Who am I, a heroine?

Chapter 6

*** Serena’s POV ***

*

I had just finished talking to Cayden on the phone and I decided to watch a movie because I was bored. Alone.

It didn’t happen often as I always had someone to watch movies with, but at this time I was alone in the house. My parents were busy with pack duties and the twins were at school.

Mom let me stay at home today and I was totally grateful for that. I couldn’t sleep well at night because of the nightmares and it was hard to train that early in the morning when I couldn’t sleep well. Mom knew something was off with me as she noticed my mood, but she never asked too many questions. She only said that anytime I was struggling with something I should just go and talk to them. If I didn’t want to go to school because it all started to become too much or for any other reason, I just need to say it, she would understand as she was young once too. She just asked me not to keep secrets from them.

They were the best parents, right?

I slept the whole morning and luckily I managed to sleep a few hours, so I was not tired anymore.

Cayden would come over later to explain everything that happened yesterday and I felt a bit better after talking to him. Even if it was over the phone and just for a minute. It was more than nothing as I already missed him.

I was curious to hear his explanation, but I was worried and sad at the same time too. Worried because I didn’t want our friendship to change after he gets a girlfriend, and sad, because I knew I could never be more than his friend because he didn’t look at me like that. If I don’t want to lose my best friend, I need to hide my feelings and try to forget about him, while I need to support him and help him to get the girl he liked as well.

Yeah, that’s what I should do, but I didn’t know if I would be able to do it. I didn’t know if I would be strong enough to. I wish I was eighteen so I could meet my mate finally, but I had two more years for that. I just needed to be strong and maybe I could find someone who I could like without needing to worry about anything so I could forget about him easily.

I started the movie and ten minutes later there was a knock on the door.

‘Who could it be at this time when everybody was at school or work?’ I wondered as I got up from my bed and walked out of my room to open the door.

“I didn’t think you would come right away. What about school?” I asked Cayden in surprise as soon as I saw him standing at the door with a bothered expression on his face.

“I left.” He said shortly and walked past me into the living room while he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

“You missed school just to talk to me?” I asked him and my heart fluttered for a second. Even though I knew he just loved me as his friend. I couldn't help it.

“Yeah… no… Mason got on my nerves so I left. I had only one class left, anyway.” He said, and I nodded my head in understanding.

“Come in.” I told him as I walked into my room and made myself comfortable on my bed. He was just standing at the door nervously, so I patted the bed next to me. He gave me a small smile before he sat down and started to talk right away.

“Sooo… Yesterday, I went to meet the guys to play soccer as I told you I would, so Mason and I agreed to meet at his place and go to the field together. As soon as I went there, it turned out that Mason had planned a date with a girl for the same day, which he forgot about. I was a bit upset because if I had known that earlier, I would have hung out with you instead, but he only told me there and then.” He explained and I just watched him and listened to him quietly. “So when the girl arrived, she wasn’t alone. She brought her friend along. Mason asked me to join them so the girl wouldn’t feel like a third wheel. I didn’t want to go, but he insisted and I agreed in the end. We went to the cinema and….” he trailed off while he looked guilty, “...Mason wanted to watch that new movie. I told him that I already promised you that we would watch it together and you know how important that is for me, but it was too late as he had already bought the tickets. I am so sorry, Sera.” He said apologetically.

“Why did you lie?” I asked him with a sigh.

“I didn’t want you to be mad at me for watching the movie without you. I even told Mason that I would ask you to come, but the movie was starting soon. I thought maybe it would be better if I just didn’t tell you and watched the movie with you next time, like I haven’t already watched it.” He said with a guilty expression on his face and I let out a sigh.

“You are an idiot.” I told him with a chuckle. He actually thought about me and wanted to invite me and here I thought he was getting tired of hanging out with me. “Don’t lie to me ever again.” I added seriously.

“I know, Sera. I won’t, I promise. Never again. I felt so bad for lying to you, but I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me for watching it. Am I forgiven now?” He asked while looking at me with his puppy eyes and I let out a chuckle at his expression. He was lucky he was adorable.

“On one condition,” I told him playfully.

“What is it?” He asked with a smile, which looked much better on him than the frown that he wore on his face when he arrived.

“Take me to that movie and let’s watch it now.” I told him while I folded my arms in front of my chest and looked at him challengingly.

“With pleasure, my lady.” He joked with a terrible British accent while he was bowing in front of me and I let out a laugh. “Come here.” He added with a smile and opened his arms for me to give him a hug.

When we were kids, we used to hug each other whenever we had an argument and it hasn’t changed since then.

I let out a chuckle before I leaned over to him to hug him tightly.

“I love you, Sera.” He said and my heart skipped a beat for a second, but then I f*rced myself to wake up from my day-dreams and deal with reality. He loved me like his friend, like his sister, and even though I wanted to hear those words from him in another meaning, I knew it was not going to happen.

“I love you more.” I told him back and we pulled away.

It hurt that he liked someone who wasn’t me, but I needed to support him if I wanted him to stay my friend. Otherwise, I would maybe lose him forever and I couldn’t let that happen. 'He can never find out what I feel about him... Never.'

Cayden was watching the movie that I watched earlier while I was getting ready to go to the cinema with him. Even though I knew I shouldn't like him because nothing would happen between us, I was happy that he apologised and explained what happened.

“Sera?” He called my name when I was busy putting on my shoes.

“Hm?”

“Why didn’t you come to school today? Was it because of me?” He asked hesitantly and my eyes widened. I didn’t want him to know that the incident affected me that badly.

“Not really. I couldn’t sleep at night.” I told him without looking at him. It was actually true.

“Did your nightmares start again?” He asked me worriedly and I just nodded my head. “What’s wrong? What are you not telling me?” He asked with narrowed eyes and I looked at him in disbelief. He knew me so well.

“It’s just… you were in my dream at this time.” I told him with a sigh and he let out a gasp. “But I guess because we were… you know… maybe because I was worried about losing your friendship… that’s why.” I explained to him.

I have been having nightmares since I was a kid. I always dreamed that people were nice and kind to me, but they suddenly turned their backs on me when I needed them the most. The dreams were almost every time about the same, but with different people. It was a few weeks ago when I had a nightmare last time, but apparently they were back. Maybe it'd be better if I used sleeping pills again.

“You will never lose me, Sera. You are my best friend and I don’t care if you have white, red or purple hair. You would be my friend anyway, even if you have none.” He said seriously and joked in the end, which made me let out a chuckle. He knew how to calm me down. I smiled at him and stood up.

“I am ready. We can go.” I told him and he stood up from the bed as well.

“By the way… who told you?” He asked curiously and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Why?” I asked him suspiciously. “You would never have told me if I hadn't found out, huh?” I asked him accusingly and his eyes widened.

“What? No. I mean, I would have told you sooner or later. I am just asking because I thought Mason told you about it so I would have more time to hang out with him if you were not in the picture.” He said and I just looked at him with a surprised expression.

“I know that Mason doesn’t like me, but I don’t think he would have gone till that extent.” I said, meaning every word. It would have been a really low blow even for him.

“Yeah, you are right. I accused him earlier in school, so I will need to apologise to him later. But seriously… How did you know?” He asked again and I let out a sigh.

“Iris and I went to watch a movie. She wanted to watch the new one, but I told her I couldn’t, so we were standing in line by a movie hall, waiting to watch another movie. We saw you all walking out of the hall next door while talking and laughing. I even saw you ignoring my message and that was really painful.” I told him while I was looking at my shoes. I didn’t want him to see my feelings for him in my eyes. I didn’t want to make him suspicious, so I tried to play it cool. I already felt like I was overacting the whole thing from his perspective. From mine… It was mostly jealousy.

“Oh, god. I am so sorry, Sera. I had no idea you were there. Why didn’t you confront me right there?” He asked, he was embarrassed about being caught red-handed and I folded my arms in the front of my chest.

“I wanted to see what you would do.” I narrowed my eyes at him and he let out a sigh while he looked at the floor with a guilty expression on his handsome face.

“I was an a*sh*le. I am sorry for hurting you, Sera. It was not my intention.” He said sadly and I nodded my head.

“It’s okay. I just hope you will never feel the need to lie to me again. You can tell me anything, alright? Even if I was mad at you for a while after that… I would always stay your friend so you can never hurt me that way.” I told him and he nodded his head with a smile and gave me a hug, which felt… good. When we pulled away, he clapped his hands together.

“Let’s go and watch that movie. You will love it.” He said with a huge grin which was contagious. I smiled at him too and we finally left the packhouse to go to the cinema.

I felt happy after talking to him, but sadness was also there in my heart when I thought about him being in a relationship with that girl. My emotions were totally messed up and I didn’t like it, not at all. 'Maybe I should just try to get over him.' I thought.

'Yeah, that’s what I should do and that’s what I am going to do.' I decided with a heavy heart and let out a big sigh.