THE ROCKSTAR AND THE GAY (BXB ENGLISH)

"Wayne, are you really sure about this? I could do this for you, you know."   I looked at Lenard and nodded.   "Of course, I can. I can do this. I am Wayne Ralbovsky, I can do everything," I boasted and tried to laugh but Lenard didn't laugh with me. He could sense that I was just faking it so he just looked at me intently.   I looked away so that he wouldn't see the pain in my eyes. I tried to relax my tensed muscles and breathe in and out some air to ease the pain in my chest.   "Wayne, I think it's better for you to back out. Don't do this to yourself, dude," Timmy told me and everyone could hear the sympathy in his voice for me.   "I... c---can't." My voice trembled. I can't really control it because of the emotions that were driving me nuts. I was just acting strong in front of my friends. I just wanted to show them that I could do it even though deep inside all I wanted to do was to hide my self and scream as loud as I can to bring out the pain that's starting to strangle me.   My friends grimly looked at me.   "I don't know if you're dumb or just plain stupid or are you just being a d**k right now? Why don't you just fuckin' kill yourself, Wayne, than let that asshole cousin of yours kill you little by little?!" Anthony spat angrily. I know he wanted to just punch me in the face for me to stop the craziness I am about to do.   The pain rushed into my chest again not only from what my friend said but because of the stupidity that I am about to do. He's right. I'm stupid. But what could I do if it's Ram who begged for me to do this?   "Dude, stop it. You know how Wayne..." Shin didn't continue with what he's saying when I interrupted him.   "Shin, he's actually right. I am stupid," I bitterly uttered.    I tried catching enough breath so I can tell them what I wanna say.   "This might be my... my last chance to... sing a song for him."   No, I am not talking about my cousin. I am talking about someone else who has been inside my head for that past few months. Someone who made me realize a lot of things including the love I never thought I could give.   What I've said made all of us quiet. Everyone has his own thoughts bugging his mind.   I blinked away the tears that were hurting my eyes. I have to do this for the sake of my best friend and of the person I love.   "Wayne,"   All of us looked at the person who called my name and is now coming our way. It was Ram.   I cleared my throat and tried to smile at him.   "Hi, guys! Are you also here to give me support?" he excitedly asked.   He was obviously excited of what's gonna happen tonight. His eyes say it all.   My friends on the other hand didn't reply. Lenard, Timmy and Shin just forced themselves to smile at him while Anthony rolled his eyes.   "Yes, Ram. They're here to... to watch... how you would woe, um, K-kennan again."   My throat constricted when I said that name out loud. I blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes and looked away from Ram. I don't want him to see how I am hurting right now. I don't want him to see how I wanted to just walk away. I saw Shin looking sadly at me. I nodded at him telling him that I'll be fine.   "So, have you chosen the best song for tonight? A song that would make Kennan fall in love with me all over again?" Ram asked so I was forced to look at him.   "I'll make sure that you will be both impressed."   That I can still sing a song for both of you who are tearing my heart into pieces.   I wanted to add but decided not to. I don't want to ruin this night  by telling Ram what exactly I am feeling tonight.   "Wayne, you really are my best friend. Thanks for doing this for me, man.  C'mon, he might be there already. By the way, where's your guitar?" He looked for my favorite instrument thinking I'll be using that.   "I'm gonna use Lenard's keyboards," I answered him.   "I've really been gone for a long time that I didn't know you already play a different instrument."  I was stunned by what he said but I decided to answer it truthfully.   "It was because the person I love prefers a person who plays the keyboards rather than a guitar so I studied," I admitted.   My friends looked at me expecting me to say something more but I looked at them and shook my head. Anthony rolled his eyes again.   "Really? The famous rock star, Wayne Ralbovsky has already fallen in love? When are you going to tell me about her?" Ram happily asked.   "I have no plan of telling you about... that person."   Ram curiously looked at me but before he could ask, I immediately explained.   "That person didn't love me back because of someone else,"   And that someone is you, Ram.   "That person is stupid then for turning down someone like you. C'mon, she doesn't know what she missed for not choosing you."   Fuck, Ram. If you only knew that you were the one he has chosen over me.   If I could just scream it in front of him, I would.   I felt Shin's hand on my shoulder letting me know that he's just there if ever I'm gonna burst out.   "Why don't we just go to the rooftop now, Ram? Your date might already be there waiting for you to show up," I reminded him.   "Damn! I almost forgot the time. Let's go."   Ram walked towards the door and went out from the room where we were. My friends and I followed him.   "Wayne," Timmy called my name when we were already waiting for Ram to call me in for the thing he begged me to do tonight.   I looked at Timmy.   "Can you really do this?" His voice was filled with worry and concern.   "Don't worry, guys. I can do this for Ram and... K--kenan."   I bit my lip hard when my voice cracked.   "Tss. So stupid," Anthony whispered but every one of us heard what he said.   The rest of our friends stared at him with contempt but he just ignored them.   I swallowed hard as I closed my hand in a fist as I waited for my phone to ring. It was my cue to go where Ram and his date are. My mind can't help but imagine what they're doing right now.   Maybe Ram was smiling sweetly at him. Maybe he's smiling sweetly back at Ram. Are they holding each other's hands right now? Are their hands around each other's body? Are they...   Kissing right now?   The thoughts hurt me even more that made me want to just...   Disappear.