An Ocean Of Irises

Iris ❀ 01

Iris Sinclair's pov

I felt the sting of her icy-cold hand before the realisation hit me. My cheek burns as hot tears spring to my eyes, I will myself not to cry. I can't, and will not cry in front of my parents during this conversation.

"What the hell were you thinking?" my stepmother screamed, placing one hand over her chest, she's talking about the nudes that I send to a boy 

you must think I'm a slut. maybe I am one, after all, only slut would send a picture of herself wearing nothing. 

"You are such a shame to our family.” My father wrinkles his nose. "I got like ten thousand text messages today, even an email from the school."

I dig my fingernails into my sweaty palms, I take a few deep breaths, concentrating on the pain. an email from the school? Horror sinks into me, am I gonna be kicked out of the school? A thousand scenarios flashed before me, I pictured myself sleeping on the street, working as a janitor, getting disowned by my family. All because of one small yet fatal mistake. This is it, all my dreams and efforts are going down the drain. All my years of late-night studying exams along with catching up on assignments are gonna be cast away like nothing. 

My stepmother's voice brings me back to reality. " Give me an explanation! why did you do it? Do you like the attention that boy gives you? Or do you feel so unloved that you have to seek affection elsewhere? " Is true that I do feel unloved. But no, that's not why I did it. I badly wanted to tell her the truth, the words begging to be let free. Instead, I swallowed back the words including my sobs.

"Tell me! " She screamed again, shaking me, her words more desperate now. The food churns in my gut, I force down the urge to vomit.

"I'm so shocked, I always thought you were a good girl. I always thought you'd do something great when you grow up, but now.." Her voice is softer now, the voice of total disappointment." I just can't believe you would do something like that, what else are you hiding? Do you do drugs too? Do you vape? "

My heart breaks little by little after each word, how could my own stepmother think so lowly of me? But to be honest, who could blame her after she had just seen my nudes all over social media?

My eyes betrayed me, and the tears I've been holding all day finally breaks free. I tried wiping them away quickly, but more keeps coming

"How could you be crying right now? I should be the one crying, you should have never been born!" She punches her chest real hard multiple times, emphasising every word. 

“Yea w***e, maybe if you had never been born she would still be alive! “ My father added, twisting the knife. The ‘she‘ is my biological mother, not the blonde-haired green-eyed woman standing before me, but a Chinese woman with black hair, yellowish skin, and dark eyes.

"I-" I didn't get to finish, the food swells to the back of my throat as my puke spattered everywhere.

"Oh my god iris, are you pregnant?" My sister smirked, pretending to look surprised, landing the final blow. I know for sure that I'm not pregnant, I've never even met Samson in real life before.

With that, my father finally breaks. He wails like a wounded animal as he lunges at me, hitting me to the ground. I staggered back up, only to get shoved to the cold floor again by him.

My stepmother and sister just stand there, watching with their arms crossed. “Help me, please.” I let out an inaudible whisper. They didn’t move, either they don’t care or they are simply too scared to be engulfed in my father’s wrath along with me.

I feel his feet kicking me, every bone in my body seems to be breaking. tears cloud my vision, they blur my family's face, morphing it into something monstrous. I screwed my eyes shut as black dots clouded my vision, hoping for darkness, hoping for the end.

Before I closed my eyes, I saw my sister mouthed " slut " as she scurried back to her room. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

By the time I woke up on the cold wooden floor it was already dark, I ran my bruised fingers over the wall, trying to look for the light switch.

"Oww," I hisses,  these damn nails. I put my bloody finger into my mouth, sucking it. is a trick Sammy told me long ago. Is not Sammy anymore, I reminded myself, is Samson. He no longer deserves that cute nickname I made up for him the moment he f****d up my life. Is interesting how some people are gone yet their traces still cannot be erased, I thought bitterly, choking between a sound that is half a sob and half a sarcastic laugh.

I keep feeling for the little bump on the wall, finally, I found it. with a click, the room hums back to life. I blink multiple times, trying to get used to the sudden brightness. The white decoration makes it even brighter than it should be. The living room looks too depressing, it feels more like a hospital than my home. My family's favourite colour is white. You can tell from the colourless furniture, walls, tiles.

white is never my colour, it is too blank. My favourite colour is cerulean blue, the colour of my eyes, is so soothing, encouraging and so full of hope.

the white wall now covered with my finger print in red. I panicked as I rushed to the washroom to get a brush and soap. if my father sees this he will surely give me another beating.

I rubbed and rubbed, the damn blood won't come off. Even though I pressed my finger against the brush so hard that I feel like it is gonna break, it is still futile. tears filled my eyes again, i fell to my knees. I put one hand over my mouth, muffling my sobs. I can't afford to wake my parents, my body can't take more punches and kicks after this.

I cried for hours on and on. I cried for Samson, the way he betrayed me, I cried for my family, who refused to give me a chance to explain, I cried for myself, for my naivety and stupidity.

i weeped for what seems like hours until I have no tears left, my head feels dizzy from the lack of oxygen. I fixed my eyes to the white marble table across me as I breathed weakly. I just stared at it, studying the black pattern that runs across the pure blankness. 

Ding! my phone rings, breaking the silence. I got to my feet, using the couch beside me as support as I reached for my phone. I hissed as I flexed my arm out, ouch, this is the worst beating I've ever gotten.

The caller ID is Bianca, my best friend. "hello?” I picked up the phone. 

"Hey Iris, I'm so sorry for not hanging out with you today at school." Bianca's voice is apologetic and full of empathy." It's just, people have been talking about you, and I don't want to be seen with you.."

I know what you are thinking, you probably think Bianca is a bad friend, but I swear she's not. She just gets scared easily. She's the only friend I have at school. Nobody else wants to be friends with me because I'm too nerdy. The Chinese think I’m too white, the white think I’m too Chinese. This is what being a half blood feels like, you never fit in anywhere.

"Hh-huh." I mumbled, not trusting my mouth to say anything more.

"Uhh yea, but just so you know, I'll always have your back, and if you want to talk about it, I'll be here to listen." 

"Mhm." Except I don't  wanna talk about it, I don't want to relive the memories all over again.

Part of me hates Bianca for ditching me, how could she betray me too? I've always thought it is Iris and Bianca against the world, she is supposed to stand with me while everyone else wouldn’t. If we trade places, I certainly won't leave her side.

I sighed as I hugged my panda stuffed animal, for once, I felt truly alone.

"Will you leave me one day too?" I asked the stuffed animal, it gives no reply.