the chance to answer.

    “Didn’t want to move too fast, sir. Thought it best to wait for the Medical Examiner as well as your arrival, sir. Besides, I doubt anything would be lucky enough to survive what we just pulled this out of.” There was a pause; one that made me feel even more uncomfortable than I already was in being restrained by my own body. “The weight of the body seems normal, although it’s pretty heavy-dead weight, I presume.”

    No! I wasn’t dead weight! I wasn’t dead! But I couldn’t show them that. I could not tell the man that suddenly placed me down on another solid surface-one smoother than the last, that I was alive and that I was in need of help.

    "Actually, sir, the body should be a little...bloated if it is dead. The weight, I'm sure is a result of these large chains. We cannot be certain of the full extent of this situation until we've undergone a full examination."

    "And who are you?" I heard the authoritative voice ask.

    "I am the M.E."

    "Well then what are we waiting for?! Let's open it up and see what we have!"

    As I hear a heavy clanking of chains being undone from whatever it was that holds me bound, I become excited, hoping that this means I’ll be free. Finally, they will see me breathing! Finally, they will realize that I am alive!

    I listened as they opened the bag, awaiting some sort of light to come to my eyes. Disappointment and fear enveloped me, however, as I realized that I was still in darkness.

    “Female-very well preserved…” Someone said, his voice trailing off. “Very striking….who'd kill something so....”

    It was sudden when I felt the heat of nearness; it wasn’t until then that I realized my body was probably cold. Maybe that was the reason behind my inability to move. I had no idea what was going on with me. All I knew-I was afraid and lost.

    It was shortly after this that I felt the heat of nearness again. As I felt something soft against my neck, I realized that I could feel. The warmth of what I assumed to be human flesh seemed to jumpstart me in a way. However, I still could not move.

    “There's no pulse, and yet, she's so well preserved that she seems near life-like.” I hear whoever checked my pulse say. I then felt the same warmth on my wrist. “Nothing at all. But her body is near frozen. No telling how long she’s been out there.”

    As I felt the pressure upon my neck one last time, this time a little harder than before, the feeling of my arm being lifted jolted further shock of warmth throughout my body.

    “My God, who did this to you?” I hear a whisper.

    “Sir, I think-” A gasp escaped the one applying pressure to my neck. “Sir, I feel a pulse-”

    Without warning, my senses suddenly kicking to life, my eyes opened as if awakening from a swift shock to my system. Maybe it was the continuous warmth felt through a single touch-I really don’t know how but I was thankful that it happened.

    The male that I assumed had been checking me for life, hovering over me, suddenly retracted. I looked over to my right and saw the man that had been surveying my arm, he stood there without words. My gaze shifted between him and the other that seemed startled by my awakening, both staring at me with as much alarm as I could muster toward them.

    “Nasil?”  I heard myself speak, though could not catch the meaning of my words.

    I looked at both of them, hoping that one of them could decipher what I was saying, but it seemed that they both were as confounded as I.

    “Ti eínai aftó.” Again words escaped that I knew had a meaning that I could not place; my mind so muddled in confusion and without memory.

    “What-what is that? What did she say?” The man, standing the farthest away from me asked.

    “I don’t-I don’t know.” The older of the two said. “Ma’am, are you alright? Can you speak engl-”

    His sudden nearness caused me to flinch away. I didn’t know what to think of these strangers. I didn’t know what they meant for me-whether it was harm or nothing at all. And I didn’t want to find out.

    I sat up, attempting to move; only then did I realize the near mind-numbing pain that my body was in. I gasped, trying to contain the hurt as I moved. When I attempted to wrap my feeble arms around my body, was when I looked down at my right arm and saw words engraved savagely through my arm.

    What have they done to me?! Wait! They couldn’t have done this to me. They only just found my body. But then who did this? Why can’t I remember?

    My hands began to come unsteady as I felt my heart racing in a panic. Where was I? I steadily looked around, lost and now accompanied by a newfound fear that I could not control.

    “Ma’am! Ma’am, it’s alright. We’re not here to hurt you-” No sooner did I feel the touch of this person trying to comfort me I grabbed his hand, and with a strength I did not know I possessed, I threw him across the room.

    What did I just do? H-how did I- “What-what do you want from me?!” I screamed, trembling in fear.

    “Ma’am we don’t….we jus….” The words that were being spoken to me were fading in and out of audibility as my mind became overwhelmed with what was going on around me and the newly found pain that enraptured my body. I tried to steady my breath to keep things from going black. I didn’t want to return to the darkness again but I lacked the strength to keep myself conscious.

    “She’s seizing! We have….er stable…. Airlifted!”…………   

    “Clear!”…….

    “We…..ave a pulse!”

    “……She has…..She’s stable!”

    The words were barely coherent to my ears. My eyes fluttered, however not possessing the strength to open completely. My body convulsed violently, as fluid spewed from my mouth uncontrollably.

    “Looks like she’s coming too!”  I could hear the excited voice exclaim past the echoes ringing through my ears. However, my eyes still did not have the strength to unfasten themselves.

    Why? I wonder as I remember doing so before. It may have taken a while but this time there was no shortage of skin-to-skin contact and yet I still did not possess the strength to do something so feeble as open my eyes.

    “Let’s get her into a room.”  Someone demanded. “And make sure she’s fully……and fully blanketed. Her skin is as cold as…... It’s a wonder she’s lasted this long. We don’t need to further…….”  The woman’s voice tapered off, constantly in sync with my conscious mind. “……..die……hypothermia….we don’t want her catching pneumonia. And someone turn on the heat! It’s freezin……”

    Moans escaped my lips, wetness, I felt leaking from my eyes as rapturing pain clung to my body. If nothing else, the only thing I could feel at the moment was the agony that seared my form.

    “Don’t worry, sweetheart.” I heard the voice say, in what seemed an attempt to comfort me. The change in the woman’s voice revealed that of empathy. I struggled to hear her words as I slowly feel my mind begin to drift into unconsciousness again.

    This thought alone sent me into a frenzy of fear again, the rapid sound of a beeping made my unease even worse. The fear of having to go through this all over again like a never-ending nightmare gripped me.

    Just before the remainder of my conscious mind slipped away I heard, once again, that reassuring voice. “The worst of this is over. You will feel better when you wake..…..”

    A nagging groan stirred me awake. Realizing that the moan was coming from me, my eyes quickly opened, alarmingly looking around. The surroundings were frighteningly unfamiliar-just as they were before-with those men. Except this was different.

    Looking down I could see that I was double blanketed. I pushed the layered covering from me quietly, my body shakily shifting in terror. Where am I? I got out of the bed and fell suddenly to the floor, my legs unable to carry my weight.

    Trying to recover my balance, I touch my hands to the two-toned flooring beneath me. The texture was weird and the colors were odd but it seemed sturdy enough to help me maintain my balance.

    Taking in a deep breath I tried, again, to stand when my weakened legs gave out on me once more. Turning around, I saw a large glass that led to what looked to be the outside of this strange place.

    As quickly as I could muster, I crawled to the window and struggled to pull myself up, hoping for a way to leave, when I noticed the intimidatingly large buildings and lights showing in. A gasp escaped me when I looked down to see the long drop from where I stood to the ground below.

    There was no way out! I turned around, whimpering as I crawled back to the side of the bed that I not so long ago awakened from. I tried hard to lift myself up from the floor but I just couldn’t find the strength to do so.

    The little strength that I had remaining had been used to get back to the bed. I brought my useless hands to my face and saw them trembling without my consent. As I looked at them, I steadily remembered what that stranger said before...before I was brought to this strange place….'What have they done to her?’

    Remembering the words that the strange man that found me said, I lifted my right arm, hand face down but I did not see anything. It wasn’t until my trembling hand, turned over, however, that I began to see the markings of a callously written nature engraved in my forearm. The words were a shiny purple-black outlined in jagged scarring.

    I brought my quivering fingers to it, my breath catching in my throat as I felt the solid material of the dark lettering. My breathing became shallow as I realized how painful this must have been and the fact that I could not remember who the culprit was. Who did this to me?

    I fell, fetal to the floor weeping, too physically weak to do anything else at this point. I was so afraid before of being lost into the dark abyss of unconsciousness-of not knowing my surroundings; It dawned on me at that moment, that I was more lost in all of my awareness than I could ever remember being.

    Lying there, I was so distraught, I didn't hear the door opening and someone coming in. It wasn’t until I heard some slight movement across the floor that I realized anyone was even there.

    “Where on earth did she go-”

    I quickly looked up, the voice startling me. No sooner I saw the girl standing there watching my disheveled form, I slid back against the chair that stood next to the bed, not wanting her to be any closer than necessary.

    “Are you, okay?” She asked in what I could hear clearly as a reluctant tone. I noticed her back away from me as she asked this question. Something about me was unsettling to this girl. If only she knew, how unsettled I was.

    I did not answer her question for a number of reasons; one being, I did not even know whether she would understand the words coming from my mouth had I spoke. Two, I did not know this person nor their intentions toward me so I found it hard to trust them; but most of all, even if I did, how could I answer such a question? What could I say? One thing for sure was, no, I was not okay-I was not okay in the least.

    “Hey, it’s I-”

    No sooner I saw the girl nearing me I backed away further, bumping into the chair. I did not want her to touch me. I did not want to risk trusting and getting hurt. Why was I feeling this way so strongly? Had I so easily trusted in the past and suffered for it?

    She backed away. “Don’t worry-I’ll-I’m gonna go get Dr. Byrne.” With that, she darted out of the door.

    It was shortly after she left that I found myself looking for a place to hide. If this girl was going to find someone else to help her subdue me, I did not want to be seen when they returned. I realized that the only place was beneath the bed that I was crouched beside. I slid underneath in the nick of time before I could hear a clutter of feet entering the room.

    The door quickly swung open and a rush of feet shuffled into the room. “Where is she?” I heard the seemingly familiar voice demand in urgency. “Where did sh-” The sound of her cutting her sentence short made me even more uneasy than before. I watched as the steady gradual pace closed in toward the bed.  The black shoes stood in front of my eyes, myself trembling in terror. An odd feeling of feared torture suddenly came over me.

    When I saw the legs of whomever it was beginning to bend, I knew that they had found my hiding location. I began to scoot away from whomever it was in front of me, thinking of how to jumpstart my escape.

    Momentarily, I shifted my gaze behind me to see if there were any more legs blocking my way. Relieved that the way seemed clear, I turned my attention back to the front of me to assure that I was still safe from whoever was pursuing me. However, the face suddenly staring into mine when I turned around struck alarm. Quickly I attempted to get away when I felt a nudge in my backside. Swiftly, I acted, turning around. There was suddenly a pair of legs blocking my rear as well.

    My heart began to thrum at an alarming pace, breathing quickening to a state that made it hard to catch my breath. The panic beginning to take over, caused a lightheadedness that quickly turned into nausea. There were legs on each side of this bed! I was surrounded!

    “Hey! Hey! It’s alright, sweetie. No one is going to hurt you. Just look at me! Only me.” The female cooed towards my shrinking form. Or at least she attempted to, as it seemed the littlest sound was threatening to me.

    The attention of escaping, temporarily left me when I looked at this woman. Her eyes were soft and compassionate, though slightly stunned it seemed. Too, it felt like I could faintly remember her voice, as well.

    “Oh my-!” She gasped, causing me to jump. After the fact, she seemed to notice that her comment only caused further unrest. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just-” she paused. “Those eyes.” She whispered. She took in a steady deep breath as a fog-like air suddenly left her lips. “If you come out, I can help you.” She further attempted to reassure despite the odd phenomenon. She apparently hadn’t noticed this at all.

    Her eyes spoke of honesty and her further talk of reassurance convinced me, reluctantly, to heed her words. My hand moved to reach out to hers, when I heard the obnoxious sudden movement behind me. Turning around, I saw the large silver object colliding onto the floor. Urgently I shifted my eyes back to the woman, whose expression suddenly turned into frustration. Was she trying to trick me? Was she upset because whoever made the noise, ruined her plan? I had to get out! I had to escape! Now!

    Quickly I slid from under the bed nearest the legs that I saw to be the farthest away from me. I looked up, seeing numerous faces that held no recognition to me; all watching me with looks of shock, and befuddlement.

    With the remaining strength in my body, I managed to get to my feet, pain slating my form. Still, I could not allow them to capture me without a fight for escape. Quickly, I pushed out of the open door of the room. I immediately felt a hand latch on to my arm and with a strength that seemed both effortless and draining, I slung and knocked the man into the wall, running out of the door.

    “Stop her!” I hear the woman call after the others. I dared not turn around to see who was gaining on me though.

    Leaping into an open space, the brightness of the lights practically blinded me with a confounding haze. Drowsily I kept down the hallway, disordered as I watched others looking upon me. “Bana yardim edin!” I hear a quickened whisper, then realizing it was myself. “Lütfen….Lütfen!” I say louder, collapsing to the floor. My mind escaping me. “Please….”

    As my legs give out, a pair of arms brace themselves underneath my back and I feel my body being lifted up from the ground. I have no strength to fight off whoever it is.

    For reasons that escape my knowledge, my visions become blurred, however, I did see the intense ember-golden eyes staring down at me. They were bright and hypnotizing. It was not the female doctor but a tall attractive male.

    “Calm your heart, little one.” He said to me in a small voice-one seeming smooth as silk. I could feel the steady racing of my heart-starting to warm against him, becoming all the calmer before he spoke again.“Şimdi güvendesin.” ‘you are safe now.' His words were not the same as the others, yet I knew them. I had no clue what dialect this was but his words were clear to me all the same.

    I knew without the benefit of using my collapsed, sensitive eyes that I was being taken back from where I came. Whomever it was that held me placed me onto the cushion of what I already knew to be the bed.

    The faint sigh of someone echoed through my ears. It was not the man speaking but the woman. “I didn’t think she would be this hard to handle.”

    With the conversation going in and out of my barely conscious mind, I didn’t hear the man with the ember-golden eyes’ words, only hearing bits and pieces as I slowly felt myself giving way to my overexertion.

    “I don’t know….” I heard the woman say in what sounded like an echo. “We’re just going to have too…..”…………………………..