The Man I Was Not Supposed to Love

Is this the Price of Being an Heir?

One month later…

Today is a normal day. As usual, mom is training me on how to act like a “lady”. Since last month, when she started taking me to her social gatherings like that tea party in the house of Marquese and Marquise Aran, she has been very particular about how I “present” myself in public. She has been correcting almost all my movements that it has become so burdensome. Imagine her commenting on the way I chew my food, the way I hold my spoon and fork, even the way I take a bath. Why have things come to this?

“Greetings, My Lady, a letter arrived for you today,” Marie, mom’s personal servant, said as she entered inside the room and handed the scroll in her hand.

“Okay,” mom said and unrolled the scroll that she took from her hand. Suddenly, her hand lifted and covered her mouth. I can see her whole face brightening as her eyes lit up upon reading the contents of the scroll. Happily, she looked at me and shook her head, “My efforts have not gone to waste! My prayers have been answered. We have been rescued. Thank heavens! Irene, you are to marry Lord Henry Nacar or Arbor! Prepare yourself. Ah, I have to talk to Arthur about this. He will be delighted to know about this.”

Without waiting for my response, mom stood up and stormed out of the room with the scroll in her hand. She was too excited to notice the lack of reaction on my face, or maybe she didn’t think that my thoughts on this marriage matter were needed. I can feel my chest tightening. Is this really how my future will be decided? Should I really leave everything to my parents and choose what they have already chosen for me?

“Irene, you are to marry Lord Henry Nacar or Arbor! Prepare yourself.” Mom’s voice echoed in my mind again. Lord Henry. Who is Lord Henry? Of all the men that she let me meet for the past month, I don’t know who among them is Lord Henry or Arbor. What’s more, I have absolutely no idea about this man’s personality, character, or anything deeper aside from the fact that his stares made me uncomfortable the first time we met.

I shook my head. What’s gonna happen to me now? Are dad and mom really making me marry someone that I don’t love? Is this all about being an heir to my parents? I tried my best to stand up, but I ended up falling on the floor again. My knees just gave in as if they cannot support my body anymore.

No! My mind is shouting. All of me refuse to marry someone else. How about William? I haven’t even tried my luck with him.

But you cannot! You cannot marry the son of your family’s mortal enemy. My rational self is arguing. You know that there is no way for you to have a happy life with William.

“It is settled, Irene,” Mom’s voice cut my deep thinking and rationalization. “Your father already agreed that you will marry Lord Henry. His family can rescue us from falling so low. Among all the lands, Arbor is one of the most stable ones, regardless of the palace’s support. It can sustain itself. You are in good hands.”

I suddenly stood up and walked towards mom. This is the time to speak, or I’ll forever hold my peace.

“Am I?” I asked, my bitterness appearing.

“What is this kind of attitude?!” Mom shouted. “Is this your response to how your father and I worked to ensure your good future and all of Adarna’s? Is this how you repay us?”

Mom stared at me with eyes that were covered with unbelief. For the first time, I felt my heart harden. Am I not allowed to ask questions or even express any thoughts? Why should I always listen and not question whatever they put on my plate to eat? I cannot live my life like this. No, there is no way I am doing everything without me understanding the reason behind all anything that they are asking me to do.

“Mom, you know that I love William!” I suddenly burst out.

Her eyes widened and her mouth opened many times, but no word ever came out. Even without speaking, I know that she is so angry at what I just said. However, I feel that I must speak my piece or forever hold my peace. I have to at least fight for my feelings.

“No!” Mom said and threw the box that she was holding on the floor. “You know I will never allow that to happen. Over my dead body, Irene.”

She walked near me and looked into my eyes. She was so angry that I could feel the heat of her breath on my skin. Her eyes are sharp and red.

“I will NEVER, NEVER let that happen…” she whispered. “That man will NEVER have a place in Adarna!”

Hearing her voice, my knees gave in, and I slumped on the floor for the second time. My tears are now racing down my cheeks and I don’t care to hold them back anymore. It’s so painful. In which part of my life did I dishonor my parents or disobey them? I can remember no time. I was always obedient, thinking that I could gain their favor and love by doing so. However, it seems that all my sacrifices are worthless. I will never be loved for who I am, nor for what I can do for my parents. Maybe, it’s time for me to give up and accept the fact that I will never gain their love in this life.

“Irene!” Dad said the moment he entered the room and saw me on the floor. Immediately, he ran towards me and attempted to help me stand.

“D-dad, i-is it true that you agreed for me to marry Lord Henry of Arbor?” I asked softly, not exerting even the slightest effort to stand up.

Dad remained silent. He didn’t even lift his head to look at me. His bowed head revealed the answer that his mouth was not able to articulate.