Love, Lust and A Baby

"Eureka!, Eureka!" I shouted as soon as Joan received the call "girl, can you come to my house right now?" I continued. "Are you alright?" Joan questioned, I could envision her perfectly arched brow arching in confusion.  "No, I am fine; I just need to tell you something vital," I told her again. "wait! ..." she said excitedly "you finally made up with Archie". For the first time, I was grateful that Joan is not my mother. "Babes, you were made for each other; I told you that they'll eventually make up," she told someone in the background.  "Jo," I called sharply "I and Archie aren't happening, not today, not tomorrow not ever" bile rose at the back of my throat, as I tried desperately to hold back my tears. "I am sorry babe," my best friend told me, sensing my discomfort. "Just come to my house, okay," I told her before hanging up.  My name is Allie; Allie Pat, and I am 19 years old. I've got good looks maybe even beautiful. My sea-green eyes held naturally arched eyebrows that looked down on sweeping eyelashes. My small nose is perched on my face like it was put there on an afterthought. My full pink lips and a small mouth framed by an oval face made me look innocent every day.  I have parents who are always very busy, and then siblings who are somewhere around; two older brothers. I thought brothers always doted on their baby sister. I am not a classical beauty but I can probably be in the same room with Kim K and not stutter. Graduated high school last year, and suddenly I want to be a writer so all my college plans are on hold. And don't even get started about the parents, I don't think they can spare three minutes for a chat, so no one is questioning my decisions for now. Like seriously, why make children when you can't even be a parent. For the most part, I am a very lonely person and you've got to believe this. I mean, beautiful girls are the loneliest because everyone thinks you are surrounded by people at all times; don't know if this is true but it ain't the same for me. Just the one Friend and an Ex-boyfriend.  Do you ever have this feeling that you're living someone else's life? Like you're trapped somewhere and these questions keep popping in your head like "Who am I?, What is my life's mission? like there's got to be a point in all this living, breathing, going to school, trying to not put on weight etcetera. Well, I feel like this almost every single hour. I suffer so much as no one seems to get me. People who are always around me, only stay for what they can achieve. No one is trying to be emotionally available for me. Joan, my best friend is the only person in the whole wide world who I trust. She's like a sister, a mom, a dad and a brother all rolled into my person. Her guidance and gentle reassuring voice has changed a lot of my decisions about life. Her piercing looks whenever I get myself into trouble is as amusing as one time when she forced me to make chicken broth when I had flu. It was so hilarious.  Joan is my stability so I wonder what she would think about my Idea. I reached out for cell phone again and dialled my Dad's number. "You've reached Mr Pat, sorry I can't take your calls right now drop a message and I'll get back to you" his voicemail croaked.  "Okay, lemme call Mom, she might pick" I muttered quietly punching out a couple of numbers on my phone.  "Sorry, the number is switched off," the operator told me. I signed inwardly because I knew it was going to be futile. I wanted to drop a message on Dad's voicemail but hey, what's the need. They won't even notice I am gone. Downstairs, I heard the front door open. Maybe, that's mom, I thought standing up from the bed to sneak a peek. I saw my brother kissing a brunette, his hands all of over her body. He was undressing her and at the same pulling off his shirt. They were going to do it on the couch. "Thank God we all had the liberty to choose role models" I sighed. I just hope they'll be done before Joan gets here. 11th July 2017 Sometimes, it's the little things that humble you. A baby's goofy smile, a random act of love, a kiss on the forehead, a bear hug or a simple "I Love You". Today is my birthday, my first official step into adulthood. Like Joan used to say "Girl you stop acting like an adult and act like a teenager that you are".  Today means a lot to me, you only get to be 18 once so I guess It's okay if I have certain expectations from people especially my own family. I stayed in bed a little late this morning, thinking someone would surprise me with a "wake up Happy Birthday" or anything but after waiting for 2 extra hours on the bed, I knew I was meant to be alone forever. I dragged through my normal morning formality and finally picked my way to the kitchen to have breakfast. In the kitchen, everyone seemed occupied with something; my mom was typing ferociously on her laptop and stopped now and again to scoop a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.  "Good morning mom" I greeted my mother trying to sound cheerful.  "Hi, baby" was all the response I got before she focused on her laptop again. My Dad was sitting cross-legged on a rocking chair reading from a newspaper with a cup of coffee on the side table. "Morning Dad" I tried again trying to fight back the tears in my eyes. Maybe he remembered.  "Allie" He grunted and opened another page of the newspaper, he barely spared me a glance. Sean, one of the twin was browsing through his phone with a smile on his face. He never talks to me. My mother often told me how he was so angry when he was told another baby was on the way. I sat down at the kitchen island after pouring myself a cup of black coffee, no sugar, no cream, no milk. I needed my wits about.  Suddenly, I felt lonely; I glanced around the big kitchen it was made with the finest of wood, designed by one of town's prized interior decorator but it was lifeless. The energy and joy I always experienced at Joan's tiny kitchen was a far cry from what I saw here. In her house, everyone was always getting into someone else's way unlike my family; we make a conscious effort to stay out of each other's hair. "Happy birthday Al" Shane whispered into my ears. He was the other brother. "You didn't forget?" I questioned facing him, my eyes were filled with tears. "Never!" he held my hands "You're my baby sister, the most important woman in my life after Mom, I could never forget your birthday".  "Oh! thank you, Shane" I pressed against him for a hug. "Now, it was difficult picking a birthday present for you, I hope you really like this?". Shane produced a beautiful jewel box from his pocket. I took the box and opened it. It was a beautiful diamond necklace with a heart-like pendant that spelt my name. There was a tiny piece of paper too. "I hope today brings you joy and happiness. As you start this journey into adulthood, remember, it is ok to make mistakes, to take a wrong turn or to be entirely clueless; that's the fun. Be you, be true to yourself and every other line will fall into place.  I Love you, Allie Pat". Shane. "Thank you so much Shane" I embraced my brother, trying hard not to cry.  My parents must have noticed the exchange from across the room.  My mom mouthed a "Happy birthday baby" she was on the phone this time. My Dad continued reading while Sean simply threw me "Happy birthday" before going back to his phone. *** " Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Allie, happy birthday to you"  The lights blinded my eyes momentarily as I tried to understand what was happening. I could see 10 people. There was Joan my best friend, she was putting on a blue gown, I got for her 2 summers before, it didn't fit but she decided to keep it. She looked ridiculous in the tight knee-length gown but talk about friendship goals. Then, Benjamin a nerd from my school who makes it a point to always mention that his name is pronounced "Benyamin" we met at maths club that school year. There were Paul and Amy; Paul is Joan ex-boyfriend who she's still friends with (I wonder how she does that) his current Chinese girlfriend Amy. Tristan had his hands inside his pockets, he had this animated look on his face as he watched my bestie. He was crazy for Joan. I saw three other guys, their faces looked familiar but I didn't know who they were. The welcoming smile on my Nanny's face; retired more like, had a big row with my parents when I was 15 about their parenting style. These days she lives with her daughter a single mom of 2 beautiful kids. Then, my handsome neighbour; still don't know his real name but people call him "playboy". He raised a glass of wine towards my direction and sent me an evil grin. I was sexually attracted to him. Wait!, there was Mr and Mrs Livingston, Joan's parents. I wasn't expecting them, but the smiles they had on their faces was comforting and reminded me that I had no representative from my family and my boyfriend hadn't made it either.  "Perhaps he will come later" a tiny voice soothed me.  They chorused with excitement on what would have been the greatest day of my life. My eighteenth birthday and my boyfriend forgot the surprise he planned.  I checked my phone for the umpteenth time hoping to see a text from Archie or a call from the hospital telling me that he had been involved in an accident. Yes, I was that desperate. Joan squeezed my left hand giving me a reassuring smile. I sighed again, trying to cover up my disappointment with a big smile.  I waited and waited till the last guest left the house that day, Archie never came.