LOVES NOT IN HER DICTIONARY

FREUDIAN SLIP

"Yeah!Yeah!! You deceitful man. Now that you are satisfied, out with it. What did you want to know?" she stuttered. Her anxiety was still lurking in the background as she inwardly berate herself for allowing him coerce her into coheres.

"who is in a hurry now ehh? 'He asks with mock concern'

"I have been asking the same question over and over again for a while now yet you keep on being discursive" she responded with a frustrated outlook

"On a serious note , why were you getting easily irritated? l have known you to be slow to anger and reaction. Is something, that wrong to put there in a snap? Did what I said really get to you that bad? Besides, I have always been an open book you know this; there is no ulterior motive behind me. I am as meet the eye my love. Don't tell me up until now you still don't trust me'' Desperately wanting her to get how he felt.

"Hon! stop this! You know; you don't have to justify you actions to me! I'm sorry for making you feel you have to. I didn't mean to." now coming back to her reasonable self steadily

"Yes but, I felt you needed assurance. Now that, that's in the clear? back to what i was trying to drive at. Remember the night of my departure?"

"yeah! why?

whiles her braised imagination was, he already knew what was going on and thought she had cheated. Meaning a definite break up; when the truth was he prayed her pregnancy was positive and surely his without the tinniest uncertainty. So he could beg her to keep it for him. The irony of life mixed with the mistake of dogmatism.

"Remember you were supposed to take a morning after pill; later after we made love without , you know right?"

"yes! yes!! so? she responded abruptly."am I in a recollection interrogation now? what does this have to do with what you want to know?" 'getting fed up with his waffle'

Her suspicion conjoined with the direction the dialogue was also taking, gradually gave false validation to her assumption per her mental cooked up illustrations. What prejudice can do. even with a set in stone assurance. if only she had an open mind initially? she wouldn't be in a personally called on agony. Her contrasting conclusion against his wavering thoughts. The level of her fear was at an all time high, yet she will not give in easily. she had not done anything wrong. She comforts herself mentally. But failed to remember her nerves were not on her side. The more she tried to hold back her words the slippery her mouth keeps getting.

"why are you asking about an incident that took preceding about 3month ago babe? is there something I should be aware of?"

"eeeeerhhmm! Yes! I mean no! Not really, just thinking out loud,you know? just wondering if you did? he laughs hysterically' How thoughtless can I be? 'queries rhetorically' you possibly couldn't have pretermitted right? That would be unlike you. I mean, a whole you, you know? the perfectionist."

"What if I didn't? am I not human? I do make mistakes too! if you care to know." she back in anguish. 'He had reminded her of TG he pregnancy ignorantly, making her almost tell on herself.'

"I Know baby baby, trust me I do but Isn't it Jennifer Kumedzro am speaking to now? We all know how you can be sticky to specifics! That's just what was saying. 'he whippers to himself' I must admit your flaws are almost out done some of your best qualities noticably."

"Come again? I didn't get what you said" she calls his attention

"Nothing hon! I said, I love you!."

The hesitation in his voice, the ambivalent response, the beating about the bush coupled with her condition. Not with standing her present emotional disparity. Her hormones were also against her, unable to contain it anymore! The play along game was now gradually coming to an end for her. She broke into uncontrollable tears. Taking old Soldier on the other side of the world and mansa sitting nearby, focused on a program on the television, she had switched on earlier, when she was told off by Jenn. once again to her bewilderment. When they had just made up after a long stressful strained episode. Mansa dashed to her side in no time giving her a tight hug, with worry spelled on her face.

"Baby girl, what exactly is wrong with you ? What do you think you are doing? I don't know who you are talking to, but from what I can see it is not who I presumed it was! You need to hang up now for some rest." She said firmly

"No! no need to worry Mansa. I am fine! let it go. Just return to what you were doing, I am and will be fine truly." she insists

" really? Don't be stubborn, take a good look at Yourself. Should I get a mirror for you, before you realize the harm you doing to yourself? you don't look good."

"I said leave it be! " she retorted angrily

" Hello! Are you still there? Babe are you ok? what is going on? I can't help but hear Mansa complaining bitterly." Old Soldier required of her

She responds saying "Don't mind her, she is being obtrude as always. She has been over reacting disruptively for a while now, unacceptably disrespectful for that matter." she replies with a maudlin tone with an eye roll." This did not settle well with Mansa. It made her furious. When she was advocating for her health she calls her name's hemming it with disrespectful.

"You talking about me sitting right here! You know? We know I am being nothing you call me but considerate with your condition. You know? you can't continue like this; in the state you in. it is not good for your health; if you will not do it for yourself at least do it for the baby." she blurts out

The words fell out her mouth before she could hold her tongue or even consider if her friend had hanged up ahead of the break down scene again. it seems she always made a bigger mess curbing a smaller one. Unconsciously she had snitched on her friend without giving her room to explain herself. Her concern for her friend was now becoming an obstacle. soon after came a boomerang of...

"What? what baby?

From Jennifer's phone speaker, the device she had slightly forgotten she was still holding perched on her shoulder, also the person she was on the phone with. She went directly into auto tuned explanation mode. Whiles Mansa withdrew carefully as though handling a high valued breakable artifact robotically which she could not pay for if damaged. it was too late the damage had already been done. Sadly.

"Baby! I swear , I didn't do anything wrong. I could never hurt you like that. Trust me, I didn't know about it either, up until few days ago. I even disputed the fact, only to be proven wrong this morning."

"Omg! So it is true?" he came again

Sincerely I didn't know how or whether to tell you. Truth is I don't know how you would take it. I mean what would you think of me? After having been in constant communication for about 3 whole months without any hint then, Voila! I just tell you that, I am heavy with child. Which reasonable man would not suspect fowl play.

Honey! you believe me you dont you? 'she asked hopelessly' I would never double cross you like that! you know right? I don't know what to do baby! I feel miserable!"

Bloodshot swollen eyes yet unable to stop shedding tears, she was weeping like a child who had lost her mama.

Mansa had now woken to the dawn of her gaffe. Rather than abate the drizzle, she turned it into a down pour of heavy rain.

"Not good, Not good."repeats in her head. She wished the earth would open to consume her. if that would save her the guilt choking her or rewind the time to give her the chance to undo what she had done. it would be a no two-two ways option for her.

She didn't say it out of spite, but pure concern, though she was a piece worked up, yet the wrong timing destroyed the good will behind her speech and action. The most torturous sight was before her! Jenn was crying a river, her eyes swollen, her body dripping sweat with a clogged nose. Almost struggling to breath, she feared for her friend helplessly. It is as if someone had hexed her with an evil spell to bring more damage to her friend than help. First it was the pregnancy! Now breaking news! whiles Mansa remained in self beat up,Old Soldier responds to Jennifer's run through justifications,

"Yes! Every reasonable man would be filled with disgust and uncertainty towards you! In fact, they would loathe you! Substantially you would irk them!" he emphasized. Jenn's walls came crashing down violently before her eyes hearing this from him. Her dominant fright unraveling live.

"What?" came Jenn painfully shattering bit a bit like pieces of broken glass in a recycling center. "I am finished!" she adds almost out of breath. A sharp pain penetrated her lower belly out of shock.

"Yes you heard me right! "he added

"But my love! 'he reclined ever so softly' to you have I lost my reasoning. Why would you think I could doubt you? why would you keep such wonderful news from me?"

"Say what? 'demanding confused' Wait! wait!! wait!!! 'she screamed successively' what exactly are you dragging at? Please stop all the long-windedness! it's killing me." she utters with great difficulty in melancholy.

"How could I ever do that to you, when you are my life line? How could you even think I wouldn't trust in you, in your words? Baby , I love you unconditionally! Jennifer can't you see? How do I make you see? Please tell me! I desperately need you to know what is in my heart. I know we have not been together for the long, but I would always believe in you until you tell me otherwise. How could you hurt yourself like this by trying to hid it from me? I would believe anything you tell you so long as it is coming from you!Sincerely I already had my suspicion you were with child; I only needed you to validate it. I am regretful for putting you through this agony by going round the subject. I lacked the courage and finesse to put it to you directly. I just didn't want you to be angry with me nor to think that the incident that night was planned. I can assure you it wasn't. Sincerely, from the deepest depths of my whole being, I am glad it did happen. No offense tho! it may have been a sad dawn cause I had to take my leave from you for a little long while, still and all it was the best night of my life! it was not the very first time we made love? Anyhow, those moments are etched in my soul. In the entirety of all lifetimes the creator will grant me, I will find you and stay by your side. If what I just heard be truth? i would not want it any other way."

"Wait I said!" she shouted with as much strength she could muster as she was loosing energy gradually."What do you mean by you knew? How? who told you? And when? because I just found out myself not long ago! So how is it possible you already know? Walls may have ears but the walls couldn't have carried this news to you this fast. Not infrared nor Bluetooth?" A crippling pain diffuse through her sides as fast as it came did it disappear. She only gave out a slight groan to that effect.

Speaking through clenched teeth she pressed...

"Who told you!?"