Javier

1.

-HIM-

I smiled but it didn’t reach my eyes. I let out a laugh when I wanted to cry and I talked when I wanted to shut up and disappear. 

I was surrounded by people when I wanted to be left alone in my darkness where I’d be surrounded by my demons and nightmares.

I kept the smile playing on my lips as I took my glass of wine and drank its content. I didn’t know what they had put into it but it strained my mouth with a sourly taste before the sweetness took over. 

I was dressed in a suit and the bow was almost choking me. I wanted to rip it away and let the fresh air in but I didn’t, knowing that it wouldn’t make any difference. 

There had never been enough fresh air for me to breathe. It was always smoke of my burned peace whose ashes constantly choked me before slowly collecting in my stomach. While my head raged with fire, my heart was almost still and cold as if it had stopped beating a long time ago. 

I met more people as the evening aged. My lycan was irritated inside me. He wanted to be left alone. It had been days since I had let him out and he was growing more and more restless. 

A sense of claustrophobia washed over me as more and more people surrounded me. I found other lycans from the council enjoying the party unlike me. 

I wanted to be out of there. With every passing moment, it felt more and more wrong to be there. I constantly got this feeling that I should have been somewhere else, looking up for things that I was not very much sure of. 

My lycan was also moved by this feeling. The feeling that something was wrong somewhere but I couldn’t quite put a finger on it. 

Everywhere I went or whatever I did, I was always chased by this feeling and it was very unsettling. I couldn’t sleep at night. I found it hard to function properly.

A very lively and melodic laugh made my head snap to find Dossam, Ace’s mate chatting with other lycans. She was accompanied by Corey, Archer’s mate. Both were close to me. They were like my sisters. They were caring and compassionate but sometimes, both annoyed the fvck out of me.

Dossam gave me a pointed look but I just shook my head and drank all the wine in the glass before depositing it on the bar counter. Excusing myself, I threaded through the crowd towards the exit. I loosened my bow as soon as I stepped out in the cold night air. The chilling night wind hit me and I stopped for a moment, embracing it like an old friend.

I contemplated in my head whether I should go back to the party. Only the thought of being surrounded with so many people yet feeling alone made me anxious. I decided to spend the rest of the night outside.

The music and the chatter inside the building crept out in the silent night while I stood in the patio and gazed at the starless sky and drowned into my thoughts. The sound of footsteps broke me from my trance.

I looked around to find the Archseer, Tim approaching me with an extra glass of mine. He was one of the top seers and we were lucky to have him on our side. He had limitless knowledge and vision through which he helped us in our missions.

He smiled at me before handing me another glass of wine to me. I took it from him and muttered a small thank you before gulping its contents down in a single go.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him while he stood beside me and sipped from his glass. His eyes were fixed on the trees in the distance that stood in still, drenched in the darkness.

“Well, the council invited me to this party,” He answered. I shook my head at him before I told him pointedly, “The council might have invited you but what’s your purpose of coming here? You never show up to such events,” 

It was odd to see him at the party. I always imagined him in some library, propped up on a rocking chair with his nose behind a book. 

At this, he chuckled and looked at me, “I just like to mix with people now and then,” His answer didn’t satisfy me but I decided not to pick him further on the subject because I knew he wouldn’t tell me anything anyway.

“So, are you taking part in this new mission?” He asked me after a pause.

“Which one exactly?” I asked. He looked at me smugly before asking, “The one with the minotaurs. Strategos Vittorie is already a good friend of yours, I assume,” 

“You know what?” I turned to him before confessing, “Sometimes I want to punch you in the face,” This got him laughing. I knew he had said that to pull my leg because he was very much aware of my loathing for the minotaurs.

Unfortunately, we were working on a mission together and I had to deal with their kind directly. Tim was the one who propagated news between us, the lycans and the minotaurs mostly but if there had to be any conference then it was I who had to sit down with them to talk. 

“I am talking about the mission to track down the Magister,” He clarified. This time, his tone was serious. 

“Yes,” I answered clearly, missing the taste of wine on my lips. I was tempted to go back inside and bring a bottle outside and finish it by myself but I had to go to work tomorrow. 

“Why are you doing this?” He asked. It made me snap my head at him. The thing that I hated about Tim the most was that he pretended to be oblivious to things even though he knew about everything that was there to be known. 

“You know why,” Was the only thing I answered.

“You are still moved by Sean’s death, right?” He asked. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I told him sharply. He fell silent at this and continued to finish his drink. “I hope you find whatever you’re looking for soon,” With that, he left and I was somewhat relieved. I didn’t bother to have dinner at the party. I simply ended up leaving and going home straight.

I mostly lived alone. 

I didn’t know how to felt about it. Some days it felt great and other days, it felt miserable. Tonight, I had mixed feelings. I threw my bow on the couch before undoing some top buttons of my shirt. I went into the kitchen to get myself another drink.

It was all I had for dinner before I went to bed and prayed for another sleepless night. I kept tossing throughout until it was already morning. I gave up on sleep and got ready for the office, feeling slightly hungover.

“Good morning, Comman-“

“Just fvck off,” I waved my hand at Frederik, my assistant who tried to greet me as I entered the office. I found Ace instantly but this morning I decided to ignore him and fish for the newest updates on my tracks instead. I was in charge of the whole tracking department. It was what I was best at. 

While I looked through some reports from the trackers who worked under me, Frederik came into my office. 

"Commander Javier," He cleared his throat. I hummed in response and waited for him to speak while I kept my eyes on the papers.

"The lycanthrope council have summoned you," He spoke. It made me lookup. A sense of urgency washed over me.  

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked him darkly.

"I tried to when you walked inside the office but you told me to fvck off," He answered with a blank face.

"Alright," I grumbled before I set off for the lycanthrope which was on the other end of Spinefall, the city where our kind and the others dwelled.