Survival Island (reality show)

19. The wolf

The white wolf is sitting in his den made of palm leaves. He's in the furthest corner of Sebastian’s mind. Sadness is his companion right now. He knew it would hurt as hell to force a shift, but it’s better for them if Sebastian is himself. Getting stuck in wolf form in this contest, even on this blasted island, would be bad. Very bad, because he can’t explain anything and putting this kind of a burden on Magnus is just not fair.

He is glad that Magnus set Sebastian’s wrist, but he still has to apologize for that blunder. What was he thinking? Playing around with the coyote could have gone terribly wrong. The little injury he sustained is nothing. What if the bastard managed to hurt Magnus? The guy doesn’t have his shifter healing abilities. He could have gotten killed and it would be all his fault! He couldn’t live with that. Knowing that he caused a friend harm.

But it’s like with all things, hindsight is always perfect. He knows now that it could be bad, but it was so fun to play with him. He doesn’t get a chance to do anything but run around the forest. To be given this opportunity, to show what he can do, was amazing. Sebastian could have handled it on his own. The guy didn’t stand a chance either way. Getting his paw hurt was all his own fault. He was careless, he needs to own the consequences.

He licks the blood and dirt off of his white fur and longs for a bath. He’s not getting any, because shifting is not an option right now. He can feel the coldness of the river water Sebastian is using to clean off and he longs for it. Too bad he doesn’t get clean when Sebastian does. He sighs and continues to groom his fur. As proud as he is about his snow white fur, right now that is a pain in his behind. Getting it clean will be a long and tedious process.

Self pity won’t get you anywhere, he thinks. He hates being stuck all the way in the far corner, but this time it’s his fault. Sebastian never locks him away this far. Even for the most stupid thing he could have ever do, he was never punished like this.  He hopes Sebastian finds something good to eat soon. He hates to feel so alone. Right now he can’t even listen in on what Sebastian is thinking, yet alone to the conversation he’s having with Magnus. 

He is used to not seeing the outside world, but this total sensory deprivation is hard. It's been a long time since Sebastian let himself be so energy depleted that they lost their connection. And he never did it on purpose. They are always close and chatting. Maybe not all the time, but a few words every few hours is their norm. Now there is only silence to greet him. He wonders how Sebastian is taking it? Is he mad at him for the latest stupidity? Will he punish him and let him stew all alone for days?

He understands the need to save energy, but he tries to reach out to Sebastian anyway: ‘Sebastian? Say something.’ 

He drops his head on his paws and whines silently. Sebastian can’t hear him. He is out there somewhere in this stupid jungle. At least he’s not all alone like the wolf. Sebastian has Magnus to talk to, he’s got his new friend. The wolf hopes that Sebastian won’t forget about him. They are one for as long as he exists. He misses his best friend and wishes to hear his voice. Just one word! One tiny word. Anything!

Well, you botched it. Maybe the connection can be made when Sebastian goes to sleep? How long will this wait be? What time is it anyway? It was early morning when the coyote attacked. How much time has passed since then? Apparently they were walking and they found water. He felt it. Or was the cold because Sebastian is in shock? Was the forced shift a bad idea? Did he jeopardize them both? Would it be better to stay a wolf?

He gets up and pads around his surroundings. There is nothing there, just darkness. He can’t see anything, he can’t feel anything. Should he be scared? Or should he lay down and wait? Pacing is futile, he’s not getting anywhere. He returns to his palm leaves den and sighs deeply. He hates to be alone. Can he sleep it off? He’s too worked up to sleep. 

Returning to slowly groom his fur, he calms down while doing it. He even manages to sleep for a while. Was it enough time for Sebastian to rest and eat? Did they ever find anything? The bugs and maggots diet is gross and not very good nourishment. Fish is better, but what Sebastian needs right now is red meat. No luck for that anytime soon. Nothing even remotely suitable on the island in that food group.

Should he try again to call out to Sebastian? He misses him badly. Is he ready for more disappointment, if he doesn’t answer him? There is no change around him, he doesn’t feel anything from Sebastian and it scares him. Maybe trying to call him is not a good idea, but he will try. He needs to know.

‘Sebastian! Please!’ The wolf calls out, but he gets no answer. There is only darkness and silence. The only change he can feel is his healed paw. He guesses Magnus managed to do something right with Sebastian’s wrist after all. Small blessings for his nerves. But healing takes energy they don’t have right now. If he’s all alone in this quiet dark pit, is Sebastian feeling human? 

He tries to sleep again, he’s got nothing else to do here. He lays in a tight ball and covers his eyes with a paw. He sighs deeply and makes himself comfortable. Learning to be alone is a process that he hates. Enduring loneliness is more like it. Hope is the last thing he will abandon. He has faith that Sebastian will pull him out of this dark pit soon enough.

‘Hey, wolfie.’ Sebastian nudges him with his arm. He can feel it in his fur. The warm hand stroked him right behind his ears.

‘You came.’ The wolf sighs. ‘Are you angry with me?’

‘No. I understand why you did it.’ Sebastian answers and picks him into his lap. They used to play like this when they were kids. He feels like a puppy again, because Sebastian didn’t do this since they were all grown up.

‘Is this a dream?’ The wolf asks. He is not quite sure what this is.

‘No. We found some frogs and roasted them. Then we followed the river downstream to see if there were any fish in it. We were lucky. You should see the surprise on Magnus’ face when I wolfed down six fish on my own.’ Sebastian tells him. Six fish doesn’t sound a lot, but he didn’t see the size of them. Maybe they are equivalent to a nice juicy steak?

‘I’m sorry I botched everything. I shouldn’t have played around.’ The wolf says. His apology is long overdue.

‘It’s fine. Get some rest. I need sleep, too and we’ll talk tomorrow.’ Sebastian tells him and keeps stroking his fur. It feels so good, he sinks back to sleep faster than he wanted to.

Sleep is all fine and right, but waking up to feelings of anger and despair, mixed with cursing in four different languages is not. What the hell happened? He is not used to hearing Sebastian curse. Maybe one word here or there, but a string of curses this long is a novelty. Weren’t they all sleeping? Or did he sleep so long that Sebastian and Magnus already continued their trek to the extraction point?