Anhedonia

What About Me?

"Hannah?"

"Silly boy, what do you think you're doing?" Hannah, who came out from nowhere, walked forward and sat next to Jerry on a bench.

The guy looked at her in astonishment and said. "You're already dead."

"Wow, you remembered?" Hannah asked mockingly, slapping Jerry's shoulder playfully. "How ironic that you could remember a dead person but not the woman you love."

"What?" Jerry knitted his eyebrows that almost met in the middle.

"You don't remember her?"

"Who? Wait, am I dreaming?"

"Of course, dumbass. How is it possible for you to see me if you're not dreaming." Hannah laughed obnoxiously but immediately stopped and she turned to the guy next to her. "How's my son?"

"You have a son?! Oh my—."

"You adopted him, Jerry. What kind of amnesia do you have and forget about my son! My son, Jerry." Hannah emphasised the word 'my son.'

"I have amnesia?" Jerry asked again and he's hella confused on every word that comes out from Hannah's mouth.

Hannah looked at him ludicrously, as if she was talking to an insane person. "Anyway, I just came here to help you to remember her."

"Who?"

"One more question and I'll beat the hell out of you." Hannah threatened and Jerry immediately shut his mouth and looked away. His brain has a short circuit because he really can't understand everything. "Jerry."

"Wha— hmm?"

"Find her there." Hannah poked his chest a little bit hard that Jerry thought he's not even dreaming because he really felt the pain the way Hannah's nail pierced on him. "She's there, just try to acknowledge her presence and you'll understand what I'm telling you."

"Look." Jerry couldn't resist it but to ask. So he turned his body to face the woman and sat in a stride position. "Who are you talking about? Who's she? Who's the person I need to find here?" He pointed to his chest.

"Her." Hannah smiled after staring at Jerry for 5 seconds. "Find her there." She repeated.

"Damn it, Hannah! Just tell me her name!"

"Jerry?"

"What?!" He yelled out of frustration.

"Are you awake?" Though Jerry could see Hannah's mouth moving but he's sure that it wasn't her voice. "If you can't go, I can pick up the kids alone."

"Wait—." Jerry shot his eyes open only to close it again tightly when he almost got blinded with the light coming from his open window. He put his hand to cover his eyes and then blinked them to adjust from the dazzling light.

"Jerry?" Another angelic voice called his name behind the closed door.

"Give me a minute." Jerry said and he lazily dragged his feet out of the bed and groggily walked to the door. When he opened it, he was greeted with the face of an angel. His heart reacted but he didn't let it show in his features upon seeing Rosie in her casual attire and light makeup, his hair tied in a tight bun.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"N-no. Just w-wait for me downstairs, I'll just take a quick shower and we're good to go." He said. Rosie nodded her head and turned her heels. Jerry watched her walking away while thinking about his dream with another woman that he couldn't remember the face and the name he called her.

When Rosie disappeared from his sight, Jerry went back inside his room and walked straight to the bathroom to have a quick shower as he said and get dressed in casual attire. He called his secretary to cancel his meeting in the morning because he needs to go somewhere and he won't be able to be at work.

The drive towards the Manoban house has never been so long until now. Rosie feels like they are taking forever on the road even if there's no traffic or anything that may delay them to get into the Manoban's house.

There was an awkward silence inside the car, no tension but awkward. Both couldn't find the exact word to describe it. They just sat inside while Jerry drove and Rosie sat on the shotgun seat and both looked at the road ahead.

"About last night, thank you." Jerry started, finally breaking the awkward silence between them.

"It's my job to keep you alive or your family will kill me." Rosie said, trying to ease the atmosphere with her lame joke, well at least for her. "So the doctor told me that you saw a woman last night?"

"Yeah, and I saw her again in my dream."

"Do you know her?" Rosie asked, though she knows who it was, she just wanted to know if Jerry could remember Hannah.

"No, but you know what's funny? I called her name in my dream, but when I woke up, I forgot it."

"Hannah." Rosie mumbled but since it was too silent inside the car, Jerry heard her loud and clear.

"Hannah." Jerry whispered to himself, trying to think if it's the right name. "Han.. yes! Hannah!" He exclaimed. "That's her name and she's.. dead? Wait, she's dead? How? Why?" He bombarded while keeping glancing at Rosie's side but making sure that his focus was still on the road so they wouldn't get into an accident.

"She died because of lung cancer."

"Oh."

"I'm glad you can remember her." Rosie said with a bitter smile on her lips. "What did she tell you?"

"Nothing much, she just asked about his son.. Jeremy." Jerry mumbled and he slowly looked at Rosie, who's now looking at him too in surprise. "Jeremy is her son, wow."

"You c-can remember it too?"

"Yes! Oh my God! Jeremy is Hannah's son! When she died, she left the kid to me and I adopted him!"

Rosie's eyes widened, she felt excitement and hope knowing that Jerry could remember Hannah and Jeremy. Some people in his memory connected to her, so she's hoping that Jerry would remember her too.

"So? What else do you remember?" Rosie asked. She couldn't hide the smile of excitement on her lips.

"That we are living in New Zealand and when she died..." Jerry stopped on that, his forehead furrowed when he couldn't think anything else aside from that information, it's as if his brain stopped working and even if how much he tried to think what happened next, he couldn't find any answer. "I decided to adopt Jeremy and.. and.."

"Stop. Don't force yourself." Rosie rebuked him or else if he tried to push himself further remembering everything, he might start to feel a severe headache again and that's the last thing Rosie wanted to happen as Jerry is driving.

The car filled with an awkward silence again, until they finally reached their destination. Rosie got out of the car without saying anything nor glancing at the guy and she pressed the doorbell. The guard immediately opened the gate when he saw Rosie so Jerry drove his car inside the driveway and parked his car next to Liam's car, who's surprisingly small in their house at this hour.

Rosie entered the main door while Jerry just decided to wait outside because he still cannot bear to see Hayley with her husband even if he already promised to himself that he would accept that his best friend was already married. And he was still trying to figure out what he was doing in New Zealand with Hannah because he couldn't remember the reason why he left South Korea that time.

"Mommy!" Akiro shouted happily when he saw his mom entering the house. He quickly ran down to the stairs and greeted his mom with a tight hug.

"Hi sweetie, how's your sleep?"

"Good, but when I woke up I felt sad when I didn't see you." Akiro pouted.

"I'm sorry, mommy needs to check Dad so I went home." Rosie apologised and pinched the kid's cheek, then she turned to Jeremy. "Hi there."

"Hi aunt Rosie."

"Are you guys ready to go home?"

"Yeah." The kids answered simultaneously.

"Why don't you join us for breakfast?" Hayley asked, she's the one who wakes up the kids.

"Uh, I'm with him and we're just here to pick up the kids." Rosie shyly smiled.

Hayley raised her left eyebrow teasingly and looked behind but she didn't see Jerry. "That's surprising."

"Yeah, I was surprised too when he told me last night that we're going to pick up the kids."

"Where is he?"

"He's outside, do you want me to call him?" Rosie asked.

"Nah, I know that he's not ready to see me so let him be." Hayley waved her hand dismissively. "Anyway, about the photoshoot you were talking about last night."

"I haven't told him that the photographer is your husband."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that Liam would insist to be the photographer. I hope Jerry won't mind." Hayley said apologetically.

"It's okay. Liam doesn't have any idea though, so he wouldn't feel awkward about it. I just don't think so about Jerry, it's his problem anyway." Rosie said and they both giggled.

"Why are my two ladies giggling about?" Liam chimes in, walking down the stairs. He greeted his wife with a kiss on Hayley's lips while he greeted Rosie with a kiss on her forehead. "So care to tell me why does Jerry suddenly want a family picture?"

"I honestly don't have any idea what's running in his head." Rosie scoffed.

Last night, when Jerry told her about the picture that he wanted to hang inside his room, she was astounded and didn't know why Jerry suddenly wanted it after he woke up and didn't bother to ask as well. She just assumed that Jerry was trying to accept their fate and just riding the flow of his grandfather's wish.

"At least he's trying, let's give him that." Liam shrugged his shoulders and turned to his wife. "Since Rosie is here, I will just drive them to the studio and wait for Jerry so we could—."

"Actually, he's outside." Rosie cuts him off. Liam had the same reaction like his wife and he was actually surprised to hear that. Because as far as he could remember, Jerry was always busy in his company since he got out of the hospital that they never met again after their last visit when he's still in the hospital.

"Why didn't he come in?"

"We're about to leave anyway, we still need to bring the kids hom so they can change their clothes and let's just meet in your studio." Rosie said and she glanced secretly at Hayley.

"Oh, okay. Then I still have time to eat breakfast with my wife." Liam smiled and he kissed Rosie's head once again before ruffling the boys' hair. "See you later boys, wear your best outfit, okay?"

"Yes Sir!" The boys saluted to Liam and waved their hands as they all walked to the door.

As soon as they got out of the house, they saw Jerry waiting just outside the car staring at nothing.

"Dad!" Akiro yelled. Jerry snapped out from his trance and turned to the door. He smiled when he saw the kid and he stood straight.

"Hey." He greeted them back and started to walk, meeting them halfway. Akiro got a bit excited and he ran towards Jerry but the latter ignored him and he walked straight to Jeremy. "Hey son."

Jeremy looked up to Rosie, then to Akiro before looking back to Jerry with confused eyes. "H-hi Dad."

"Look kiddo, I'm sorry if I forgot about you, your mom got mad at me last night and if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't get to remember you." Jerry told him and picked up the kid, carrying him between his arms and walked back to the car.

Akiro, on the other hand, was too shocked by what happened. He just watched Jerry walking towards his car with Jeremy while his dad ignored him.

Rosie immediately ran to her son and took his hand. "Hey, uh. Dad could remember Jeremy now."

"What about me?" Akiro asked, his eyes never leaving Jerry.

Rosie smiled forcibly as she could feel the pain that his son could feel when he got ignored by his dad. "Not yet, but he will, soon."

"So that does mean that he will love Jeremy now?"

"He loves you too, honey. Both of you."

Akiro smiled toothily and nodded his head. Though Rosie could see that it was a fake smile, at least he's proud that Akiro could understand the situation.

"Let's go." Jerry called from the driver's side and so the two continued their way towards the car.

Jeremy and Akiro sat on the back without talking to each other. The kids are still too young for this kind of situation and Jeremy feels sorry for Akiro. He wants to talk to his brother but the latter keeps his eyes outside the window the whole drive while Rosie keeps glancing at her son.

When they reached their house, Akiro went straight to their room while Jeremy followed him with his eyes. He felt a hand squeezed his shoulder lightly and when he looked up, he saw Rosie looking down at him with a warm smile.

"He's fine, don't worry." She said to assure the kid.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to take his dad away from him."

"It's not your fault, honey. It's great that Jerry could remember you now. So let's be happy with that because he's getting closer to remembering everything."

"You think so?"

"I know so." Rosie softly said, pinching the kid's cheek lightly. "Take a shower now, we are going out." The kid smiled back and ran upstairs.

"I'll be making breakfast." Jerry said without looking back as he made his way to the kitchen. Rosie didn't respond to that and just went upstairs to check the kids and when she reached their room, she saw Akiro lying on his bed and his face buried to his pillow while Jeremy was standing beside his bed.

"Akiro." Rosie called but the kid didn't even move and just stayed in his position. She sighed deeply as she made her way inside and sat on the side of the bed. "Go take a shower first." She told Jeremy. The kid was hesitant but since he knows that he can't do anything, he just obliged and went to the bathroom. Then Rosie turned to her son, rubbing his back soothingly. "Honey.."

"Why don't they like me, mom?" He sobbed and his voice muffled against the pillow.

"Don't say that, honey. They love you—."

"No, they don't." Akiro cut her off as he flipped over and he shuffled himself, wrapping his short arms around his mom's waist and buried his face onto Rosie's stomach. "Jayvee hates me because I am not his son, then Dad hates me because he couldn't remember me." The kid said, his voice laced with certain sadness and pain.

"Not because your dad couldn't remember you, he doesn't love you. Let's just give him more time to recover. I'm sure that he's trying his best to remember everything, especially you."

The kid shook his head then he looked up to Rosie. "Mom, let's get out of here, I don't want him anymore."

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