Cursed by Desire

Chapter 7: Punishment

Leila’s POV:

I keep watching the reflection in the water for some time. Neither of us speaks again, but I get the feeling that we’re both lost in whatever magic’s happening between us to properly be able to speak. Well, in coherent, fluent sentences, that is. Instead, we just stare into each other’s eyes until his face disappears, and I’m left watching the rippling water where my touch had disturbed it.

Blinking twice in surprise, I look harder, trying to see if the hallucination had actually vanished, but the deeper I look into the surface, the more I see of myself. And it wasn’t a pretty sight, let me tell you. Bruises in a myriad of colors from blue and purple to a greenish-yellow that stands out horribly in contrast to my pale, fair, skin. Superficial cuts also litter me, but thanks to my Moonblood heritage, they’d mostly closed over. But the rest of it.. not so much.

Placing my hands in the water, they shake slightly and the bitter cold of it stings my hands. But I find I can handle the pain. Become numb to it. So I keep them in for longer and longer, using the water to clean the dried blood off of me where some wounds had closed over and healed. Being methodical about how I do it I try to make sure that it’s all gone, to try and reassure Ascelin, Corbin and Lux more than anything else, but in doing so, I don’t keep track of the time.

When I’ve finished by the river’s edge, I dress in my earlier discarded jean jacket, thankful that it was saved from both abuse and then fall and, depraved walk down the forest paths, the sapphire blue denim still a deep, welcoming colour. Pulling it on over what remains of my tank top, I pull it closed against the sudden chilly wind and pull my hair out from under the collar, the braids long gone and ribbons used to tie it the moon knows where. But the time..THE TIME!

“f**k,” Fear threads through me again, and I rush to gather whatever I’d managed to scavenge after Axal threw it, and me, out of the window and down to where we’d both landed near the grassy knoll and hill I’d hidden behind when covertly observing the others. Seeing that I’d managed to retrieve everything, I thanked my instinct which had argued against taking my writer’s notebook with me since I knew its delicate cover would have been damaged had I done so. Hurriedly jamming the zipper shut, I haul it over my left shoulder, not heeding my injuries, and muffle a groan of pain and start the trek back ho-to the packhouse. I can’t call it home. Not anymore. It hasn’t been that for me in almost seven years.

Hurrying, I manage to make it inside the house without anyone seeing it. Savory smells of grilled meat and ramen noodles tempt me but I know better than to follow my hunger pangs. Knowing what will await me if I’m caught today more than ever. Slipping down the back of the nearest room, I come to a disused - well, largely disused - servant’s passageway that goes back to when this place used to be for royalty or some s**t like that. Now, though, they were a helpful way for me to travel up and down the levels of the packhouse without being seen by the others.

Managing to make it up, I dump my stuff on my bed and lean against the door, breathing unevenly in a valiant attempt to still, or at least slow, my erratically thudding heart. Looking around the room wildly, I can feel one of my panic attacks coming on, and I try to search for something to ground me the way my mom taught me when I was growing up. Leaning against it, I eventually locate a white lavender candle and draw in the scent of it, trying to hold it inside me to drown out the rising hysteria and panic. And for a while, it works. A while.

But then I hear it. The voices.

Cursing my heels on the boots I’m still wearing, I sink slowly until I’m sitting with my back against the door and feet flat on the ground. As they drew nearer, I silently slid off each boot, not stopping to think about how much thinner I’d gotten (which enabled me to do that without unzipping them) and placed them side by side next to the door. Holding my breath, I wait to see where the voices went, but I don’t hear a sound on the other side of the door.

Releasing a shaky breath, I double-check my backpack for school tomorrow, taking out and putting in items as carefully as possible. All the while listening out for noise. But the savoury smell of tonight's dinner from the kitchen keeps distracting me, though I can’t for the life of me work out where they’ve come from, since the only person who can cook proficiency and safely in the pack is moi. I guess that someone ordered takeout - probably Axal or his father given their positions as beta and beta-in-training behind Ascelin, who’s training to be our next alpha. (Something that can be completed in a few weeks, fingers crossed.)

Keeping a hand around my stomach, I try to quieten the growling noises it keeps making whilst simultaneously listening to wait and hear if the voices will come back. Ear pressed against the wooden door, I hear voices drift up and down, in and out of earshot, until it all appears to go quiet. Releasing my grip on my knees, I slowly unclench my leg muscles and stand silently, tiptoeing over to the window. Cracking it open slightly, I lean down and see each of the lights blink out slowly. One by one, like birthday candles being blown out.

Looking down, I can see the lights are still on in both Ascelin and Corbi’s rooms, something that has me smiling slightly. Hey, can I come to see one of you for a little bit? I think to both of them through the Link and they both respond almost immediately.

Sure, if you want. That’s Corbi, and I can almost see him smiling when I ask the question. Make sure you’ve eaten Lei, And that’s Ascelin, trying to take the palace of mom and dad in mine and Corbi’s lives to make sure someone’s looking after us. I think there's still some stuff downstairs if you're hungry.

Thanks. I reply, closing the window and drawing the thin, threadbare, curtains over it and padding softly over towards the door. Listening again, I can hear no sounds coming from the other side. Since both my instincts and Luna remain silent, I silently open the door and slip out of the lit, warm, attic room and into the cold darkness of the corridor. Finding my way well enough, until.. “There you are.”

I’d almost been down to the kitchen area when the light snapped on, and I felt my stomach drop when I saw Axal, Faline, Belvine, Christian and the others all standing in a small group around the doorway between me and whatever food had been left over. “What.. what do you want?” I hate how my voice shakes when I say that, but I can’t help it, they terrify me too much. “What–” I’m about to say something more, or perhaps apologize when I feel someone slap me hard across the face.

Black spots cross my vision, eclipsing each other like stars. “Stupid, dumb w***e,” I feel someone dragging me by my hair into the kitchen, the stale smell of food makes me nauseous. “You didn’t do as we did so kindly decide were your rules for staying here.” I think it’s Axal talking to me, but I can’t work it out who. “And then we hear that you called for help,” A tutting noise follows that. “You know that’s against the rules-”

“-I didn’t,” I cut in, desperately trying to appeal on my own behalf with this pack of savage, depraved, wolves who still blame me for what happened almost seven years ago. “I didn’t call for help, I swear, they found me.” I try to plead with them but to no avail. I’m ignored. As per usual.

“You know that’s against the rules, so you know we need to do something about this.” All the faces look sympathetic, but I know what’s coming next. I’ve been discovered, accused of breaking the primary, most important, rule and know what’s coming next: my punishment.