Chapter Five
This day is filled with such tedious activity, the sort that doesn’t particularly challenge my brain. I can’t keep from focusing on Bernard. At times like this, I think about him constantly. My mind drifts from the bookstores inventory sheets to the remembrance of our last meeting a week ago. When I masturbate at night, or make love to Ian, all I can think of is when he might consent to give me what I need. I swear I can’t live without this. But it’s not going to happen the way things stand now.
I know the rules, and those rules condemn me to a lifeless void. I haven’t breathed a word about these things to Ian, but it’s been on the tip of my tongue a dozen times—just to see if I could make that kind of confession. I think he knows in some respects after some of what I told
