My baby daddy (baby daddy series #1) {COMPLETED}

CHAPTER SIXTEEN | GUILTY

Damien POV

I was so nervous when I was in the shower. How would the date go? Would she be unhappy? Should I cancel? No, no and no. This is what you've been wanting ever since you saw her. It's gonna be okay. I think. Everything's gonna be okay. You take her to a restaurant, eat good food, talk to her and hear her echoing laughter. Damn, that laughed and the smile she's got always makes my d**k twitch. She is a goddess in every way. She is not only extremely sexy and hot, but she is also one of the caring people I know. She was the whole package. Then that she also carried my children inside her body was just a bonus. That she doesn't know about it, however, is a disadvantage. I know I have to tell her the truth, I just don't know how the f**k I'm gonna do it without her leaving. It's my greatest fear. That she disappears from me, with or without our children. Although I loved my children already now and always will, I have recently had difficulties in seeing a future without her in it. I need her, it's as simple as that. f*****g hell, don't tell me I'm falling for her... I want to be selfish with her. Keep her close to me and never let go. But I don't know if the best thing might still be that she never found out the truth. Can I really drag both her and our children into the life I live? She doesn't even know a fraction of life both me and my brothers live every day. It can be dangerous for them. Hell, it can't just be dangerous, it is dangerous! I take a big risk just to think at all about dragging her into this. The problem is that my eyes are stuck on her and she has practically my heart in her hand. Yeah, f**k, I started falling for her the first time I saw her in that bar. It was no wonder she never found out who I was. Given that I, just like she had used a fake name. However, we had done so for various reasons. She because her ex was a psychopath she wanted revenge on and I for that... Yeah, we don't have to go into that now. What's important is that I asked her and she actually said yes!

I had prepared with a bouquet of red roses that she would get. I may be bad at dating and feelings, but I knew that every way to a woman's heart was through consideration. Of course I've dated before, but not at all in this way that I was going to do now. The whole "gentleman" thing wasn't me at all. If truth be told, I'm more of a 'hit it and quit it' kind of guy. She didn't know that though and it wasn't my plan to tell her. I could change for her. Hell, I already had since the first time I saw her. Someday I'm going to tell her, that day wont be today though. 

I knocked on the door and she opened it with a curling iron in her hand. s**t! I was early and now she looked embarrassed because she wasn't ready to go. She rambled a lot put finally sat down at the vanity and continued to do what ever it was she was doing. I couldn't help but look at her in the mirror. She was a natural beauty. I wasn't easy to shake me. But all she needed to do was being herself. My d**k twitched in my pants just by watching her focusing on her hair.

When she walked out of the walk-in closet. I literally though I was going to die from how amazing she looked. God damn all that's precious in this world! Wasn't she gorgeous.

*

She looked around the restaurant amazed when we walked through the doors. I had called ahead and made sure that they would make the setting romantic. They didn't disappoint, which they shouldn't, since I'm owning the place. I couldn't stop looking at this creature infront of me. This simple gesture had rocked her world. She didn't say anything but I could see the happy tears in her eyes. I saw how how pathetic Wendy thought our waitress was. And she was absolutely right. This girl wouldn't have a job at the end of the night. When I'd told her off Wendy laughed and the sound could make angels weep. I asked her if she dated much, even though I didn't want to know the answer. The bare thought of someone else than me touching her made my blood boil. She didn't and that made me at ease immediately. When she told me about the whole thing with her situation, it actually hurt inside me. How could anyone be so cruel to her and judge her for being pregnant?

"No. I wouldn't change a thing. This man made me feel alive. I just wish that he would have called me like he promised. I only met him once but I really think we could have had a future together."  

He words made my heart pound in my chest. f**k, I had totally forgot to call her! How could I be so freaking stupid? Was that her number in my phone that I saved in pure curiousity about who it was? It must be. "Colton" she had named herself, it must be her. I made her blush when I bluntly pointed out that she had to stop moaning when she ate her food. If it was up to me, she would be naked already. She made me almost choke when she asked why I hate Laura. It was hard for me to tell her about it. The pain and betrayal almost buried me alive. After that incident, I had promised myself to never fall for a woman again. They're just toxic. But it was very hard to think of this adorable girl infront of me as toxic. Probably because she wasn't. She was a pure soul. The opposite of me. She was the angel to my devil. How could I not tell her about myself when she had? I told her everything and she surprised me by hugging me close to her chest. I wasn't used to softness from others. Her definition of us was two broken souls and she couldn't be more right about that. Even if we crash and burn, I would do it by her side. I couldn't help but not be drawn to her mouth like a magnet. Before I knew it, I had her lips against mine and couldn't be happier. My insides made a big loop when the waiter called her Mrs.Winston and I had no idea why. It simply felt good hearing it from someone else. The hope grew inside me. If someone else could see her as my wife, then it wasn't hopeless. I just hope that she one day will feel the same. 

She told me her feelings towards both her father and her ex. They had treated her badly and I wasn't going to accept it. How could they treat her this badly without a second thought? Again, she brought up this with the father of her children. It was really hard for her not to know who it was. I felt really guilty that I couldn't tell her the truth and ease her inner pain. I fed her cake and she relaxed. She fit in my arms perfectly, like she was made for me. Our lips met again in the most wonderful kiss I've ever had in my whole life. It was time to bring her home!

*

I had f****d up. Like for real. The date with Wendy was wonderful. It went really well and it seemed like she had a good time. She was more than willing to have s*x with me. Still I backed out. She's probably wondering what the f**k is wrong with me. I had tasted her, moved my fingers inside of her and made her feel really good. And then when s**t was about to get real, I bailed. f**k. She's never gonna forgive me. When I could feel the kicks I freezed. This was the mother of my children. I couldn't have s*x with her until she knew the truth. It ain't right. I can't do that to her. It would be an obvious disaster. "Financer has s*x with the mother of his children without her knowing who he was." The newspapers would go crazy if the story came out. Not that it touched me very much, but it would affect the company. The company is not important to me but is for my employees, they need their jobs and income. Oh, my god if the newspapers knew what life I live at night and when I'm off, it would be little christmas eve for them. I wasn't worried. The double life I live, I have lived for years without any outsiders having noticed. My brothers and close friends, of course, knew about what I was doing but did not say anything about it.

I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. A soft knock was heard from the bedroom door. In comes my woman, yes I called her my woman, in a light blue silk robe and looks anxiously at me. She walks up to me and sits down.

"Damien, are you alright?"

"Yeah." I answer in a whisper.

"Did-did I do something wrong? If so, I'm really sorry." she says sadly and looks down at her hands. Dear god, this woman is going to be the death of me! She was the most amazing thing and did so good during our hot moment, still she took the blame for the outcome. I took her hand.

"No. No baby, you did nothing wrong." I said and kissed her forehead.

"Then what's wrong? Something spooked you in there."

"It's nothing, don't worry."

"How can you say that? You obviously freaked out and I want to know why. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong!"

"Nothing's wrong, I... f**k. I don't know, okay. It felt wrong to have s*x with you while you're pregnant." It wasn't all a lie. That was one of the reasons it felt wrong, since she didn't know.

"You know that there's no danger, right? I can have s*x without hurting them, I just can't lay down on my stomach or put too much pressure on it."

"I just can't."

I waited for her to start screaming at me. To yell profanities and kick me in the balls. Yet, she didn't do anything of that. She caressed my cheek, made me look her in the eye and smiled at me.

"It's okay. We don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Thank you for this amazing evening."

She kissed me on my cheek before walking out of the room. I had to fight my own body not to run after her and f**k her against the wall. What the hell is wrong with me?! I can't keep being hot and cold with her. I need to make a decision. And soon. There's really no problem for me here. Either way I have to tell her the truth. She deserves to know just as much as those babies. There's two possible outcomes. She wants to be with me or she doesn't. Simple as that. Yet I couldn't tell her! I get so f*****g frustrated with myself that I seriously have no idea what to do! I really want to be with her, but I'm also terrified of losing her. I can't afford to be afraid. Not in the life I'm living.