Sudden Bite

Chapter 13: Left us

“I never should have brought it up… when I told dad and Sam that mum came by it instantly became quiet; Sam got mad and there was pain in dad’s eyes,” I told Alexander Monday at lunch with a long, heavy sigh as I picked at my food.

“It was the right thing to do,” he assured, “She’ll come back and if she mentions that she came by before they’ll know you lied.” He was right… I knew that but I still hated what happened when I told them the truth. Sam completed outbursted getting angrier than either of us had been when fighting earlier. Sam had always been incredibly close to mum so even though it horrible hurt me when she left it broke him, leaving my brother bitter at the mention of her. We all felt betrayed by her departure but Sam really took it to heart. He had stormed away from the table and up to his room where he slammed the door. I stayed at the table, gauging dad’s reaction but he had always been mature about the situation. He was madly in love with mum and I guess he just wanted to see her happy even if that meant hurting him; it wasn’t fair. Dad asked me why she stopped by so I solemnly explained it, the frown on his face deepening when I did so. He simply said he was happy that she had started a new family and that Sam and I could go visit her as we pleased if that’s what we wanted. After talking with dad I made two mugs of hot chocolate and went upstairs to gently knock on Sam’s bedroom door. Even though it was a couple days ago now I still easily remember how that went.

“Sam?” I called carefully before slowly opening his door and allowing myself in, closing the door behind me. He was sitting on the floor leaning against his bed, absolutely fuming. Placing the mugs down on his bed side table I sat down next to him, pulling my knees up to my chest.

“I hate her,” he stated firmly still glowering at the opposite wall. Instead of speaking I offered him my silence, offered him an ear to listen. I was doing for him what Alexander had done for me. “She’s horrible, she just up and leaves and then suddenly comes back with this perfect life only now asking – no telling – us to be a part of it,” Sam scoffed and the room became silent again. The utter quiet was broken by his soft sniffle and it was then that I realized that Sam was crying – his anger had broken down and turned to hurt and sadness. Wordlessly I moved to hug him, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my head against his shoulder. Instantly his arms came around my shoulders almost suffocating me as he hugged me tightly, hiding his face so I couldn’t see him cry despite the shaking of his body making it obvious. I tried not to cry, I always cried when Sam cried, but I tried not so I could be there for him. I’d had my turn to break down and although I still felt a little lost and confused, definitely needing to give the subject more thought, it was Sam’s turn to fall apart.

Once Sam tears slowed I handed him a mug of hot chocolate – his favorite – and we began to talk over the warm chocolaty drink.

“Have you thought about what she said?” Alexander asked, drawing me from my thoughts.

“About visiting her and her family?” I ask, earning a hum of confirmation. “Honestly… ya, but I haven’t come close to a conclusion.”

“What do you want Kit?”

“Part of me wants to forget about it, it’s not worth the drama and heartbreak…” I tell him before sighing a second time, pulling and twisting at my fingers. “But part of me wants to visit just once – a day visit – and decide from there. I’m also worried about Sam…”

“You guys don’t have to make the same decision, he won’t be mad at your choice and I know that you definitely won’t be mad at whatever he chooses.” I nod in agreement before staring up at the nearly cloudless sky. Since it was the start of April the weather was easily warming up; the thing with the weather around here is that it officially wasn’t spring until the end of March (just before my birthday) but it felt like spring long before then – perks of having little to no winter.

“Hey,” Alexander softly calls reaching across the table for my hand.

“Hi,” I reply even though I knew his ‘hey’ was less of a greeting and more to grab my attention. He grinned and rolled his eyes at my response; the feeling of his warm hand against mine making me smile small.

“I believe in you.”

-

“Catalina! Wait up!” Sam called as Alexander and I left last period English together, chatting about something much lighter than we had been at lunch. In fact we were kind of arguing – debating – about one of the characters in the book we were reading for class. The two of us halted, waiting for him to catch up before starting to walk again, now with my brother on the other side of me. “Can I catch a ride home with you?” He asked me had I had a sneaking suspicion that he wanted to talk about the exact same thing Alec and I had been discussion earlier today. As much as I knew that he loved me, he would never miss out on time spent with his friends.

“Of course,” I instantly agree and the three of us continue to leave the building together. Sam was obviously wearing of Alexander and was watching him with a careful eye but we both seemed to ignore that to return to our previous conversation.

“She’s so stupid,” Alexander complained about the Shakespeare character for the fifth time.

“No she isn’t, just because woman in that period of time we’re seen as ‘useful’ doesn’t mean she actually wasn’t,” I continued to fight only for Sam to join in and betray me.

“No, Alec is right; that woman is so spineless.” Scoffing and jaw dropping I looked over at my brother.

“I can’t believe you aren’t siding with me,” I declare, offense obvious in my expression.

“Well you’re not right so why would I side with you?” He retorted easily. When I heard Alexander chuckle at our bantering and I looked up at him with a similar betrayed expression as the one I’d given Sam.

“Wow, glad to know that I’m wrong, like always,” I add in spite.

“You’re always right,” Alexander assured me before continuing, “-just this time you aren’t.” It was Sam’s turn to laugh. Truly feeling betrayed and out-numbered I huffed and marched forward without them. Even though I pretended to be mad about them disagreeing with me I couldn’t help but be a little happy. Saturday night Sammy seemed to believe in the rumors a little too much but after my dramatic outburst and dad’s words of wisdom he really seemed to open up to the idea of Alexander, he seemed to accept that he was a part of my life and was giving him a chance just like I’d asked. My heart swelled with pride and happiness that I couldn’t even keep up my anger any longer.

When they caught up to me I tossed Sam my keys and told him to go ahead without me since Alexander’s car was parked closer to the school (I was actually standing mere steps away from it at the moment) and I wanted to say goodbye to him as I usually would. Seeming to understand Sam nodded at Alec before continuing on. Alexander unlocked his car and tossed his backpack into the back seat before wrapping me up in a hug – my favorite thing. I’d always loved hugs but man had Alexander’s hugs become my absolute favorite thing. I noticed Alexander take a deep breath and exhaling before pulling away to peck my forehead.

“I’ll talk to you later okay?”

“Of course,” I grin in response, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip out of habit. He thumbs the tender flesh of my lip away from my harsh bite and smooths his thumb over the suddenly pinker skin before finally letting me go, final goodbyes said before I wave and head off to join Sam at my car.

The first thing he did when I slid into the driver’s seat was insult my car – like always.

“This thing is a rust bucket just waiting to break down – oh wait, it already did.” He smirked resulting in a slap up the back of the head that would cause a short lasting sting.

“Leave my precious car alone, she works just fine again,” I defend before actually starting her up and marking my way out of the student parking lot. After that it was quiet… for too long. But just as I expected, Sam eventually broke the silence.

“I’ve decided not to see mum again,” he suddenly states, having finally worked up his nerve. I knew he wasn’t being rash with his decision, if Sam was anything it was thoughtful and every decision he made was done with care. I trusted his decision and I respected it. However, he didn’t seem so sure about how I would react because he tentatively added, “What do you think?”

“You know Alexander said something pretty smart recently,” I began after having decided how to say what I wanted to say, “He asked me what I wanted to do and when I said I didn’t know he said it didn’t matter because whatever I chose would be the right answer because it was what I wanted. If you don’t want to see her again then don’t, if that’s what you want then I hope you don’t ever have to see her again.”

“Thank you Kitty.” My eyes almost began to tear up because of the nickname… he hasn’t called me Kitty since we were kids. On a regular basis he would simply call me Cat but when he was really happy or really sad he would call me Kitty… he hasn’t done that since mum left us.

“Of course Sammy… of course.”

“What about you?” He asked after a moment, a moment in which we exchanged soft smiles at the red light.

“I haven’t decided…” I admit, “Part of me, like you, doesn’t want to see her again, but another part of me wants to see her once and then decide from there.”

“I don’t mind if you go see her you know,” he told me sincerely, “Just because I don’t want a relationship with her doesn’t mean I’ll take away your right to have one.”

“Thank you Sammy… really. I needed to hear that.” Having gained his approval of whatever decision I make made me feel a thousand times better because technically I didn’t need his approval but he was my brother, my best friend, and I wanted that approval to feel at peace.

“Anyways,” he suddenly declared, changing the topic, “Alexander is different around you; I guess I understand now why you like him.”

“What do you mean?” I ask curiously, having no idea what he meant by ‘different’.

“He’s… comfortable – less guarded. When people see him in the halls or whatever and you aren’t there he’s face is completely blank and cold, he radiates aggression,” he explained and I nodded along in understanding. After all the first time I saw Alexander I had the exact same impression… however, after getting to know him I’m starting to think that that’s just his defense mechanism. For some reason he thinks that he’s so bad for everyone and I guess if he looks like he doesn’t want to be approached then people won’t approach him. I’m glad that I didn’t let my first impression become a deciding factor.

“So… you approve?” I ask trying not to sound as hopeful as I felt.

“Ya… but like dad said, he hurts you I hurt him.”

“I’d like to see you try,” I joke thinking about the fact that Alexander had a few inches of height on him and that Alexander was also so obviously stronger than Sam. Because of that picturing them fighting was hilarious – well that and the fact that I knew that it would never actually happen.

Our playful conversation comes to a halt as we become confused in unison, the cause of out confusion: the fancy, obviously recently purchased, shinning red car that sat parked right out front of our house. Or expressions were identical; eyebrows pulled together and furrowed downward just like the corner of our lips. Neither of us missed the black, classic stilettos that were placed at the front door when we came inside, the faint sound of serious voices speaking. Heading straight for the dining room, Sam and I found the odd scene of our parents sitting across from each other, treating their discussion like a business meeting over two mugs of coffee. Noticing our presence the both of them become quiet and look up at us, dad with little to no expression and mum shining a bright, white toothed smile at Sam and I as if this was totally normal.

Dad was so obviously and incredibly uncomfortable.

“Oh good you two are home, how was your day?”

Sam turned around and just let without a word and dad stood up to stop him but I gently shook my head. Knowing that Sam and I have talked about the situation dad sat back down understandingly and I moved to sit next to him after many moments of hesitation.

“Where has Samuel gone, I’d like to talk to him,” mum said, looking a little annoyed that he had left without even saying hello.

“He’s busy,” I reply before anyone can say anything. Although she doesn’t look pleased about it nods and changes the topic,

“Your father and I were just talking about you and Sam coming to see me, he’s left the decision up to you guys so it’s perfect. I think this weekend would be perfect time don’t you?” Her pushiness was making me uncomfortable, unable to sit still in my chair.

“Don’t jump to conclusions Eugene,” dad cuts in, almost a warning edge to his voice. She looks like she wants to say something but keeps her mouth shut and instead looks back over at me.

“Sam won’t be coming to visit you,” I start, pulling and twisting my fingers until the table, suddenly stopping when I feel one c***k uncomfortably. “And I haven’t decided yet, it’s only been a couple days since you last came by.”

“But what’s there to think about?” She asked, genuinely looking confused. “And what’s this nonsense about Sammy not coming to see his mum?”

“I told you not to call him Sammy,” I snapped before calming myself down. “Sam has decided that he doesn’t want you to be a part of his life and I haven’t decided yet to be honest. There is a lot to think about, like the fact that you had an affair and left us without second thought, or the fact that you didn’t come back once throughout the past five years. You were supposed to be our mother but now you’re just a stranger.”

“I’ve been busy Catalina-” she begins to say only for me to cut her off.

“With your new family I know, but that doesn’t make it better – actually it makes it worse. You were our mother first, and you were loving once but all that’s left is money and attitude,” I tell her honestly. When talking with Alexander I had genuinely been ready to give her a second chance – or at least try to give her a second chance – but the longer I spoke with her the more snobbish she came across. Sam and I are her children, we should have been a priority even if she was leaving dad. Dad never once tried to keep us away from her just because she was leaving him… no she did that all on her own in that time she spent away from us she became another person. The woman who once made traditional Korean food for us, who told us stories about her home country trying to keep us in touch with our heritage through the most interesting ways had suddenly become a materialistic woman who seemed to put herself and what she wanted before others. Like dad said – she was making assumptions, assumptions about Sam and I wanting her back in our lives, about how easily we would welcome her back. The fact that she didn’t seem to understand where we were coming from is what hurt the most. Did she not see the wrong she did?

“Excuse me young lady, but you will talk to me with respect, instead of accusing me of such nonsense,” she said sternly. Almost as if he could feel the tension rising dad chose then to speak up again.

“Catalina have you decided yet? It’s alright if you haven’t but I think we better end this here for today, it’s almost time for dinner.”

“It’s alright, we can finish this here today, I’ve made my decision.”