Imprinting on a nun

8

“Wow.”  Stephen said, his eyes big and mouth agape. I felt my cheeks heat up and it felt like I was in a bright spotlight in his eyes. I was wearing a tight glittery peach dress, just above my knees and silver high heels making me just as tall as him.  He was wearing a black suit, his hair perfectly slicked backwards and I remember how I gawked at his and his outstanding eyes.  I’ll never get over his eyes.  At that moment I thought of how magical they are and how magical the moments were.  He took my cold hand in his warm one’s and strided with me as if I was his pride.  The floor blinked in from the chandelier, hanging beautifully from the ceiling.  It was his house. 

“Bye mom.” he said to a beautiful lady with dark curls and eyes just like Stephen’s.  It wasn’t Bonnie.  And neither did he have a brother.  Chase isn’t his brother.

I sniff, letting the memories become a part of me again.  It’s like it was there all along, I’m just finding my way to it.  Not being able to recollect all my memories I can’t place why Stephen and Chase lied about being brothers. My stomach hurts thinking that Chase is in on whatever is going on as well.  I lay back on the bed for Doctor Smith to come in.

“Good morning, Riley.” he says once again a professional manner and screwed eyes.

“Hello.” I stand from the bed, my arms dangling helplessly at my sides.

“Today, you might feel,” he swallows, “But we’ll be here right by your side.”

I bite my lips.  What’s going to happen next.

“Have you started to get any memories back?”

“Some.”

He looks at me for a while, probably waiting for me to say more but I stay quiet.

“Please drink this.” he gives me two pils.  One small yellow one and the other brown and big.  I don’t ask questions, knowing that I won’t get any answers and gulp it down with the water standing on the table.

“Good.” he smiles as if he achieved something.

“Does it feel good to get your memories back?” he asks, writing in his notebook.

I massage my stiff neck muscles and look up at the ceiling.

“I guess.”

He smiles in victory.

“In a few minutes I’m going to send Paula to you and she will help you along the way.”

What way?  I want to scream out loud and just get this over with.  I feel so irritated that I’ve only been here for two days and I have five more to go.

He nods and walks out of the room and I sigh, feeling as if a big weight is being lifted from me.

I put on the radio to be graced with Imagine dragons- Machine playing.  I listen to the lyrics and even though the song is energetic  I want to cry.  ‘I’m not apart of your machine.’  I wish I could say that and mean it.  That I’m not apart of whatever evil plan was made for me or about me.  I’ll rely on everything on my memories that I’m slowly touching in my mind.

Suddenly my mind reached a memory of Stephen playing guitar and that he have been playing for three years, learning himself.  I remember how I daydreamed of his hands pressing chords and how I sang with him. I can sing.  It was a thing for us to make songs together.  My heart engulfs with gratitude for Stephen and I wish I can be with him and give him kisses all over his face like I usually did and tell him how much I loved him.  I loved him.  I love Stephen.  I give a pained breath, all of a sudden missing him with my whole heart and soul. I didn’t want to forget his handsome smile and his smirk at my shy behaviours.  My awkwardness made me think that I’m going to lose him, but he stayed, not judging me a tiny bit but loving me more.  I didn’t deserve him.  I don’t deserve him.  I swipe my tongue over my teeth and walk out of my room towards the receptionist, feeling self conscious at all the heads turning towards me. 

“Hello?” I turn my head towards the receptionist, who looks at me questiongly.

“Are you Paula?” I ask, remembering Doctor Smith saying a Paula will help me.

“Yes I am.”

“Can you please check something for me?”  I ask and she gives me an uncertain look but I keep staring at her hopefully until she nods.  I give her Stephen’s name to look up.

“Yes he’s in ward B16.” she says looking from her computer screen to me.

Ward B16.  I turn to search a board or something where the locations of the hospital are.

“Where are you going?” Paula asks, forced politeness laced in her voice.

“Just want to check where ward B16 is?”

“Oh it’s in the second floor on the left.” she says making it so much easier.  I nod and make my way to the elevator.  I almost start to laugh, probably looking like a zombie to the other people.  Well we are at a hospital, so I’m sure they’ll understand but I immediately take the thought back when I see a woman with expensive looking clothes and fancy sunglasses on top of her head looking at me with a serious frown.  I roll my eyes and turn when Paula asks again where I’m going.

“Going to ward B16.”

“I don’t think now is the best time.”  she says.

I sigh and let my shoulders fall.

“It’ll be quick.”

We stare at each other for a minute and I try to give my most pitied face until she gives in.

“Ten minutes.”  she says and I smile in triumph.  That’s more than enough time.  I quickly walk towards the elevator, entering with another family of three.  They press the third floor so I quickly press the second floor’s button, giving them a pursed smile.  They atleast smile back.

I nervously take a step out of the elevator when it stops.  I see a big sign of B1 toB20 going to the left side of the big aisle.  I walk and with each step my breathing becomes ragged. What if he’s awake and he sees me.  What am I supposed to tell him? I swallow, wanting to turn back but I force my steps forward.  When I arrive before his room I take a moment to close my eyes before I poke my head through the open door.

I gasp starting feel my body trembling.  He’s lying helplessly, wires from the hospital’s machine connected to him. 

“Stephen.” I whisper and walk towards him.  He looks so peaceful but I hate seeing him like this.  I sniff and let my hand touch his burning once.

“Why?”  I ask.  Why is he in a coma and why am I on drugs.  I feel uncertain.  Was him who started it all? It can’t be.

“Any woman.   Girls from your school, like they are being raised for it.”  I remember Stephen talking in a serious tone.

“Wow.” I said.  I was speechless and at that time I felt a strong emotion of anger raising in my body.

“They target vulnerable girls especially those that go out a lot.” Stephen continued.  “They drug them and feed them to the wolves.” he didn’t mean it literally.

“It’s scary.” I said not knowing what else to say. He nodded and took my hand in his as we layed in his bed, me in his arms.  He traced my bare arms lightly with the tip of his fingers making goosebumps appear on my whole body. I turned and kissed him, freely and he kissed me back passionately.  I remember how safe I felt, being with him and I just wanted to melt into him.

I concentrate on his closed eyes and his slowed breathing.

“Please wake up.” Maybe he’ll recognize my voice and know how much I need him right now.

“I need you.” I squeeze his hand, hoping that he would squeeze back but it stays lifeless.

“Sorry miss, you can’t be in here?” I turn to see a nurse looking at me with a confused expression.

“Oh, sorry.” I say and wipe a tear coming from my eye.  I immediately from when I see the girl who is behind her.

“Lisa?”