The Scarlet Phoenix and the Prince of Winter

Chapter Seventy Eight

"Y-You know about my mother being---?"

Artholdt nodded before I could even finish my question. "My dear child, it was the main reason that I became friends with your parents. I used to visit your house at Kajos back then, trying to convince her to tell me what I wanted to know about her---which was her true origin."

That surprised me. 'I knew that you were friendly with my parents. My Aunt used to mention it to me before, especially when calyx comes to our house... But I never knew that you befriended them for that reason..."

'I am ashamed of it now," Artholdt admitted. "Back then, I only cared for the valuable information that I can get from your mother. But later on, I came to realize how terrible I was for doing that to them. And I apologized to your father for that countless times... And also to you Rainha. I think I should apologize to you formally. I am sorry." 

I wave him off. "That's okay. If you aid that you already learned from that mistake, then it does not matter to me now. What I wanted to know from out though is what happened back then when you were still trying to get information from my mother? Were you able to get what you wanted from them?"

He took a deep breath before responding to my question, which to me signaled that whatever he was about to tell me must have been heavy for him to share with me a child of the persons involved. "I guess it will be better if I told you what happened from the beginning, Rainha. It all started with the rumor that she came from outside of Aure... Your father miraculously came back to the kingdom after going past the borders. And he has a woman with him. She is what we call an Outsider, or someone who is not originally from Aure. Naturally, as a scholar at the academe, I was curious when I heard that an Outsider was here in our kingdom. It was a big deal for scholars like us. More than anything else, I was curious where she came from. It became a piece of big news back then, didn't you know? 'A Royal Guard brought home someone from outside the kingdom which never happened before.' It definitely got everyone's attention. People were talking. A lot of theories and made-up stories rose from that piece of big news. Who was she and where did she come from? Was she a friend or a foe? And was she a threat? A spy? Or a cursed person? Everyone was so curious."

I know that already, but I kept my silence because I wanted to hear his version of the story. I wanted to hear what an Outsider looked like to someone who is not a member of my family. And Artholdt was the best example of that. I used to hear countless stories from people about how weird it was to have a mother who did not come here from Aure, and they all looked at me as if being a daughter of someone like that made me a lesser human. Because of that endless bullying and judgment, I have chosen to shun myself most of the time. But that is a different story altogether, and I want to hear someone's opinion on my mother that is not that close-minded.

"My sole intention of going to Kajos to talk to your mother was to interview her," said Artholdt, who was now immersed with his recollection of what happened. "I wanted it to be an exclusive type of interview, in which I promised her that I will not tell anyone anything that she will tell me if she wanted to. But your mother refused in sharing anything from her background. She kept telling me the same thing that she had been saying to her curious neighbors, that she came from a distant land, but she never mentioned where. Your father protected her too. He did not back down on anyone who tried to interrogate your mother. And as a Royal Guard with a high rank, people kind of stopped disturbing your mother once they realized that they have to go right through your father first."

"I had a rough childhood because of those kinds of people," I said to him, not trying to be overly emotional. For me, it was important that I should also tell Artholdt how I felt about the circumstance. It felt like I was reminiscing about something that I have always kept quiet about, and to my surprise, the Crown Prince suddenly held my hands tightly as I spoke. I wanted him to stop as Artholdt might see him doing it, but he was holding my hands under the table, so Artholdt could not see it. 

Artholdt continued his story. "But even if our father was doing all his best to protect your mother, that did not stop people from making up stories about your mother."

"But why do they do that in the first place?" I asked in frustration. I know that this is an old issue that I have already moved on with, but it still stings whenever I think about it. From what my Aunt told me and my brother, my mother did not bother anyone. So why would they make up stories about her?" 

"People fear what we don't understand, Rainha. And not a lot of us have an open mind. Our first reaction to anything that we can't understand is that we shun it. We cast it aside. We try to give meaning to it. That's what the people did to your mother. All they did was whisper amongst themselves. They gossiped. They bullied her. Call it what you want. All because nobody knew where she came from. And even though your father promised that anyone who tries to make your mother feel stressed from asking too many questions will be attacked by him, I kept on coming back to your parents. My excuse was that I was doing it for history and the academy. My reason for them for coming back was that the people of Aure needed to know everything that your mother knows. Where did she come from? And how did she manage to reach Aure? She was the first and last Outsider that came to the kingdom for the last one hundred years, so that was going to be a big part of our kingdom's history. In fact, she might be the only one. And if she was indeed a foreigner, it was important that we get all the information from her regarding her place, right? Aure has been isolated for a hundred years. We have no contact with anyone outside of the kingdom because of the Ruthless Blizzards surrounding the borders. Of course, it was only natural that people became curious. And back then, I wanted to be that person that will know everything from her."

"But you failed," I told him, as I now know what happened next. "You never got the information that you needed from my mother."

Artholdt nodded. "I tried and tried, but your mother would not budge. She was determined not to tell anything, even to me, who to that point was already their close friend. I even asked your father as well, thinking that maybe he knows something, but to my surprise, your father was clueless as well."

"My father loved my mother so much," I said, and I was proud of that fact. "Of course, he wasn't going to tell you anything that will endanger my mother's life."

"That's what I also thought, Rainha. I thought that maybe your mother had a huge reason for hiding her origin from everyone. Maybe it was something better not told to anyone. It took me a while to accept that, but I promise you that I did give up out of respect for them when they started treating me as a family friend. I was still unmarried back then, so I had no other close friends than them, so I treasured that in my heart, Rainha. I cherish the fact that your parents treated me as a close friend. That's why later on when your mother died, I had so much regret. I feel like I was responsible for her death too."

"But you were not responsible for it, so why would you feel that way?"

He shook his head. "I did not want to talk about this to you, as this might hurt you, but I guess you need to know what I know about the time your mother died. Before that most unfortunate moment, I have been hearing your parents arguing a lot, Rainha. I know your Aunt had already told you about that, but they seemed to have been arguing more and more. One time, I overheard them by accident. I came to your house as I was visiting when I heard them yelling at each other. Your mother wanted to go out of the kingdom. That's what I heard."

Something in me automatically aches when I heard that from him because I already know what was coming next to that. The Crown Prince's grip even tightened as he sensed that I tensed up. And I was grateful for that simple action because the ache felt less threatening in my chest. It felt less hostile, and the lump in my throat felt a little bit harsh. 

"I did not know what to do back then, Rainha. I would be lying if I say to you right now that the idea of just letting her go did not come up to me. Of course, it did. It was an opportunity that I was waiting for for a long time! If she decided to go back to where she came from, maybe I can follow her and see for myself where she was going! Maybe she knows of a safe way of going out there facing the Ruthless Blizzards! It was the only chance that I got!"

"And w-what did you do?" I asked nervously. I don't know why but I feel the suspense creeping into me from his story. 

"Your father confessed to me that your mother wanted to go back outside of Aure, and he asked me for help to stop her. That was the conflict inside of me, Rainha. Because deep inside, I wanted to know where your mother was going, so I wanted to follow her secretly. But at the same time, I could not ignore your father's plea for help. He was asking me to help him stop your mother. And guessed what? I did the most terrible thing a friend could do to his friend."

I gasped. "You declined my father?" I said, not able to believe him. How could he? After becoming their close friend. How could he not help my father?

Artholdt nodded, and I had this sudden urge to slap him. But I was able to stop myself. And rightfully so, because if he indeed helped my father stop my mother from going back to where she came from, I would never have been born in the first place. So technically, Artholdt's choice of not helping my father was actually beneficial to me. I was born because of that indecision.

"I said I was going to help him stop your mother, but on the night that your mother was leaving, I injured myself by breaking my right leg. That was intentional, as it was the thing that I had decided to resolve the inner conflict in me. I know that it was not the best thing to do in that situation, but I was also hopeless. The academe and the other scholars were still counting on me on that information that your mother had kept with her, so it was still painful for me to just let her go. But I also don't want to betray your father. So what I did was injure myself so that I would not choose a decision. It was very selfish, I know, and I accept if you will hate me for that, but that was the only thing that I could do at the moment."

The Crown Prince suddenly spoke. "That was not an honorable choice," he said to Artholdt. "You played it safe by not choosing a decision. And sometimes, being natural in certain situations makes you more evil than choosing a side that will have its consequences."

"I know, Your Highness. That's why I said earlier that up to this day, I regret the death of Rainha's mother. I feel responsible too. If I just had helped Peterson back then, then maybe---"

"Nope," I stopped him before he could say what he wanted to say. "Let's just stop there. I don't blame you for everything that happened. A lot of things could have still happened even if you helped my father, Artholdt. I will try not to hate you by playing safe. You were clueless back then, so I think you had a good excuse."

"Rainha---"

"Even if I did not want my parents to die that early, I don't think that I wanted to change anything in the past now. Everything happens for a reason. My mother died because of her choices. But I was born as a result of that choice too. I could have never been born if they choose not to do the things that they did, you know. So I think it's fine now. I had already made peace of the fact that I was orphaned in my childhood. All I want now is just to know what exactly happened back then, back when they were outside of the kingdom's borders, during the time that I was born."

Artholdt nodded. "Thank you, Rainha."

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that," Prince Kao added. "You were born outside of the kingdom, Rainha. So technically, you are an Outsider too."

I nodded. "That's what I wanted to know for years," I told the two of them. "My parents' lives outside of the borders. I just wanted to know where they went and what they did. They disappeared for months, right? And when my father came back, I was already born. He was holding me in his arms while he told everyone that my mother had already died."

"That is correct. Everyone was shocked at that. We thought that your father had died, as he never came back. Some of your neighbors were saying that maybe he survived and was just going to where your mother came from, but I doubted that. They had left Garreth at your Aunt's care. Peterson would not intentionally leave his son just like that. And I was right, as he came back. But your father was already acting differently from the moment that he came back."

"What do you mean?"

"He became a cold person," Artholdt told me. "His disposition changed. He used to be a cheerful, happy person in general but when he came back with you, it felt like he lost everything. I guess he mourned over your mother's death so much. Your father died a lonely person, Rainha. And as his friend, that was the most heartbreaking part of his story... I will be forever remorseful of those events... That's why when your father died, I offered to adopt you and Garreth, but your Aunt hated the idea. She says that her brother will curse her if she let his children go to other people. And that she did not want to feel pity of you two, as that would be the worst thing to do."

I had suddenly felt the urge to cry as I have never heard my Aunt say that to me. She used to say that the reason why she never gave us to other people who were willing to take us in (just like Mitaur, and now, Artholdt too) was that it would make her look bad. And I believed her as she always makes it a point to mention how bothersome taking care of us is for her. But right now that I am hearing all of this from Artholdt, I came to the realization that maybe Aunt Milca really wanted to keep us no matter what. 

"Everyone who knew your father mourned his death as they viewed him as a selfless person. As for your mother, a lot of people believed that it was good that she disappeared, as her presence in the neighborhood had caused them so much discomfort. Of course, it was not true, but you know people. If I was going, to be honest, those people who disliked your mother just hated the possibility that she could have been a Snow Gypsy. Because if she was, then it would have made her social status much higher than everyone else at Kajos back then. I guess they were jealous of that possibility."

"I could see that," I whispered. "People often want to tear down a ladder that will help other people climb."

"Yeah, and it's sick. Most of them made false rumors without checking the facts. And your mother keeping her silence did not help her too. If she just told everyone what she really was... maybe your father would have lived longer."

"My mother could have been a Snow Gypsy," I said, but more to myself. "And I think I know the reason why she did not want anyone to know that."