Sadkey Tumhare. (For Your Sake)

eight

The warmth of the sun burned my skin pleasantly through the blankets. I opened my eyes slightly, yawning and trying to keep my head from spinning.

I blinked away the sleep from my eyes, hearing clicks and thuds every once in a while.

My body ached in a way it had never before, in a way that I had never really experienced.

My mind wandered to last night and I realised why my head felt so heavy, why my body ached and why it felt like my bones would crack.

I had turned into a woman, from a girl. I had been with a man for the very first time.

And God, it had been the most hurtful experience. For the most of it, I had been biting down on his hand to calm myself down.

My insides had felt like they were falling apart and he had made it hurt too. Ofcourse, there was no way around it.

There was a good sensation at the end, but the most of it was painful. I had read that first time was always painful for women, maybe the next time would be more pleasant.

I opened my eyes for a while, looking at the view in front of me. Stretching myself, I lifted myself up, my back against the headboard of the bed.

"Good Morning." I greeted as my eyes fell on my husband.

Zaydaan, in his black shirt and freshly showered hair, looked like a different person in disguise. He seemed too professional, he looked like a government official, not my husband.

Which in his case was true, ofcourse. He was the foreign minister first, then my husband.

"Salam alaikum." He greeted back.

I didn't know much about my husband's habits, but the one habit I had noticed was that he always said Salam instead of any other greeting.

It was a good habit, the kind that I wanted to adapt too.

"Walikum Assalam." I said back as I observed him, he was putting things into a brief case and spraying cologne all over himself.

"Where are you going?" I questioned, as I saw him put on his shoes.

He shrugged.

"For breakfast and then the office." He replied.

I realised that he didn't care much if I was awake or not, he did not even ask me how I was feeling after last night.

Maybe, he wasn't observant like that or maybe he just didn't care about such things.

Weren't couples supposed to go together for their first breakfast with the family?

I wanted to go with him. I felt drawn and connected somehow, as if I had shared everything I had with him and now I wanted to remain in his proximity.

I had put away all my shame and revealed myself to him. I wanted the same in return. Except, it felt impossible.

"Shouldn't we like, go together?" I asked, a little hesitant.

He frowned, motioning towards me.

"You're not even dressed yet." He stated.

He wasn't a man who liked to wait.

"Just give me five minutes." I remarked, getting off the bed in a hurry.

"I'll be in the lounge outside." He commented and I nodded in a hurry.

Okay, quick shower, makeup, clothes, shoes and all of that in five minutes.

I rushed into the shower without picking out any clothes as I rinsed myself off, last night's soreness slowly started to feel better as the warm water took hold of my body.

Quick note, shower again when you get time because warm water is everything.

As I dried myself off and rushed back into the bedroom, I quickly took out a dress.

What to wear on the first day in front of your in laws? Especially if they're the most powerful people in the country?

I opted for a red Faiza Saqlain dress, it was one of my favourite ones, it seemed appropriate as it wasn't very casual or very fancy.

I quickly put the dupatta around my neck and had to rush with the makeup.

I hardly did anything, just applying the foundation and highlight took so much time that I decided to apply a red lipstick.

Red lipstick. The saviour of women who didn't have time for a full makeup look.

I only half dried my hair before I heard a knock on the door.

"Okay." I mumbled to myself as I took a look in the mirror.

Presentable enough.

I got out of the bedroom after putting my phone on charge.

"That was thirteen minutes, not five." Zaydaan commented as soon as I stepped into the lounge.

His eyes gazed at my face, as if he was thinking that I made him wait just for makeup.

"I couldn't just go bare faced." I said with a small shrug.

He couldn't respond as we both heard a cheerful voice and had to turn around.

Ahad.

While Zaydaan was a man dressed in a dress shirt with a coat hanging in his left arm, Ahad was still in his night t-shirt. His hair ruffled and eyes still sleepy.

"Good Morning!" I heard him yell at us.

He was going down for breakfast from the opposite staircase.

"Ahad. Come here." Upon hearing his brother's voice, Ahad rushed to our side.

He greeted me with a small smile, one that I gladly returned. His eyes were sleepy but always so happy, I liked that in a person.

"What?" He looked at his brother with a raised eye.

I glanced at both of them with a certain curiosity. It was because I really wanted to see the way he interacted with his family.

Was he a little detached with his family as well? Or was he just cautious of me since we just got married?

"You're going with me." He stated.

Ahad's eyes widened.

"What? Where?"

"For the conference, you're going with me." They started to walk downstairs, I followed them.

"The hell? No, I'm not." Zaydaan didn't seem like the negotiating type.

"You are. Pack your s**t for tomorrow."

He was leaving tomorrow.

I knew that. I had to go for the maklawa anyway. But still, it seemed like too much, I wanted him to stay, I wanted us to get to know each other better.

I wanted to make something out of a relationship that was based on politics.

"You know what?" Ahad stopped midway on the stairs. So did Zaydaan.

"We both shouldn't go. You should stay with your pretty bride and I should stay because I have a date."

I smiled at the pretty remark. Ahad turned to looked at me.

"No bhabhi? What do you say? Do you want him to leave?"

I bit my lip.

I don't.

But telling him that would make no difference. He had a country to represent, an image to make. I couldn't stop him.

"Uhh, I-" I hesitated.

Zaydaan interrupted in between anyway.

"She doesn't get a say in this matter. Now off you go, I'm gonna tell baba. Don't protest."

"But-" My husband lifted his hand, as if he wanted to tell his brother to shut the whining.

"At your age, I was the member of national assembly."

"Fine. I'll go."

He finally gave in, as we entered the dining hall. His mother was eating, alone.

"Morning, mama." Ahad greeted her, kissing the top of her head.

"Salam, mama." Zaydaan said, giving his mother a small smile.

They met their mother with a certain respect, with a dignity that I didn't really see among other people before.

I smiled at my mother in law and went to greet her too.

"Come on, sit sit. Aaina, come sit on Zaydaan's side." I sat by my husband's side as breakfast got served to the both of us.

"You had a good sleep?"

"Yes, aunty." I replied, drinking a glass of juice.

I was just about to bite down on the toast when I heard the voice of my father in law or the Prime Minister as millions of people called him.

He walked in front of a man in a uniform.

"Aur bilkul mujhe koi call na dena ab. Subah se tang kiya hua hai, tell the CM to handle this matter."

(And no one should disturb me anymore, tell the Chief minister to handle this matter.)

He said to him in a loud firm tone, clearly he seemed annoyed at something.

"Sir, wo Zaydaan Sahab ko bol dain na..he can handle this."

(Sir, can you ask Zaydaan sir to handle this?)

Upon hearing his own name, my husband looked up, staring at the man in a waist coat.

He held a diary in his hand and a phone in another. Maybe, he was the Prime Minister's advisor or something.

"Zaydaan is the foreign minister, he has other duties."

I heard the response from my father in law, he sat on the breakfast table.

A newspaper in his hand as he went through several headlines, his advisor walked away, leaving the family alone.

"Salam, baba. What happened?" Zaydaan greeted, getting straight to the point.

"That protest against the girl, they're getting out of hand."

I didn't know what they were talking about. I kept eating my breakfast.

"You should talk to your advisors, I think it's not something ordinary." My husband replied.

"We already issued a statement, we said not to mess with the state."

"And what good has that brought? I think you should get them charged with treason. They're burning things, defaming the country, hurting people."

A sudden silence took over the table as he spoke, his own father was left pondering. He remained quiet for a while before speaking up again.

"You're right. I'll talk to the CM about it."

I realised that the father son bond wasn't very personal, it was professional. His father gave importance to his advice and actually pondered over it for a while.

He could have disregarded him but he didn't.

"You fly tomorrow night?" Zaydaan nodded at his father question.

"Yes, baba. And Ahad is coming with me."

The sudden smile on Zaydaan's father's face was like a treat.

"Oh, MashaAllah! To aqal agayi phir? (Finally! Looks like someone's in senses)"

He cracked a grin and I felt my mother in law laugh too.

"Come on, let her think of me highly for a day atleast."

Ahad's voice came out whiny as he complained about his family ruining his image in front of me.

I thought it was cute, he seemed like a pampered child. Even in his late twenties.

The Prime Minister directed his attention towards me.

"Aaina. Don't think about it, Ahad it 

our lazy child. We have to give him a little push."

He told me. I nodded.

After finishing his breakfast, he stood up from the table. His eyes glancing at my husband.

"Zaydaan, tell Khalid to check the reception preparations. I'll see you all tonight."

Zaydaan stood up from his seat as well, wiping his face with a napkin.

"Yes, I'll go too." He announced.

I didn't know whether I should stand up or not so I remained in my seat.

"You should stay today, you just got married." His father responded.

My husband shook his head.

"Baba, I have people from the Chinese consulate sitting in my office right now."

He picked up his briefcase from the sofa.

"It's okay, Aaina will be busy getting ready anyway." My mother in law commented, putting her family at ease.

As if Zaydaan was going to stop because of me.

"Good bye."

I didn't know whether he had said it to me or to everyone else but I said goodbye anyway.

--

--

Getting dressed for the Walima (Reception) ceremony was like taking a good spa. It was relaxing. I was simply sitting while people worked on me to make me look good enough.

And as I was getting dressed, there was only one thought in my head.

Zaydaan.

Who was he in reality?

Was he the man who had told me it was his right to have s*x with me on our first night together or was he the man who told me to say no because I was shaking?

Was he the man who told me that husband's word was the last word or was he the man who apologised to me for saying offensive things?

Was he the man who had not cared about how much pain I was in last night or was he the man who held me in his arms as we slept?

Was he the man who didn't even bother to kiss me last night or was he the man who let me put my head on his chest?

Who was Zaydaan Ziagil? And how would I ever understand him?

I knew that I was getting ahead of myself, I needed time, he needed time and so did this relationship.

But I liked to overthink things. It was just who I was as a person.

After getting done with my photoshoot, without my husband, my husband who was still in his office, my husband who had still not replied to my text and my husband who was still not here at the venue as I sat in the powder room.

I jumped a little as the door suddenly opened and I spotted my husband.

My husband who was in a clean shave tonight, who had actually shaved his beard. He looked younger, like a Prince instead of a king.

His white suit seemed to exhibit royalty. If it wasn't for the urgent look in his eyes, I would have stared at him all day.

"Hi." I whispered.

"Salam. Come on," He motioned me to get up, holding my hand since I was in a heavy dress with heels.

"Were you in office all day?" I enquired.

He nodded with a sigh.

"I changed in my office too." He replied.

"Oh, I waited for you. I thought you'd come by sooner." I informed him.

I wanted us to have a long conversation.

"I didn't really have any time." He answered as we exited the powder room

"I texted you."

"I know," He murmured.

So he really ignored my message? Okay. Great.

"There are going to be journalists here tonight, don't answer any questions." He told me in a hurry as we were about to make an entrance in the main hall.

I grew nervous.

Why didn't they mention this before?

"Are they going to like-" Before I could complete my question, he interrupted in between, his voice turned into something more soothing.

As if he had sensed my discomfort.

"Interview us? No. But they manage to sneakily ask something and then twist it. So be careful."

He warned. I nodded.

Okay so what do I do if anyone comes to me? Turn my head away? Tell them to leave?

"Okay."

I said instead, I didn't want to sound dumb.

Ugh.

--

---

If there was someone too special in my life, someone who I could count on for anything, it was my sister.

"Saira." I hugged her as she rushed to meet me on the stage.

"Aapi. You look so beautiful."

I smiled. Being called pretty was the best feeling in the world.

Does Zaydaan think I'm pretty?

"How are you? Ammi, abbu are okay, right?" I asked her instead.

"Yeah, abbu was with Zaydaan bhai all day and ammi had a few people over too."

I looked at her in shock. What?

As far as I knew, my husband was in his office meeting with some Chinese delegation. He was so busy that he didn't even have time to come home and change. Then why was my sister telling me that he was with my father?

"But Zaydaan said that he was in office all day." I told her.

She shook her head in disbelief.

"He did? No, he came by our house like a few hours ago and we saw him go inside the study. It took like two three hours and then he left, with abbu."

So basically he was with my father all day?

My father had nothing to do with the foreign ministry, of course he had a lot to do with the general elections coming up.

But he had even told his father that he was going to his office, then why did he lie?

Or maybe he didn't lie. maybe he went to his office and then had some other work with my father.

I was confused.

"Oh? Then why would he-?" People had a habit of interrupting me, my sister was one of those people.

"I don't know, was he nice to you?"

"I think he was." I gave her an honest answer.

I truly had no idea if he was good to me or bad to me. He definitely was not bad to me, but was he good to me?

Yes, I was pretty confused.

My sister stood up from her seat as she spotted a female walking towards me. 

"Okay, I'll go meet everyone." She whispered in my ear, then left.

I spotted the woman with highlights in her hair as she sat next to me. I gave her a polite smile.

Maybe she was one of Zaydaan's relatives.

"Hello." She greeted me with a huge smile.

"Hi." I said back.

"Congratulations."

"Thank you."

As a photographer snapped our picture together, I turned to ask her who she was.

But before I could even open up my mouth, she started to question me.

"Can I ask you something? If you don't mind?"

"Uh sure,"

I replied with a small frown.

I just hoped she wasn't some other ex of my husband. I was not in the mood to meet and other woman who had once been in his life.

I was expecting something mean or something about my dress or something about my husband, instead I got asked about my marriage.

"Do you think that your marriage is based on a political alliance? Did money have a part to play in this wedding?"

I stared at her in utter disbelief. Who was this woman, sitting right next to me and being so rude?

"Excuse me?" I shot back, thinking maybe she would twist or change her words but she answered with another question.

"Is the relationship you just got into, do you think it's for the general elections?"

And now it clicked. She was a journalist. I remembered my husband's words and chose not to answer the questions.

"I think that I'm not supposed to answer your questions." I said honestly.

The women twisted it too.

"So you're told not to answer such questions? Which means you were prepared? Which means there's truth to my questions?"

I did not know what to say. I was not prepared for this, neither had I been specifically told what to do or what to say.

I hesitated, trying to come up with the response that would not land me in trouble.

It was in that moment, I wished for my husband to come and save me from this mess that I was going to create and maybe God had answered my prayer.

"Why are you bothering my bride, Yasmin?"

Zaydaan sat beside me and Yasmin stood up. She gulped at the sight of my husband.

"Ahh, we were just chatting. How are you? Congratulations."

She turned around the conversation, not asking him the same question as me.

Zaydaan was right. Journalists wanted a scoop and it was hard to dodge them.

"Thank you. I'm great, happy as you can see." He answered.

"Yeah," He stood up from beside me and looked at the woman.

"You journalists just want a scoop, no? Can't a man marry? I mean I thought it was hightime that I married."

I understood the image they were presenting to the world. My mother-in-law had told me that they had spread a rumour, apparently Zaydaan saw me at an Eid party and urged his parents to ask for my hand in marriage.

It was the biggest lie ever.

"No?"

His words came out firm but there was a smirk on his face, as if he knew what he was dealing with.

Of course he did.

"Ofcourse."

"And talking about political alliances, I think that the people trust us, we don't need any ally. We have our people." Sheer confidence oozed from him.

She smiled, nodding.

"You're right."

"I am. Enjoy your dinner."

So she left, without any scoop and with a little discomfort.

I gazed at my husband then, who was looking at me with a tinge of anger.

"I told you not to answer like that." He whispered in my ear, keeping his voice very low.

"I did what you said." I replied.

"It wasn't good enough, you left her speculating."

I inhaled a deep breath. I couldn't defend myself, I couldn't say that I was right because I had hesitated.

I had been good enough for me, but not for him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't really know. I said what I thought was best." I apologised.

My answer seemed to satisfy him. He blinked his eyes, putting his hand on mine.

"You need to learn quick, okay?"

There was no hesitation in my voice as I agreed. I couldn't say no, could I?

He wanted me to be perfect with everything but how could I do that? I was bound to make mistakes, to screw up, to be not good enough.

"Yes." I still said.

"Good, come now. It's time for dinner."

So he held my hand and fed me dinner, but I knew that this wasn't out of love or politeness but it was out of his need of control.

I just hoped I could change that. Before he changed me.

-