Frozen Memories

Jitters & Jane Doe

I felt particularly whimsical, following my session with Ms. Groves, it being probably the best talk I’d ever had with her since our meeting. Us being outside amongst nature probably helped things along, I’m sure. Though, her adding the idea that I held the beauty of a fictitious creature, that upon my research on this googler site on my cellular device, was known for its beauty did not hurt either.

Now laid up in my bed, I was unable to resist the smile that crept along my face as I thought about how getting away from this place made me feel. I wasn’t sure whether Ms. Groves’ was proving successful in her purpose of meeting with me but today, if in no one’s perspective but mine, she certainly was.

“See you had a good day.”

Hearing Max Powers’ voice made me sit upright in my bed. I don’t know what it was about this girl that always had me guarded.

“I did.” I simply answered.

“The question was rhetorical. I don’t really care about how your private session went.” She said.

Then for some reason, the thought occurred. “Are you certain?” I asked, standing from my bed.

Max Powers turned slightly and looked at me, eyebrow raised. “What are you talking about?”

“It was you, wasn’t it?” 

She did not utter a word, however, we both knew that she was very well aware of what I was talking about. She crossed her arms and just looked at me for a long moment.

“Mrs. Falton would never place so much energy into caring about someone other than herself.”

“And I would?” She said in what was obvious sarcasm.

After a long moment thinking on it-thinking on everything that she’d done since I’d been there. Remembering the story that she told me of her early experiences on her first arrival at the group home-the emotion behind that stoic gaze.

“Yes.” I simply answered.

After another moment of silence, she scoffed. “If I didn’t know me better than you, I’d say you were a good people reader.” She pushed past me. “You must have forgotten your first impression of me.” She moved to the other side of her bed to take her shoes off. “Don’t you remember, Frost?” She grabbed a towel and started out of the room. “I’m a bully.” I suddenly felt bad for assuming something so careless about her. “By the way-the warden wants you in her quarters, stat.”

“I’m sorry-warden?” What on earth did she mean by that? “I’m afraid I do not know what that is. And I certainly do not have any quarter-nor do I know what you mean by stats.”

Max Powers looked at me incredulously, as if she could not believe the words that I’d said but I felt the same about whatever words she spoke.

“Wh-” She cut off what I assumed would be an onslaught of insults before she sighed. “I don’t have time for this. Falton wants you upstairs in her office. Now.” She said that last part slowly before she muttered something that I was sure resembled something close to a weirdo before leaving the room.

    No, Max may not have been the bully that I thought she was, but that certainly didn’t mean that she was the nicest person to run into. Still, I’d room with her any day over Jessica and her minion. Though, I had the feeling that I may not have had as much a problem out of her as I had before since passing Max Powers’ would be test.

    Heeding to Max Powers’ words, I made my way up the third flight of steps and headed to Mrs. Falton’s room. While she may have been expecting me, I still felt I should knock; I did not want to give her any reason to raise her voice and give me a harder time than she already made it a point to do.

    “Yes! Yes! Come in!” she ordered in her usual impatient tone. Apparently, she did not appreciate courtesy. When I entered she ordered me to shut the door behind me.

    Although there was a chair in the room, I was not inclined to make myself too comfortable around her only to be shut down. Although, I found it quite hard to make myself easy around her on her nicest day.

    “Look-you start school tomorrow. And as a result your little doctor psycho visits will be moved to Saturdays and every other Sunday evening. You remember that, right?”

    She was speaking so fast, I barely had time to process what she was saying. “T-tomorrow? As-as in the in the morning?” I asked. Of course she meant the morning but it was all happening so fast!

    “Are you that ditzy?” She said, shaking her head. “Yes! Morning! It’s been cleared that you can go to school. Apparently, the psychotherapist thinks you’re stable enough. Even with your recent fight with Jessica.” She rolled her eyes and scoffed. “They give anyone a degree these days.” She mumbled, fumbling through papers.

    “Wh-but she didn-Ms. Groves didn’t tell me anything.”

    She grinned. “That’s because I told her you were indisposed after she came to talk to me following your little ‘session’.”

    I hated when I had to part ways with Ms. Groves for those moments where she’d have to speak with Mrs. Falton-about what, I never knew. However, sometimes after she spoke to Mrs. Falton, I’d see her again before she left but other times-she was dismissed without the benefit of a parting word toward me; this being one reason she spoke to me about getting rid of Mrs. Falton once before. 

I knew that today would have been one of those days because Mrs. Falton would probably be upset about us leaving the premises for our session. I imagine it was harder to eavesdrop without us being there.

She stood from where she sat, apparently I had not done such a good job in hiding my angst toward her. She was now in front of me, towering over me with her staunch, strong perfume, smiling at me crookedly.

“You seem upset.” She said. “Do you want to choke me like you did Jess?

I knew that she was trying to provoke me and I wanted so badly to drop her heavyset form to the floor like a dead weight but as soon as I forgot myself, I reeled my anger back in. She was my elder and I needed to respect her, though I felt I deserved the same respect that she demanded from me.

“No ma’am.” I said.

I could see the disappointment in her face when I said what I said. She was not expecting this. Why did this woman have it out for me?

“That’s what I thought.” She grumbled before walking back to her desk. 

 She didn’t say anything else, so I thought that she was finished but I still waited until she was facing me to excuse myself. I started to ask her if that was all when she spoke again.

“Your little doctor friend came by the house today while you were out.” She said smugly. “She offered to wait for your return but I thought it best that she leave. Maybe next time you will think twice about leaving the house for your little sessions.”

    “What? Why would you-”

“She wanted you to have that.” She cut me off, throwing a bag at me. Fortunately, due to unnaturally quick reflexes I caught the heavy thing. I looked down at the bag, frustrated at how hateful this old woman was. “You need to get used to not having people there for you. That’s what being here means.” She cackled. “Those kind of people don’t really want you to be a part of their lives. So when you keep attempting to reach them, you’re doing nothing but disrupting theirs.”

“But-she came to see me-”

    “So?” she said, cutting me off. “Aside that day your little doctor friend took you out, has she even attempted to call you since?”

    “Yes.” I replied confidently. I found it apparent at that point that she was not the observing guardian that she should be, considering the fact that Dr. Byrne made numerous visits since that day. In fact I found it sad, knowing that she was counting on the negative in the first place.

    “She has nothing to do with my being placed here!” I defended.

    “Hmph-either way, you’re here now. So get over it. And stop complaining and crying to your little therapist about everything.”

    I began to ask why she was so filled with anger and hatefulness but knew that it would only cause more problems for me. I subtly nod my head in feigned understanding of her unwarranted and menacing demeanor.

    “You can get out now.” She said after a prolonged silence.

With her last word, I left the room and quickly went to mine, now extremely frustrated. I rushed into my room slamming the door behind me as I sat on my bed and grabbed my cellular device. It wasn’t until I picked up and I saw that I had an unread message that I realized that I had not even bothered to look at it all day. 

I opened it, suddenly feeling a rush of guilt as I apologized profusely to Dr. Byrne and thanked her even more for the gifts that she’d given me.

“Next time you make your entrance, can ya do it a little quieter? Some of us have to actually go to school and ya know-do homework?”

I looked up to see the ginger haired Max sitting, legs folded on her bed with a large book in front of her and a pencil in her hand. Her dark gaze glanced my way before returning to her business.

“I apologize-I did not see you there.” I said. “Will not happen again.” I said, looking back at my phone; no answer. I was sure it was because Dr. Byrne was at the hospital-her hours being so crazy; but I couldn’t help but hope that she was not too upset with me because of Mrs. Falton’s rude behavior nor my inability to answer my messagings.

“Alright, what the heck are you moping about now?” Max Powers suddenly said, dropping her pen. I looked at her, surprised.

“Mope?”

“Why. Are. You. Frowning?” She said slowly. “Geeze, you had a good day with the Grove. You got your privacy. Jess isn’t messing with you anymore.” She shrugged. “Geese, what else do you want?”

What else did I want? I looked away. “What do I want?” I was angry. “I want to have a session with the woman that is trying to help me cope, without being branded some-tattle teller. I want the only person that seems to care about me to not be harassed every time she comes here.” I thought about Lisa Jones and her whereabouts-whether she was alright. “I want my friend to be okay.” I whispered that last part; but the most important of all-the most important thing that I wanted. “I want to know what happened to me.” 

“You want a lot.” I didn’t realize that Max Powers was so near until I looked up into her lavender colored eyes; never had I known them to be so until that moment. “Your eye-I thought it was green.” She said. 

“It changes.” I replied.

“Hm, cool.” She said, looking away. “Look, I don’t know what happened to you but as long as you’re here, most of your wants-or at least half of them ain’t gonna change.” She said. “You just have to figure out what those things are-what can you control? And what ya can’t.” She said.

    She was right. I had to take things one step at a time. It was the only way I would figure things out. It suddenly dawned on me how wise this girl was. No wonder she was revered around this place; it wasn’t just intimidation, but a true sense of leadership and though, she would most likely not admit this, compassion.

“Thank you for the advice Max Powers.” I said with gratitude.

She rolled her eyes and headed back to her side of her room. “Don’t mention it.” She paused and turned to look at me. “Really. Don’t.”

I scoffed, suddenly wondering if I was wrong about the compassion part-or more so whether anyone around the group home knew that she had it. “Why? Do you not want others to know that you are capable of friendship, Max Powers?” I asked, though, me going around telling people how nice Max Powers could be, was one thing that she would not have to concern herself with. Unfortunately, I was not friendly enough with any of my housemates to have such a conversation.

 “Well you see, that’s just it-” Max Powers said, sitting back on her bed. “We’re not friends...Wilhelmina Frost.” She said that last part, my name, with such emphasis.

I looked at her curiously. “How do you know my name?” I never told her.

“I know a lot of things.” She said. “Just like I know you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow.” She smirked. “First day jitters.”

“First day...jitters?”

She made a scoffing sound and looked back down at her book. “You really are a weirdo.” 

Ignoring her insult, yet again, I continuously inquired. “What are a jitters?” 

She paused and looked at me. “There was an annoyed look on her face that turned into a grimace and then what looked to be amusement before what seemed all out disbelief. "What-are you serious?” 

I simply nodded my head, awaiting an answer from her. I had never heard of have a first day of jitters. I had no clue what this meant; neither Dr. Byrne nor Lisa Jones mentioned anything about a jitters, so I was lost on the term. 

“I-I’m sorry-I can’t take this-you-serious!” She laughed, falling back on her bed before rising back up and looking at me again. When she saw that my expression had not changed, hers became unreadable. “Jitters? Being nervous? Anxiety?”

“Oh! That’s what a jitters is?”  That was certainly news to me. “Wow.” I said, taking out a notebook from the backing pack that Dr. Byrne bought for me a while ago. I wrote the word down, noting that it was synonymous to anxiety and being nervous before putting the book away. I hadn’t realized that Max Powers was still watching me until I looked up. 

“Okay, I’ll bite-you’ve officially piqued my interest.” She said. “What’s your story, Frost?”

I could not but sit there, slightly surprised that she asked me this. I could tell that this girl was sincere in her question; but there was still a part of me that did not fare well in trusting others.

“You’d understand why I hold pause in telling you anything about me, giving the circumstances of how we came to be roommates.” I said. Yes, she not too long ago gave me good advice and she even had a semi-compelling argument about why she had done what she did in coaxing Jessica to attempt bullying me, but still.

She only smirked. “True.” Max Powers said. At some point during our conversation, she’d begun chewing on her pencil. My comment caused her to drop it and look at me. “Look, Frost, I’mma level with ya-you have no reason to trust me. You know nothing about me and chances are you won’t find out. We haven’t been on the best of terms, I guess.” She shrugged and she was right. 

“But you have been looking out for me for some reason.” I said, as it came back to my recollection that she was the one that told Ms. Groves about my lack of privacy. If I were being honest with myself about this girl, there was something about her that bade me trust her. And besides, even if she wanted info on me, what little I had, she could not use.

“There really is not much that I can tell.” I told her in truth; at least as far as I knew.

Her eyebrow raised. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what I said.” I countered. “I do not speak in riddles, Max Powers. In fact, where my story is concerned I’d like to think that I am pretty straightforward.”

“Is that right?” Max Powers said. “And why is that, Wilhelmina Frost?” 

“I mean to find out the truth about my past. Have no time to embellish on a backstory that is not true.”

“Ya know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were that Jane Doe they found a minute ago. News said she had no memory.” She scoffed.

“Funny that this Jane Doe and I are so similar. The doctors even referred to me as Jane Doe.” I said, recalling my time in the hospital. “Before they learned my name. It’s been about two months now, I’d say, though.” I sighed. “I certainly hope that this Jane Doe that you speak of has had a better go of it than I.”

Hearing about this Jane Doe girl saddened me, as I would not have wished my position on anyone.

“I don’t think she is.” I heard Max Powers say.

I  looked up, suddenly hurt to hear this, when I noticed that Max Powers was standing in front of me again, an amazed look upon her flawless youthful features.

“You’re Jane Doe.”