Roses & Bullets

XXI. The Kiss

ERIK

I get home from work, and as usual, we all have dinner together. Corey is a little chatty today, talking about the things they did in school, which seems to put Claire in a good mood. That's great, I think.

Once supper is done, I help Claire with the cleaning while Corey takes Mr. Wilson to their room. The tension in the air hangs like a thick fog, for there are too many unspoken thoughts between us. Before I go crazy, I need to address what I'm feeling, even though I'm not sure what it is.

When Claire visited me at work this morning, it was all I could do not to pull her close to me and kiss her. I'm not really that affectionate, even when I was younger and dating girls in our school. But seeing Claire take the initiative to do something nice for me was something unfamiliar.

Of course, my mother used to do those things for me: prepare my meals, clean my room, wash my clothes, and so on. But she's my mother, and all moms do that for their children, right? To have a girl, a sweet, caring girl do it for you, is something not to be taken for granted.

Claire takes care of me even if she doesn't have to. I look at her as she wipes her hands with a paper towel and wonder what I should say. Actually, I wonder if I should say anything at all.

"I guess we're done here," Claire announces, throwing the piece of used paper towel in the trash.

"Yeah. I guess we are."

"I should go to bed," she tells me, yawning. "I'm a little tired today. How about you?"

"I'm going too," I say, even though I still want to talk to her.

"Okay, have a good night," she says as she heads to her room. "And thanks for the help."

"Anytime." I go upstairs, and I hear Claire close her door.

It's been a long day, and I want to clean myself up before going to bed. After taking a shower, I dry myself up and put on my favorite lounge pants. But first, I will call my parents and see how they're doing before I hit the sack.

Where did I put my phone? I flip my room, but I don't find it anywhere. I check the pants that I wore to work, but the pockets are empty.

Maybe I left it in the kitchen. I don't bother putting on a shirt or even my sandals because I know that everyone is already in their respective rooms. I open the door, and to my surprise, Claire is standing there with my phone in her hand.

"You left this downstairs," she tells me quietly as if she's worried that someone might hear us, and she is right to do so.

"Thanks. I was on my way downstairs to look for it, actually."

"Really?" she asks as she tucks her damp hair behind her ear again. "I found it in the kitchen."

She obviously just finished taking a bath. Claire is wearing a sleeveless top, which hugs her body in all the right places, and a pair of cotton pajamas. Like me, she's also barefooted.

Claire hands me my phone, but she doesn't leave. She remains unmoving, slowly breathing like she's anticipating what I'm going to do next. We lock eyes, and for the first time in days, we both let our guards down.

"You shouldn't be here," I whisper, and her eyes glisten.

"Then tell me to leave," she challenges me.

I wrap my arm around Claire's waist while I support her head with the other and then pull her close to my body. I crush my lips into hers, and she immediately opens up for me. With my foot, I close the door before pushing her against the wall.

Claire wraps her arms around my neck, trying to pull me even closer to her. I invade her mouth with my tongue, and a soft moan escapes from her throat. God, she tastes like a finely aged wine.

I've never felt so alive in my life. Not even when I was on tour, running for my life while bullets rained down on me. Nothing would come close to how I'm feeling right now.

Every inch of my body is tingling, aching to be touched. I can't remember the last time I've been with a woman, and even if I do, the experience is incomparable to this. Claire is raising the dead in me.

I move my mouth to her ear and lick the inside of it. Claire shivers, and I only continue my attack. She grabs the back of my hair, and then I moved down to her neck, planting small kisses there.

"Oh, Erik..." she whispers, panting.

We kiss once more, and this time, I lift her up while she wraps her legs around my waist. I walk towards the bed, where I gently lay Claire down. Her lips are still a little sore from our kiss, and it makes me want to kiss her even more.

I go on top of her, propping my elbows against the bed so I won't crush her with my weight. I slowly touch her eyes with my forefinger, and then her nose, and then her lips. As I move my finger down to her collar bone, Claire grabs my hand and gently places it on one of her breasts.

She closes her eyes, and I watch as her breathing slowly goes back to normal. So this is what she's been hiding under those loose shirts of hers. My hand is not even big enough to cover it.

She pulls me once more, and we start devouring each other again, losing ourselves in the heat of the moment. Claire slowly moves my hand from her breast down to her abdomen and then to her pajamas. Am I really going to do this?

I break the kiss with a loud smack, and Claire looks at me, mortified. We just crossed the f*****g line.

"Is something wrong?" she asks.

All of this is wrong! I get up and turn away because I'm a coward. I can't even look Claire in the eyes.

"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into, Claire." I'm still facing the other side of the room, so I can't see her expression.

"Actually, I'm a big girl, Erik," she replies sternly. "I know what I'm doing, and I make my own decisions."

"I'm no good for you," I tell Claire, and I wish she would see that.

"I'll be the judge of that," she stubbornly replies.

"I'll only hurt you, Claire," I say, turning around and seeing that she has risen up from the bed. "You have no idea how broken I am."

"Erik-"

"No. You have to go."

"Are you serious right now?" Claire has her arms crossed against her chest.

"Please leave." I can't believe that I'm pushing her away.

"Erik, I swear if I leave this room now, there will be no coming back." I can hear the pain in her voice.

"Go," I say coldly.

"I don't understand you, Erik. I just.." she scoffs, having a hard time finishing her sentence.

And I don't think you ever will. Claire walks to the door and leaves without a single glance back. My hands are balled into a fist, and I feel a sting where my nails dig into my wound.

It hurts, but it's nothing compared to the pain I feel in my chest. I can't believe how stupid I've been, letting myself get close to a woman I barely know. And now, the damage is done.

I lie in bed to calm myself, and I suddenly feel how exhausted I am. I fall asleep thinking about how undeserving I am of Claire. And then, I start to dream.