Finding their Place: Missing Link 2

1. Haley

1

HALEY

“Go suck a d**k!” I hollered at my roommate from where I slumped on our couch. Didn’t he realize I was on the phone?

My cousin snorted a laugh in my ear, her giggle like a happy bell. “What’s all that about?”

“Garrett,” I muttered at the same time he did from his bedroom—something about where he’d put his bag of Blow Pops. The man had a serious oral fixation and hadn’t wrapped his lips around a c**k in…I didn’t know how long. “When are you coming home?” I whined at Lily who’d flown out to the East Coast a week earlier. “I need a girls’ night with all the wine.”

“Soon,” she promised. “Then again, knowing these two, who the hell can say.”

The two she spoke of were the lovers she’d been seeking since moving out to California from Philly to share my apartment. Well, the lucky little b***h had gotten what she’d been dreaming about, then left me alone without a roommate again.

Enter Garrett…a gorgeous sweetie who somehow weaseled his way into my head and had gotten me to open up within a matter of weeks of moving into the room Lily had vacated. Add in that the guy knew how to cuddle like a koala, and I’d landed in heaven.

But of course, Garrett preferred d**k.

If only I could find my place in the ever-changing flow of humanity around me like my cousin had.

Something banged from back in the hallway, interrupting our conversation again.

“Hal!” Garrett hollered at me again, and I muttered at my cousin that I had to go.

“Girls’ night. Wine,” Lily promised and hung up.

“What?” I yelled at my roommate, staring unseeing at the TV I had muted to call my cousin.

“I can’t find them!”

“You put the new bag in the cabinet beside the stove like always!” I added a bit of grumble into my voice as his footsteps shuffled into the open kitchen area behind me.

Nothing about Garrett pissed me off. I just pretended to be prickly because he said he liked me that way. No man ever had—including my dad who’d abandoned me after Mom got put into a psych ward.

He’d claimed I was exactly like her—overly emotional.

Too much.

Garrett flopped onto the couch with his head on my thigh, wet hair from his shower soaking the hem of my long sleep shirt. I was half-n***d as usual, but so was he. Nothing but lounge pants slung low on his hips.

That V of muscles drew my focus quick as hell as he sprawled out, erasing all thoughts but those of him from my mind. Abs that would even make a straight man swoon pulled my focus up over prominent pec muscles. My mouth watered to sniff the scent of his woodsy bodywash, to lick along the smooth, clean skin he showed off nightly.

He peered up at me with dark eyes that reminded me of luscious chocolate, and his lazy grin around his lollipop stick made my panties damp.

Every. Damn. Time.

I had a serious thing for kissing, and Garrett’s plump lips were made to be tasted. Savored. Every guy that looked at him without a doubt thought about having them wrapped around his c**k—f**k knew I would if I packed what he did between his thighs.

I scowled down at Garrett, overwhelmed by the love/hate emotions I had for my roommate.

He sucked the pop free from the mouth I longed to lick, twirling the stick in his fingers. “Pet me,” he demanded like the needy brat he was.

There wasn’t much I didn’t know about Garrett Moore. He was a TMI dumpster, and his openness had rubbed off on me shortly after our first meeting. I’d ended up sharing the entirety of my bullshit, making him the only other person to hear it all outside Lily.

“Hal,” he whined when I didn’t move fast enough.

“You’re a pain in my a*s,” I muttered as he put the candy back into his mouth. I ran my fingers through his dark hair. My fingernails scratched at his scalp exactly as he liked.

“Mmm.” He all but purred, black eyelashes fluttering down to brush at the tops of his cheeks, one of which bulged from his lollipop.

At least the jerk gave me a reprieve from those orbs that seemed to peer right through me.

“Tell me about your day,” he said while shifting his a*s to get comfortable along the couch to my left, flexing his damn abs in the process.

I took a gulp of my wine to swallow down the drool he set into motion.

Why did he have to be gay?

Why?

Garrett Moore was as far from a narcissistic prick as possible, and that was all I’d been able to find on hookup and dating apps for almost over a year. He never rolled on about himself, his s**t, and his accomplishments, and instead, he asked me about my day. My feelings.

My wants and desires.

Shit, if he knew the truth of those final two, I doubted we would have such a comfortable friendship that was perfectly platonic. If only my insides agreed with what he and the rest of the world saw.

Straight woman, gay man—best of friends.

I sighed and focused on the words scrolling across the bottom of the news station I had muted. The top story had prompted my call to Lily.

Abraham Quell had gotten what he deserved according to the law. Life in prison. The fucker should have been tied up with his d**k sliced off and tongue ripped out for the s**t he’d done at the cult’s compound in the sticks of New Hampshire where Blaine, one of Lily’s lovers, had grown up.

Child a***e. r**e. Murder.

And the list went on.

Blaine hadn’t needed to testify in witness against Quell, but he’d gone back east to support his sister who’d kept her chin up and eyes flashing while sharing her story on the stand broadcasted over the world. Lily and Greyson had sandwiched Blaine in their courtroom seats, a gorgeous, supportive triad that filled me with jealousy.

Couldn’t I just find one decent guy?

“Day, Hal.” Garrett shoved his right hand beneath my thigh, giving me a little squeeze closer to the back of my knee while sliding his pop to his other cheek. The candy clacked on his teeth during the move. “Tell me.”

Clutching the stem of my wine glass, I rested it lightly on his abs, which contracted.

Of course.

More drool erupted, another swallow bobbed my throat, and I tore my gaze off his torso.

I needed d**k.

Badly.

“The clothing order that was supposed to be delivered yesterday didn’t come in today either. Gretchen gave me s**t about all my extra hours last week—even though she demanded I stay to cover for her—and the new employee I finally talked her into hiring was a no-show. She didn’t answer her phone either. So, guess who ended up working two hours past her quitting time again today because daddy’s spoiled princess had a dentist appointment?”

Garrett made an apologetic noise of sorry in his throat, his thumb rubbing the back of my thigh. I ignored the goosebumps skittering down to my ankle.

Gretchen came from money. Lots of it—old Hollywood cash her father handed over like…well, candy. She’d opened her upscale boutique which barely made it out of the red every month thanks to her bad business sense.

She spent more than she could afford on the store, that was for damned sure. The woman didn’t deserve what she had. Didn’t work for it…just demanded her employees slave away without proper compensation or showing us appreciation.

But I kept my mouth shut because I was lucky to have such a job. GED, no college to speak of, a resume hardly worth looking at…yeah, I plastered on a plastic smile and dealt with the b***h who had everything.

“Then, while I’m driving home,” I continued since I knew he’d want every last detail as always, “I pass that new boutique down on Vine Street that just might put us out of business, and who do I see, but Gretchen and her two besties walking out with bags on their arms!”

“Lying bitch.”

I grunted an agreement. “Toxic Twat.” I tacked on the nickname I’d given her years earlier.

Trigger after trigger hit me daily with that goddamn woman. If I didn’t need my job at Pieces to provide for my a*s, I would have left years earlier. But without a good education, I couldn’t do much beyond working for minimum wage.

Landing the manager role had been huge for me, but I put up with a lot of bullshit in order to keep it—including Gretchen’s selfishness serving as a daily reminder of how my parents had been.

Since birth, they had left me alone to wade through the waters of my existence. Without a footing, without a floatie, I’d floundered. Still did. I had no damn clue where my life headed or how to get there.

I needed a true north holding onto my hand—as did Garrett.

My roommate and I were identical twins when it came to feeling as though we aimlessly wandered the earth without direction. We both had jobs but hated them in equal measures.

Garrett pulled the pop from his mouth with a smacking noise and licked his lips free of the cherry flavor I could smell on his breath. “Tell Gretchen to either hire another part-time manager to help carry your load or give you a pay raise. You work too damn hard and get taken advantage so easily.”

“It’s my own fault,” I muttered.

Garrett’s eyelids shot open, and he frowned up at me. “So then do something about it, Hal.” He used his candy like a pointer at my face. “Your complaints are going to continue to be the same every day unless you stand up for yourself.”

Something I’d never been able to do. Mom’s mental illness had f****d me up to the point I didn’t know how to defend myself. She’d battered me emotionally until I had shut down and became that quiet child who walked on eggshells to keep the peace between her and Dad—who also couldn’t get his head out of his a*s to recognize another soul suffered at her hands along with him.

Mom’s downfall had started with depression, which led to narcissism, manipulation, and lies. She’d finally tumbled off the deep end and landed in a psych ward where she couldn’t continue to tear me to shreds.

My problem? The damage had been done, and I couldn’t afford therapy. Add in the fact bleakness had started to hover over me as well, and I clung to whatever other emotions I could to keep it from taking me on the same path she’d gone.

Pissiness became my favorite teddy bear, and I clung to it internally.

Stubbornly so.

“I’ll tell her tomorrow,” I stated firmly even though I knew I wouldn’t.

Garrett popped the stick back between his teeth and grinned at me. “That’s my girl.”

I swallowed some more wine at his word usage. My girl.

If only.

“Any luck today?” I asked, needing to change the subject from my aggravation.

Garrett’s lips parted as he let out a heavy exhale, and I got caught up in imagining them running over my neck, my breasts, his red-stained tongue leaving behind a damp, sticky trail along my skin.

Stop, Haley.

I swigged my wine again, tearing my focus off the face I wanted to lick as much as the rest of his body.

“None,” he finally answered. “Both open calls I went to were a bust, and that agent looking for new clients didn’t do more than hear my name before turning me away. I swear, it’s like I’m beating my head against the wall.”

Garrett had moved from Pennsylvania to California with dreams of being on the big screen like thousands of other wannabe actors did every year. He’d landed a couple commercials, then had fallen into bed with an up-and-coming producer who’d promised all sorts of s**t.

The s**t had never panned out, but a different pile of poo hit the fan, one he refused to share with me no matter how much I asked. Garrett ended up getting his a*s tossed out of their home and living in his car for a week.

Enter my post about needing a roommate of the female sort, and in desperation, he’d begged, assuring me of his gayness.

Melancholic over Lily leaving me, Garrett’s pitiful eyes, and the fact he wouldn’t ever attempt to manipulate his way into my pants made the choice an easy one.

Eight months after moving in, he’d become as necessary in my aimless life as coffee.

No…wine.

Yeah.

Okay, so maybe both—definitely a codependency which I greedily wished was more.

I swallowed down the rest of my chardonnay and leaned forward to put my empty glass on the coffee table. My unbound breast pressed against his cheek.

“s**t. Sorry.” I sat back quickly, cursing the hardening point beneath my T-shirt.

“No worries.” Garrett didn’t open his eyes, but his damn lips curled with that sexy, slow smirk around his lollipop stick again.

I was going to need a change of panties.

“So, was that Lily on the phone?” he asked, rolling to his side and facing the TV, his warm face against my bare skin just south of my shirt’s hem.

“Yeah.” My voice sounded rough, and my hand found his damp hair again.

“When are those gorgeous men of hers bringing her back home?” The candy clacked against his teeth as he shifted it around in his mouth.

“Not soon enough,” I muttered.

We sat in comfortable silence for a time, my fingers eventually falling away from his head. His hot exhales coasted over my knee, and I leaned my head back, closing my eyes.

Discontentment weaved its way through my mind like always, making me wish for things I couldn’t have. Unease followed on its heels as usual. I had no sane reason to feel as miserable as I did. Sure, my boss was a b***h, but at least I had a decent paying job. I had a roof over my head. A roommate I got along with, who cleaned up after himself better than I did. I had healthy organs, clear skin, a good figure…a lot of women would kill for my life.

So why couldn’t I just count my blessings and be happy? Why did I wake up every morning feeling as though something was missing?

Greediness for more had always been an issue for me, and I blamed Mom and Dad because I’d never gotten enough of anything good from them while growing up.

I’d longed for physical touch and kind words, a firm, guiding hand to help me traverse through life. All Mom had given me were lies and bullshit. Dad hadn’t been anything but a shadow, and even that had disappeared when he abandoned me.

Lily had been my comfort during her stay with me, but Garrett had slid into the place she’d vacated without difficulty.

It had been easy to open up with him because with him loving d**k, I didn’t have to worry about ulterior motives of getting me out of my clothes.

I just wanted to find the person who would make me feel complete, damnit. Or persons. I needed to figure out where I fit with the other puzzle pieces around me. Surely, that would bring happiness and keep a downward spiral away, right?

It had for Lily.

But attempting to connect with a man or two would mean taking down my walls, leaving myself vulnerable to lies and manipulation that came with conditional love, the only kind I’d known.

Depression snuck its way back into my head with that truth, and I swallowed hard, sure I would never find peace of mind—same as my mom.