love is blind

I am at a point in my life where I am totally confused of what I want. life is stable though without any disturbances, but i think to myself that really this is what I want? stability ? I am totally confused ,at a point I want to do everything and the nxt moment I just wnt to be lazy n do nothing just eat, sleep n read and dont want to get out of bed at any cost. my mind is like going crazy at one moment I think I want to get married and have kids n the next moment I want to be a successful multi billionaire and work hard day and night and do something for the world and help those in need and the next moment I want to study I want to learn new subjects which intrests me and those subjects are from totally dfrnt fields, on one hand I want to gt a degree in psychology and criminal psychology and on the other hand I want to study medicine and the next moment I want to know about universe, I want to know if there are really aliens and UFO's present in the galaxy. I was engrosed in my own thoughts when someone knocked on my door.. I snapped out of my thoughts and opened the door and saw my brother standing there I let him in n before I asked him what he wants he said that he was just checking up on me which was unusual as he never does that so there must be something he must want to tell me n yeah I was right coz what he said next proved that.. he was hesitating so I asked what's up so finally he told me that he needs some money which he will return it to me soon and this soon never comes I thought to myself coz already he borrowed alot of money from me which he never returned. I asked him how much he needs so he tells me he needs 25k I was shocked hearing that coz that's alot I asked him about the reason n obviously he didn't want to say, so I told him frankly that I don't have so much money with me but he has no conscience at all he doesn't care about me thats for sure coz it doesn't matter to him from where I get the money, he just wants the money, he asks me to get it anyhow and started saying emotional stuff and like a fool I am I agreed and now I am tensed about how to get it, I called up my boss n askd for a loan which he declined, then I called up few of my so called friends and manage to arrange 10k which was a huge relief to me as I was already having 10k now I just needed 5k more so I had no other way but to rent my diamond ring which was gifted by my father before he passed away. finally I have managed to arrange the amount and gave it to my brother and told him that this was the last time I am helping him, he just smiled and left without even a thank you.. I snickered to myself thinking of all his words before getting the money. it's been a week since my brother visited me I'm still in bed lost in my thoughts as I have zero social life and my friends are already fed up with me and ghosted me nobody really talks to me untill I text them and our conversation ends with short greetings.i just want to runaway from my life as I feel pressured,I feel exhausted,I feel trapped. I was a lively girl once but now I am 27 years old and have no life. I am confused about what to do n what not to do also because I have many restrictions from my family and other people don't understand me not even my friends and I can't even tell them the whole story about my life and family. firstly I am an introverted person and secondly there are special reasons behind my restrictions and I have never mentioned these reasons to my friends coz I am not allowed to as it will be a danger for them then. there are many things which I kept to myself now, I was an i***t before too naive to understand the schemes of others but after that incident I have grown alot, I started understanding things I started knowing people better, n I no more trust people easily and blindly. i was hopelessly in love can you believe in just one month I was head over heals over that person and in return what I got was fraud and lies. that was a really hard period of my life, i was shattered literally broken n was out of my mind. I couldn't digest the fact that I was decieved and got dumped on top of that.this was all my mistake and I regret it till date..