The Scarlet Phoenix and the Prince of Winter

Chapter Eleven

"What are you talking about? My mother is dead. I thought everybody knows that?" I said indignantly. I was caught off guard with what Mitaur just said. And I was hurt too. She did not have to bring this whole thing up just to remind me of my past, but here she is telling lies about my mother straight to my face.

She looked also taken aback by my reaction. "Rainha... Your mother's body has never been found. You knew that didn't you?"

I nodded. I wanted to argue with her for bringing this sensitive topic but I also restrained myself because the Crown Prince is looking at me. Observing me.

"It was only your father's word that we had," said Mitaur and that irked me so much I almost yelled back at her. A strong surge of fury was starting to grow on me and I don't know why... Usually, I could tolerate everything that Kaylie's grandmother is saying to me because it is most of the time things that only her wild imagination could think of.

But this time was different. It just made me angry for some reason. Maybe because I don't like the possibility that my mother was still alive? Because if he was still alive then where was she? If she was alive it would only mean one thing. She abandoned me and my brother.

"I was there when your father came back from outside of Aure... He came back without your mother, with only you as a baby on his arms covered in thick clothes. When your Aunt asked him where was your mother, all he said is that she is gone. That was the exact words that he told his sister. He never said that your mother was dead. There is a huge difference between being 'dead' and being 'gone.' And you were to ask me, your mother was the type of person to leave her husband when everything goes sour---"

I stood up to stop her from going on with her babbling. I wanted to shout at her. I wanted to scream at her please that it's enough. Enough of all these crappy and dumb stories about who and what kind of person my mother really was. "I d-don't want to listen to this conversation anymore."

The Crown Prince immediately went to hold me in my arm, something that brought me back from my anger. "We'll stop talking about your mother... I'm sorry that it has to be this way, okay? We never want to sound insensitive to you..."

I swallowed hard and slowly nodded at him. My pulse was quickening and was throbbing and my breathing was starting to get hard from all of these emotions that I have inside of me. In one part of me, there is an inexplicable fury that rises up every time I hear this strange and malicious gossips about my mother and I can only take in so much of that.

Then the other part of me was having this surreal feeling from the fact that the Crown Prince was trying to comfort me right now. His touch was sending me unexpected heat that I was sure was not the same as the heat from coalstones. Prince Kao was surprisingly touchy with me and I could not handle it as well. I don't know how to respond to him. I kind of expect him to not be shocked if I touched him too, but I was scared enough to try because what if he scolds he doesn't want that? This was so confusing that I think sooner or later I will just explode.

"I am so sorry if you got upset by what I said, Rainha..." Mitaur then said. She looked really guilty and worried about me too that I found it hard to stay mad at her. "If you don't want to talk about it anymore then I won't talk about it anymore too. I'm sorry if I made you reminisce about not-so-happy memories. Maybe I am just so used to being alone that I am getting more and more tactless."

"It's okay... I just don't want to hear people making weird theories about my mother like this. It makes me feel so---"

"I understand. Now, I think you two should rest for a while, then after we all get some sleep maybe we could talk about what to do next with the situation in hand?" Mitaur was looking at the Crown Prince, silently asking his opinion. He nodded signaling his agreement, so Mitaur went to the rooms to prepare the beds while we waited on the couch.

"Are you alright?" The Crown was really worried about me. "I did not know that it was like that. If I knew, I won't have made it end like that---"

"It's okay, Your Highness. To be honest, I am not particularly pissed off with things like that. I was used to it, you know. Back in our neighborhood, Garreth and I were used to that kind of gossip. Even at school, we were labeled as the Outsider's children and we got a lot of hate because of that. I just felt the same again when M-Mitaur talked about that ridiculous gossip about our mother. I felt like I was again eight years old and the village children are still laughing at me because of that."

"But why would they bully you by just that?" he asked curiously. "Being a child of an Outsider... Does that even sound like it should be laughed at or it should be ridiculed? I don't see the logic there."

"But that's the point, Your Highness. Bullying is like that. It always does not make sense."

"I guess you're right. my father used to bully me too."

That made one of my eyebrows go up. "Your father... I mean the King---?"

"Yeah. Long story, but back then I always cried whenever I was left alone in the Palace or even just in my room. My father would call me names for it and even tell everyone about it. I always feel bad whenever he does that, more so that back then I did not know that what he was doing was wrong."

"Because it was wrong," I said. "Oh my God, I know I'm going to get punished to death by this but can I say that your father is an asshole, Your Highness?"

He laughed loudly at that. "I am not the Crown Prince right now, remember? I can't punish you even if I wanted to."

I nodded, going along with his joke. "Thank goodness that you are Travor Dubstein right now. I would have been scheduled for a beheading if you were the Crown Prince right now."

"But what you just said was the truth. My father is not that... you know, great. He never loved me the way a father would love his child. He never said it himself, but I grew up thinking that he hated me because my mother died because of me. She sacrificed her life for me as per the letter said, but this whole theory would not fit as he was also said to have not loved my mother when they got married. They were never in love in the first place, so it's believable."

I had to think hard about that. "Maybe he realized his mistake when your mother died? Or maybe he really loved her and he only realized that when she was gone?"

"I hope that it is the case. But I don't think so. He doesn't even talk about her or visits her grave on her death anniversary. It feels like he completely forgot that once in his life he had a wide."

I fell silent after the Crown Prince's revelation. This was also the time that I realized that even if he was the heir to his father's throne, he has is also living a sad life. Funny how when we only know the person from afar is that we always think that they have better lives than us. But once we get to know them we also discover that they are just like the rest of us. They face hardships and problems and they feel emotions too. It makes them feel a little bit closer to us.

"Rainha, now that your Aunt is still missing, what will you do?"

"Honestly, I don't know, Your Highness. I guess it will depend on what will happen tomorrow. If she's still missing tomorrow maybe I'll let my brother know it first then ask help from the authorities---"

"I'll help you in finding her," he told me. "Don't worry about it too much. I'll assign people to focus on the search for your Aunt."

"T-Thank you, Your Highness."

"But in one condition."

"Huh? What condition?" I said not knowing that he was going to ask me something in exchange for his help.

"Please don't call me 'Your Highness' any more starting tomorrow."

"What? But I could not possibly do that---!"

"I wanted to act like a normal person in front of you," he confessed to me. "To tell you the truth, this is the first time that someone is treating me like a normal person and I like that."

"B-But---"

He kind of frowned at me when I started protesting (and it's cute) making me pause. "Can you not really do it for me, Rainha?" Then he tried to win me over by pouting and I swear I am no longer alive. I am just a wandering soul right now that will be going to find peace, but that peace is also my destruction.

"I can... But what if other people see and hear me do it to you? What would happen to me by then?"

He nodded. "You have a point. You can't certainly act like this to me when other people are around. So maybe just call me Prince Kao."

"What? I can't do that---!"

"I'll allow you to," he said with a smirk and I was done. There is a reason why calling him by 'Prince Kao' is an important issue. Only his family and select members of the elite are allowed to call him that way. But if for example, he has friends, he can allow them to call him by his name casually. Calling him by his name means that you are close to him, but if I were to do that it would mean that I am breaking my boundaries because I am just a Court Servant.

Yes, I have been calling him 'Prince Kao on my mind but that is different from calling him that out loud. My biggest worry with that is that if other people would hear me call him by just that, they'll get angry at me and that could not end well. I might get in jail at the very least if the people will decide that I was too audacious to call him by just his name.

"I don't know if I can grant you that, you know..."

"But that's the only thing that I will ask you in exchange for my help."

It looks like the Crown Prince is determined to make me call him by just 'Prince Kao' so I think I have actually no choice but to let myself call him that way.

"Fine. I'll do it if my Aunt is still missing by tomorrow morning. But if she shows up tomorrow then I am not going to do it."

"Very wise decision," he remarked and I blushed profusely. I don't know what was happening but the Crown Prince and I just started having a staring contest.

"Your beds are ready, Your Highness, Rainha," Mitaur called which made both of us jump.

"Okay, we'll be right there," Prince Kao said but before he stood up he gave me a pat on my shoulder. It gave me chills and I shivered, to which I was sure was not from the eternal winter that this kingdom has been suffering from.

***

I don't usually remember my dreams that much but this one was so vivid that I almost thought that I never went to bed and that this happened after the Crown Prince and I talked on Mitaur's stiff couch.

I was crying. And this was not just some random crying because I am not that kind of girl who easily cries whenever I get upset. Jang used to tell me that I am emotionless because the things that would usually make a girl cry does not affect me that much.

But in this very vivid dream, I am crying with all of my heart. It felt like the end of the world for me as my tears fall from my cheeks to the ground. But what's interesting about this dream is that somehow my tears have something special in them. I noticed that once my tear falls to the frozen ground the ice or snow would quickly melt and disappear.

And then I shouted. I wanted to die, but something was telling me that I could not. Then I thought of a way to disappear. I could picture a particular place on my mind.

It was a mountain.