DAVID
"FAMILY isn't always about the people in your life who are blood relations. It's about the people in your life who want you to be theirs. It's about the people in your life who accept you for who you are, supports you in the things you choose to do, and no matter what is there for you. It's the people in your life who love you, respect you, and who you can depend on. Now that's family."
That quote always reminds me of my past and my present. Remind me of what I left, of what I lost.
The family that I thought was perfect and happy, but behind those walls hidden the darkest truth and lies, they tried to bury.
I was born with the facade and false emotions my parents tried to portray in public eyes. The relationship only crumbled at the end. Leaving us their children are broken and more damaged than them. They move on... we struggled.
Then, the only person I thought would protect and shield us from people's scrutiny leave us without saying goodbye. Leaving us to the person who ruins, and destroyed our chance to experience the meaning of family.
Namulat ako na walang araw na hindi magkasundo ang mga magulang ko. Sa mata ng mga kaibigan, kaanak namin at ibang tao isa kaming masayang pamilya. Ang hindi nila alam isa lang itong malaking pagkukunwari.
My mother always accused my father of having a affair which was true, while my father would be denied them and blame my mom for their unhealthy marriage which was untrue. Kung meron man ang may kasalanan sa sitwasyon nila noon ay ang kanilang mga magulang. The arranged marriage that they forced them to be together. Although my father desired my mother, her heart belongs to someone else but for the sake of her family, she married the despicable man and remain faithful to him, bare their children with pride and love. Still, it was not enough for him. His infidelity was slowly exposed throughout the high-class society, he never hides them but denied them once he was asked. Until it becomes clearly known.
My mom almost lost my brother in her last trimester of pregnancy because of my father's shameful actions. Since then our life became rockier than it already was. Became public entertainment.
I was 10 years old when things get worst. He brought shame to our family when they discover he had an affair with one of our university students. The scandalous affair hit hard on my mom. My father's parents take drastic action after a decade of being silent. They removed my father as chairman of Le Surry University and expelled the woman he has an affair with. They transferred the ownership to me even though I was still young, leaving my father nothing to inherit anymore.
My mother filed for an annulment after that and was granted immediately because of much evidence against my father's infidelity. Mom won also a custody battle for us but our happiness didn't last... months later, my mother's parents died in a fatal car accident. My mother was devastated again, yet it didn't stop her to stay strong for us.
When we thought everything would be alright, another disaster stroke. We woke up one day without our mom, only a letter for us saying how much she loved us but she needs to go before we suffered more because of her.
Why? The question that until now I'm seeking an answer to.
Those moments, I feel myself drowning from the sorrow and pain we experienced in life. I struggle and stumbled but I choose to be strong for my brother that in such a young age suffered a lot because of his grandparents' and parents' mistakes.
Our only grandparents, raise me and my brother after my mother's disappearance. They did everything to gave us a better and loving home, after all, we have been through because of them. I didn't allow our father to come near us. He had no right anymore.
A year later, my father married his mistress and expecting a child with her. A shotgun marriage is forced by the woman's family when they found out about the scandalous affair they have. It brought shame to the woman's family name and honor as one of a long line of military backgrounds.
With his old inheritance, my father still manages to give them the glamorous life they wanted and build a company of his own. It doesn't affect us anymore, the pain is still there but we choose to ignore and continue our life apart from them.
I bottled my emotions and locked their depth within the darkest part of my mind. I distance myself from anyone. I became less of the kid I was, yet my best friends never leave my side even how many times I pushed them away and to leave me alone. I'm grateful and lucky to have them in my life. They never let me go. They became a pillar of support and hope to me.
Through the havoc of my life, one special someone I never abandoned or push aside. I doubt if I can. She's the light of my life. The angel I called mine the moment I saw her in her princess crib sleeping peacefully. Others can say she's a spoiled bratty princess... so what! She's my bratty angel after all. She's my hope. My anchor in life.
Despite all the circumstances and traumatic experiences of my parent's relationship, I will never allow those crap to happen in my relationship with her. I will never walk the same path as them.
For me, arrange marriage is a shallow line of unity in marriage, a weak foundation to form a family.
I secretly envied my best friend's family for not experiencing what I'd been through. For having a perfect family that is full of love from their parents. They are the reason why I still believe in having a happy family with my bratty angel someday.
"Can't sleep again." Soft arms hug my waist from behind, then she leans her head on my back. I cover her hand with mine and start caressing them.
"I suddenly woke up. I tried to go back to sleep but I can't kaya naisipan kong magpahangin muna dito." I take her right hand and bring it to my lips and kiss the back of her palm.
"Nagising ba kita?" Masuyong tanong ko sa kanya.
I feel her nod. "I feel cold without your body against mine. So I woke up and find you here," she responded sleepily. I can imagine her pouting. A small smile forms on my lips.
I love it when she depends on me, that she needed me as I need her.
"Go back to sleep with me please," malambing na pakiusap nito.
I knew she was still sleepy. Pasado alas dos pa lang ng madaling araw at may pasok pa ito mamaya sa kolehiyo. Hindi na nga lang ito makatulog kung wala ako sa tabi n'ya, simula nang masanay ito na matulog katabi ko.
I remember the first time we slept together and how she came back the next night, dragging her sleepy body into my bed in the middle of the night. Since then we only sleep apart if she was with her family or with her best friend's unit.
Humarap ako sa kanya ng marahan ngunit nanatiling nakayakap ang kanyang mga braso sa bewang ko. I put my left arm on her waist while I lift her chin to see her beautiful sleepy face. Still pouting she open her dreamy eyes to see me. Hindi ko mapigilang halikan s'ya sa noo pababa sa tuktok ng kanyang ilong at matamis n'yang labi. Masuyo ko s'yang hinalikan at ipinaramdam sa kanya kong gaano s'ya kahalaga sa buhay ko. She responded with the same intensity even in her sleepy form. I kiss her forehead again after our breathless kiss.
Feeling her shiver from the cold when the morning breeze passed by, I decided to take her inside our bedroom, closing the glass door of the balcony while carrying her in bridal style.
Inilapag ko s'ya sa kama at kinumutan. I watch her for a few seconds then strip my shirt, leaving my boxer to join her in bed. Spooning her under the duvet, I reach for the remote of my motorized blinds curtain and press "close" to cover the glass wall of the room. Only darkness envelops us just the way I like it. I have my light to brighten the dark anyway.
She rolled her body to face me and crawl the upper half of her body into mine, making my chest her pillow... her favorite position. I kiss her forehead and hug her, caressing her back to make her sleep again.
Until now, it feels so surreal that we have been this far already. After many years of waiting for her, we come to this point to start a new level of relationship. She's worth waiting for. Her, loving me was the greatest achievement I reach so far in my life, and hope more together.
It brought a smile to my face every time I look back to those moments when I gained the courage to show her my true feeling. I thank her brothers for their silent blessing to pursue her and to fulfill my promise to her when I'm just 7 years old.
"I'm no prince charming Princess but I can be your Knight. I'm going to make you a castle someday too," my 7 years old self promised to a months-old baby Angel in the crib.