Imperfect Perfections

[21] Fidha: A Girl Of Dreams

"Fidha!"

She squealed when her eyes fell on me.

I ran in her direction and grabbed her cheeks,

"Look whose looking like a princess"

She was in a sash, gold-threaded gown extending till her feet until there was nothing to be seen. Her arms were collided and decorated in thick gold bangles, bracelets, and rings. Necklaces kissed her long neck and the bubbly teeth held a smile.

"You look gorgeous!"

"So do you!"

The aunts who stood there stared at me. Actually maybe yeah..I had to agree with her. However, had I got out in the red jeans and denim shirt, they wouldn't have exclaimed the same. But the pashmina shawl and the light green Kurti made up for it.

"Wow! Masha Allah, you look amazing!"

"From where did you buy this?'

"Some famous company?'

"How much did it cost?"

"Don't ask her the ruppaiyya!"

Shocked and overwhelmed and embarrassed, I smiled to all the attention and almost cursed at Fidha, who giggled at my shock and laughed,

"They all look and act annoying, but are kind at heart"

Her whispers remained soft, as I sat on the nearby chair. The makeup set and jewelry box remained open at the front, with a large variety of collections. Thick diamond necklaces, rings, anklets, and jimikkis hung in there.

I stared at it, open-mouthed by the beauty.

"It isn't mine. Its granny's inherited collection"

She caught my surprise and asked the others to leave the two of us alone. It gave me another five minutes to admire the gorgeous jewelry.

"It's old but worth another shot right?"

At second glances, she was right.

It looked old but the lustre did the masking.

"I am glad the family can at least save money on that", she sighed at the end and placed a necklace onto her neck. Staring at the mirror, she looked at my reflection.

"I wish I could be so much like you, Fami didi. You remind me of a stubborn amazing girl I know"

I looked at her with raised eyebrows,

"Aha! What was she like?"

She smiled and pulled me down on to a seat.

"This girl...who used to be the name and fame of our college days. Everybody liked her, or as much as I had known; everybody did. Teacher's pet, laboratory genius and nerd ofcourse. Did the dishes for the cafe staff at times. Played basketball and was known for having the thinnest legs. Dance Champion twice and even a school topper. Though music wasn't m-her thing, she did try to sing too"

The girl was too perfect to be me.

"Its not me! Yah, this girl is too good! Your friend? Where is she now?"

She shook her head, exasperated,

"I wish I had got closer to her. Told her of what she could be. Instead I just pushed her down. Told these days weren't for herself. That it hadn't been reality. It was a fantasy."

"Why not? Days are a striking reality!", I barked.

She nodded and sighed,

"Sometimes they are. Sometimes, they aren't."

I met her gaze and smiled, disagreeing politely.

"Don't misunderstand yourself, Fidha. But to be precise, I feel myself more than alive when I come to know that the days I have lived for myself are bigger in number than those which I lived for others."

Her gaze penetrated deep into my eyes, seeking meaning.

Sometimes, it is so.

Advice given and taken aren't left in mid air, at times, they change the present for good. They bring miracles.

"Fidha, I understand your thoughts. We regret doing so much in a world of many happenings. But nobody knows what will happen tomorrow. Nobody forgets the yesterdays gone through, so make yourself stern that today is what you will make on your own; for a better past to recollect and a best future to arrive"

My long words.

Not my own, but borrowed from those days when my mind had gone through similar dilemma. When it had judged itself too much that it didn't know the difference between wrong and right. The days when nothing felt like going my way.

The days when someone had stayed by me, and encouraged me to do what was right.

For myself

Only myself,

Even though the world was upset by my decision, I wasn't.

And it was the only thing that mattered to me later on.

I gave her one of my best smiles when she turned to me.

But I was shocked!

Her eyes darted from the big mirror to mine. They were red, and swollen. Tears hung in there, like patient bearers of pain.

I held her arms and patted it,

"What happened?! Did I say something wrong? Did I-

"Its me..", she wept, stammering.

I lifted her chin, dripping in water and asked,

"What you?"

"...I'm talking about me...."

You?

"The girl?"

She nodded. 

Realization dawned on me.

My body turned cold and numb.

"Its sad-d-d right?"

She sighed and shrivelled,

"I have to accept it, unlike you, I can't just ...you know...say such powerful words and make my way out of this..or have that someone to lift me out...Its what I go through every night now. The mornings and evenings are so busy in meeting relatives and dressing up, that I forget.....but....at nights, when I'm me, I think of who I had been....of you...of that girl like you...."

I stared at her, confused.

"Like me? I'm no different, Fidha!", holding her fingers, I tried to comfort her. Calm her down with a truth which was no valuable coming from me.

"Seriously? Are you joking, didi?"

I looked down.

"I'm sorry if I'm being too nosy..But he talks about you a lot."

My face almost fell off!

"M-me?"

She nodded,

"Its only you he talks about. Initially, there was this barrier from sharing too many matters with me. But there gave up., and told me about this fearless girl he likes. About how naive and shy she was, like me, but had been a tigress from the moment he had laid eyes on you"

I winced. It sounded like a fairy tale to be true.

"He adores you, as much as he admires and sometimes, only a third person can understand the intensity that goes unfelt by either of you"

I scratched my hair, not knowing how to respond.

"So-o-o....he knew-w-w I will come-e-e?"

She shook her head,

"No, it was clear he didn't know or maybe wasn't sure enough to share with me.After all, I was in the commotion of getting married. He had arrived to convince me to get married, and eventually, when I saw the man, I had to accept; reconsidering all the joy of the family"

The revelation.

Ofcourse!

No wonder why going to a marriage a month in advance sounded strange. It hadn't been for the preparations but instead to convince her! 

The thought itself brought goosebumps, in both pain and fury.

"So you just agreed when he asked you to?!"

She left a sigh again,

"I mean, he never asks anything from me. Besides, I liked Yasir at one glance too"

Ofcourse. Yasir had a line of girls, like he used to brag.

Fidha was just one of them.

If she went, another will come. That made no difference to him.

"So have you talked to this Yasir?"

She shook her head,

"Seen him, eye-to-eye? Go anywhere with him?", my eyebrows raised, in expectations, hoping my brother who liked to travel had at least took this lovely girl outside.

Surpsingly, she shook her head,

"God, give forgiveness! If somebody comes to know I'm hanging out with him before marriage, then the worst might even happen!", her eyeballs bulged.

She was nothing but a baby. A baby who had been a tigress once.

A tigress who was still inside of her

But it was absurd!

When will the modern age knock off these traditional structures?

"Fidha, so you understand you are telling me, you are getting married to a fellow whom you have never seen before, talked to or maintained contact with, and just because the family wants him and you like his looks?"

She held my gaze and cleared her throat,

"Isn't that how every marriage is?'

I sneered,

"Who the bloody hell told you that?'

I grabbed the heavy necklace lying on the table and glared at her,

"And what if the marriage isn't okay after that? What if Yasir's big amazing looks degrade? What if he was a man in disguise? Will your family still be satisfied? What will you do then?"

She got up from the chair,

"Didi, I-"

"What difference shall it make if you talk with him before marriage? Its not like a live-in or anything. Its just sharing a few words with each other. Asking if your partner likes to cook, or has any bad habits. If any hobbies could be shared or if he had plans to travel abroad and stay. If he had problems with you working .."

I held her gaze, strong and stubborn.

The tigress had to come out.

Its roar, its growls, it claws! The girl she had talked of! 

Where was she?

"Come on, Fidha, do you have any of his answers to these questions?!"

Her lips parted and she exhaled,

"Didi, there is no chances I can work after marriage..so why think about it....", her fingers held the bride's shawl, twisting it. She was nervous.

I saw it.

Her tears lurk down,

"The eldest daughter of this family was killed for that.....and I too, find no pleasure in working selfishly for myself when he earns so much. Why work hard then?"

My face almost dropped from what she said!

"But Fidha-"

"No! Don't even try to correct me. Its better as it is now. I wish..you hadn't said any of it"

I sneered,

'Why Fidha? Is it because you know truth hurts at times?'

She stared at herself through the reflection of the mirror,

"Its too late, didi...Don't give me the fate of Umma.."

Hanging my head down, the story from the cafe came running to my mind,

"Umma was never wrong, Fidha"

A howl left her lips,

"Its the society and these disgusting norms that have to change"

"And its never too late, once it has started."

"You just have to let yourself begin the war"

My fingers kept down the thick gold on the side-dressing table, as I rushed to the door to go away. I didn't wanna stay there for long. It didn't do me or her much good, and I knew that. 

"Didi?"

I stopped short at the doorknob, from her voice.

"Didi?.."

I looked back through the corner of my eyes,

"Yeah?"

"What if I start-t-t?"

My neck pivoted in shock.

"What?!"

"What if I-"

"Are you?!"

She didn't look up,

"If I did, then won't I lose-e?"

I stopped her there.

Right there.

"Win or lose, but you are not alone in this"