Chapter 19
1324 Words
I suck at hiding things. At pretending. I know it's not my greatest strength. But I think Dawn's letting me get away with it, and so is Ric. I'm starting to wonder if those two have been cooking something behind my back. The only thing erasing that censure is that the two never met.
I began to not count the days after I became sober from the first and last time I decided to drown my feelings and sorrow about him in alcohol. Not one of my shining moment, but we have our own days.
After that, I focused on being better, moving on from him. It's hard, downright amain. But I have no choice. Sabi ko naman dati, if I get to confess, whether the answer be favorable or not, I must suck it up and be contented.
Kaya nga lang, I was stuck on the part of the confession, not able to move towards the part where I have to accept his rejection. Ang hirap pala.
Without him, I just feel so lost. I don't know if I ever love someone again with the same intensity and energy I have given him. I let my love pour out of me like falls, not thinking that I may wound up in drought.
It really feels lonely. Lalo na ngayon, wala si Dawn sa bahay. She was summoned back to their mansion by her dad for some reason. And mama still in the US with papa, mukhang serious business ang inaayos nila, since mama is staying there unusually longer than she normally does.
I asked Ric to come a few times, but he's also busy with his company that the oppurtunity doesn't present itself every day. Kaya madalas kapag alam kong wala akong madadatnan sa bahay, sumasama na ako sa mga aya ng katrabaho ko, kung wala, lumalabas akong mag-isa, minsan kong wala akong gana at lakas nagbabad lang ako sa panonood sa Netflix.
It's becoming more of a routine. Sana nga lang, malagpasan ko na ang pakiramdam na parang ang lungkot ng ginagawa ko.
"Where are you headed?" I looked up from my phone and saw Ric out of nowhere.
Sinilip niya ang pinagkaka-busy-han ko sa cellphone ko saka napa-iling. I stared at him with the 'what' expression.
"Adorable home? 'Yan 'yong tawag diyan di ba? Mom's addicted to that." he said, he's face as if tired of it. "Sa bagay, at least may pinagkaka-abalahan ka kaysa nagmumukmok."
I gave him the stink eye when he pressed the elevator's button. "Hindi ako nagmunukmok. Nag-mo-move on na nga." Matigas na ani ko. defensive and all.
It's really weird how he's comforting me though he doesn't know the inside intel about me and Kyle. Ang alam niya lang hindi maganda ang kinalabasan ng huling date namin. When he learned that, he didn't ask any more questions. Ayaw niya na raw marinig ang iba dahil baka makasapak siya.
We stepped inside the lift in silence. Busy akong naglalaro siya naman busy manood ng ginagawa ko. Hanggang sa,
"Kawawa naman si baby girl." He mocked, swinging an arm over my shoulder. "Sa Adorable Home na lang may boyfriend."
I elbowed him, but the damn man didn't even flinch. Tinapakan ko ang sapatos niya kasabay ng pagbukas ng pinto ng elevator. Narinig ko muna ang tawa niya bago niya ako sinundan sa K's Real Bean.
He paid for my drink, kaya kahit ayaw ko pa, inabswelto ko na siya sa sinabi niya.
"Ipapakilala kaya kita sa pinsan ko. I think she can hook you up with someone." Tugon niya ng pabalik na kami sa opisina.
"Oh. You're playing matchmaker now?"I quirked.
"No, but my cousin will if you want. If you're into love and craziness. I think you may have heard of her. Jaliyah Harmony Salom, she's a Corrales now but mas kilala pa rin siya sa maiden name niya. Which doesn't sit well with her husband pero wala naman siyang magawa.
"I've heard about her. Heart Line. I read their articles all the time."
He raised his hand to ruffle my hair, making me swat it immediately, "You really are a hopeless romantic, aren't you, baby girl."
"You're annoying most of the time, you know that?" I hissed, trying to salvage my haristyle. "Saka 'di ko kailangan ma-ireto. Okay lang ako. May Dawn naman ako, tapos ikaw. Kaya okay lang ako."
Sandali siyang natahimik. When he spoke, his voice was low and almost quiet. "But we're not enough to fill the void, Cleng. Are you really moving on? Or just mere temporarily forgetting the pain only to relieve it again and again?"
"Ric - "
But he cut me off, "There's moving on and there's denial."
My tears started to sting my eyes. I blinked a couple of times just so I can keep them at bay. "I'm afraid to try and lay it out there again."
"Paano mo malalaman kung 'di mo susubukan?"
I let out a breath, more like a sigh. I watched him under my lashes and all I saw was worry deeply etched in his face. Then he pursed his lips in a thin line before he grabbed me by shoulder and hugged me tight.
I didn't specifically ask for this, but somehow, this is what I needed. I basked in the comfort of Ric's embrace before he let me go.
"Yup, we're getting you a date. I'll screen potentials, so that they wouldn't even try to fück with you."
Inirapan ko lang siya, because what more am I supposed to say? It's futile having an argument with Ric. Kapag gusto niya. gagawin niya.
After that convo, he was flooding me numbers of people he knows. He went over the top, sending me profiles via email. All of it, I ignored.
I told Dawn about this, thinking she would also think this is a crazy idea. But to my surprise, my best friend sides with Ric. Buti na lang hindi talaga sila magkakilala.
"It's been three days, Cleng. Imposible wala ka pang nagugustuhan sa mga in-email ko sa'yo." Pangungulit ni Ric, nakaupo siya ngayon sa sofa at busy ng kumain ng popcorn.
I plopped beside him and took a handful of our snack. "Wala, kasi hindi naman ako interesado. At saka ano ka ba? Mamasang? Bugaw? Ganon?"
"Ang tigas talaga ng ulo mo."
"Hindi ako mag-di-date para maka-getover sa isang lalake. Mali 'yon." Pagmamatigas ko.
He whipped his head to look at me then he pressed mute on the remote. "Anong balak mo? Hindi ka nga nag-mu-move on, eh. Akala mo hindi ko napapansin 'yang pagtitig mo sa ballpen na itim sa mesa mo. Gusto ko na ngang itapon 'yon. Kahit hindi mo sabihin na galing sa kanya 'yon, alam ko. Because the way your eyes glistened whenever you look at it shows you're in pain."
"You're imagining things." I said in a gulp.
He pinched his eyebrows closer to each other and I knew then, he's not going to give up, "Bakit ayaw mong mag-Dreamers Bean? Lumipat ka lang naman sa K's Real Bean eh iisa lang ang may-ari no'n. Bakit ayaw mo ng Japanese food? Bakit parang allergy ka ng nakakita ka ng Ramen sa break room? Bakit ayaw mo ng Baskin' Robins? Bakit, Cleng? Bakit?"
I opened my mouth, wanting to say words to defend myself but nothing came out. Hanggang sa inabot niya ang mukha ko, napapikit ako, hindi ko alam kung bakit. Then I realized he did that to wipe my tears away.
"He's all I ever known." I whisper.
He sighed before grabbing the back of my head, landing it on his chest. "Because you're not letting yourself meet other people. That's why."
Silence hovered over us before he spoke again. "You're going to date." He ordered.
I nodded my head.
This is it. This is the last day I would be mopping and mulling because of him. Because tomorrow, I'll be putting myself out there again.
- Writer
