The Soldier Who Taught Her To Trust (#2 The Soldier Series)

Chapter Nine - I Will Not Leave, BUT YOU DID!

Chapter Nine – I will not leave, BUT YOU DID

As the tears fell from Kyla’s beautiful violet eyes Izzy stroked her back in soothing circles in an attempt to comfort her. She was for once unsure what to say that will give her friend some peace of mind. Kyla had suffered from her childhood from the emotional torment of her parents, and bullies, Izzy had witnessed Kyla’s mother treating her like crap, and she did not know if this admission of love from her father was causing tears of healing, or anger. As Izzy sat with her, the door opened, and Kermit entered the room, as he took one look at his fiancée his features looked haunted, her pain was his pain and he rushed to her side.

“Hey Missy, what’s this about?” he asked his voice soothing.

Izzy handed Kermit the phone showing the social media post that had upset her friend. As Kermit read it, his face paled slightly and he nodded at Izzy his understanding, then knelt before Kyla.

“It’s okay Missy, let it out” he whispered, gathering her into his arms.

As Izzy watched on, she was so pleased that Kyla had him in her life, she deserved the happiness he brought her. She wondered if she would ever have so much love and devotion in her own life, but quickly dismissed the thought, surly once someone knew the depths of hell she had gone to, in order to get a fix, no man would ever want to commit himself to her like Kermit had for Kyla. Taking a deep breath Izzy steadied herself, not wanting to focus on the ‘what if’s’ in life, what she had done in her past could never be changed, and she just had to live with the shame of all her actions when she was using.

As Kermit whispered reassurance to Kyla, Izzy decided she would give the couple some privacy and left her room, taking a walk around the compound. The old farm buildings once looked intimidating to her the first time she was here, but now were a source of comfort. She wandered around the back of the barn, smiling a little as she heard the contestants discussing their various injuries, along with some of them saying it was wrong that Woof was still locked up.

Not wanting to hear anymore about the program that had been aired, or any comments on her interview, Izzy continued her stroll, finding a quiet corner beyond the various out houses, and she sat on a grass verge.

Pulling her knees up to her chest, she listened to the sounds of the crickets, the voices from the barn distant and muffled, the smell of the log burner hung in the air, offering comfort and a homely feel, yes, she still felt like home in this strange place. Footsteps approached, and she looked up to see Cigs stood in front of her.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked

“Yeah, no need to babysit me tonight you can go back to doing what ever it is you do” Izzy snapped a little.

She knew Cig’s would retaliate and leave her alone it was for the best, she could not let him in she could never truly trust him, because he would leave, so it was for the greater good.

Rather than retaliate or leave Cigs sat next to her, not saying a word. Understanding that Izzy was trying to push him away again, he was not going to allow her to do it, he would prove that he was staying right beside her no matter how much she pushed, actions speak louder than words, and so he would stand fast, and take whatever s**t she wanted to give him tonight.

“I said you can go are you deaf as well as daft” Izzy growled, not wanting him to stay, needing him to leave before he broke through any more of her protective armour.

“I heard, but Izzy, I am not going anywhere” His voice soft and gentle.

“Whatever, you think you will stay, when we both know you will leave” Izzy sighed, a tear forming in her eye.

“I will never leave” Cigs continued softly

“BUT YOU ALREADY DID” Izzy shouted, and the tear that had gathered in her eye spilt out landing on her cheek.

“I know I left you in the hospital Izzy, I am sorry, I was just so hurt by how you were speaking to me, I was an i***t not realising your struggles” Cigs eyes never left hers, as he reached out and caught the tear with is finger

“I am not on about then, you left before that” Izzy cried, her voice portraying the hurt she felt from the wound to her heart.

“When Izzy, when did I leave you?” Cigs asked the normal gruffness of his tone replaced by compassion, wanting, no, needing her to open up to him.

“First time, after that kiss at Kyla’s” Izzy said matter of fact, but Cigs knew that was not what she was referring to. He had refused to remember what was really bothering her, the whole thing had hurt him too much, but maybe it was time for them to finally talk about it.

“Yeah, you pushed me away Izzy, so I left, I am sorry” Cigs sighed

“Because I knew once you got what you wanted you would go” Izzy forced out the confession.

“But I would not have” Cigs gently told her, he was desperate to hold her to him to comfort her, but he knew his girl so well, if he tried, he may sustain a punch to the head, and other places and he wanted kids one day.

“But you did, remember?” Izzy snapped back at him

Cigs closed his eyes, they had never spoken about what happened in the barn they stayed in at the Rooty hill ranch in Tittybong Australia, when they were on the run from Mad Dog Sanchez, maybe it was time to open up that can of worms and show her that he would not leave, explain his hurt so that maybe she will understand.  

“I did not leave Izzy, I emotionally checked out, but that was because you never spoke about it, and it hurt that despite what had happened you still hated me.” Cigs opened up hoping she would do the same.

“Don’t you get it Cigs, what I did to score drugs? I sold my body, for a f*****g fix. I had not had normal consensual s*x ever in my life, until that night. So, no I did not want to talk about it, I was waiting for you to show you cared, but you said nothing, it made me feel like I had back when I did what I had to in order to get money for them f*****g drugs. So, I hated you even more” Izzy bent her head down not believing she was even discussing this with Cigs.

“Izzy, I did care! that night is etched in my memory, what we did, was f*****g amazing, but I felt like s**t, because I wanted our first time for me to make love to you, but we had argued as normal, and well we f****d. Believe it or not, it was the best god damn s*x of my life, but I felt like s**t because I had wanted to cherish you. Then when you pushed me away again, I felt you had regretted it, so just got angry with you, because I was hurting, I am so f*****g sorry Izzy” Cigs placed his arm around her pulling her into his side.

“But you will do that again, don’t you see, I am not worth f**k all” Izzy cried.

“Believe it or not girl, you mean more than you will ever know to me” Cigs sighed,

“I wish you would have told me how you felt Izzy” Cigs continued, his mind in a whirl wind as he digested her revelation, if he had even held her close that night after all the passion had ended maybe they would not be sat here both in pain from the other.

“Right back at you soldier” Izzy huffed.

“I will prove it to you Izzy, you can push me as much as you want, you can call me all the sons of bitches in the world, but I will not leave you, not now I understand. I am sorry girl, you are stuck with me, even if only ever as a friend, but know this, I want more than just friendship, and I am just a hard headed and stubborn as you are, so will wait” Cigs held on to Izzy willing her to believe him.

“I don’t know if I can” Izzy sobbed

“I know, but now we have opened up about that night, can you forgive me, because I forgive you for hurting me the next day” Cigs whispered

“I did nothing wrong, but yes, I will try but we can only ever be friends I will never allow that to happen again, even if it was amazing s*x” Izzy giggled slightly, remembering the explosions that happened the multiple orgasms he had given her.

“And just so you know, I do not judge what you did in the past, you were little more than a child at the time, and you had an illness, one you battle and win every day now” Cigs held her even tighter wanting Izzy to feel safe.

Izzy felt her walls crashing around her heart at Cigs words, she had always believed he had dismissed her after that night, but from what he was saying he had felt just as she had, and she cursed her stubborn nature for not opening up to him all those months ago. But so much time had passed and to much had happened, maybe they could be friends, but more than that, she could never really trust him again.

“IZZY” Kyla’s voice echoed in the distance.

“Guess we have to go back” Cigs smiled down at her then wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. Before helping her to stand, and the pair of them walked back to the instructor’s section of the base, both feeling lighter for confessing, and equally both regretting the past wishing they had done things differently.

“Hey, there you both are, I will not ask what you were doing” Kyla grinned at her friend

“What’s up that you bellow for me across the base” Izzy looked at her friend, changing the subject. Although Kyla knew about that night, Izzy had mentioned it only once, and she did not want to talk about it anymore, she had placed it into the box labelled things to never think about again in her mind until tonight, when finally she opened up to Cigs.

“So, we have some news, the Umpire has been in touch apparently there is going to be a peaceful protest held in a couple of days in each major city of the UK in support of Woof” Kyla grinned

“f**k, so public support is mounting, well if it helps get him out of prison, then doing that interview was worth the pain and rattling” Izzy smiled, happy that going through the torment had somehow helped motivate people.

Kyla was ecstatically happy, and she grabbed gold of both Izzy and Cigs hugging them and let out a little squeal of delight.

“I think it will work, it has too, they have to let him come home” Kyla cried out.

Izzy smiled down at her friend, understanding all to well that Kyla and Kermit wanted more than most for Woof to be let free, after all, it had been Kermit who had killed Sanchez, not Woof, but he had taken responsibility immediately, knowing that the operation would be denied, and it would mean a prison sentence. Woof had wanted his brother and Kyla to live out their happy ending, it was just something each of the brother’s in arms would do for the other, no questions asked.

“I hope so Kyla, I really f*****g hope so” Kermit’s voice boomed, as he joined in the group hug.