The Alpha Queen and Her Rogue Kingdom

CHAPTER NINE

ELINA

"I am sorry, what?" Lily asks me stunned, and I have to take a deep breath to keep myself from losing my patience.

"I need you to get me something I can drink or anything that works to avoid getting pregnant, whatever, but it must be effective," I repeat trying not to yell at her.

"But ... I don't get it, I thought you wanted to have an heir to King Zane soon," she tells me in confusion, and I roll my eyes.

"Honestly Lily, I thought you would know me better by now," I tell her shaking my head, and she looks a bit embarrassed.

"I am sorry, I will try to get what you asked of me," she replies before turning to leave.

"Lily?" I call her before she walks out the door.

"Yes?" She answers.

"I don't think I need to tell you this, but I will do it anyway: no one can know about this, not even my uncle, if someone asks you what you want that for, tell them it is for you, please," I tell her, and she nods vigorously.

"Of course, I won't tell anyone, I promise you," she responds immediately.

"Thank you so much," I reply with a slight smile, and she tilts her head to the side in confusion, but she quickly gathers herself and leaves.

I know it is strange for her that I smile even slightly, a year has passed in which basically I have not had a second of tranquility, not even when I am in bed with Zane, because as much as he tries to satisfy me in the best way he can, I have not been able to have a damn org*sm, they are always interrupted by that stabbing pain in my chest, and then I end up frustrated with myself for not being able to enjoy even those brief moments that are supposed to be of pleasure.

Zane does not notice, on the contrary, he seems more than happy since our married life began, and sometimes I feel a little sorry for the poor devil, I do not understand why he insisted on marrying me despite all the baggage that I carry with me, but he doesn't seem to care at all, and sometimes my anxious mind betrays me with gloomy thoughts where I wonder if this is all too good, if Zane is not too perfect to be true, -there must be something bad with him- I often tell myself, but so far I have found no more faults than those of a normal person, or even less.

But Zane is not Bastian.

And even though I hate myself for constantly comparing him to the man who did so much harm to me, it's something that is practically impossible to avoid, I just can't stop the thoughts once they start, and even though Zane has done a lot more than someone else would do in his place, I can't feel for him what I felt for Bastian, I can't align my heart with my head, and even my wolf doesn't seem very interested in him, it seems that she really doesn't care, she likes the momentary pleasure that it feels right before the sharp pain ruins the moment, but otherwise, she doesn't seem at all wanting to get closer to him than necessary, the few times Zane and I have been together while fully transformed, his wolf seems so much more curious of my wolf, even when she seems to feel annoyed after some time together.

I can't say I blame her, like my wolf, my resistance to the time I can spend with Zane, or most people, is limited, I can't spend too much time with someone before I start to feel the need to leave, and all of it has been that way since that cursed day I lost my father, there are few and precious things or people that really bring me some kind of joy, and strangely, the children of my kingdom and even some of those on Zane's kingdom are one of those few with whom I manage to feel most comfortable.

But despite this, I do not want to have children with Zane, I know how much he wants it, I know that he is waiting for me to break the news at any moment that I am pregnant, but I do not want to and I will not, he has helped me a lot in the midst of all this madness, but I just can't find the will in me to have a baby that is half him and half me.

A knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts, and a few seconds later when Zane pokes his head out the door, I wonder in annoyance if he has come to have s*x with me, and I immediately start thinking of some excuse to give him not to do it, in the last few days I have been able to avoid it thanks to being away because I was visiting the red castle, and having meetings with the commanders of my army, but now that I have returned, it is evident that he will want to resume what we left the last time we saw each other.

"Hello, can I come in?" he asks me, and I contain the desire to roll my eyes and tell him that this is his palace so I don't think I could refuse anyway, but I decide better not to say anything about it.

"Of course," I reply.

"How did your meetings go?" he asks me, and for some reason, I feel like he is trying to make small talk to avoid getting to the real reason why he is here.

"Well, everything is going as it should, and how did you do with the alphas?" I ask him, and he purses his lips.

"Well ... not so good, there are still some who still oppose our marriage, and those who are in favor have already started asking me to have an heir soon, so the whole thing was quite awkward," he tells me with a tired expression.

"And what did you tell them?" I ask him.

"Well, I told them that we are trying, which is true," he tells me with a shrug, and I feel a slight pang of guilt as I remember what I just asked Lily.

"I think the whole kingdom already knows that, it is evident that the maids have heard us and probably the rumor has already spread," I answer him with a tone of annoyance that he does not manage to perceive, and it is because the maids of this palace don’t seem to like me that much, and they do their work with an expression of evident discontent, but none dares to show any sign of disobedience or rudeness towards me, mainly because they fear me, not because they respect me.

"Oh, do you want me to talk to the housekeeper to take care of it?" he asks me.

"No, it's not worth bothering with," I reply, and he nods, but he still looks worried, almost anxious.

"It’s something upsetting you?" I ask after a few seconds of silence.

"We have received an invitation for the coronation of the new king of Howling Creek," he tells me.

"Okay..." I answer, unsure why he seems worried all of a sudden.

"I asked about the guest list, and it seems the King of Varkolak will be attending as well," he tells me, being careful not to mention Bastian's name, but I guess the look of annoyance is too evident on my face, because he is quick to add:

"If you don't want us to go then we will send an important delegate,"

"No, we have to go, we have tried to seek alliances with that kingdom for months, it would be an insult to send a delegate," I tell him, but in the meantime, I am thinking about how to avoid meeting Bastian.

"Are you sure? If you want, I can go alone and say you are sick or something like that,” he insists.

"Don't be offended, but it would be the same as sending a delegate, I am asking for their support for MY war, I couldn't send someone else to do it for me," I reply, and he nods.

"Then I think it would be better not to take them with us," he tells me, and I frown.

"I am not going to leave them here, you know they always go with me," I reply with annoyance.

"I know, I know," he tells me as he walks over to me and strokes my shoulders reassuringly, but then adds, "But what if he sees them?"

"My mother and brother are smart, they won't let that happen, we can take Lily too, and have everyone stay in a nearby camp together with some warriors," I tell him, and he purses his lips in disagreement, but refrains from saying something.

“Okay, we will take them with us, are you sure you want to go? Remember this is an important occasion, you will have to do your best to ignore him and not cause a scene, we cannot ruin this opportunity,” he tells me, and I nod.

"I won't screw it up," I answer firmly, but the growing fear and anxiety inside me tell me that I am not ready to see Bastian again.

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