Pregnant with Ex-husband's baby

Chapter 9

Kavin

Thirty-seven days went by as if they were time-lapsed and it’s hard as hell for me to believe that I will be a married man in less than an hour.

I have already taken my place in the ceremonial wedding seat at five forty-five AM. If you haven’t been to a Tamil wedding before, then let me tell you that our weddings take place even before the break of dawn. And what is more shocking is that right now the marriage hall houses more than several hundred guests.

Did they even sleep?

I am lucky that I’m an early bird and it doesn’t concern me much to wake up and get ready this early in the morning, unlike poor Nithila. I feel sorry for her because I know she is a night owl and loves to sleep till late mornings from all the late-night phone conversations we have had in the past few weeks.

In the last month, we went to watch movies a couple of times, not alone but with our siblings and cousins. Then there was always a reason for us to meet, reasons like: selection of invitation cards, finalizing catering service and marriage hall. Though Nithila and I were always surrounded by our families, I am glad that we managed to overcome the initial awkwardness that was there between us. We are no more strangers to each other but we certainly aren’t lovers at the same time.

I really hope she tucked in early last night. I couldn’t get to talk to her after yesterday evening since she was running last-minute visits to her beautician. I don’t understand why she needs one though when she is drop-dead gorgeous even without any makeup. I guess, it’s just every woman’s dream to be pampered before her wedding by these so-called beauticians and I don’t mind if Nithila wants that for herself.

Being my official companions for the day, Ashok and Ranjith haven’t left my side from this morning and at this moment, they are standing behind me and chuckling about something that has to do with me.

The priest begins the ritual by creating a small fire in front of us and asks me to chant after him, maybe that is what my friends find so funny.

I look around the huge hall for someone whom I have been expecting and when I don’t find her anywhere as far as my gaze falls, disappointment laces in my heart. Kathir and I tried to convince our parents to invite our little sister but they blindly declined the idea.

However, I sent her an invitation and invited her over the phone but if I know my sister any better, she wouldn’t come here today. She is no less egoistic than my parents but it's no secret that she loves me and she’ll try to make up for it later.

I shake out of my brief sorrow when the priest asks the people standing near me to go bring my bride. After a few minutes when my head snaps from the flame that's in front of me, my gaze zeroes on her, and immediately something cozy and balmy swarms inside me.

Nithila’s gracefully draped in that maroon silk saree that we all chose for her and adorned with heavy gold ornaments.

As she closes the distance between us, she glances at me and a deep blush colors the skin above her neck. I grin at her but then hide it right away. If I tell the truth, my heart is hammering against my chest like never before and to get my pulse under control, I had to press my lips together and put my head down. . After getting blessing from our parents, she comes to sit on my right and we give each other a polite smile.

The ritual continues for another forty minutes or so before the priest finally stretches out a silver plate towards me that’s been blessed by all the elders.

My heartbeat shoots up like a rocket when he gestures me to take hold of the thali, the nuptial cord that will bind us together forever. With trembling, unsteady hands, I hold it between my figures and right on cue, the wedding music reverberates around the hall.

My eyes never leave Nithila's face and even though I am certain that she is happy, I notice her wobbly lower lips as she tries not to cry, but she is already crying. Fresh tears roll down her smooth silky cheeks and I feel a shard of her pain stab me through my heart.

Only then do I realize that it’s not only my life that is going to change forever today but also Nithila’s. She is leaving behind everything and everyone she’s ever loved for me so that she can begin a new life and make new memories with me.

Seeing her pain-filled eyes, I promise myself to never do anything to hurt her before tying the three knots on the cord behind her neck.

She’s officially mine now and I’m hers.

I don’t know what it means though. How can I make her mine when I don’t feel the desire to do so? We are in this just because our parents think that we will be good for each other. Maybe Nithila has come to terms with the arrangement so that she can keep both our parents happy but I don’t know if I will ever be able to do that, I mean, to lead a happy life with my wife when I don't love her, although I want to.

We are both tortured for another three hours in the name of rituals. Can you believe if I say that we sit here until each and every one of our guests came by to bless us by sprinkling rice and flowers over our head?

The lavish Indian weddings make sure that all your energy is sucked out by the end of the day. Oh and I totally forgot about the photographers who are such a pain in the a.. All they have done is nag us into giving weird and cringe-worthy poses.

“Are you hungry?” I ask her when we are finally free to walk down the stage. Strangely I haven’t left her hand once since I tied those three knots around her neck and I tell myself that it’s to comfort her.

“A little bit..” She mumbles and subtly tugs at the uncomfortable long garland which by the way, is too heavy for her delicate neck and if she carries it around anymore, it’s bound to give her a terrible neck pain tonight.

“Here, let me help you get it away..” I reach behind her to remove it and the second it is off her neck, she lets out a sigh.

“Ah god, such a relief. You should also remove yours.” She suggests and I chuckle when she’s able to twist her neck freely and even manages to c***k the joints in her neck.

“Who even selected these? They feel like shackles around the neck..” I say as I do what she asks me to do and chuck the garlands carelessly.

“Come let’s go get something to eat.” I grab her small hand in mine once again. “I haven’t eaten anything since this morning..”

“I haven’t eaten anything since last night..” She admits as we make our way to the lunch hall.

“Why didn’t you eat last night?” People greet and smile at us on our way but I hardly heed them.

She shrugs with a smile, “I think I was too anxious and food was the last thing on my mind..”

I don’t say anything to her but I think I felt the same way last night. It was my mom who almost shoved some food into my mouth, saying I wouldn’t be getting anything to eat until later this day. I am glad she did that.

We take seats along the long tables arranged for the guests, half of whom we haven’t seen before in our lives. And among the people, I manage to spot some of our friends and relatives which is a relief since I was beginning to think we were lost, just kidding.

We are served food on the traditional banana leaf and we don’t wait to dig into it. The food is delicious as always, we call it the kalyana sapadu, which no one wants to miss, except for the bride and groom because even though we are damn hungry, food is really the last thing in our heads.

After lunch, Nithila and I get to breathe a little freely since most of the guests are leaving. We are still in the marriage hall with all our extended family members who are having the best time of their lives, chatting and gossiping.

When we begin to think that we are finally left alone, my mom proves that we are wrong by calling us, “Thatha and paati are leaving. Come get their blessings..”

By 'Thata and Paati', she meant her maternal uncle and aunt. They are the oldest living couples that we know, aged ninety-six and ninety one respectively. I don't want to think about how they managed to attend the wedding today.

When we both touch their feet, they bless us, “May god bless you with all the happiness in the world and kids by next year..”

That makes me almost choke on my next breath. Standing next to me, Nithila shifts on her legs while playing with her fingers in uneasiness.

They’ve got to be kidding us right now for sowing such ideas into our moms’ heads who are grinning from ear to ear. All I want to do is hide both of us from these kind of dangerous relatives.

By early evening we leave the wedding hall, escorted by both our family members and I’m just relieved to be back home after this long and tiring day. My mom and sister-in-law are already home to give Nithila a warm and celebratory welcome before ushering her inside.

We spend the whole evening relaxing and chatting with the remaining guests. Nithila gets to know them as the new daughter-in-law of this house

Later our relatives start to leave one by one and after dinner, it is time for Nithila’s parents to depart too. At the door, I watch her launch herself at her father and weep against his chest. Her parents and siblings are trying to console her but are clearly failing at it and instead end up crying themselves. My heart twists painfully to see her crying like that and I am desperate to do something to make her stop.

“Please take care of our daughter..” Her mom speaks to me with teary eyes.

“I promise I will..” I tell her with all my heart.

“Lakshmi, Nithila is our daughter now. You don’t have to worry about her..” My mom assures her along with a hug an soon they all leave.

**

This is the moment I was dreading so much. I am sitting, no, waiting for Nithila to come into my heavily decorated bedroom, the one which I will have to share with her for the rest of my life.

I have no idea what to do tonight, I mean not in the literal sense. I do know what’s done on the wedding night but since I am not planning on doing that tonight, I don’t know what else to do.

I guess this is what happens when you don’t talk to girls your entire life and then you are suddenly thrown into a room with one, not to mention a gorgeous one like Nithila.

I plan on telling her that we shouldn’t rush into this. I mean, I feel disgusted with the idea to become physically involved with her when we still have so much to know about each other.

Just then the door creeks open and Nithila walks in with a glass of milk in her hand, causing me to jump to my feet but I hold still, trying to act cool as a cucumber.

The bride always and always comes into her matrimonial bedroom with a glass of milk. It is believed that after the tiring day, milk helps to relax the couple to do those stuff.

I try to keep such wayward thought from haunting my head, “Hey, come in..”

She nods and closes the door behind her. Seeing her all dressed up for the night, my heartbeat spikes up and sweat beads threaten to form on my forehead.

Grabbing the glass from her to place it on the bedside table, I perch on the bed and pat the space near me. “Come sit..”

She obeys with a smile but I notice that the usual glint in her eyes is missing and I don’t have to ask her why.

“Hey, are you still sad about your parents leaving?” As if my question had a direct line of contact to her tears, they started streaming down her eyes. “God, Nithila. Please don’t cry..”

Without knowing I shift closer to her on the bed and cup her cheeks. She doesn’t look at me and keeps her watery eyes down.

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to cry..” She sniffles and rubs her nose with the back of her hand which I think is very cute.

“It’s alright, Nithila..” I urge her to gaze up and wipe her tears with my thumb, “Whenever you miss them, you just have to tell me and I will take you to visit them..”

Her eyes glimmer again and something flashes through her features that I really don’t fathom. “You will?” She asks in a soft whisper

“Yes, I will, whenever you want..”

“T-Thanks. That's really nice of you.” She says in a tiny voice and then when she wiggles a bit, I realize that how close we are, and with a microscopic jerk, I withdraw my hands from her face.

Recalling what I need to tell her, I lean against the headboard for two reasons, one is to maintain a good distance between us and the other one is to relieve the tightness on my shoulders due to this hectic day.

“Nithila, I want to tell you something..”

“What is it?”

My attention zones into the fact that her body might be even sorer than mine so, I say what I say next, “Hey come sit here..”

I shift so I can make space for her beside me and she can also lean against the headrest.

A rush of heat fans over her cheeks but she makes a move with half an arm's distance between us.

“What is it?” She repeats her question.

“Ahh.. about tonight..” I say, turning slightly to have eye contact with her while speaking because I need to know what she thinks about it. Not that I am going to change my mind for her but still.

“Nithila, I just don’t want to rush into anything. These things..” I glance around to indicate our first night, “..cannot be forced upon us. We should do it only when we want to do it. We need to know each other more, you should feel comfortable with me and I should with you. You need to trust me before you share your body with me. So, let’s not hurry into doing all those things because our parents want us to. Do you understand what I mean?”

She nods her head in understanding before whispering, “I do and I am glad you think so..”

I sigh and relax my shoulders, “Thanks, Nithila. Until then let’s try to understand each other, okay?”

“Sure..” She nods again and I am happy that we are on the same page about this.

“You should go change out of those?” I tip my chin up, “Those clothes don’t look too comfortable to sleep in..”

She’s changed into a new saree which doesn’t look as sophisticated as the one she was wearing at the wedding but also not as comfy as a nightwear or whatever she wears to bed.

“Okay..” She walks into the bathroom with the clothes she got from her suitcase and after fifteen minutes comes out dressed in a pleated pajama bottom and T-shirt that’s too big for her tiny body. Whatsoever she looks pretty and like she can finally breathe.

“Goodnight..” She smiles and lies down beside me.

“Goodnight, Nithila..”