K A I

Chapter |13| Come Back

K A I ' S P. O. V

I'm such a f*****g coward I can't even look at her. Instead I stare at her mother.

The tension is thick enough to slice in half and I want nothing more than to hold Emery in my arms and run away.

She's my lifeline. And this woman is squeezing her, breaking her, all so she can cut off our dependency for each other.

Emery breaks the silence with a laugh. It's empty and void.

"You're crazy mom. God you have done some f****d things to me in my life but never have you tried to hurt me like this. I love Kai. I'm in love with this man and because he doesn't fit your rigid standards, you're going to try and break us apart. Destroy us. You can't control love mom, no matter how hard you try."

I stare at the pictures, remembering that night vividly. Kieron and I were called for a job. We were to kill one of our old men who had become an informant for another g**g.

We were careful. So f*****g careful that I know the body will never be found. I stepped out for a moment to breathe, to let the chill of the night bring me back from the darkness.

I wasn't thinking. I didn't see anyone taking pictures of me because I didn't follow protocol first.

Instead, I f****d up. Again.

"Emery, I even went to the police, but you know what they told me. It's not sufficient enough. They ignored my request to have you investigated, they ignored my claims that you were in danger. You know why Emery? Because his family bought them off. They have the goddamn police wrapped around their fingers. There is no justice for people like us, not with them around."

I meet her mother's stare head on, conflicted between anger or apology. It's true, of course it is, but I can't change anything.

I should have told Emery earlier myself. To save us both from all this heartache and embarrassment.

The truth is I was scared she would leave me. I'm a coward who would rather lie to his girlfriend than face the truth.

And she loves me. I've finally found a woman to put up with all my bullshit, all my problems, my anxiety. We only ever order one pizza because we both love the same, she laughs when I fart and I laugh at hers, we can sit for hours watching mindless television in content.

Just because we're together.

Now I'm going to lose her, and I'm not ready for it. I can't be, not when I haven't even told her that I...that I...fucking hell!

They're just words.

But they're not. Saying them would solidify our connection, it would bring us closer together, and it would mean making a commitment I never have before.

"You're crazy mom. Crazy." Emery is struggling. She doesn't believe it, but the evidence is pretty f*****g damning.

I don't know how to fix this. So I do the only thing to salvage what is left of our relationship.

"Emery let's leave." Her head shoots to mine, eyes filled with accusation and conflict. I squeeze the hand still tightly clutching mine and send her a desperate pleading look.

Finally, she nods.

Our chairs scrape the marble flooring, and her mother jolts up, her hands snatch Emery's. "Don't do this. He's dangerous, his family is and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Mom, let me go." Her mother doesn't budge, forcing Emery to wrench her hand away and she storms ahead of me.

I don't look back at them. Instead, I stare solemnly at the floor and follow suit.

It's freezing when I reach outside. Colder than before. I quickly yank off my jacket, knowing she's only wearing a thin strapped dress.

"Emery?" She doesn't respond, just continues walking ahead, passing my car all frosted over and heads down the street. "Emery, hey baby stop...please,"

She suddenly turns around, long red hair acting like the harsh strands of a whip that silence the wind. Tears glisten in her eyes.

I reach out to grab her hand but she yanks it away. A piece of my heart freezes and breaks off.

"Tell me you were just out at target practice with your brother. Tell me it was mud on your shirt or ketchup. Tell me the police won't find a body in a week or two. Tell me she's crazy. Tell me you didn't lie. Tell me please..."

"It's true." I'm a coward. Such a f*****g coward.

I watch her heart break as her lips begin to tremble and she stumbles back.

"Oh god. Oh god. I think I'm gonna be sick." And she is. She wretches onto the ground, bile leaving her mouth.

I rub her back gently, holding her hair away from her face, and place my jacket over her shoulders. Her body trembles, and I pull her into my body for warmth.

Emery clings onto my shirt like it's her lifeline.

In some ways, it's mine too.

She still needs me for comfort, for strength, and as long as we have that...

Her hands leave my body, cold replaces her. Dark suffocating cold, that drags me away from the only woman I've ever let inside. She's gone, she's drifting and I've f****d up too much to pull her back.

Emery uses my jacket to wipe her tears, and steps further away from me. "Do you have a g*n on you right now?"

I shake my head, about to speak.

"No, it's my turn Kai." She brutally cuts off. I nod and shove my hands in my pockets, the cold biting.

"What happened the night we first met? The truth."

I force my steady gaze to look into her eyes. "I was out with Kiara and Aaron. We were supposed to be convincing one of the d**g dealers to stop dealing to kids. He didn't listen, he grabbed my sister and open fired. Shot me, then I killed him."

"You killed someone?" I've never felt ashamed about that fact. Not until now, with Emery's haunted gaze fixed on me.

"I've killed a lot of people Emery. I'm a bad person, I told you that..."

"No! Don't confuse you being a fuckboy, with being a murderer. They're not even in the same league. God, you have killed people Kai. You have gone against everything that I stand for. I'm a doctor for Christ's sake, I heal...I don't, I can't..."

"Breathe." I hesitate, cupping her cheeks, needing to ease her anxiety.

Her breaths soften as I touch her skin. She warms me instantly just as I calm her. A faint smile grows on my face, as I note her beautiful complexion. Even her sweet scent is alluring.

Everything about is perfect, and for a moment I thought I could be worthy of that.

Her harsh gaze snaps back open and she shoves me back. "You're a liar! A liar and a f*****g coward! Why me? Huh, was it all a joke? Did you and your sister plan this? Find some f****d up lonely girl and make her believe that someone could love her? That she has actually found the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with?"

She's hitting me, sobbing. I stand there, watching her in torn anguish because nothing I do will make this better.

"Emery, it was real. Everything was real. Please look at me," She trembles, forcing her head up. "I'm sorry I lied. At first, I couldn't tell you because it was a secret. One I'll have to take to the grave just because of my last name. Then, I became scared. We were good, and I knew this would be an ultimatum. Either you could live knowing the truth, or you would leave me. I know what you would have chose and that terrified me beyond anything else."

"You're wrong Kai. You don't know what I would have done. If you had told me yourself in confidence, knowing it was a part of yourself I would have to accept to truly be with you, then maybe...just maybe I could have seen past. I could have accepted it, because I love you, and these past few months have been the best times of my life. I've shared moments with you, felt things I know I'll never experience again. Because of that thank you, you showed me how to love Kai, not just another person, but myself."

This was goodbye. She was saying goodbye.

"But f**k you for lying to me! f**k you for breaking my heart! And f**k you for making me fall in love with you!"

I desperately clutch onto her hand, but she turns away from me, angry tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Don't leave me. Please don't leave me, I don't know how to live without you. In a world where I don't wake up with you in my arms, a world where I can't hear your laugh, or watch you smile. Emery, I don't want to live in a world where we don't exist. It's not a world worth living in."

We're so close now, I can touch her. Kiss her even.

I've f****d up, but if Kalen taught me anything it's that you always have a second chance. You can always try again, and this time, I'm not giving up.

She sniffs back her tears and faces me head on. There's nothing in her eyes but malice and hate.

"It would have been easier to just have thrown that phone away." I feel my heart break.

Emery barges past me, heading for her car and for a second she falters. She turns around and my spirits lift, thinking that she's giving me another chance, that I can salvage our relationship...

My jacket is shoved in my face, the metal zipper slicing my lip. "I don't want a reason for you to come back."

Then she climbs into her car, and drives away. I let her go, knowing there's nothing more for me to do tonight.

***

The taxi ride is horrible. There's an absence that lingers, not only physically but internally.

I feel empty without her, and all this time I've taken her granted. I've never envisioned losing her because to me, it would never happen.

There would always be a way back to each other, even if she was angry at first. Now, there feels like nothing is left for us. No future, no hope.

The lights are on when I arrive at my family home. It stands proud and strong, even though the foundations are starting to crumble.

Laughter pours into the night as I open the door. Great. Everyone is here.

Their heads all whip towards me, and I notice Kiara scour behind him, searching for someone who will now never be part of my life again.

What happened? She mouths, noticing my bloodshot eyes and disparaging expression.

I can't even fake it anymore. Happiness.

Not after experiencing true bliss with Emery. She taught me how to feel, how to laugh, how to love.

In return, I gave her nothing back but heartache and tears.

"Ki..." I almost choke on the word, stifling a sob.

Fuck. Too late.

I break down just as my sister's arms swarm me into her warm embrace. I'm pulled into a rare hug and my mother quickly joins to soothe me.

Nothing can. Not even s*x.

My former medication instead makes me feel physically sick. The only women I want is Emery.

"f**k, Kai what happened? Where is she? Did something happen? What..."

"She knows." Kiara's face falls in an instant, but she script recovers, plastering in strength and comforting me again.

"That woman loves you. She won't give up so easily." How does she know... "It's written in her eyes, Kai. That type of love is hard to disguise but sometimes there are idiots like you that won't accept what you see, or feel. Emery is strong willed, you hurt her and now her defences are back up."

"So, I'm supposed to break them back down?"

My sister pulls back, fierce as ever. "No. You give her a reason to tear them down herself, and it better a goddamn good one."

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A/N: ? thoughts on their break up??

How do you feel about Kai right now? How can fix his f**k up?