Sudden Bite

Chapter 4: My choice

That afternoon when Alexander pulled up in front of my house my car was parked on the driveway. I was happy that my dad’s shop was able to fix it but I was also disappointed that they had fixed it so quickly. The time Alexander and I spent while he drove me to and from school truly were the best moments, the moments when I felt closest to him – I even got a laugh out of him this afternoon, for the first time in over two weeks. He really should laugh more, his was full and beautiful, practically music to my ears and utterly contagious.

Everything was well.

But the next day Alexander didn’t show up on the roof during lunch. He didn’t show up to English either. And that continued for a full week.At first I was worried, thinking maybe he had fallen ill and was stuck at home with a cold or the flu, but that concern quickly vanished when I saw him in the hallways. He wasn’t skipping out on school, he was avoiding me. I couldn’t believe that he had gone are far as to skip English class for a week because of me but after a week of him doing exactly that along with ignoring the calls and texts I sent him I knew that he was in fact, ignoring me. And taking drastic measures to do so too.

I shouldn’t be as hurt as I was, after all we didn’t even know each other for three weeks when he started avoiding me. But Alexander reminded me what it was like to have a friend. I’ve spent so long alone I forgot what it felt like to be lonely, I forgot how nice it was to have someone, and if Alexander never came into my life I would have gone on not feeling the pain of knowing. But he did walk into my life, reminded me how nice it was to have someone, and then left me to feel alone all over again.Even though I felt hurt because of him suddenly ignoring me without a single word or warning I was also angry. If he didn’t want to be my friend fine, I couldn’t control him and I don’t want him in my life if he doesn’t want to be there, but the least he could do is tell me instead of leaving me with thoughts. I couldn’t stop wondering if I’d done something wrong – if there was something wrong with me – and all because he just didn’t tell me that he didn’t want to hang out with me. It would have been easier to handle if he just gave me an answer instead of leaving me here questioning everything, slowly becoming insane.

It was the following Friday, exactly nine days later that I had had enough of this. I was going to get some answers. If after that Alexander wanted to leave my life then he could walk right out, but at least the door would be closed behind him this time. Even though I tried to be okay with that thought… I truly wasn’t. I didn’t want to lose the one person I had.But if I thought like that it would hurt more if he did decide to stop hanging out with me.

At the very least he should return to English class, I don’t want him failing because of me.

The plan I had devised might seem a little… extreme, but it was the only thing I could think to do. Alexander and I had talked about our class schedule a number of times so I knew that after his first period history class he was be walking down the south hall on the third floor to get to his second period. Luckily for me, right down that hallway by the staircase was a tiny janitor’s closet that was rarely used compared to the one on the first floor. Cornering him in a janitor’s closet and forcing him to talk might seem a little cliché but I was positive that it would work and that’s all that mattered.

When the bell rang I cracked the door open ever so slightly so I could see when Alexander was approaching. Luckily for me he walked closely to the wall this door was set into – I didn’t even think about what I would do if he walked down the other side of the hallway. In one quick motion I snapped out and gripped his arm, pulling him into the closet and practice throwing him against the opposite wall. The closet was mere centimeters wider than the actual door. In all reality the only way I managed to move someone like Alexander (aka someone much taller and stronger than me) is because he was shocked and caught off guard. It took him a moment to realize what had happened but by then I had locked the door and was standing in front of it.

Once Alexander noticed me he visibly relaxed, clearly identifying that I wasn’t a threat, but the scowl remained on his face.

“What are you do doing?” He demanded, part of him just sounding so tired.

“I want an explanation,” I declare, going on to rant before he could even make another sound, “Why the heck won’t you just let me in? You were the one that walked into my life, the one who reminded me what it was like to have someone – anyone – and yet you’re also the one refusing to let me get to know you. It isn’t fair for you to come into my life and then just walk away without a single word. I don’t understand you; why won’t you just let me understand you!? Just when I think I understand you, you go and do this. How can you walk out of my life without a single word? Because if I know anything it’s that you are a good person, so why would you just ignore me and push me away like some jerk without even telling me why!?”

“Don’t ever try to get inside my head,” he sudden snarled, slamming me against the closet door. For several beats we stayed there, his grip crushing my wrists, and I was honestly a little terrified. Finally, his mismatched eyes softened. “It’s too dark for you.”

When his tone becomes gentle I want to melt and give in but then I quickly remind myself that he has been ignoring me for over a week…simply because he thought he was too ‘dark’ for me. Now I normally didn’t swear, but now seemed like the perfect time.

“Bullshit!” I cried abruptly pushing him away. “You think I don’t have my own dark side? Well news flash Alexander, everyone does, and just because I don’t look like it or whatever doesn’t meant I don’t understand,doesn’t mean I haven’t gone through my own dark patch. So stop trying to protect me from things that I don’t need to be protected from. Better yet –don’t think you know what’s best for me because only I know that.” His lousy excuse made my anger overpower my hurt and I had made that clear in my little speech.

Alexander clearly hadn’t been expected me to react as I did because he seemed lost for a long moment. I’ve never seen Alexander look unsure of himself; he always seemed confident and certain of what he was doing.

“I’m not going to force you,” I say after a moment with a small sigh, “But the next time you decide to walk out of someone’s life, maybe tell them instead of leaving them leaving them questioning what they did wrong.” Seeing how Alexander wasn’t going to say anything else I sighed again and turned, unlocking the door and left. Since I had already missed a fair amount of second period I just headed straight for the stairwell so I could head up to the roof. I wasn’t even half was up when I suddenly become aware of quick steps. A hand touched the small of my back surprising me into a missing a step. My hands instinctively reached forward as I began to fall forward, my knees seconds away from hitting the hard steps when I was suddenly yanked upwards again and spun around in the process. Looking for something to grab to steady myself I found that my arms found around none other than Alexander’s neck as his strong arm wrapped around my back securely, pulling me close against his hard form.

“Thanks,” I mutter, refusing to meet his eye. However, my eyes quickly blow wide as his lips suddenly press against mine. I completely froze against his tender kiss and soft lips before melting into it. For a mere second I kissed back but then coming back to reality I shoved him away. “You can’t do that.” I nearly yell before quickly running away. Alexander didn’t follow me this time.

I ran past him and down to the first floor to so I could leave through the school’s front doors. My attendance record was perfect until today.Even when life got hard a few years ago I never missed a single class. But my mind was muddled and I felt as if I could suffocate from the confusion alone so I had to get out of there. I didn’t stop running until I was sitting in my car.Without hesitating I start the engine and quickly pull out of the parking lot and onto the main road. I didn’t go home… instead I drove just past my house and down to the park. It was a large green area just on the edge of a forest where families went for picnics or couples went to have dates. I, however, was here for the playground.

Practically flopping onto the swing set I gently kicked off the ground, rocking myself back and form as my hands wrapped around the chains.I didn’t want to think right now because nothing made sense, from my emotions to Alexander’s actions, everything left me feeling lost. Instead I did what I did best and ignored the world. Stuffing my earphones in and turning the volume of my music up pretty high I closed my eyes and continued to swing gently. The music forced me to pay attention to the lyrics and instruments, the sounds and melodies, instead of everything else that fogged my mind.

Hours passed and the only reason I realized this was because my stomach began to growl for food, something I should have been feeding it at least an hour or two ago. It was the only reason I left the swing set and began to make my way back to my car where I blasted music from my car speakers instead of my earphones.

The house was empty when I arrived, after all school wasn’t over yet and dad was still at work. I sat on the kitchen counter eating my second bowl of cereal today, earphones back in, before going to sit out on the back porch to finally face my dilemma. I just had to break everything down and then I would finally understand… right?

This all began when Alexander arrived. He seemed a little daunting but he spent the lunch hours sleeping next to me while I did my thing.He saved me from the rain when my car broke down but nothing much had changed at that point; we weren’t necessarily friends but we weren’t strangers either. Next he became my partner in English thanks to McMillian which forced us to actually hold long conversations and discussions. After he came over to my place on Saturday for us to finish our project and we actually talked about something other than our short story we could finally be considered friends – maybe not the closest of friends but friends nonetheless. The following Monday he saved me from Asher who had more or less sexually harassed me. Over the next couple days we seemed closer, but emotionally we were miles away, Alexander kept his walls up high. When he laughed that Wednesday afternoon in the car while driving me home I thought maybe he was letting me in.

Alexander was a puzzle and I wanted to understand him, not just so the full of unraveling the mystery of Alexander Knight but so that we could be real friends, something I really needed after being alone for so long. But right then he pulled back and shut me out completely. He ignored me over a week and when I finally cornered him for an explanation he spews a bunch of nonsense. His mind is dark? Ya well I know a little bit about having a dark side myself. I had been hurt when he suddenly started avoiding me, but I was mad when he had made the decision of who would and wouldn’t be in my life. No one knew what the best was for me except me and I wish people would quite telling me that I’m too innocent to know all the dangers of the world. I might go around moping everyday but that didn’t mean I hadn’t felt pain before because I most certainly have and still do some days.

When I had walked out on him I thought it was going to end there. Like I said, I wasn’t going to force him to stay in my life, but since I wasn’t getting a properly explanation either I decided that it simply wasn’t worth it. But then he came after me and kissed me. I’m not going to lie, Alexander was incredibly attractive in my books and he managed to make me blush and my heart flutter on a number of occasions, but I couldn’t really have feelings for him until I knew him. I wanted to know his favorite color and song, what movies he loved and hated, how he liked to spend his weekends and whether he had any pets. I wanted to know who he is.We’ve technically known each other for just under a month, but a third of that time has been spent with him ignoring me. I’ve never been in a relationship;this was all foreign to me: liking someone. I was mad that he had taken my first kiss like that.

But everything I felt creating chaos within me had drained me and I didn’t have the energy to feel angry. Maybe I was exaggerating but a lot has happened in such a short amount of time and before Alexander arrived my life had been the exact same every day. I always knew what to expect, what to feel, and suddenly I was at a lost, I didn’t know how to react in this sort of situation. Being alone was so much easier, but now that I remembered what it felt like to be lonely I wasn’t sure I could go back to that.

I remember being in middle school and losing my friends one by one simply because we were changing and had become so different. Once I was all alone I felt empty and utterly alone, but over the years I’d adjusted to it and begun to enjoy it even. But now I remembered what it was like to have someone to share your time and smiles with.

Deciding to deal with this another day since it was Friday and tomorrow was the weekend I checked the time and headed inside to make dinner for my dad and Sam. Before mum left she almost always cooked Korean food– or at least Korean influenced food – to keep Sam and I in touch with her culture, after all her being Korean made us half Korean as well. But after she left dad had no idea what he was doing. He tried so hard and I was grateful that he did his best to bring Sam and I up as well as he can even if after being betrayed by his love. For a while he searched up Korean recipe after recipe but once he burnt one too many dishes Sam and I assured him that he didn’t have to do it like mum did. He already had so much on his shoulders. Dad was a great cook as long as it wasn’t Korean food. But, every once and a while I would cook one of the dishes mum had taught me to cook before she left because not only did it keep Sam and I in touch with our culture but Korean food was general just really good and something the three of us enjoyed. Mum and dad did meet at a Korean restaurant after all.

I was hoping that by cooking my dad’s favorite Korean dish –not only making food he loves but taking away the task of having to cook – he wouldn’t be mad when he learnt that I skipped school today.

When the sound of the front door opening and closing reached my ears I knew that dad was home. He came straight into the kitchen, looking around to see that I was cooking before finally landing his curious gaze on me.

“And what you doing home little missy?” He asked, tone light and quizzical, however, he looked prepared to scold me if needed. I was a good kid, I can’t remember ever not following my parents’ wishes, so it was understandable that he didn’t get mad right away. I was lucky enough to have a dad who would wait to hear my side of the story before jumping to conclusions.

“You remember Alexander, the kid who drove me home while my car was in the shop? Well we’re kind of friends right but we got into an argument today and my mind was all cluttered and I was all confused and emotional. I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus if I stayed at school and I just really wanted to leave and clear my mind. I know it’s not a good excuse, but it happened.” I explain, knowing that getting into a fight with a friend (?)wasn’t a good excuse to skip three of four classes but that it was the truth.

“Alright, I know how stressed you can get and sometimes it’s better to step away. Just don’t make a habit of it, okay?” I nod with a small smile, glad that he wasn’t mad – it was my first time skipping after all.

Twenty minutes later I was setting dinner down on the table and Sam was just arriving home.

“Please tell me Catalina made Korean food.” Sam said loudly as he came into the kitchen, dropping his backpack by the counter without a care. Dad chuckled and confirmed Sam’s suspicion. “Yes!” I grin at my brother’s exaggerated reaction and we all sit down to eat. Both of them added more hot sauce to their already spicy beef and vegetable soup.

Dinner is… well normally. The three of us eat and talk and laugh and I loved it like that. At the end of the end I’m not sure how I’d survive without my family, without dad and Sam I truly would be empty. When I had no one else I still had them and that’s all that mattered.