The Divorce Pact

Chapter 6: Sarah’s Struggles

The soft morning light streamed through the curtains of Sarah’s room, casting a golden hue over the neatly made bed and the perfectly arranged furniture. She had always found comfort in order—everything in its place, no room for chaos. Her new life by the sea was supposed to be a fresh start, a way to regain control after the tumultuous end of her marriage. But the more she tried to organize her surroundings, the more she realized she couldn’t control everything.

Sarah stood in front of her closet, her hands running over the fabric of her clothes. Everything was meticulously color-coded and arranged by season. It was a small comfort, a reminder that she still had control over this small aspect of her life. But as her fingers lingered over the rows of identical blouses and perfectly ironed skirts, she felt the familiar tightening in her chest—a mix of frustration and anxiety building since the move.

Lily and Kate had already embraced the more laid-back coastal lifestyle, throwing on sundresses and sandals and leaving their hair tousled by the sea breeze. But Sarah couldn’t let go of her routines. Every morning, she woke up early, made her bed with military precision, and dressed in perfectly tailored clothes, even if she had nowhere to go. It was how she coped.

In the kitchen, Lily and Kate were lounging at the counter, sipping coffee and chatting about their plans for the day.

"Sarah, are you coming to the farmer's market with us?" Lily asked, her eyes bright with excitement. "They have the freshest produce, and this bakery makes the most amazing croissants."

Sarah hesitated at the doorway, her fingers tightening around her cup. The idea of wandering through a crowded market with no clear agenda made her stomach twist. She liked structure, plans, and knowing exactly what to expect. Letting go and just enjoying the moment felt impossible.

"I don’t know," she said, trying to keep her voice light. "I was thinking of organizing the pantry today. It’s a bit of a mess."

Kate frowned. "Sarah, the pantry can wait. You’ve been doing nothing but organizing since we moved in. Come with us, have some fun."

Fun. The word felt foreign to her now. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to enjoy herself, but after years of striving for perfection—in her marriage and career—Sarah had forgotten how to let go. Every time she tried to relax, a voice reminded her of everything that needed to be done.

“I’ll think about it,” Sarah said, giving them a small smile before retreating to her room.

The seaside house was beautiful. It had been Kate’s idea to move into the old Victorian mansion perched on the edge of the cliffs. Its large windows overlooked the ocean, and the waves crashing against the shore constantly reminded them of the freedom they were supposed to be embracing. But for Sarah, it was just another thing to manage. The house was old, and with it came endless maintenance issues that she couldn’t ignore. Every creak in the floorboards and every drafty window felt like a problem she needed to fix.

That afternoon, while Lily and Kate were out at the market, Sarah was pacing the living room, her mind racing. She had a mental checklist of everything that still needed to be done: the leaky faucet in the bathroom, the loose railing on the front steps, and the squeaky door in the guest room. It was overwhelming, but in a strange way, it was also comforting. These were tangible problems—things she could fix.

But as she stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by the remnants of her efforts to bring order to their chaotic new life, Sarah felt exhaustion over her. She sank onto the couch, burying her face in her hands. Why couldn’t she let go? Why was it so hard for her to just… be?

Her marriage had been a constant exercise in control. She had been the one to keep everything together, manage the household, and keep up appearances. Even when things had been falling apart, she had held on, refusing to admit that some things were beyond her control. And when her husband had finally walked out, it had felt like her failure—as if she hadn’t been good enough, hadn’t done enough to keep their lives in perfect balance.

Now, in the aftermath of the divorce, that need for control was more vital than ever. But here, in this new life, with her best friends by her side, she was beginning to realize that maybe she didn’t have to be perfect all the time. Perhaps it was okay to let go, even just a little.

Later that evening, when Lily and Kate returned from the market, Sarah was still sitting on the couch, lost in thought. They burst into the house with bags of fresh produce, their laughter filling the space. The sight of them, carefree and happy, made Sarah’s heartache. She wanted to feel that way, too—to embrace the new beginning they had all promised themselves.

“Sarah, you missed out!” Kate exclaimed, holding up a loaf of crusty bread. “This is from the bakery we were telling you about. It’s incredible.”

Lily plopped down next to Sarah, offering her a freshly picked peach. “Here, try this. It’s the sweetest thing you’ll ever taste.”

Sarah took the peach, momentarily holding it in her hand before taking a bite. The juice dripped down her chin, and she let out a genuine laugh for the first time in weeks.

“You know,” Lily said softly, “it’s okay to take a break. You don’t have to control everything. This is supposed to be our fresh start, remember?”

Sarah nodded, wiping the juice from her chin. She knew Lily was right. They had all moved here to start over, to let go of the past and embrace the future. But for Sarah, that was easier said than done. The wounds from her marriage were still fresh, and letting go of her need for control felt like admitting defeat. But as she sat there with her best friends, the warmth of their presence surrounding her, she began to realize that maybe it was time to stop fighting so hard. Maybe it was time to start healing.

And maybe it was time to let go.