Eclipsed Hearts

A Walk in the Garden

[Bailey]

After lunch, Keaton and I left the dining room and headed outside. There was a fairly long lunch break because sitting in a room being lectured at all day was hard on people. Lunch itself was an hour and a half every day. There were fifteen-minute breaks between each lecture at the conference. It allotted plenty of time to stretch and take care of needs.

Once I was sure we were away from prying ears, I elbowed Keaton. “What the hell? You went right up to him and said his name, then just acted like you didn’t already know it? Why are you so fuсking weird all the time? It’s like you don’t even know what’s going on. And how is this going to make it easier for him to believe you’re going to give me to him without it being a trap?”

He sighed. “You don’t understand everything. I get it. Socially, humans and werewolves are different. Just because I knew his face and his name, didn’t mean I knew anything else about him. Anyone who knows Melo knows that she is the most trustworthy ex-rogue assassin in the world. I could have asked him about himself, but I know werewolves who can lie to others. Asking Melo who he was showed him that I didn’t trust him to be honest. Does that make sense?”

I thought about it for a moment. In a way, it did, but I wasn’t a fan of the situation or the difficulty it created. He didn’t seem worried, though. The way he was casually walking beside me told me it went exactly how he planned for it to go.

Keaton couldn’t tell me everything. If I was expecting certain things, then my reactions couldn’t be genuine.

I nodded, reluctantly acknowledging Keaton’s explanation. Even though I understood the reasoning behind his actions, I couldn’t shake off the unease that had settled in the pit of my stomach.

As we walked in silence, I couldn’t help but steal glances at Keaton. His calm demeanor was infuriating and reassuring at the same time. It was as if he held all the answers within him, leaving me grasping at straws in the dark.

What an annoying feeling to have. I hated not knowing things, and this situation seemed to be all about me not knowing things. My comfort zone was long gone. Part of me, the part I kept buried deep inside, wanted to cry, steal a boat, and run away from this whole situation. But I knew I couldn’t. I had to see it through.

Something about being close to the person who killed my family, the person who took away my whole life and threw me into the life of a hunter. It didn’t happen often, but sometimes I thought about what my life would be like if that hadn’t happened.

Would I have dated in high school? Could I have found interests other than ways to kill efficiently in order to eliminate my target before they could kill me? Would I have had friends other than a handful of people who could disappear at any moment?

It wasn’t important when I thought of it now. I was already thirty and there was no going back and no do-overs. If Keaton was right and my dad thought there was a chance for us to live with werewolves, where would I be right now if my family hadn’t died?

That was the ‘what-if’ scenario dancing around my head now. If my parents raised me like that, would there have been a chance for me with Ian? Is that why I was ‘fated’ to him?

I didn’t like the idea of fated mates. I never did. It took away the romance of falling in love with someone. If you were destined to love me, then it was not a matter of choice. I wanted someone to choose me. After years of people not choosing me in so many ways, I just wanted someone to want to love me.

“You look like you’re trying to swallow something my friend Livy cooked,” Keaton chuckled. “What’s going on in that head? I already know you think of things differently than anyone else I’ve known. Tell me.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I replied.

“It matters to me. In the grand scheme of things, that might not mean anything to you, but it does to me. I want to get to know you before I take you to meet my best friends.”

I hesitated, unsure of how much to share with Keaton. But something in his eyes told me he genuinely wanted to understand me, to unravel the layers I kept hidden from the world.

“Sometimes I wonder about the paths not taken,“ I began slowly, choosing my words carefully. “If my family were still alive, if I hadn’t become a hunter, what would my life look like now? I’m sure you think the same thing.”

He nodded. “If hunters hadn’t tried to wipe out my pack before I was ever born, would I be the Alpha? Would I have killed as many people as I have? Is there something wrong with me that I don’t regret any of it? Would I have had to have built up that same sort of mentality?”

His questions echoed some of my own. The ones I had for years wondering about the sort of person I’d be if my family hadn’t died. My sudden bond with the werewolf who had killed more hunters than I’d probably ever know, a man who my clan would love for me to kill, threw me off.

“Do you think your wife would have wanted you if you weren’t the same man?” I asked. “Or does fate figure into it too much? Did she have no other choice than to love you?”

Keaton’s expression softened at my question, his gaze distant for a moment, as if lost in memories.

“I’d like to think that fate didn’t dictate her feelings for me,” he finally spoke, his voice tinged with a hint of melancholy. “But she saw something in me that no one else did. She saw past the bloodshed and darkness that consumed my life, and she believed that there was goodness buried deep within. We might not have been able to keep our hands off each other, but that wasn’t love. It was just the physical part of the bond.”

“Like whatever it is that keeps pushing Ian and me into physically intense positions? Or makes him kiss me?”

“The bond makes us crave our mate, but we can control ourselves when we need to. Some people give into the old myth that the bond was overpowered by sadness. All these old wives' tails make us seem more animal than human. Your understanding of the mate bond isn’t great and I wonder if that’s because of the way I’m teaching. Ian craves you, but he has the power to stop himself. I think part of him really doesn’t want to stop,” Keaton explained. “I think you’d be good for his pack.”

I stopped in the middle of the walkway and stared after him until he realized I had disappeared and turned back to me. Keaton raised an eyebrow at me and came back to where I stood.

“How would I be good for his pack? His family was killed by my clan. It’s what we do and nothing I say or do will fix that. I understand why he’s afraid. He’s right. I’m not good for them,” I replied quietly.

“You’re caring and compassionate. You never killed kids. I think you would’ve protected kids if you saw anyone harming them. Did learning we were born werewolves change your perspective on saving children?”

“No. I’d still want to protect them. They’re children. How they were born isn’t their fault. Ian wouldn’t listen to something like that, though. He never believes me when I say things that don’t paint me as a villain,” I answered quietly.

“You’re right, Ian has his guard up for good reason. But that doesn’t mean you can’t prove him wrong, Mari,“ Keaton said, his voice filled with conviction. “Actions speak louder than words, and I believe your intentions are pure when it comes to him.”

Did I want that? Did I want to prove to Ian that he shouldn’t reject me? What would even come of it?

If I was successful, then my grandfather would call for me to be brought to him so he could kill me. It’s the truth of my real fate if my grandfather found out I accepted a werewolf’s advances. Right now, my only drive to live was avenging my family, but the idea of something else driving me to stay alive felt downright hopeful.

“Sounds like a fun fantasy. Too bad reality can never be that. The next lectures are going to start soon. You need to hand me off to Ian. Thanks for taking me out of there for a while. The air and sun helped. I don’t have a lot of friends, but being able to talk to someone about this is nice.”

“Follow your path and you’ll see the truth about your family and your clan. The Goddess works in mysterious ways. Let’s get you to your mate. I think things might get a little more interesting after the next set of lectures,” he replied, referring to the people who had been following us since we got outside.

“So far, they’re just watching. Watching someone in a public space isn’t illegal or inherently wrong. I see them. Don’t worry about me.”

He laughed. “I worry more about Ian than I worry about you. He’s going to have his hands full. No matter how much he gets about hunters and humans, he’s still a wolf boy scrambling to be Alpha to about a dozen pups. But he’s done a damned fine job of giving those pups a life.”

I needed to consider that for the future.