Alpha's Solace (Black Moon Saga Book 1)

The First Mate

“So, tell me about the high school girlfriend,” Kylie voices out loud something she has been thinking about. She remembers that Adam told her werewolves are territorial and possessive of their romantic partners, so she wonders who back home might have a problem with their new relationship.

He is in the middle of driving them back to town. He had been enjoying listening to her sing and hum softly to the radio playing in the background, and this question catches him off-guard.

“Where did that come from? Melissa was the only serious relationship I’ve had previously, I told you that.”

“Yeah, but you also mentioned that you had a girlfriend briefly in high school. I’m just curious, mostly because you never elaborated on that one.”

“Oh, well, that’s because there’s not much to tell. We only dated about a month and there was no commitment there, not truly. We broke up because she found her mate, and I wasn’t even all that upset about it.”

“I see. So, since she broke up with you, chances are if I ever cross paths with her that she won’t be trying to claw my eyes out for taking her man?”

He laughs heartily, then reins it in as he realizes it is a serious question. “I’m not her man. What gave you that idea?”

“I don’t know. It’s my first week as a werewolf. I don’t know how far they tend to take the whole possessiveness thing. I just know I was ready to end Melissa just from listening to you talk about a relationship that has been over for what, like 25 years, give or take? I’m just trying to be proactive here.”

“Damn, woman! That’s Alpha-level possessiveness,” he teases and he can’t help but laugh again, but this time she joins in with him. He reaches over to squeeze her knee briefly before returning his hand to the steering wheel. “I love it though. And I don’t think you have much to worry about there. The high school girlfriend wasn’t serious, ended for a good reason, and was so long ago I’m sure whatever feelings she had have long faded, especially since she’s been with her true mate ever since.

Melissa and I were together longer, but again, it ended when she found her mate. She and Richard are happy together, and we’re just friends again. There’s nothing to worry about there, either. Plus, she adores you. It was actually her who first told me you might be my mate. I refused to believe it, of course, but dammit if she wasn’t right. There were no hard feelings there when she talked about the possibility of it, I promise you that.”

“Okay, fair enough. I have to admit, it is so unlike you to be so in denial about something that everyone close to you is telling you. Melissa, Kieran, I don’t know who else, but still. Crazy, huh.”

“Yeah,” is all Adam manages to say to that as he mentally relives his own history and remembers everything he considered when he decided he could not possibly have another fated mate and dismissed the suggestion. Kylie senses that she might have hit a nerve because of the strained look on his face and the way he went quiet after her comment. She struggles to think of something to say to relieve the tension but decides to just stay quiet and let the moment pass.

“There is someone in my past I haven’t told you about,” he admits after a few minutes of silence. Kylie’s head snaps to watch his profile as he drives and waits for him to elaborate. “I’m not keeping it from you deliberately, I just never know how to talk about it.”

“It’s someone who is painful to think about, then, I take it.” Now she reaches her arm over to gently squeeze his leg in support. “You don’t have to tell me.”

He sighs, deciding now is as good of a time as any. At least this way he doesn’t have to look in her eyes as he tells her of his first mate. “I need to, though. Something I haven’t told you about is something called a ‘second chance’ mate, which is pretty much what it sounds like. Sometimes, a werewolf is given a true mate, and for whatever reason, it doesn’t work out between them. Sometimes, one mate dies and the other is left behind, but other times, a decision is made to reject a fated mate. Usually, you’re only given one chance at a true mate, and if you throw that away or your mate is taken from you, that’s it. You go on alone, or you choose someone else to mate with who isn’t your true mate. But in some rare cases, a werewolf gets a second chance and a new fated mate is selected for them by the Moon Goddess.

It happens so rarely that I have never personally known someone with a second chance mate, but somehow, for some reason unknown to me, the Moon Goddess decided to give me a second chance. I worry every day that it was a mistake, and she will eventually realize it, because losing my first true mate was my own fault. I feel like I need to tell you this because in order to fully understand everything about my life after her, you have to know about the moment that I threw away what I thought was my only chance at happiness and the reason why I couldn’t believe it when all signs pointed to you being my mate.”

The gravity of what he is telling her sinks in, and she sits back in her seat. He had another mate, and something awful must have happened. She swallows and takes a deep breath before softly urging him to continue. “What happened?”

He turns his head to give her a weak smile, then reaches down to where her hand rests in his lap and gives it a squeeze. Then he proceeds to tell her the story of his first mate.

*** Adam’s POV – 65 Years Ago ***

I glance at my reflection in the mirror in my bathroom one last time, attempting to make the best of the situation I call my hair. In just a few minutes, Thomas Sullivan, my best friend since we were five years old, not to mention my future Beta, will be knocking on my door to tell me we’re going to be late to the party. I’m aware, but it’s not my party anyway so it’s not like anyone really needs me there. My dad just insists that I make appearances at all events just like I will be expected to do once I take over as Alpha.

I run my fingers through the thick tangles, trying to make it look like I didn’t just roll out of bed and throw on some random outfit. I didn’t, these clothes were picked out by Thomas three days ago, and I’ve actually been up since before the sun, but this hair of mine just never wants to behave. The girls seem to love it, but it has always driven me crazy. It grows so fast it just isn’t worth trying to keep it short, either. I hate sitting in a barber’s chair more than I hate my crazy hair, so crazy hair it is.

Sure enough, I head out of the bathroom just as I hear a knock on the door. He doesn’t even wait for me to answer it before barging in. Not that I mind. I do the same thing to him all the time.

“Party starts in about 30 seconds,” he nags, as expected. “Your old man is going to make that face when he realizes you’re late.”

“That face never killed anyone. Alex is the birthday girl and I bet she is there, so I’m sure nobody but him has even noticed I’m not there.”

Alex is my younger sister Alexandra, born almost exactly one year after me with a personality almost completely opposite to mine. Where she is shy and reserved, I tend to be fairly outspoken. I keep a lot to myself, but only because I like to keep some things private. Not because anyone makes me feel so intimidated that I feel like I can’t speak, which is what seems to happen to her all the time. I don’t have any trouble making friends, but she has only one friend besides me. Her best friend, Melissa Edwards, is the younger step-sister of Thomas. Their family and ours have lived in the pack house my whole life so we’re all pretty close.

“I beg to differ. But anyway, we really should get down there. Forget about your dad, Alex is probably dying of embarrassment by now. She needs us.” He grabs my arm and practically drags me out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. I really hate riding in this damn thing, but since we live on the sixth floor of this massive hotel, it is probably the best choice in this moment.

Normally, I don’t even mind that my father is grooming me to be the next Alpha. I have known my whole life that it will happen someday and I understand why he wants me to sit in on his meetings, come with him on important trips, and start making appearances so that people get used to seeing me as an authority figure and I can begin forging the relationships that will be so vital to my future role. But for the past year since I turned 18, it seems like he has been planning an exceptional amount of parties and pack gatherings and inviting as many other packs as possible to increase the chances that I will meet my mate.

At first it was exciting, but now I just want to go back to normal life and let it happen in its own time. I’m tired of the endless stream of single she-wolves salivating at the chance to snag the eligible Alpha bachelor. Thomas keeps trying to convince me that I’m looking at it the wrong way, that I should see each one as an opportunity to have a good time for a night or two until she goes back home, but that’s just not me.

Call me naïve, but I believe in fate and destiny. I believe we shouldn’t be trying to force it. That’s not how the Moon Goddess works. She knows the path ahead of me better than I do, and she has made sure to choose someone I will meet along that path. Every time my father tries to meddle like this, it feels to me like he is actually decreasing my chances at ever finding my mate. But maybe that’s just me.

Once we arrive in the lobby down on the main floor and I step off the elevator, I smell it. The scent of lavender and sandalwood wafts thickly through the halls here, and I feel my wolf stirring restlessly.

Mate! Our mate is here! Kieran exclaims. I feel him trying to take control, but I fight him.

Keep it together. We’ll find her, but don’t make a scene, I chide him.

“What’s going on?” Thomas asks from beside me. He’s looking at me sideways, so he must have noticed a change in my demeanor.

“I think I smell my mate,” I tell him quietly, not wanting anyone to overhear. I don’t want it to become a spectacle, or for my father to find out before I figure out who it is and get a chance to talk to her.

“Well, go get her! I’ll go see if I can find Alex and your Dad and distract them for a bit,” he offers.

“Thanks man,” is all I say in response before I head off in the direction the smell seems to be coming from.

I enter the ‘ballroom’ as my father likes to call it, but really it is just a massive multipurpose room we use for large gatherings. It only resembles a ballroom when some formal event is going on. I wouldn’t call my sister’s 18th birthday bash a formal event, but it does look pretty festive in here. Her favorite color is pink, and the decorators took that to heart. Pink streamers hang from the ceiling, dark pink cloths adorn the tables, and flower bouquets of various pinks and reds are scattered here and there. It’s a bit much if you ask me.

I notice that Alex and Melissa are huddled together toward the front of the room, and they seem to be whispering to each other as they glance up at a couple of the guys from their school who are goofing off nearby.

At least Alex seems to be having a nice time so far, I think to myself.

I also see my father at that end of the room. He seems to have the attention of a small group of Alphas from other packs and is leading them in a discussion of some sort. I don’t remember any of their names which I know he would tell me is reason enough why I should be over there learning all I can.

I scan the room as best as I can, focusing my attention where I think the scent is coming from. I start slowly making my way to a larger group of girls from Alex’s school which is my best guess of where she must be.

And then a tall, incredibly attractive redhead turns her head and locks eyes with me. She has the curves of a goddess and a smile that would melt any man’s heart. My heart skips several beats as I realize that she’s the one. That’s my mate, and I couldn’t be happier.

On the other hand, I can’t help this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that tells me I know her from somewhere. I can’t place her, though, and since she has already spotted me and is on her way over to me, I decide to just keep approaching. In mere seconds, we meet in the middle and just take a moment to gaze adoringly at each other.

I reach out to touch her hand and am hit with the intense electrical energy of the sparks everyone talks about that happen when you touch your true mate. I grin and probably look like a lovestruck fool doing it, but thankfully I find my tongue. “Hi, I’m Adam. What’s your name, Beautiful?”

“I know who you are and I’m so glad to meet you personally. And you’re my mate! I’m Ingrid. Ingrid Stevenson.”

When she says her name, the incredible high I had just been riding plummets suddenly and I’m dropped back to reality with a sinking feeling in my gut. “Did you say … Ingrid … Stevenson?” I manage to stammer out, feeling equal parts denial and hope. Maybe I just heard her wrong.

She laughs, and it breaks my heart how beautiful she looks in that moment. “I did, yes. That’s me.” She leans in to capture my lips in a kiss, but I step back and drop her hand. “What’s wrong, Darling?” She asks with her brows knit together in what appears to be genuine concern, and maybe it is. She is probably concerned that her mate is not reacting to her the way she expected.

What’s wrong? I think to myself, feeling royally pissed off at the universe and the Moon Goddess and whoever and whatever else I could possibly hold responsible for this cruel joke. What’s wrong?!?

Where to even start with that one. How about let’s start with the part where the person who is fated to be my mate, my one and only, is the very same person who has been terrorizing my baby sister since kindergarten. The name I’ve been hearing so often over the years as my sister told me the horror stories of what happened to her at school that day. The torn clothes, the cruel pranks, the mornings she had to pick herself up out of a mud puddle Ingrid had pushed her in or the afternoons she had to spend nursing the wounds Ingrid had dished out to her.

Over the years, the attacks from Ingrid got more and more vicious, but my father did nothing. He said Alex needed to learn to toughen up. She might not be an Alpha, but she is an Alpha’s daughter, and his blood never gives in to a bully. Ingrid even tried to tarnish her reputation by spreading rumors about Alex losing her virginity to some rogue wolf. When that didn’t achieve as big of an effect as she wanted, she went so far as to try to arrange for Alex to be assaulted at a party. I’ll never forget all the tears my sister has cried on my shoulder over the years, or the nightmares that plague her still to this day.

And yet, I feel like the worst person ever because in this moment where my first thought should be about my sister and how much this woman has wronged her, I am feeling selfish. I am trying to reason with myself, begging myself not to reject her, telling myself that the Moon Goddess doesn’t make mistakes. Maybe Ingrid has been chosen for me because I can help her turn it all around. Maybe I can make her want to be a better person.

But how could I do that to Alex? How could I force her to live every day as a subordinate to my Luna, the very same woman who has made her life a living hell almost every single day for the past 13 years? How could I do that, when what I promised her was that as soon as I became Alpha, I would find some way, some rule or law or ordinance, that would allow me to punish or banish her tormentor. How could I promise her that, but instead, deliver the final blow to her fragile psyche by my own hand? What sort of a big brother and protector would I be then?

“Seriously, what’s wrong with you?” I hear Ingrid demand again, but this time some of the sweetness has left her voice. Is that annoyance I detect? Oh, am I annoying you, Sweetheart?

“Nothing, just thinking. I can’t …” I start to tell her what is weighing so heavily on my heart, but just then my father’s voice booms across the few paces that separate him from Ingrid and me. Apparently, while I had been thinking, he had spotted me and was now about to make this moment so much worse.

“Adam, there you are. And who is this?” He questions as he regards Ingrid. I’m not sure what I should say so I hesitate. He seems to like what he sees and his eyes twinkle as he continues speaking. “Is this your mate, son?”

“I am.” She holds out her hand to my father. “I’m Ingrid. It’s a pleasure to meet you personally.” I realize she had just said nearly the same thing to me a moment ago. Is that just her script she follows when she meets someone she considers important, or does she mean it?

You just want to hate everything about her and act all suspicious when she’s just being friendly. Cut her a break, Kieran pipes in.

Are you seriously going to defend her after all she has done to Alex? I demand. Of all people, Kieran should have my back on this. That’s his sister too.

I just think you’re being irrational. You haven’t even heard her side of the story yet.

I don’t need to. I saw all the damage she did to Alex.

If you reject her, I’ll never forgive you. That’s my MATE and I want her.

I realize that my father is still talking to Ingrid, and they seem to be laughing and getting along like old friends. I watch as she charms his pants off, and I just can’t take it. This whole thing is wrong, all completely wrong.

Before I can change my mind, I blurt out, “I, Adam Brentwood of Spirit Moon Pack, reject you, Ingrid Stevenson, as my mate and Luna.” There, I said it. No take-backs.

“What?!?” She shrieks. “You can’t do that!”

“You really can’t do that,” my father agrees with her. “You need a Luna. You need heirs. What are you even thinking, boy?” He hasn’t called me ‘boy’ in about a decade, so I know he must be pretty upset.

“I can, and I did. It is my right. Now, you can either accept it, or I will go to the Shaman and have him sever the connection for you.” I see my father’s face turn completely red at my declaration, and he turns on his heel and storms away. I guess he realizes I’m serious about this.

I fix my gaze on Ingrid and throw every ounce of anger and hatred I can behind it. I guess she gets the message because the color drains from her face, and she swallows forcefully. “Fine. I, Ingrid Stevenson, accept your rejection,” she forces out, and then also turns and storms away toward her friends, who have been watching our exchange intently.

Once she accepts my rejection, I feel drained. It’s like my very life has been drained from me and I just feel numb and exhausted. I also feel Kieran cut off his connection to me. I know he is upset and probably will be for some time, but I hope our bond will get us through this. He needs me and I need him.

Then, the pain sets in. It feels like my entire body is on fire and I can’t breathe. I never did get a chance to make it over to my sister to tell her happy birthday, but I can’t be here even one second more. I make a beeline for the door I entered through and hurry out of there. I don’t bother with the elevator this time. I decide to take the stairs all the way to the sixth floor. By the time I get there I’m feeling better, but I still continue with my plan to shut myself in my room for the rest of the night.

*************************  

“Adam …” Kylie breathes out, fighting back tears. She has mixed emotions about what he just told her. It’s sad and tragic and her heart aches for him, but she also feels proud of him. He made the hard choice and stood up for his sister and she cannot even begin to put into words how much she loves and admires him for that.

By this point they’re sitting in the driveway of his house in town, still in the car. He is just staring out the front windshield as he has been since he parked here awhile ago. “I don’t know how you feel about all that, whether it bothers you that you’re not my first mate, or even how I feel about it anymore. I feel ashamed that I did that, but at the same time I don’t regret it. It’s complicated for me. It used to hurt so much every time I even tried to think of it, but I’m realizing that after all these years, the pain is finally fading. I’m guessing you have something to do with that.” He turns his face to look at her and she sees that he is smiling, though tears still linger at the corners of his eyes.

She reaches for his hand, which he gladly gives to her. “Don’t worry about me. I’m not jealous this time. I’m proud of you. I know that must have been so difficult, but you did it for your sister.”

“Thank you,” is all he can think to say to express his gratitude for her support, but he leans across the center console to offer her a kiss. She leans in to meet him halfway and accepts. The kiss is sweet and slow, and he manages to convey more with his lips than he did with his words.

When he pulls back and gazes at her, bringing his hand to her face so he can stroke her cheek for a moment, she bites her lip and hesitates slightly before asking, “Is this too sensitive of a subject for me to ask a question?”

He laughs heartily, wiping away a lingering tear as he grins at her. “Ah, Kylie, I love you. And I love your questions. Never hold them back, okay?”

She sits back, breathless at his unexpected declaration. She has been feeling it too, but she didn’t expect that they had reached the saying it out loud stage already. “I love you, too,” she returns breathily.

His grin widens and he reaches for her hand again. “Well, now that we have that out there finally, what was your question?”

“Oh, uh, I was wondering how your sister reacted to what went down between you and Ingrid. Or didn’t she know?”

“Yeah, she knew. It was hard for her not to find out about it. She didn’t watch the exchange, but it did happen in the middle of her party. Word got around. But anyway, she was pretty emotional about it. She felt terrible that she was the reason I couldn’t accept my mate, but mostly, she was so damn grateful that I didn’t put her through that. I apologized over and over for not really being there for her party or getting a chance to tell her happy birthday on her actual birthday, and 18 is a big one for us wolves as you know. She told me I gave her the best birthday present ever, and I suppose she’s right about that.”

“I’ll say. I can’t even imagine what she would have suffered if you had mated with her bully.” Kylie gets quiet and seems to still be thinking and processing, then wonders, “What happened to Ingrid? Again, I apologize if this is too much for you. You don’t have to answer.”

His smile becomes a bit tense, but he answers her question. “She left the pack a couple years later. We never spoke after Alex’s party, but my father informed me when the transfer request came across his desk. Apparently, she hooked up with a warrior from another pack and went to live with him. I have no idea what happened to her after that.”

“Oh. Well, I am kind of glad she’s not still around here. That would be too much.”

“Agreed. I probably would have tried to bend or break rules to get her banished at some point, mostly because I promised my sister. Though her leaving was not nearly as satisfying for Alex, it was close enough. Then, of course, a few years after Ingrid left Alex chased some guy across the country and we barely see her anymore anyway.”

They sit quietly in the car for a few more moments before Adam suggests they go in the house for a bit. Kylie’s appointment is in about an hour and he wants to spend a few moments relaxing with her beforehand. She is more than happy to oblige, needing some time to unwind after the intense conversation they just shared.

Though he hadn’t planned to have this discussion with her today, he has always known it would happen at some point. He had dreaded it, but now that it has come and gone, he feels nothing but relief and the feeling that a weight has been lifted from him. It made him feel even closer to Kylie than he already did, and now he can finally let his painful past rest. He stands at the entryway to his living room watching as his beautiful, kind-hearted mate who he knows his sister will love the second she meets her smiles at him from her seat on the couch, and he knows he made the right choice.