the boy who saw

I was making my way on to the boiler room when I saw my colleagues chatting about random things. when I entered the room it was going on as usual until I hear one of them say there is a online application for citizenship of mars. Mars!!! I have always wanted to go to mars give me the link to the site.  Here you go I have sent it to you in your watch.           Thanks man you are the best. Just as I said that the superior enters the room and tells us what we need to do for the day. I was excited as I had got the form and i saw that I had received the form and decided that i would fill the form in my room when i got there after I had done my work for the day. The day was not so eventful after that incident and I was in a good mood so didn't feel a thing when the day was going by. my thoughts were filled with visions of martian girls with beautiful eyes and a cute smile. Its funny how nice thoughts can ease the pain of the day to day life. A dream of the the place where I want to be, now those are some wonderful thoughts.   After the day had ended I was sitting in my room with my cool drink to refresh myself after a day of work and I opened the form page. It said they were looking for mechanics with working experience.I was filling the information that was needed and completed the form. But the catch was that those who would get in would be decided using the lottery system. OK I guess then when I clicked submit i saw that yesterday was the last day of submission. That's when I realized why no one but me took the link all of them knew that the date was over and I had just gotten an empty link to nowhere. Fucking asshole!!!! That's why no one took the link. f**k!! Anyway now that is settled lets just forget about it.  Mars my dreams are not to be.  Now that i have done some sulking about my dreams I needed to come to the reality that I was mislead. Maybe that is a good thing I will not have to take help from him again as he has shown his true colors in this incident.I thought i should get back at him somehow but then I thought why contribute to the toxicity.  Not bringing up what happen yesterday was gone and started my day as usual and started my day. After the morning had passed rather uneventfully I was sitting by myself and was going through my thoughts as I was eating my lunch. Then I saw my friend worried about something.  Hay man what up?   Man I am a little worried about something.  What is it you can tell me? Well, It is about the mars job thing I have applied but I am a little nervous as I have a little less qualification. And they are only looking for really good candidates for the job.  That is not a big deal you can go there you just applied for a job. The thing that you need to focus on now is your work here and maybe if you go there you can show your work that you learned here. That's true but I am a bit nervous though this is a huge opportunity and I would like to have that.  Yes I also think that but you cannot think of the past or be paralyzed by the future you have to be in the moment.  It is easier said then done.  Yes but I believe in you. You are a good person you will have your moment.  You really think so.  I know so and I do believe in dreams coming true.  Thanks for that I really appreciate it.  Don't mention it. After having this conversation with my good friend I felt very good. I didn't do anything for him I just gave him hope. Now hope is a very bad thing in general. Because you hope for something that is probably not going to happen. But you go for it just to believe that it might happen. Rather then a sure thing you are placing your bets on luck which is not always a good thing. It might work but you have no solid grounds.Which is not a good thing no matter how you slice it.  So in a sense I gave my friend the cure that might be worse then the disease. I.E. his hope of going to mars rather than saying it is better here anyways. Why live in the dream of having a better life when you have everything here. I know it sucks to work in here and live in a box with nothing to do but stare at the emptiness of the outer solar. But hay the life of an explorer not that is something that I want.Maybe someday I will get my own cruiser and explore the world well in my case the universe. Either way now I am having the disease of hope. Hope for adventure is bad do not go on an ill planed journey across the solar system. You will die. Now I would end this thought here but fate was very cruel to me as the next day I was greeted to the excited face of my friends informing me I am selected. Yes I am going to mars.  The smile I had could not hide the fact that he got what I had wanted for a long time. The images of my dreams start flowing in and I could not hide my pain but I cheered for my friend who was going to a better life.  After that I was heart broken and nothing I did could console me. Maybe I should embrace hope after all. I was going to buy myself the ship to explore the universe.  Hence begins my journey of finding my home.