Frozen Memories

A Stranger Staring Back At Me

“I’m-honey we don’t know what you’re saying.” I hear the doctor lady saying to me but I am entirely too upset to speak. “Is that Turkish again? Maybe we should get a translato-”

“That’s not Turkish.” I hear Dr. Grey say. “I must go. Take care of her. I fear she’s about to have another attack.” I hear him say.

As he jolts out of the door, even this does not take away from the way I am feeling about whatever is going on with me. In fact, it only made things worse for me. Why did he leave so suddenly? Maybe he knew something, but how could he? I was confused-this was the only sure emotion that surfaced from all of the others and it began to bear down on me heavily.

The rapid beeping that started to go off, alerted me to a machine that was connected to me. So appalled at the horribleness of my situation, it was not until I noticed my vision fading that I realized that I was about to pass out again. And there was nothing that I could do about it. I looked up into the doctor’s obscured face and….

I jumped suddenly when my eyes adjusted to awareness. A migraine encasing my head. “What-”

    “Finally awake again, I see. And back to english.”

    The comment interceding my inquiry turned my attention back into view of the same Dr. Byrne.

    “You passed out again.” She said.  The expression on my face must have seemed concerned. “Don’t worry, hon; after the hardship that you’ve obviously been through, things like this are bound to happen.” She reassured. “Besides, it seems that it’s the only time you allow yourself to get the much needed rest.” She chuckled

    I wordlessly gesture in understanding of her information, wishing that I could feign the humor that she was attempting to muster up. “Is that why you have kept me here?”

    “Well-that-and the fact of the tests that we are trying to run on you.”

    My gaze, where once stood outside of the large window, turned to her when thinking on her phrase of words. “Trying? That insinuates that there are complications, no?”

    She seemed to watch me carefully before answering my question. “Yes.”

I was afraid to ask but I had to. “What have you found?”

“Well on first taking your blood for testing, Nurse Jones alerted me to something…..unusual. She paused momentarily, seeming still to try and find the reasoning behind what she saw. “Your-” she paused again. “When the blood is circulating through the body-within the body, it flows from the color red to blue. And upon excretion, it becomes red.”

    “That-is interesting.” I complimented as it was to me-of course, anything would be interesting to someone who had awakened to no memory of anything but grammatical knowledge, however…. “Why is that-”

“Well that’s normal, actually.” She interceded. “No, what I found to be unusual was-” She sighed. “Well, your blood…is different.” She pulled out a small glass vial with what was filled with a dark liquid; the liquid started out in a hue of red that almost dissipate into an opaque clear that then transferred into a thick deep blue-almost violet purple. “This-is your blood.”

Absentmindedly, my hand reached for the vial; but I retracted when I realized that I had not asked permission. Nevertheless, she nodded, handing it to me. Looking at the liquid substance, I understood that it was supposed to be red-some past knowledge that I could not remember gaining alerted me to this. 

So although I do not recall seeing blood, I do not need to look at the doctor’s incredulous expression to know that what I am looking at is an odd sight.

    Assumptions were confirmed when she showed me another vial. One full with a thick and deep crimson liquid. “This, is a vial of my blood. This is the way blood is supposed to look at extraction. But that-” she gestured to the one in my hand. “is what yours look like.”

    I examined the vial further before I spoke again. “What does this mean, doctor?” I asked.

From the corner of my eye I saw her shaking her head. “I don’t know.” She looked at me. “I mean, we found numerous traces of substances-obviously man-made, lingering in your blood; most of which we cannot even identify nor remove. But the ingredients in those unknown substances that-” she paused mid-way through her explanation. Something stopped her from continuing on the subject. “Anyway-what matters is that in spite of everything, you’re very healthy.” She smiled. “Though, it seems based on that cold temperature of yours, you may be anemic.”

    “Anemic?” I had no clue what that generally meant, but judging by her comment of my apparent cold demeanor, it was obvious that it had some relation to that. “But I am not-”

    “Cold.” Dr. Byrne finished my sentence in what looked to be amusement. “I know. But your skin’s temperature is saying otherwise.”

    She then offered me a cup; its warmth emanating from the surface of the top, the fragrance of lavender and chamomile wafting through my nose. Strange, how such a scent was so oddly familiar and still a smell I have long since seemed to forget the sweetness of. Such a small moment confirmed that somewhere, deep in my mind, there was a memory...memories ...a life forgotten that needed to be remembered.

    “Should relax you a little.” Doctor Byrne assured me, taking me from my thoughts.

    I take a sip and allow the warmth to move through my bones. For the first time in what seems an endless day, I felt a calmness wash over me. “Thank you.”

    She nodded in recognition of my gratitude before her smile faded a little. “We need to talk, Wilhelmina-is it alright that I call you-” before she could finish the request I nod permission.

    “If that is the name that is said to be mine, I will gladly take it.” She nodded, yet again delivering another understanding smile before I asked a question that I found was steadily eating at me. “Where is the other doctor?”

“Dr. Grey?” I noticed the subtle flush in her cheeks at the mere mention of the mysterious and handsome man. “He-has taken some time off-family business.” 

“Will I see him again?” I asked. There was something about him that I could not place.

“I’m not sure, honey-maybe.” She added.

Realizing that she probably knew nothing else, I left the subject alone. “Okay.”

“Okay. Wilhelmina, we are going to keep you a while longer; but where you go from that point is based on how you perform for the remainder of your stay here.” This Dr. Byrne said, suddenly shifting the subject.

“I do not understand what that means doctor-” I stopped talking when I realized that her eyes were locked upon mine.

    Her silence almost seemed awestruck; just as I’ve seen before. “Those eyes.” She whispered with an anxious chuckle.

    Ignoring her words, I continued with the subject at hand. “What is it that I have to do doctor?”

    She inhaled and continued, probably sensing my urgency. “What year are you in, Wilhelmina?” she asked.

    “Assuming the information that you have told me is correct, I would say 2018.”

    “Yes, but before-you found out the year, what year did you think you were in?”

    I thought not to answer right away this time. It was apparent that she was looking for an answer of my own mind. Unfortunately, that was one barrier that I had yet to knock down.  “I fear that I honestly don’t know, Dr. Byrne.” I answered truthfully; I could not say safely that I was in the year of early 1900’s nor that of the year Dr. Byrne, along with numerous others-I’m sure, swear to be the 2000s. Still, somehow, I found it harder to believe that I was in a present time so far into a future of advancement.

    “Okay, well then answer me this-” she returned, my gaze following her in anticipation of what she is going to ask next. “Have any memories returned, aside that of the ones that you have of the two weeks you’ve been here?”

    “Two? I have been here for fourteen days?”

    “Wilhelmina, you have to concentrate sweetie.” She subtly commanded, snapping me back into immersion.

    “I-” I harshly sighed.  “I don’t know.” I closed my eyes in a harsh attempt to remember, but everything was blurry. In the back of my mind I heard myself counting days. Otherwise, there was nothing to tell. I looked up at her and instead of informing her of what year I thought it was, I felt that all I could do was relay my feelings on what was not familiar to me. I shook my head wordlessly telling her that I had no clue of what year I was in. “The only thing that I can tell you-is that this world-this time, is a place I do not feel I am comfortably apart of.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “I-have never seen such innovation of things in my life!”

    I looked around the room, pointing out the different advancements. One in particular that was attached to the wall on the far side of the room. “What is that contraption?”

    When I switched my gaze back to her, her expression was incredulous as she saw what I was pointing at. She looked back at me as if I had inquired of something shockingly obvious. After a moment or two, her expression disappeared and was replaced with a smile. “It’s a computer.”

    “Com-puter?” I asked. “I-what is-I have never seen such-” Before I knew it I found my feet lifting from off of the bed; a first since the initial time I attempted escape. I did not, however, anticipate the weakness of my knees giving out on me at my attempt to get to this ‘computer’.

    “Wilhelmina, be careful!” I heard Dr. Byrne caution as I hear her rise from her seat. The shift in her position echoed through the large and silent room.

    “I’m alright.” I assured her before she could get to me. I struggled to find my footing once more before I started to make my way over to the ‘computer’. Its frontages were incredibly sleek and flat. I looked to the rear of the object to see that it is almost equally flat. I am amazed to say the least.

Touching the flattened screen, I requested more knowledge of it. “What is it that this thing does?” I asked, glancing her way.

“Well-the computer is capable of many things; but in this case, with this computer, its use is solely for keeping track of how your health is faring and what nutrients, nourishment and medications are assisting in making you better mentally and physically.”

My head shaking in disbelief, I then attempted, weakly to return to my bed until I noticed the comfortable looking chair setting next to it. I really was in no mood to sit on the bed at this point. Mind in incredulity, I did not initially notice Dr. Byrne watching me.

“Wilhelmina, have you ever seen one of these?” she asked. She dipped her hand in the white coat that she was wearing, taking out something beyond anything I had ever seen. It was a rectangular and flat device; as sleek as the computer machine attached to the wall. 

The color of the interesting device was pearlescent and when she pressed a side of it, it lit up with a beautiful active picture of what looked like flowers and butterflies dancing through long blades of grass.

My fingertips ran across the screen, hoping to feel the beauty; a beauty that suddenly felt so familiar to me. The butterflies are awake!  The phrase ran through my mind as I watched the beauty of the swaying flowers and little winged creatures. “What is that?” I asked.

“It’s a-” she stopped for a moment, it seeming as if she was trying to find the right words to define what it was. “portable telephone. Also known as a cellular phone.” She finished. “You dial numbers that are connected to others’ portable telephones and you talk to them on it. Call it a phone for short-some others call it cell phone.” 

“Cell?”

“Short for cellular-because portable phone wouldn’t have caught on as well.” She chuckled.

I didn’t understand but I feigned a chuckle as well and continued to admire the device. “May I?” I asked, reaching for the phone. She agreed, allowing me to handle it and take a closer look.

I absentmindedly place my thumb on the bottom front of the seemingly buttonless phone-save the very few that were one the sides; but they had no numbers attached to dial. I was utterly clueless. I place it to my ear to hear nothing where I thought there should be some sort of sound

    “How-how does it work?” I asked in wonder. She took it, switching over to the other side of the bed where I was sitting and showed me how she managed to work the contrivance. I sat in amazement at how she proceeded to just tap the screen on various odd places and small pictures that she called apps and icons-located on the very screen to use her phone; showing me how the button numbers on her phone were flat and embedded into the screen. 

So much in one small thing caused me to wonder what other magnificent things this era had to offer. “How long have I been asleep?” I looked at her, suddenly realizing that if I was found in a random body of water, then there was no way that she could know. And the hopelessness in her eyes confirmed as much. I looked away, attempting to gather my thoughts before I returned my attention back to her. “Do you believe me?”

    “Believe what hon?” My question seemed to have caught her off guard.

    I shifted in my seat, propping my malnourished legs up to my emaciated chest. “That I have no knowledge of this year.”

She eyed me at first, which caused me to believe that I would eventually end up in a house for the undesirables.

“I do believe you, Wilhelmina.”

    Her answer was surprising. “You do?”

    She smiled and nodded before explaining on her belief. “The way you speak-the way you act” she shook her head, for what reason I do not know. “Something has happened to you-something that has taken a large toll on your memory. Maybe-even misinterpreting the past, as well as present events and thoughts.” She added.

    So, she really didn’t believe me; she just thought that whatever trauma I went through was the reason for why I felt this way. While this may have been a valid point, something in me knew different.

    She was right about one thing, however; something terrible had happened to me, and I could not remember anything; the only proof of my past being the horrific permanent scars that lived on my wrists, arms and who knew where else.

By my looking down at the old bruises on my arm, I didn’t initially notice that I had Dr. Byrne’s attention on me. It wasn’t until I felt her hand suddenly wrapping into my own that I realized. I could tell that my skin was cold to her but she did her best to ignore the frostiness of my skin.

    “You will get through this. And I am going to help you.”

    Needless to say, Dr. Byrne’s words caused relief, if only for a moment, that I was appreciative of. “Thank you, doctor.”

    The doctor returned my gratitude with a smile before she continued further. “There is one thing that I have been meaning to mention to you, though.”

    I could sense the change in her tone and was suddenly curious. “Yes?”

“Have-I don’t mean to sound redundant, but-your eyes-have you-”

    “What troubles you about my eyes doctor?” I finally asked, acknowledging her infatuation. To be perfectly honest, I had no clue as to how I looked, so I couldn’t tell her much of anything about my appearance.

    “Not that it troubles. Just- it is one of your more noticeable features.”

    Befuddled, I had no clue to what she was referring, nevertheless, I had not taken notice of my full appearance since my conscious state.

    “Honestly, I don’t know what you mean.” I said. “I-really-don’t know how I look.” I admitted aloud.

“Well, there is a mirror in the bathroom if you care to look.” Dr. Byrne said to me.

I looked away from her. It was tempting, yes but-I shook my head. “I don’t think I want to look.” I whispered, looking down at the bruises and boniness. “I’m afraid of what I’ll see.” I mumbled, admitting this to myself more so than her.

“Wilhelmina-”

“No telling what else the monster did to me.”

“Mina.” The doctor took my face making me face her. “You are beautiful. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.” She said. Her face lightened. “Now go look.”

I was hesitant at first but eventually, I reluctantly lifted myself from the chair, taking in Dr. Byrne’s caution for me to be careful. She pointed me to a half opened door that I assumed would show me everything that she was referring too.

I slowly made my way to the door, opening it, looking around to find a way to turn some sort of lighting. I’d been out of it for most of my stay, so I really had no clue as to how things worked around this place.

“How do you see without light?” I asked.

Shortly after, I felt the nearness of the Dr. Byrne next to me. I watched her hand move up the wall until a small click sounded and the room was enveloped in mid-light. I looked up at the lighting above my head, vague recollection returning to me.

“Bulb.” I whispered. How did I know that?

“Yes, that’s right! A bulb!” 

The doctor sounded so excited that I knew this. I guess she hoped that it meant that memory was coming back. It wasn’t. I looked around further, my mind working to familiarize myself with white large bowl like structure embedded into the floor-a toilet. Then there was a sink and a-I looked at the space separated by a clear glass door. On the other side was a large spout.

“What is that?” I asked.

“It’s called a shower, Wilhelmina.” Dr. Byrne said to me. She opened the door, turning a knob. “One knob for cold and the other for hot.” She said. As soon as she turned them on, water spurted out of the spout above. I jumped back in fear of the unknowing. “It’s alright, Mina.” She said, opening the glass door. “It won’t hurt you.” She placed her hand in and steadily it became wet.

Reluctantly, I moved a little closer until I, too, was near to the water. She nodded at me as if to say that it was alright and so, slowly I reached my hand into the sprinkles of water. Feeling the pitter-patter was relaxing but aside that, whether it was cold or hot was something that I could not decipher. I looked at her and grinned. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to use this showering device.

When she turned the water off, I wiped my hands on my large hospital shirt, coming face to face with the mirror that stood over the sink.

    The person looking at me through the mirror was the face of a complete stranger. I dared say while a beautiful one, quite unusual. A gasp escaped my lips when I continued in the mirror, taking notice of the eyes that Dr. Byrne had been so taken with.

She was right-words describing such a phenomena were near impossible. 

Fear immediately engulfed me as I looked on in shock. My eyes- they were-I could not fathom a description that could justify how unearthly they were. And the hair that lay voluminously disheveled in all its uneven lavender silver and blue black ringlets added to the strangeness of me. I suddenly found myself backing away from the mirror. No wonder they looked at me so strangely.