“What’s wonderful? What does mom mean?”
“Jean-Luc!” she shouts to my father, who immediately turns around. “Jean-Luc! Romy is having a baby!”
Eh? But what’s she saying? I know I still have a small belly, the one I call my professional stomach, but still!
Inevitably, all conversation ceased in the room and all eyes turned to me. But it’s a crash at my back that catches my attention.
I turned around and found Simon as pale as a ghost. He had just dropped on one of the stair steps and I rushed towards him.
“Hey, Simon, are you okay?”
I put my hand on his knee and shook it lightly. He looked up at me with a panicked expression.
“You’re pregnant?”
At first, his reaction made me almost happy. I believe he’s jealous of a possible man I could have met during his absence and who could have given me a child. But when he adds in a slightly too accusatory tone:
“When were you thinking of telling me?”
I understand what surprised him: he imagines that he’s the father. I remained speechless for a few seconds. Too many questions cross my mind, the first being: why do my mother and Simon think I’m pregnant? But above all, I’m hurt by my friend’s insinuation. Does he really think I’d be able to hide something like that from him?
A burst of laughter pulls me out of my thoughts.
“Romy!” laughed Elena. “You have a knack for making remarkable entrances!”
“I’m not pregnant!”
“I know, but I think your T-shirt is confusing.”
My eyes go down to my chest and then my belly. On it is written in blue: It’s a boy! I grabbed the first clean top out of my laundry pile, and it’s pretty much the one we got at Elena’s last baby shower a few weeks ago.
I raised my head and met my mother’s eyes. The disappointment that I read there breaks my heart. Her lower lip quivers as she asks:
“But then, there’s no baby?”
I sigh.
“No, Mom, I just didn’t pay attention to the T-shirt I put on.”
She nods sadly, then puts a smile on her face the next second.
“Well, I suggest that we all go into the garden to enjoy the sun and have a drink!” she says.
Her suggestion is followed by appreciative exclamations.
“Go ahead, I’ll quickly go back to change.”
I walked around Simon, not giving him a look, and rushed into my room. I slammed the door and leaned against it. I feel that the day is going to be very long...
I should get dressed and hurry to find my guests. But instead, I collapsed on my bed. I think back to my mother’s expression, the joy in her eyes before it gave way to disenchantment. To be honest, I'm disappointed too. It’s not that I thought for a single second that I was pregnant! No, my sadness is elsewhere. A few years ago, when I imagined myself celebrating my 38th birthday, I thought that I would have accomplished a lot more things.
On the professional side, I have no complaints. After having worked there for several years as an employee, I took over Locron’s bakery and pastry shop on my own. It’s almost more than I would have hoped. On the personal side, on the other hand… I saw myself married at that age, with at least two children. But to this day, the second bedroom in my little house remains desperately empty. As for my own bed...
Two light knocks tap at my door.
“Yes?”
The door opens and Leona’s face appears.
“Can I?”
“Yes, of course.”
She enters and comes to sit next to me on the bed.
“I…I should change.”
Yet I don’t move from where I am.
“You have time, they all went to the garden to have a drink. I asked the girls to occupy them. I suspected that you would need a moment.”
Sometimes Leona can seem tough, but she’s far more perceptive than she lets on. A tear ran down my cheek.
“Hey! It’s your birthday, you have no right to cry!”
She pulls me towards her and wraps her arms around me.
“I know it’s silly, but I’m already 38 and…”
“Hey! You are only 38 years old! Stop talking like your life is over! You still have a lot of beautiful things to live, and you can’t know what the future holds for you. Hopefully, next year, on your birthday, we’ll laugh at this conversation because a lot of great things will happen to you.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“I tell you that it’s true.”
I sniffle, enjoy my friend’s embrace, then say:
“You know, sometimes I hate you so much with your sexy husband, your beautiful kids, your perfect life. I’m ashamed, but it’s true, Leo: I happened to be really very very jealous of you.”
Instead of getting offended, she laughs.
“Well, I grant you, my children are beautiful and my husband is super sexy.”
I growl.
“But do you really think my life is perfect? That doesn’t exist, Romy. Not even among those influencers who coordinate their children’s outfits with the colour of their curtains so they can post them on i********:. It’s just an illusion, an image, but you have to beware of appearances. If you scratch a little, very often, you realise that the varnish is there to hide something and that the truth is quite different.”
“You mean you’re not happy?”
She takes a second before answering.
“I’m very happy. But my life is certainly not as rosy as you imagine. I argue with Manon. Sometimes the children make me mad. I’m tired. You know, it’s funny that you tell me you envy me because sometimes I’m the one who’s jealous of you.”
“Jealous of me? But why? I really don’t see why you can envy me!”
“Your freedom. You don’t have to answer to anyone.”
“I wish I had someone to report to from time to time,” I whispered.
“I know,” she replied softly, stroking my hair. “I think it’s the story of life, you’re never happy with what you have.”
“That’s very true.”
“Come on, get dressed and come party with us.”
I straightened up and smiled at her. She adds:
“Besides, being thirty-eight is like being eighteen, but with twenty years of experience.”
I laugh.
“I have a few more wrinkles than I did when I was eighteen, all the same!”
“But would you be willing to give up everything you know today to get back to being eighteen?”
I pretend to think for a second, but the answer is obvious:
“No.”
“There it is!”
She gets up from the bed and heads for the wardrobe that I still haven’t opened.
“Let me take care of you, and in ten minutes, you’ll be even sexier than all the past years.”
I trust her with my eyes closed. If I have a friend who has good taste, it’s Leona. And then, it’s nice to be pampered.
While she’s doing my makeup, she asks me:
“Where are you with Simon?”
Surprised by her question, I jumped.
“I’m not blind, Romy, I know very well that you’ve been in love with him for a long time. You’re a little more discreet than Loraine, when everyone knew about her crush on Mark, except him. But when we know you a little, it’s obvious. And I also know that you have slept together before.”
“How do you know about that?” I wonder.
Even though I tell a lot of things to my girlfriends, I never said anything about the few evenings with Simon that went beyond the stage of simple friendship.
“Never mind how I found out,” she replies, dabbing the corner of my eye. “My question is: what are you going to do?”
I sigh.
“I…I don’t know. There’s nothing to do, it’s too complicated, he’s very busy with his work. Me too,” I added, so as not to give the impression that I put all the blame on him.
Leona pulls her face back and grimaces. Is it because of the makeup or what I just said?
“Maybe it’s time to ask the right questions. What do you think?”
“I thought you were trying to cheer me up... Now you’re trying to make me angry?”
She gave me a sympathetic smile.
“Not at all. I just want what’s best for you.”
“I already told you, it’s complicated.”
She stared at me for a second before saying:
“Nothing is easy. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my own experience, it’s that when you really want something, you’re ready to do anything, even make sacrifices. There’s always a solution.”
I’m about to retaliate, but she doesn’t give me time. She turns on her heels and says to me over her shoulder:
“Come on, come on, before they all think you’ve run away!”
I have to admit, I’m having a lot more fun than I thought I would. My friends, with the complicity of my mother, have set up a pretty table with colourful dishes in the garden. The children run around, while the older group is reclusive in a corner, their noses in their mobile phones. But it seems it’s their way of having a good time.
I’m sitting next to my older brother Guillaume, who seems worried.
“What’s happening?” I end up asking him. “Jade is still giving you a hard time?”
My brother has been raising his teenage daughter alone since his wife left him a few years ago. She’s not a bad kid, but she makes him exasperated. And he, feeling guilty that she’s growing up without her mother, has the unfortunate tendency to pass on his moods a little too easily.
“She has a boyfriend,” he says as if he’s just told me she’s been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
“Is it so terrible? She’s seventeen, after all. You knew it would happen one day!”
He mumbles something unintelligible.
“Well, and how is this boy? Have you met him?” I asked, trying not to focus on the fact that even my niece is more successful in love than me.
“He’s a crust punk.”
“Oh.”
I refrain from bursting out laughing at Guillaume’s crestfallen expression.
“Can you imagine? I’ve been bending over backwards for years to get her to be a respectable, serious girl, and she’s with a guy with more piercings than I can count, and who walks a mangy dog on a rope!”
I suppress my mirth.
“Are you aware that she’s not going to marry him? She’s seventeen.”
“When I met her mother, I wasn’t much older.”
“Don’t worry! It’s just a passing fancy, we’ve all had a rebellious period – even me if you remember correctly.”
I finally managed to cheer him up.
“The difference is that you had two older brothers to watch over you.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I wouldn’t call it watching over me.”
In high school, I wasn’t a popular girl. With my frizzy red hair, my pale skin dotted with acne and being slightly overweight, I didn’t really fit the criteria of a cool girl. And even if a boy was interested in me, he had to face the two hounds, alias Guillaume and Benjamin. With less than three years difference between Guillaume and me, and Ben between the two of us, they followed me throughout my schooling. And if I had thought that I would be rid of them in my final year, my hopes were in vain, because Ben managed to miss his exams, and found himself more or less in my class the year after. At that time, I thought my karma was really rotten – I’m not sure it improved much after that.
“You scared away all the guys who wanted to approach me!” I reminded Guillaume.
“And that was rather a good thing! Imagine if you had ended your life with Louis Pessin?”
“Uh... I don’t see where the problem is. Okay, he was all ugly duckling in high school, but he did fine. He has a good position. And with his wife Jessica, they have three children. They seem happy.”
Louis was one of those rare boys who once took an interest in me as a teenager, so I always had a certain fondness for him. And the thing is, he’s gotten pretty good as an adult, thanks in part to the many hours he spends at my brother’s gym.
“Can you imagine, I caught him fooling around in the locker room with the Zumba teacher last week,” he said in a low voice. “You owe me a big debt.”
I suddenly have compassion for poor Jessica who, if it’s true, will no longer be able to listen to Latin music without feeling betrayed. Leona is right: behind a beautiful facade, the truth can be ugly. All the same, I’m not going to play my brother’s game, who thinks he’s done me a favour. The easiest way is to return to our initial subject.
“So what do you think you’ll do with Jade?”
“What can I do?” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m her father; if I suggest something to her, she’ll do the exact opposite. I have already tried. She called me a narrow-minded old man.”
“I knew you to be more creative. You’ve lost your touch.”
“Maybe,” he sighs. “You have an idea?”
“Hmm, let me think... He’s a bit rebellious against society? Show him respect. Invite him to dinner. Be super nice to him, be polite, and when you find yourself alone with him, ask him what his intentions are with Jade. But in a calm, cool way. Say the word marriage a few times and it should do the trick, he’ll freak out and you’ll be out of it in less than a week. It’s guaranteed.”
Guillaume places a kiss on my temple.
“Sister, you’re a genius.”
“What a pity that you’re the only one to realise this…”
“Don’t talk nonsense, you’re the woman everyone should want.”
“Yes, the one everyone wants, but no one chooses…”