The past few days have been so long for me ever since Brian left, I have been so bored and miserable. I couldn’t dare to call him or text him because he told me not to and if I disobey him he will get posses and angry with me and I couldn’t dare want to text his patience again. I felt so bad not been able to finally discuss things with him before he was called home. I kept having the thoughts of what David said to me ‘ what am I really playing at Brandon ‘. When I finally tell him my feelings will be feel the same way for me, will he accept my love?, am I willing to risk everything for him, am I ready to face the society has a gay?, will I be welcome by the world and will my teammates see me as the same Brandon again or just a faggot, am I willing to live that kind of life style and the mo