Student from Hell

Desperately seeking help-Ch.4

CASSIUS'S POINT OF VIEW

I decided that I’ll just ignore him, but he doesn’t make it easy for me. I mean, how can I ignore him when he talks like this? When he looks at me like that? How?

He left me speechless for the second time, and if I’m truly honest with myself, I have to admit that he is a little hot. Just a tiny bit. But maybe I shouldn’t be truly honest with myself.

Jesus, he’s my damn student, and he’s 17 or 18.

I’m a monster!

But to my defense, as I said, he looks 22 -23 and looks like a model, or better yet, a s*x god. Oh, no! Not a s*x God! He looks ... decent. Better. f**k, I’m f****d!

But it’s nothing wrong with appreciating something or someone beautiful. Right?

Besides, I’m just looking.

God, please help me, now I’m looking for excuses as to why would be ok to look at him.

And how did I end up from wanting to kill him, to ‘appreciating’ his body?

I think that was the moment when he told me what his intentions are. I think that that was the moment when my brain decided to f**k me up!

After our little encounter, I had to go back to my car and recover, more specifically to put my friend to sleep, because, as much as I want to deny this, I can’t, because there is hard evidence that says otherwise. Pun intended!

But this is not my fault. Everyone knows that we can’t control our d***s.

Oh, damn him and his green eyes, and his damn smirk and... God, what a dirty mouth!

I take a few deep breaths, count a few sheep, then go to class, hoping that he won’t be there.

But, as everyone knows, I pulled the short straw when it came to luck, and the devil came.

Not only that, but he’s also sitting in the first row.

I roll my eyes, and he smiles, flashing me his pearly teeth, and I quickly turn around to hide my smile and start writing on the blackboard.

I can feel his gaze on me, following my every move, it burns me, it’s making holes through me.

I turn around, and, as always, I was right, he’s eye-f*****g me again.

And he’s damn good at it.

I have to avoid looking at him. Not make it obvious, but avoid it as much as possible, because I don’t really know how to confront him, how to make him stop.

He’s stubborn as hell, and intimidating him doesn’t work. Quite the contrary. He seems to really enjoy it.

“Hot” He mouthed to me, and I roll my eyes again, then bite my inner cheek to avoid smiling.

Don’t smile, Cassius! Don’t f*****g smile!

I continue my class, but all he does, it’s staring at me.

“Take notes!” I demanded in an irritated voice, and he smirks and takes his pen and notebook.

Well, maybe he’s capable of listening.

He start writing, or at least that’s what I thought he was doing. But I became suspicious when he started looking at me every 10 seconds, drawing lines.

I walk in front of him, ready to scold him for not listening, but I lose my string of thoughts when I see that he’s actually making a portrait. Of me. A very good one, may I add.

Now, what in the name of Jesus Christ and all that’s Holy, do I say to that?

“Is everything ok, Mr. Bourne?” He asked with a cocky smile, knowing damn well that I can’t say anything.

“I think you skipped a few sentences.” I point to his drawing, and his cocky smile turns into a genuine one. Bea---nice smile.

“Don’t worry. I wrote the most captivating and beautiful part.” He said in a low voice, more like a husky whisper, and his smile reached his light green eyes.

DO NOT SMILE BACK! And don’t you dare enjoy the compliment, Cassius!

“Just pay attention,” I demanded in a serious voice, and he nods and looks me straight in the eye.

“Even if I didn’t want to pay attention, I couldn’t. This story is too beautiful. It caught my attention the second I saw the cover. I only read the introduction, and I’m already hooked. So trust me when I say that I’m planning on reading each and every single page of it. Multiple times.” The last part sounded like a promise, and I curse my body for reacting to it, and as if he knows what’s going on in my mind, he looks down at the drawing for a second and brushes his thumb over it. More accurately, my lips, then looks back up and bites his lower lip, hungrily kissing me with his eyes.

Really? How the Hell is he so good with words? He’s supposed to be a damn teenager.

Snap out of it!!! Don’t enjoy it!

I clear my throat, because I’m once again at a loss for words, and avert his gaze.

“Let’s continue.” I start lecturing again, and he continues drawing.

Damn him!

He makes me feel...good... too good... I think it’s time for a little prayer.

God, I hope that the heat that floods my body it’s because I’m having a fever, and my stomach feels strange because I caught a bug and not what I read and wrote in novels. Amen.

I release a breath that I had no idea I was holding until the bell rang and announced me that the class is finally over, then go to my desk and take my phone out to text Mia, because I need to talk to someone and she’s the only one I have, and I need advice and ideas on how to make him stop, even though I have a feeling that he’s not the quitting type. What if he won’t ever quit? He must quit at some point, right? I f*****g hope so, and I hope that it’s gonna be very f*****g soon.

“Here, this is yours.” The deep voice interrupts the beginning of my future panic attack, and I look up.

With a smile on his face, he places the drawing on my desk and goes before I have the chance to give it back to him.

CAN I HAVE MY PANIC ATTACK NOW?

I take the drawing and look at it, and I’m honestly stunned. It’s like I’m looking at my colorless reflection in the mirror.

I close the door and call Mia, who, thank God, answers after the second call.

“What happened ?” I expected her to panic. I never call while I’m at school, but this is an emergency.

“I’m fine. Ok, I’m not fine. But it has nothing to do with the psychopath.” She lets out a breath of relief that makes me smile.

“Elaborate, please.” I sigh hard and think about where to start. The beginning would be a good idea.

“Ok. I have an evil student sent from Hell to f**k with my sanity.” I stated it as a sad fact, and she laughs, but I can’t laugh, I don’t find it funny.

“Again, elaborate.” She urges, and I take a deep breath and try to recall everything that happened since I met him, to describe his personality as well as I can, so we can find the best solution to get rid of him.

“Ok. First day at school, first class. I enter, and I see a big muscular, tattooed guy, wearing a leather jacket, ripped jeans, and leather boots, sitting on my desk with a cigarette in his mouth. Not lit, but still.” I start with the beginning, and I expect her to gasp in horror, but instead, I hear a squeal.

God, please don’t tell me that she’s excited about this.

“HOT!” To my absolute horror, she exclaimed excitedly, and I want to yell at her and tell her that I know, but I won’t and can’t admit that! At least not out loud. Or in my mind. No! Don’t!

“Mia, you’re not helping! At f*****g all, Mia!” My voice is loud and desperate because she’s my only hope, hope that it’s crushed when I heard her muffle her laughter.

I want to hang up because it’s clear that she won’t help me one bit, actually, maybe she’ll make it worse, but something inside of me doesn’t let me hang up. Most probably the need to talk to someone, say everything out loud, and at the same time hope that I will find some solution even if it’s by myself.

“Ok, ok. Go on!”

“So, I ignore him. Wait for him to flip. I thought that he wants to push my limits. And when he did flip, I grabbed his throat and pushed him back hard. I tell him not to f**k with me, because I’m not that type of teacher, and so on. And you’ll never guess what he said.” I think about that specific moment and try to remember if I saw some trace of fear or shock in his eyes, but I can’t. It was only mischief and that frustrating smile that told me that he has me where he wanted me and he’s f*****g proud of it.

“What?!” She asked in the same excited voice, but I disregard it and continue.

“That he saw me in the hallway, and he thought that I’m a rough one, and he just wanted to make sure that he’s right and that I’m hot as f**k!” Even though I don’t want to, I can’t help but smile.

He is really something else.

“Noooooooo.” Mia dragged the word, clearly shocked, and I nod, even though she can’t see me.

“Yes,” I reply dryly, still smiling. Don’t smileeeee!!!

“That’s Hot!” Of course, she would think that! And it is a little bit, but again, I won’t admit it.

“Mia...!” I trailed off, begging her to stop telling me that he’s hot because I really don’t need her to reinforce my stupid thoughts.

“What? It is!” Jesus, she’s really not helping.

“God, you’re even more broken than him.” She starts laughing, and I chuckle faintly, not because it’s funny, but because of what I start to realize... I don’t want to realize!

“A little. Go on.” She urged again in that enthusiastic voice that drives me insane.

“I told him that he has a dirty mouth and that he should keep it clean, and he said that it’s not dirty, but he would like to get it dirty, then looked at my crotch.”

“H.O.T.!” She spelled the word, and I shake my head. She’s broken. My best friend is broken!

“Mia, I need you to help me, not tell me how hot he is!” I asked in a desperate voice, even though I know that what I’m asking is impossible, but she just laughs again, making me roll my eyes and grunt in annoyance.

“Ok. Sorry. Go on.” I disregard the fakeness of her apology and continue.

“I let him go, and he goes out. All the way out. He wasn’t even in my class! He came there for me. Then, the next class he came again. He eye f****d me all the time. Shamelessly. I mean, the guy doesn’t even bother to be subtle.” With this information, his emerald eyes popped into my mind, and I shake my head, refusing to let my stupid mind swim in forbidden waters, and choose to remember that he’s my student! He’s 18. IF he’s 18. Maybe he’s 17! Jesus Christ! I’ll go to Hell. Or maybe not. I mean, I haven’t done anything.

“Fuck... I’m speechless.”

“You and I both. But wait.” I continue, hoping that the answer will come as soon as I finish saying everything.

“There’s more?” She asked surprised, and I sigh hard.

“And how much. So, after, I asked his name. Mia, if someone would give you 1 million dollars and one month to guess the answer, you wouldn’t guess it.”

“Spill it!”

“He said, and I quote: ‘I’ll tell you when you’ll be ready to scream it. When I’ll be buried deep inside of you.’ ” I focus my attention on the very interesting wall and start counting the chairs and tables, not wanting to fall into temptation and think of... well... chairs and tables are safe.

“Is he bi? I want to f**k him! Please tell me he’s bi!” She begged, and I chuckle in despair.

“Mia...” I pleaded again because I can’t afford to hear things like this, it’s hard to control my thoughts as it is.

“What?! I do!” I know she does, who wouldn’t? He looks like a God! And that mouth of his... NOPE!!! Dangerous territory.

“Mia, I called you to help me. Listen and shut up!” I need a new friend. This one is broken beyond repair.

"I will try to help you. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t express my opinions. Go on." She scolded, tempting me to hang up, but I decided against it. I’m almost done, and maybe she’ll help. Maybe.

“f**k. Ok. So, this morning we met in the parking lot. By the way, he’s driving a bike. A very cool bike. And please don’t comment!” I know what she would say, and I don’t want to hear it.

“And I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him to leave me alone, I told him that I don’t f**k teenagers, that I f**k men, and I used the term ′baby boy’. Big mistake. He said that baby boys are the best, that I can teach him all from scratch, and that he’s a very good student, and he’ll work extra hours.” Don’t get hard Cassius! Deep breaths!!!!!

“Again... Hot! And damnnnn, he doesn’t take no for an answer! And that makes him even more ho--” I refuse to hear that word being associated with him again and interrupt her.

“NO! DO NOT SAY IT AGAIN!” I demanded while I’m trying to convince myself that he’s not hot.

“It’s hard. He is... ok. I’ll try not to say it again.” Even if I wouldn’t know her I wouldn’t have believed her.

“Yeah... Now, he came to my class, and again he eye f****d me. And I told him to write, then I noticed that he was not writing, so I assumed that he’s just fooling around, making lines and s**t. But he was actually drawing my portrait, and I couldn’t tell him not to draw me, so I said that he should pay attention because I think he skipped a few sentences. And he said that he wrote the most captivating and beautiful part.” A smile formed on my stupid face without my permission, and the bugs in my stomach came back, making me curse.

“That’s beautiful. Why didn’t I become a teacher? I want my student.” She said in a genuinely sad voice, making me roll my eyes and question her sanity.

“Mia, you were supposed to tell me how illegal and immoral would be for me to even THINK of him other than my student, not how hot he is. I’m going crazy over here, and I need you to make me feel like s**t because I... just maybe I like him. Now, make me feel ashamed of myself, make me feel like s**t!” I desperately begged, and... she f*****g laughs!

“Cass, I can’t tell you that. We live once, and if we do it by the rules, we might as well kill ourselves. The guy is hot!” I let my head fall on the desk, hoping that the impact will erase him from my head.

“Besides, for once you’re thinking of someone else than that fucker, for once you’re not depressed. Yes, you’re frustrated, but not depressed. And don’t think that I haven’t figured out that you smiled as you told me all that. ” She knows me too good.

“Mia, I don’t even know if he’s 18, for God’s sake.” I lean back in my chair and run a hand over my face in frustration.

Why can’t he be 22? Damn, I would even settle for 20.

“Age is just a number. And we live once. Now, I’m not telling you to jump in bed with him or even do anything. But don’t beat yourself up. And honestly, if I were you, I would’ve f****d him by now.” Why did I call? Why did I think that she’ll be of any use? Actually, I knew she won’t be of any good, maybe even useless, but not this!!!!

“You wouldn’t. I can lose my job. Maybe even go to jail. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about him anymore, and I don’t have time. We’ll talk later. Ok?” I can’t afford to lose my job. God... why am I even thinking about this?

“Ok. Call me tonight. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I hang up, and without wanting, my eyes dart to the drawing.

It’s really beautiful. I would’ve never guessed that he can draw so well.

For a second I thought about throwing it but on second thought... I mean, nobody did something like this for me.

Oh, God, I need to f**k, find someone to spend some time with because I think that that’s why I’m in this situation, having these unholy thoughts. Because I’m lonely.

But then again, he’s not the first one that pays me compliments or hits on me. That happens quite often. But not like him. He’s brutally honest, but also sweet.

I’m definitely going crazy. Definitely.

At lunch, I saw him in the hallway with some girls, who looked mesmerized by him, but he had a serious, almost bored expression on his face, but as soon as our eyes met, he smiled. Damn! I quickly avert my gaze because I feel how my lips start tugging upwards, wanting to form a smile, and I can’t afford that.

He came again to my class, and as usual, he just looked at me. He eye f****d me, of course, but he also looked at me sweetly, with a beautiful and genuine smile on his face as if he’s admiring me, memorizing me, and I tried not to be affected by it, and I want to think that I succeeded. Did I?

Oh, God, I have to find a way to make him stop. I have to. But how? I can’t report him. Maybe he’s not out, and I can’t do that to him, no matter how stubborn he is.

I can keep being cold toward him. Who knows, maybe that will work. It will work.

He will give up eventually.

He has to.

A/N.

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