Anhedonia

Because We Missed Each Other

Things happened so fast, one moment they were just talking on the balcony then the next hour, they were both naked, lying side to side in Jerry's bed, both panting and catching their breaths and staring at the ceiling.

They didn't dare to speak and let the realization hit them. Jerry felt so happy while Rosie could feel mixed emotions. She could feel guilt, she was still mad at Jerry, but she felt happy at the same time.

Jerry stirred his body on his side, facing the woman still staring at the ceiling. He draped his arm around Blondie's stomach and he kissed her bare shoulder.

"This is wrong." Rosie finally speaks up.

"In what way?" Jerry asked, doesn't have any plan to stop what he was doing.

"I'm engaged."

"You are not anymore." Jerry chuckled as he lay back flat. He waited for Rosie to agree but he didn't receive any response. He propped his head up to see the woman's face. "Are you serious?"

"He's still my fiancé, we never broke up."

Jerry pushed himself up, scooting back so he could lean to the headboard. "He's physically hurting you, he's an abusive man!"

"He's not!"

"Please tell me you're not taking his side after what he did to you." Jerry sounded like it was so ridiculous to go back to the guy who hurt her but when Rosie stirred and looked up to Jerry, he already knew the answer. "Damn it." He mumbled under his breath and he rolled out of the bed, picking up all the scattered clothes on the floor and threw some of them to Rosie.

"You left me and he was the one who saved me from my devastated life!"

"Get dressed and get out of here."

"Jerry."

"Get the f**k out of here!"

"Why are you so mad? I should have been the one who—."

"First, you are f*****g my cousin, second, you are engaged with him just to get back on me and third, you had s*x with me because of what? To make me realise that I am an asshole for leaving you that day?"

"No."

"Then what?!" Jerry yelled, he didn't care anymore if the Manoban's could hear them, he was so furious and hurt at the same time. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? If I need to apologize over and over again for not showing up to our wedding, I'll do it without regret but this?" He pointed his finger around them. "This is too much for me and for you. And if you really want to be with him that bad, then go back to that jerk and never ask Liam or me to help you again!" Jerry shouted and he walked out of the room.

"Hey, what's going on?" Hayley asked, walking towards her best friend when they heard the commotion, Liam was just standing in front of their open door and looking at the door where Jerry came out.

"Ask that stupid woman who still want to go back with that asshole!" Jerry growled and he walked downstairs, not looking back at all.

"Follow him." Hayley ordered her husband.

"What? It's 2 AM!" Liam protested but Hayley just shot him a dagger look. "Fine." He slumped down his shoulders in defeat and he grabbed a coat hanging on the rack then ran after Jerry.

Hayley knocked at the door before she pushed it open and she was shocked when she saw the blonde in the middle of the bed, crying. But that's not what made her shocked, Rosie is naked in the middle of Jerry's bed.

"Oh God, please tell me you two didn't had sex." Hayley said as she padded over the bed and sat on the edge.

"We d-did." Rosie replied in between of her sobs.

"Rosie!" Hayley exclaimed. She really wants to scold her friend but she knows that it was not the right moment for that. She heaved a deep breath and exhaled slowly to calm herself. "Go dress up first, I'll make you a cup of coffee." She said and walked back to the door. She looked over her shoulder for the last time and let out another sigh before closing the door.

Crying is the only thing she could do after Jerry's outburst. She felt it again, the pain she felt when Jerry didn't show up to their wedding day. But this time was different because Jerry walked out and left her.

It's her fault anyway.

She put her clothes on and washed her face in Jerry's bathroom before leaving the room to go down in the kitchen. Hayley is there waiting for her and the brunette tapped the chair next to her.

"Here, drink this." Hayley pushed the cup in front of the blonde.

"Thank you." Rosie offered a small smile and picked up the cup with her trembling hands.

"So tell me, what happened? Not the details about your intimate moment with Jerry." Hayley joked and they both giggled, successful in her attempt to ease Rosie's feelings a bit.

"I don't know how it happened, we were just talking on the balcony and he suddenly kissed me."

"And you ended up with his bed?"

"I mean, why not? He's such an amazing man when it comes to bed—."

"Rosie!" Hayley yelped to cut off her friend. "That is not what I'm asking."

"I'm sorry." Rosie laughed. "But yeah, I ended up in his bed and that's when the tension started."

"Tension or pleasure?" Hayley asked teasingly.

"You really don't want to know the details?" Rosie teased back with a playful smirk.

"No." Hayley shook her head furiously. "Sorry, go on, continue."

"Okay." Rosie sighed. "So after our intimate moment, I told him that what we did was wrong because I'm engaged."

"Oh." Hayley reacted. "I'm not going to judge him nor you till I know what's your reason for telling him that."

"Because I'm scared, Hayley." Rosie said, her shoulders plummeted quickly.

"Scared of what?"

"That if I give him another chance, he would do it again." Rosie said, even if she won't say it directly, Hayley already knows what she was talking about. "I'm scared that he might break my heart again for the second time, I'm scared that he might never change."

"He did, and we both know that. You're just traumatized about what he did but he did change." Hayley said, rubbing Rosie's back. "I'm not telling this because Jerry is my best friend but because as the person who knows him more than everyone, I know he was a different guy from five years ago."

"I don't know, Hayley. I'm scared and it's not easy for me to face that."

"But it's easy to have s*x with him."

"Hayley!"

"I'm sorry, I just can't believe that you two did it after you know?" Hayley shrugged her shoulders then sipped on her coffee.

"I know, me too. But what can I do? I missed him so much and while we're doing it. All the feelings I have for him came back, I mean, it didn't even go away, I just kept it to the deep hole in me and tried to erase it but after several attempts, I failed so I just decided to live with it and then when he kissed me. I lost it."

"I understand, I've been there when Liam decided to hide after my grandmother died." Hayley nodded her head understandingly.

"I don't know what I am going to do now. Everything is at sixes and sevens here." Rosie massaged her temples as she stared at her coffee cup.

"Look, I know it's confusing but you just have to heal yourself first before taking another risk." Hayley said with her soft voice. She's sweet as ever and Rosie was always confused why Jerry never felt something romantically towards Hayley wherein they spent most of their childhood together and even when they started schooling and even working.

"Hayley?" Rosie called after procrastinating if she should ask the question or just keep it to herself, but she chose the first one.

"Hmm?"

"You're with Jerry your whole life, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'm just wondering, have you ever felt something towards him?" She asked.

"I mean, that's not possible for the two of us since we've been together for almost our whole life, but you know. Sometimes, you'll choose friendship over anything because that is more of a lifetime commitment." Hayley answered her questions sincerely. She didn't have to lie or give complicated answers since she got that question a lot before. Rosie didn't say anything and just nodded her head. "Okay, look. We tried okay? When we were in college and it didn't work. We are better off as best friends and it's not like because he's an asshole, but because we both know that it would never work. We are both destined for each other and I found Liam and he found.."

"Not me." Rosie interrupted her, chuckling dryly. "Because if it's me, then he would never leave me."

"Rosie.."

"It's okay. I could accept that but you know? It still hurts me."

"I'm sorry."

"Psh, you don't have to apologize for his mistake. And you're right, it's better to choose friendship because that's a lifetime commitment." Rosie said as she stood up. "I'm going to rest, you should too. And I'm really sorry for making a scene at this hour."

Hayley stood up as well and she took Rosie's hands. "Just heal yourself first, and who knows right? Maybe after you heal yourself, it's already worth trying again."

"Thank you, though I don't know if it's still worth trying." Rosie smiled but barely reached her eyes and Hayley could see the pain in those honey glazed orbs. All she could do was stare at her and watch the blonde leave the room.

___

Liam was still appalled, his jaw still dropped and so as his mouth still opened, after Jerry told him that he had s*x with Rosie. While Jerry lashing out with his bottle of beer in his hand. Taking swig continuously until he emptied it and took another one.

"Whoa, slow down." Hannah said, trying to steal the bottle from Jerry but the latter moved away and lightly pushed the woman's hand.

"I came over here because you told me you want someone to talk to, but since I arrived, all you have done is to chug all of those beers." Hannah hissed, crossing her arms abruptly.

"I said that?" Jerry asked, he's clearly intoxicated but he still could feel the pain he felt earlier after Rosie told him—not directly but still wanting to go back with Jayvee after what happened to them. "I must have been drunk."

"Yes you are, so enough of the drinking, now tell me what happened aside from having s*x with your ex girlfriend." Hannah demanded and it made Liam snapped out from his trance and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"She wanted to go back with Jayvee even after that jerk lifted his hand on her!" Jerry scoffed, taking another swig.

"Okay, if that's the case then it's her problem not yours, why are you so bothered about it?" Hannah asked confusedly.

"Because technically, Jerry still loves Rosie and after having s*x, he thought that they are going back together, right?" Liam chimes in, looking at Jerry.

"I'm not." Jerry chuckled, putting down the bottle on the round table and leaned his elbow on it to support himself. "I'm not expecting anything when we did that. I know that we were both drunk."

"That's ridiculous, just because you two are drunk then you forgot what happened five years ago and started undressing yourselves?" Liam scoffed, totally not having any of it.

"Because we missed each other." Jerry said with a sad smile curved on his lips. "I f*****g missed her and I lost it when I was staring at her in that balcony. She's still the woman I met in that restaurant. She's still the woman I left on the day of our wedding day and I'm so stupid not to even notice her when she came back with Jayvee. She's still the woman who loves me u-unconditionally." Jerry's voice broke at the end and he started crying. His shoulders shook as he let his wall stumble down in front of Liam and Hannah.

"You know, I promised Hayley not to say this to you, but you're right. Rosie is still the same person, you're just too blind to see that."

"Look, if she wants to go back to Jayvee and got hurt again, then let her be. Do not indulge yourself to a woman like that—."

"Whoa, Miss. Tone it down, that woman is my best friend so do you mind?" Liam sounded snarky that he meant to be because he didn't really know who she was but since she's talking bad about his best friend, then it's his right to stand up for Rosie because she wasn't there to defend herself.

Hannah just rolled her eyes and turned back to Jerry. "So now what?" She asked.

"I don't know." Jerry replied sincerely.

"Why don't you start moving on and let her go? She has Jayvee now."

"Or try to win her back? You know? Stick to the original plan of winning her back." Liam suggested and the two glared at each other while waiting for Jerry to choose between their suggestions.

"You're right." Jerry sighed and she stood straight.

"I'm always right—."

"I should move on." Jerry said to cut off Liam's words which made Hannah smirked cockily to him and he frowned. "If she wants to be with Jayvee, then I will let her go."

"That's right, you deserve someone better." Hannah said, her hand went to Jerry's back and rubbed it. "You'll be fine without her."

"I will never be fine without her, she's my life." Jerry said, and it's time for Liam to smirk. "But I will move forward, life must go on."

"Okay, that's it." Liam stood up after Hannah scoffed mockingly to him. "If you're determined to do that, then I'm not going to force you and will just support you. Can I go home now?"

"Yes, thank you for being here and I'm sorry. Please regard my apology to Hayley."

"Will do." Liam said as he stood up and walked away.

Jerry continued drinking till the bartender announced the last call. Jerry was still not satisfied with drowning himself so he asked Hannah to drink outside but the latter suggested that they should go to her house instead. Jerry didn't mind it since he was so drunk and all he wanted was to get intoxicated as much as possible so he would forget the scene he shared with Rosie.

When they reached Hannah's house, she helped the drunk man to get inside, Jerry could barely walk but he still managed to drag himself inside with Hannah's help. Then he sat on the sofa in the living room while Hannah walked to her kitchen to get drinks.

After a minute, she was back in the living room, holding a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses but Jerry had already passed out, tears staining on his face and still sobbing silently from time to time.

Hannah smiled sadly as she sat across from the man. She's really envious of Rosie and she didn't want to admit it. Who wouldn't though? Her ex boyfriend, Jayvee, was so in love with Rosie that he proposed to her while Jayvee couldn't even open about marriage when they were still in their relationship. Then she met a guy, who's madly in love with her ex girlfriend and trying to kill himself because of Rosie.

"What a lucky woman." She mumbled as she stood up and was about to go but she heard Jerry start mumbling words. So she walked back and sat beside the man. "Hey, let's go upstairs."

"I don't want to." Jerry slurred and he tried to slap away Hannah's hands. "I have a girlfriend."

"No you don't." Hannah giggled and she helped the guy to stand on his feet, she took Jerry's arm and wrapped it around her shoulder and her hand snaked around the man's waist. It's hard to bring a whole ass grown man upstairs but she still managed to do it and finally laid Jerry to the bed and she stood straight. "Damn, you're heavy." Hannah stretched back and let out a sigh of relief after. "Go to sleep lover boy, you'll be fine tomorrow." She said as she turned her heels, but once again, she stopped from walking when a hand grabbed hers.

"Don't go." Jerry said, when Hannah looked back, she saw Jerry looking at her with eyes glistening with tears and begging. "Please, don't leave me."

"Jerry—."

"Rosie, please don't leave me." Jerry said as he started crying. "P-please."

"I'm not Ros— ie!" Hannah yelped when Jerry pulled her down, wrapping her with his firm hands. "Jerry what are you doing?!"

"Don't leave me, Rosie. I love you and I'm really sorry for what I did. I'm really sorry, please forgive me." Jerry keeps apologizing in between his tears and because of his intoxication, he's not thinking straight anymore as he thought that Hannah is Rosie.

"Fine, fine. I'm already forgiving you. Now let me go." Hannah just rode along so Jerry would let her go but that's not what happened.

Jerry lay down, tugging Hannah with him, then he rolled over, hovering on top of Hannah. His languid eyes stared at Hannah's lips. "I missed you, wifey." Jerry said before he slowly leaned down. Hannah's eyes widened and just before he could react, Jerry's lips already landed on her lips.

At first, she tried to push the man on top of her and was struggling to keep her mouth shut while Jerry kissed her passionately.

"Jerry please stop." Hannah said but Jerry seemed to have lost himself and couldn't hear anything at all. He reconnected his lips to Hannah but this time, he became more aggressive and his hands started roaming and touching Hannah's body.

"I l-love you." Jerry mumbled.

That's when Hannah loses it and stops struggling. She wrapped her arms around Jerry's nape and pulled the guy closer to her body and she started reciprocating the kisses.

___________