Chapter 2-1
633 Words
Chapter 2
Holding a UK passport, Barry passed through immigration without incident. Not being citizens of the European Union, Jimmy and Jake had had to join a separate line. But as he waited for his cowboys to emerge, Barry worried something had gone wrong while he wasn’t there to help. His cowboys were strong, intelligent men, but neither had been outside the US before. The phrase “innocents abroad” sprung to mind.
Barry had spent the last fifteen minutes of the plane journey imploring his men to be respectful of the immigration agents and not mouth off to them.
“They’ll probably ask you why you’ve come to Britain. Tell them you’re with me, but probably best just to describe me as a friend.”
Jake made a face.
“I know,” Barry soothed. “But we don’t want to give them any reason to hassle you. And if they want proof of why you’re coming to Britain, I put copies of the email reservation confirmation from the hotel in London and the one from BritBitCon in both your carry-ons.”
“Stop worrying,” Jimmy told him. “If things start to look as though they’re going bad, I’ll just stare at them all stupid and talk like a good ole boy.”
“No, no.” Barry shook his head.
“I’ll tell ‘em ‘Now, see here, bud, we seen that DownTown Abbey show on that newfangled television box we got in the parlor.’”
Jake started to chuckle, but Barry wasn’t impressed.
Jimmy continued. “See, my Aunt Jinny thinks y’all have servants an’ everything. Now, I graduated middle school, an’ I reckon y’all live jist like us.”
Jake had to bite on his fist to stop from howling with laughter. Even Barry couldn’t prevent a grin.
Milking the moment even more, Jimmy continued, “Yep, I reckon it’s jist like back home. Ya’ll will have outhouses in ya yards, an’ wiener roasts o’ a Friday evenin’ jist like we does. An I bet ever Sunday in the summer y’all will have the preacher come visit an drive the devil out o’ all the sinners. Me an my cousin’ Jedidiah got saved last year. Praise the Lord!”
“Jimmy, stop!” Barry’s sides were starting to hurt, trying to hold in his mirth. “You can’t joke around with them. They’ll throw you on the next plane home.”
Jimmy slung an arm over Barry’s shoulders. “Don’t worry. I’ll be a perfect proper gentleman. And say ‘yes, sir, or ‘no, ma’am.’ At everything they say.”
“Okay.” Barry let out a breath. Hopefully that would work.
But as Barry stood waiting outside immigration, nervously staring at his watch, he began to worry that Jimmy had in fact treated the officials to his hybrid impression of Gomer Pyle and Forrest Gump. Then he worried that the officials had subjected Jake to a physical exam and he’d sprung a woody or…
“Barry, over here!” Jimmy’s shout snapped Barry back to attention. He spun around and saw his cowboys striding toward him.
“You’re okay?” Barry asked. Of course they were. He needed to calm the f**k down.
“Just a long line is all,” Jake said.
“Yeah, and the agents promised the marks left by the rubber hoses would fade in time,” Jimmy announced, rubbing his chest.
Barry smiled and shook his head. Running a hand down the front of Jimmy’s sheepskin jacket, he said, “I promise to kiss and make it better later.”
As they made their way to baggage claim, Jimmy, still bubbling with energy, said, “We’ll have to get some of those hoses for ourselves. Really kinky. I think that one guy got off on waving them around like that.”
“Jimmy,” Jake finally spoke up, “Shut the f**k up. I’m tired, horny, hungry and…I don’t know what the hell else.”
Jimmy smiled but remained silent for the rest of the walk to the carousel.
They didn’t have to wait too long before the belt started moving and suitcases began to appear.
About five minutes in, Jimmy’s blue suitcase showed up. Then a minute later, Jake’s red case appeared, shortly followed by Barry’s. Barry had wanted to use his tan leather suitcase, he’d traveled all over the states with it and it had many more plane rides left in it, but Jimmy and Jake had insisted he needed new luggage. And of course it had to be purple.
- Writer
