Here's to You & Me

Chapter 3

AFTERNOON pass in an instant and I found myself walking home. Yes, walk. I don't have a car because we can't afford it. We have a lot of important things to worry about using our money rather than buy a car. Jennifer offered a ride home, but I declined. I don't want to interfere with whatever she wants to spend his after-school time with. Amber and Karen have a plan, so I just go home since I don't know some places to go. I'm just new here. When I was almost in our house, I noticed a blue sedan parked in our driveway. At first I thought my dad bought a car, but I doubt it. I entered our house, but it was eerily quiet.

"Dad!" I shouted, but heard nothing in response.

I run upstair to my room and put my things then I go to his room and knocked. He didn't answer so I open it but he's not inside. I saw his working bag on the bedside table. It means he is home. I go downstairs and walked straightway to the backyard. I found my dad, but he's not alone. He's talking to a woman. They stopped talking when they noticed me.

"Hey, Dad! I thought you're home and didn't find you upstair so I looked for you out here. Sorry to interrupt," I quickly said.

I noticed my dad's misty-eyed, like he'd been crying. Now, I'm worried. He gestured for me to come near him, so I obeyed. I almost forgot the woman he's talking with so I looked at her and the first thing I noticed was her eyes. The eyes that I used to see and familiar with every time I looked in the mirror. The eyes that I also owned. We have the same eyes. And it hit me. She's my mother. All my nerves are quivering like I'm struck with a lightning. I almost lost my balance but my father hold my shoulder firmly. My own mother was here. In front of me. The one that I once wished to be here with us. We just stared at each other. She's sobbing now and I can also feel the tears in my eyes. She's trying her best not to run and hug me. She stood on her ground, wiping her tears away. After a long silence, my father cleared his throat to lessen the thick emotion lingering in the air.

"Let's take a seat first," he said. He tried to act cool, but his voice betrayed him.

We all followed and seated in the round table. My mother seated facing me whilst my father was next to me holding my hand. We said nothing for a moment, trying to avoid the inevitable, but my father broke the silence.

"Michael. Look at me," he ordered, and I politely ensued. He took a deep breath trying to gain some confidence. "Son, I'm sorry if I didn't tell you about your–

I waved my hand stopping him mid-sentence.

"It's alright, dad. I didn't even ask you about her," I assured him.

That's true. At a young age, I am pretty much mindful and observant. I know I didn't have a mother because only dad and I are always in the house. He's with me, taking care day and night. I don't even remember asking him about her whereabouts. Sometimes I'm wondering why I don't have a mother unlike my classmates in grade school, but I just shut my mouth. Maybe I don't want to know the reason and get disappointed, that's why.

"Still. I should have told you even if you didn't ask about it. I just don't want you to know the truth and think of me any less."

He sounded defeated. And it broke my heart. I never saw my father like this, ever, but seeing him so down like this shred my heart into pieces.

"There's no way I would think of you like that," I said to him, but it just makes him crestfallen even more.

"You'd wish to forget you said that after I'll tell you the truth."

I saw my mother in my peripheral version listening beside us, but didn't interrupt. I didn't glance at her. My father is hurting, and I don't want to think of anything or anyone in particular right now. I shift around a little so I can face him directly, fixing him with a sincere look that I can muster.

He's looking anywhere but me. I put my palm on his face and unfaltering his movement.

"Whatever reason you're keeping me from won't change the way I think of you, dad. It will never make me think of you any less. You're the best father that I can ask for, and I won't trade you for anything or anyone."

I saw a single tear fell down on his face. He then hugged me and sobbed. He keeps saying sorry and said some incoherent words that I can't decipher. I just hold him still whilst he's crying. I don't want to cry, but my eyes say otherwise and now we're both a crying mess.

When we calmed down and composed, he told me everything. How did they meet and when did he get my mother pregnant? My father didn't know that my mother was already married. She said nothing about it. He's furious when she told him all of it. They even tried to abort me, but he can't bear it. He doesn't want to kill an innocent angel. They hide it from everyone. To her husband and to his parents and friends. Good thing- well, maybe not a good thing. Her husband was out of the country for almost a year because of some business matter.

He said it's hard to hide from the people they know because they had nowhere to go other than my father's small rented apartment. He is struggling since he's still starting to put his life together whilst working in a chain hotel corporate. He never expected the one night-stand can turn his life upside down. When I was born, they'd both come to terms that he will raise me as long as she'll give a sum of money and lived far away from her. After he finished talking, I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm overthrown and overwhelmed by what I've heard. I'm a bastard. As much as I don't want to get wounded about it, I still can't help the sudden twinge inside. I'm not upset with my dad nor with my mother, but knowing you're a bastard brings a different level of heartache. I said nothing, though, trying to calm the spiraling thought in my head.

That night when my mother left, the house was quiet, not the ordinary. Since she's just in town for some business proposal. She made a plan and promised to take me out someday. I don't have a say about it. She never made me a chance to speak. I just nod my head.

We eat dinner in silence. Usually me and my dad will talk about our day, him at work whilst me about school. Clatter of utensils was the only sound can be heard. I don't know how did I got in my room but I just found myself lying motionless in my bed while staring at the ceiling. What happen today was all a blur. I'm suddenly exhausted and can already feel my stiff muscle. I was soon enveloped in darkness.