Whispers of Refuge Box Set

CHAPTER 37

CHAPTER 37

Even after several weeks living with the Sterns, the ticking from the stately grandfather clock made Mee-Kyong cringe each time she tried to fall asleep. The Round Robin had been noisy, customers coming and going at all hours of the night, and the pedestrians and taxi cabs polluting the days when Mee-Kyong tried to rest. Here at the Sterns’, that incessant tick was the only sound to be heard at night, lying to its listeners that all was right in the world as it lulled the household to sleep with its deceptive consistency.

Mee-Kyong gritted her teeth and wrapped her arms over her head so they covered her ears. Why did everything at the Sterns’ have to be so tidy? Life wasn’t tidy. And no matter how serenely that old clock clicked away time’s passage, she wouldn’t let it fool her. She thought back to the night sounds from Camp 22 — girls shrieking in their sleep, harsh and angry whispers between rivals vying for the better spot on the cold concrete floor. It was only the newcomers who ever cried, though, keeping their neighbors awake with their pitiful mewing. She squirmed underneath the thick comforter. When she escaped with Pang, she never expected she would prefer the familiar sounds of the over-packed girls’ dorm to the meticulous ticking of a fancy antique clock. She squeezed her eyes shut.

In the labor camp, she hadn’t realized she was miserable. You ignorant fool. How could she miss those girls in the dorm, now that she was fed amply three times a day and given a whole closet full of fashionable clothes? How could she long for girls she never really knew, girls who might already be dead, when here at the Sterns’ she was doted on and smothered with attention? She scowled. What kind of commitment had she given Mrs. Stern? Now that she had proclaimed faith in the American’s deity, what would they ask of her next?

She dressed herself in the dark. It didn’t matter what they demanded. She knew how to keep her patrons happy. Whether the currency was in flesh or scribbled verses, it made little difference as long as she got what she needed. She placed her hand on the door frame. Why did her bedroom always feel so stuffy, even as winter crept upon them all? The air was thick with poisonous doubts and fears. She tiptoed down the hall. She would copy that entire Bible of theirs ten times over if it meant keeping her position here.

Mee-Kyong had survived this far. And she certainly wasn’t about to quit now.

***

Benjamin wasn’t used to spending vast amounts of time with the Lord. His prayers were the kind conjured up in the moment of need or guiltily recited at the end of the day. Tonight he lowered his head to his lap and begged for forgiveness. Mr. Stern had acted like Benjamin hadn’t done anything wrong. What did he know? Had Mr. Stern ever had a half-clad young woman come tapping on his door in bare feet in the middle of the night? How could a godly man like Mr. Stern experience such an overwhelming swell of desire that his blood pressure continued to rise even half an hour later? When he first committed himself to a life of purity, Benjamin expected the Lord to erase his body’s memory. Where was the deliverance the Sterns were always talking about? Where was the freedom? Almost a year after his baptism, Benjamin was still here, his stomach nauseous with the intensity of his own longings.

“Oh.” It was a timid sound, but it sent Benjamin flying up off the couch, blinded by the sudden brightness. Mee-Kyong stood in the doorway of the den, her hand raised to the light switch. “I didn’t know anyone was in here.” She looked around with a frown. “What are you doing?”

Benjamin glanced at his palms, which he held open like a culprit caught in the middle of a crime. “Just reading. That’s all.”

“In the dark?” Mee-Kyong’s voice held the slightest trace of bemusement.

“What about you?” Benjamin shuffled his weight from one foot to the other. “It’s late,” he added lamely.

Mee-Kyong sat down at her desk. “I couldn’t sleep. I decided to get some extra work done.”

Benjamin watched her pull out her notebook and pen. “I’ll go.” He scratched the back of his neck but made no move to leave.

“No, stay.” Mee-Kyong crossed her arms and looked up at him. Her smile was crooked, mischievous, mocking. She didn’t open her notebook. “So you like to come here and read in the dark?”

“Tired of my room.”

“I can understand that,” she muttered. “Well, since you’re here, maybe you can tell me what’s expected of me now.”

Benjamin looked up. “Now?”

Mee-Kyong tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Now that I’m a Christian, or whatever it is you guys call yourselves.”

Benjamin laughed mirthlessly. “Ask Mrs. Stern.”

“Oh, I’m sure I will. But I want to hear it from you. You’ve been here, what, at least a year?”

“Little over.”

“And did you ‘get saved’ right away?”

Thinking about his arrival at the Sterns’ opened the gateway for a flood of other unwelcome memories. “Something like that.”

“Why?”

The pointedness of the question startled Benjamin. He snapped up his head. “Why what?”

“Why did you go along with it? I mean, did you genuinely believe, or was it just that you wanted a place to stay, or what?”

Benjamin’s head drooped once more. “I believed,” he muttered into his chest.

“And that’s all?” Mee-Kyong folded her arms and leaned back in her chair.

Benjamin shrugged. “Got baptized later.”

“That’s when they put you under the water, right?”

Benjamin nodded. His cheek tickled.

“And did it work?” Mee-Kyong stared straight at him.

“What work?”

“Washing your guilt away. Did it do it?”

Benjamin pressed his lips together. “All Christians struggle.”

“So it didn’t work.”

“Didn’t say that.”

Mee-Kyong turned her face away, twirling her hair with her pointer finger. “No, but it’s what I figured.”

***

Eve’s only regret was that she couldn’t get into Mee-Kyong’s room again to grab more clothes. Oh, well. She stuffed her belongings into one of the small bags she used to carry groceries home from the market.

Home. Not anymore. She looked around her room. The Sterns’ room, actually. She smiled once to herself when she thought of Mee-Kyong having to clean up after her for a change. She pressed her shoulder where Benjamin had pinched her when he spun her around and sent her away. Wouldn’t it be nice if she were here tomorrow and could show him the bruise? But it was too late for him. Benjamin could have the mansion. He could have the Sterns and their religious fanaticism. He could even have Mee-Kyong.

Eve was done.

Her eyes scanned the clutter one last time. Was there anything else she would need? She paused in front of a leather-bound Bible, a gift from Mrs. Stern on some holiday or other. She thumbed through the pages. The book’s spine was still stiff. With a small grunt, she hefted the bag over her shoulder and walked out the door, leaving the book in its place on the shelf.