A Whole New World : Bound

6. The First Few Days

When we returned home, Ryan automatically left for the bedroom to move some of his things into the spare room.  I couldn’t bear to watch this as it broke my heart and it felt like the end.  I decided to check my emails for the restaurant and work on next week’s menu to no avail.  I kept thinking about what just happened, what we agreed to do and how this would affect my everyday life.  We agreed that we would cancel all of our “dates” with our friends for a bit, so I decided to give Hunter a call, remembering to keep the info to a minimum because he was off limits to talk to about this stuff before I headed to work for the afternoon and dinner service.

Coming home that night to an empty bedroom was the hardest of all.  Since I don’t get home until after 10 most days, Ryan is normally in bed watching a show or reading a book before he goes to sleep.  This is the time we would generally talk about our days and make plans for the upcoming weekend.  It was not until I stood at the foot of our bed, looking at it that I realized we had never spent a night apart.  Even when we had our daughter, Ryan stayed in the hospital with me.   I had to remind myself that he was only in the next room, but that did not bring much comfort.  I cleaned up for bed and found myself standing back in the same place I had been before, just staring at the bed.  I wondered how could this piece of empty furniture affect me so much?  Trying to shake off the feeling of being alone, I took a few steps toward the head of the bed but instead of climbing in, I grabbed my pillow and the comforter and dragged it out of the room and down the hall to the couch in the living room.  

Content with my choice, I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge door to grab my dinner and heat it up.  I exhaled a sigh when I found no plate inside.  Normally Ryan left me a plate of something to heat up and eat.  Just a small thing I took for granted, so tonight I would settle for some toast with peanut butter and jam before heading back to the couch for the night making a mental note to cook an extra dish at work before leaving the next time.  Surprisingly, I slept fairly well.  The couch ended up being a lot more comfortable than I thought it was going to be and I felt more secure, tucked in as opposed to the huge king bed all to myself.  The only downside was that I did wake up when Ryan was going about his morning routine before leaving for work, but I was still well rested.

    Over the next few days, things went pretty much the same as the first day but now that I was opening my eyes on Saturday morning, I knew that this would be the true test.  Since we worked in off shifts, we didn’t talk much anyways throughout the week, but I knew today was going to be harder.  I went about my morning routine, and when I came out of the shower, Ryan was in the bedroom changing out of his joggers, returning from his morning run.  His chest was glistening from sweat.  Not being allowed to talk to him was not the issue right now.  I wanted so badly to pull him right back into the shower with me and help clean him off.  s****l desire had never been an issue between us and now that we couldn’t be intimate, just made me want it more.  I was frozen in place, fighting against my wants and my mind as I admired him from across the room.  He hadn’t noticed me yet and I found myself leaning against the door frame taking in his lean figure and bulging muscles as he undressed.

      Now ready for a shower he removed wireless earbuds, placed them on his dresser and  turned to walk to the bathroom and was startled to find me standing there admiring my view.  When the shock wore off, a sly look crossed his face and just for a moment, it felt like there was nothing wrong between us.  My body started to react to him, as he walked closer, never taking his eyes off of me.  My heart began to race and my already warm body from my shower became much warmer the closer he walked to me.  He stopped only inches from me and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to reach up and touch him, to say something or to just pull him into me.  He put one hand on the doorframe above my head and leaned in closer still so his lips were just about to touch mine.  My lips instinctively parted while our eyes were now locked both showing our desires.

    I began to reach my hand up to place it on his face, but then I remembered that he was the one hurting and we were to have no s****l contact.   With every single ounce of willpower I had, instead of cupping his cheek, I flattened his hand and placed it on his chest, with the tiniest push and broke off eye contact, looking down towards the floor.  As much as I wanted my man to take me right here, right now-Olivia was right, we can’t use s*x to heal us.  He exhaled deeply as he came to his senses and walked past me into the bathroom to have his shower.  I tried to collect myself, quickly got dressed and heard the shower turn on as I left the bedroom.  I walked into the kitchen with all intentions of making breakfast, but I then remembered that I would only be cooking for myself and I didn’t think I would be able to face him all day if we nearly broke our promise within 3 minutes of seeing each other for the first time since our therapy session.

    Despair quickly started looming over my head and instead of sitting here stewing about it all morning, I decided that I would have a change of pack today.  I grabbed my purse and keys, threw on some shoes and headed out to my car.  I had no idea where I was going to go, but if I stayed home, I was almost sure we would be having s*x before noon.  Even as I closed the front door behind me and then climbed into my car, the yearning to turn around and hop into the shower with him was still very strong.  I backed out of the driveway with the idea of hitting up a small bakery bistro for breakfast.  There used to be one a few blocks away that I enjoyed as a treat every once in a while, but when I rounded the corner there was a different shop in its place.  A little discouraged and now getting hungry, I pulled into the closest parking spot and pulled out my phone.

    I created a search for bistro’s in the area and noticed that my favorite little shop had not closed, but only moved to a different location.  I quickly tapped the ‘directions’ button and I was off to taste some heavenly food.  I pulled up to the new location and was surprised to see that they had expanded quite a bit.  I found a place nearby to park and made my way inside to find a table.  When I stepped through the front door, I was amazed at how busy they were, but I was able to find a very small 2 seater table at the back near the kitchen.  Not really caring about where I sat as I was quite familiar with the hustle and bustle of kitchens, I was more intrigued by the new smells as I walked by tables that had just received their food.  I sat down at the table and picked up a menu.  Only a moment went by when a waiter brought over a coffee and glass of water to greet me.

After he introduced himself and explained the specials for today, I made up my coffee with cream and sugar before asking for the Belgiam Waffles with mixed field berries.  I picked up the newspaper that someone had left behind and started reading it to pass the time while I waited for my food.  I became very interested in a story written about a new venue opening up in the entertainment district this weekend and was excited to read that they would be offering pole dancing lessons starting next week during the day time.  I was so excited about this idea that I even took a screenshot of the article on my phone to look into later.  Someone sat down across from me, but I never even noticed until he spoke.

“I thought for sure you would have called me by now, unless that is you have changed your mind about learning new ways to have some fun?”  a voice much deeper than the average man spoke.  I slightly recognized it, but not quite.  Something about it was mysterious and mesmerizing but I was so confused as I thought this man must have mistaken me for someone else.  I looked up from the paper with a puzzled look on my face and I didn’t recognize the man who sat across from me.

“Excuse me?  You must have me confused with someone else.”  I tried to say as nicely as I could without offending him, but also trying to give the impression that I was not looking for company.  Unfortunately, my waiter appeared with both of our orders.  He sat mine down in front of me and nodded to the man across from me before sitting his plate down in front of him as well before turning to clear off the table he was sitting at to make it available for other customers.

“Ah, that’s right.  You would not recognize my face, only my voice.  I do remember you however from New Years Eve and being my delightful little toy for a few minutes.” He spoke in tongues with his deep voice.

Then, shock hit me as the pieces came together.  Before I could stop myself, I whispered the only name I knew him by “Master”.  A small smile appeared on his face, filled by the slightest of nods in approval before he picked up my napkin and handed it to me to place on my lap before replying.

“For today, or in public, you may call me Adam.  I must say that this is the most pleasant surprise to see you here, so close to my home.  Are you in the area long?”  He inquired.  I could tell that he was reaching for a little information, but I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to give him.  I was floored that I randomly ran into him here, the first time I have come out for breakfast in over a year.  What the hell are the chances???

“Uh, well I decided I wanted to eat out for breakfast and I used to love coming here-well their old location.  This is my first time coming here.”  I replied honestly.  Not lying, but not giving him too much to go on recalling that I should be angry with him for insinuating that it was Ryan & Hunter’s idea that hint that I volunteer to be his assistant for the display of light b**m.  

“So, you live fairly close by then.  Their old location was a little off the beaten path and only known by locals.”  He rebutted with a hint of knowing and excitement in his voice.

I sliced into my waffle and took a small bite.  My eyes closed as it entered my mouth and I could not resist a slight moan as I let the flavours roam my taste buds remembering now why I loved this place so much before.  My speciality was in dinners,  I never really explored extravagant breakfasts before, but this was like taking a taste of a light fluffy cloud of haven.

“As I recall, you lied to me that night.” I answered as a statement rather than letting any more information about myself go just yet.

“Oh, I do not believe I did. How do you think I lied to you?”  He asked with a concerned expression now on his face as he took a bite of his eggs.

“You implied that my husband and friend knew about what you were asking me to do, when in fact they knew nothing of it.  Apparently they never heard a word you said, only nodded as a greeting.”  I replied nonchalantly, but inside, I was perturbed about it.  Even though he didn’t outright lie, it was still deceitful and as much as I loved everything that happened afterwards, I could not respect that part.  I honestly never even thought of all this over the past few weeks, but now with him sitting in front of me, I found that the desire for him to show me more, was nothing more than just a mere fantasy.  The thought of the unknown was enticing, but I could never partake willingly with someone who would sway the truth like that. 

“I may have stretched the truth a little, I can admit to that.  But you can not deny that you enjoyed every moment of the performance.”  He acknowledged as though he was hinting of persuading me to try it again.  I continued to eat my breakfast, deciding not to give him the satisfaction of an answer.  When I didn't, he continued his attempt "perhaps you would be interested in another session?" 

"I'm sorry, but that is not going to happen.  My husband and I have been together for 20 years.  The one thing that we agree on is trust.  Based on the way you acted at the club, I can not continue anything.  Enjoy your day."  With that I placed money on the table to pay for my meal, grabbed my purse and made my way back to the car.  I made sure he didn't follow me out before I hightailed it to my best friend, Hunter's office.