Forgotten

Chapter 4

Jacin POV

Driving away seemed to be a lot harder than it should have been. She was just some random girl that bumped into me and made me spill my coffee. I had seen her coming in my direction and decided that she was a spoiled rich girl. I know the type. I’ve seen them around here a lot. Stupid girls that come for rides on the boats with heels and designer bags. Then they had the nerve to complain when they get wet or slip. I had no intention to talk to her or even look at her again. I took a sip of my coffee while I was walking when she slammed right into me. I was instantly rude because I presumed to know what type of person she is. Although it didn’t take long for me to figure out that I had been wrong.

Then I just continued because it was fun I liked getting a rise out of her. Then she grew on me when she told me about her situation at home. I felt sad for her because I don’t usually feel anything for others. I’ve been alone for a long time. I know how to take care of myself and one way is by not getting to close to anyone or caring to much. People always let you down. It’s in their human nature, they will always put themselves first. I learned that the hard way. I only have a hand full of friends and even with them I keep my distance, but with the girl, this stranger I find myself wanting to know her. It’s messed up. After I felt sad for her we had gotten on the bike and feeling her body so tight against mine drove crazy.

I had to force myself to focus on the road. Her touch had felt delicate and strong. It was like she was holding me. I know she was holding on due to us being on a bike, but it felt like she was holding onto a deeper side of me. She made me feel things. I don't know what woke these feelings in me. When we made it to the hotel and she got of the bike I felt more than just the coldness where her body use to be. I felt an emptiness. We stood there staring at one another. I wanted to know her name or ask for her number but I got scared. Something that felt so intense couldn't be good. The way I felt in that instant would have shattered me if she rejected me. She could be the cause for me to never trust anyone again. By saying no to me she would be destroying any last bit of me that want to trust and care. So I didn't ask and neither did she.

I drove away so fast before I could change my mind, but it was really hard. I felt like I was driving away from something that could be real. I know I'm not ready for real. At least that is what I thought in that moment. I walked into my studio apartment. It’s a very small brutalist open planned apartment. It has concrete floors and walls and then the bedroom wall is red brick. It’s affordable and I really liked how plain it is. I don’t need more which is good because I can’t afford more, especially now that I have lost my Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night job. I was late since I dropped her off at the hotel. Now I have time to clean this place up a bit. I’m not a messy person, I just don’t have to much time to clean.

I work as a dock worker on Mondays and Fridays, early morning shift. Then I work on a dolphin and whale watching boat on Monday’s and Friday’s for the morning shift and Wednesday the afternoon shift. I clean a fisherman’s boat every Sunday night and Tuesdays, Wednesday and Thursdays nights I use to work in a warehouse as a packer. It was a first come first serve kind of job, no warning. If you come in late, mess up or don’t show up they replace you immediately.

I’m going to have to find another job now to make up for that one. It’s hard getting a job here that offers a full week, full pay situation. I make more money with my different odd jobs than what I would have in just one. I started with gathering up all the laundry that laid around. I threw it in my washing machine. I had to get my own since this building doesn’t have a laundry room and going to a launderette worked out to expensive. It’s a good investment. Then I made my bed, by that I meant that I picked up the red pillows and threw them at the top of the bed. Then I straightened out my black duvet.

Once the room area was cleaned up I moved on to the kitchen. The kitchen is half a wall lined with red steel cabinets and a red island with two bar stools. I quickly gathered up all the dishes. It was while washing the dishes that I started to daydream about her again, her warm brown hair, her blueish grey eyes. Her face that seemed so innocent with it’s dimples…her breasts against my back. I shook my head to get these thoughts out of my head. I’m not going to see her again. I can’t keep daydreaming about something that I can’t have. It wad my choice not to ask for her number or name.

Once I was done with the dishes I moved on to the living room area that consists of a black couch with a TV mounted on the wall and a wooden coffee table. It was all very basic, but it was home. I wiped down the coffee table that is stained with cup rings, because I don’t own any coasters. Lastly I went to clean the bathroom it’s probably the cleanest place in my apartment since I don’t take dishes in there and I have a laundry bin there. I just had to clean the toilet. Once I was done it was already pretty late so I took a shower since I was still sticky from the coffee she made me spill all over myself. When I got out of the shower I walked over to my bed falling on top of it not even wasting time by getting under the covers. Tomorrow will be a long day I need to start looking for a new job that fits my schedule and then I have the afternoon shift. I closed my eyes and immediately drifted off to sleep.

I woke up on the beach. My skin felt warm like I had been basking in the sun. I sat up leaning on my elbows. All the colors seemed brighter the sand was golden white, the water was crystal blue. The sounds were clearer. I heard the waves coming from the distance and simultaneously I could her them break near the shore. I heard the wind howling all around me. It was so peaceful. That is when I saw her. She was walking my way, She was looking out at the sea, she hasn’t seen me yet. I couldn’t believe my luck at seeing her again. I don’t want to screw this up again. This time I will not leave empty handed. While I was daydreaming about talking to her she came closer and tripped over my feet, damn. She was on the ground just like when we met the first time.

“It’s you again. We should really stop meeting like this.” I joked. She looked at me and smiled, her smile was so bright and welcoming…so inviting.

“I’m Jacin, what’s your name?” Finally I will know her name. This will start everything. No more daydreaming about this girl. This is what I should have done from the beginning. She smiled at me before she opened her mouth and told me her name, but I couldn’t hear anything coming out of her mouth. The wave were to loud.

“Sorry I didn’t catch that, what did you say?” I asked her again. She opened her mouth and repeated. I still couldn’t hear anything, I even tried reading her lips, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I felt frustrated. I wanted to know so badly what she was trying to say. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t hear or why the world could be so cruel to make us meet again, but wasn’t allowing us to actually connect with one another.

I sat straight up on the bed. It was a dream, of course it was a dream. How can I be so stupid. The first give away was that I fell asleep here and woke up on the beach. It just felt so real. I had honestly thought that I had bumped into her again. I wanted it so badly that I dreamed about her. I’ve never dreamed about a girl before, but now I know that I really need to find her and introduce myself. I can’t stop thinking about her which can only mean one thing: I’m meant to know this girl. I’m going to find her again, no matter how long it takes. I shouldn’t have walked out in the first place. Well drove away. It’s one of my biggest regrets. I got up and walked to the kitchen where I made myself some coffee. I’m a big fan of coffee I always experiment, my coffee machine is the most expensive thing in my apartment. I need caffeine in my life to keep me steady and on track.

Once I was done with my coffee I got dressed and head out. It’s time to try and find a job. Hopefully something near my other jobs to make it easier on me. I started at the docks. They didn’t need any more help around there so I started with all the tourist attraction boats. It’s safe to say that they didn’t want to hire someone that worked for one of their competitors. Next I moved to all the surrounding businesses like the vendors and restaurants. None of them were willing to work with my schedule so it was another bust. I didn’t have anymore time left since I had a afternoon shift on the tourist boat. I mostly stand around and wait for people to ask questions if they have any after the tour is given.

Sometimes they need me to give the tour or even steer the boat although that only happens on very rare occasions. We take them out to see a seal colony and at times if we have bookings we take a group out for whale and dolphin watching on the speedboat. Today was a dull day we didn’t have that many tourists and none of them were really asking questions so I mostly sat around and did nothing but stare out at the ocean recalling my dream over and over again. When we were finally done we had to clean up the boat and take everything we found to the office for lost and found. It was already six pm when I walked down the same path where I met her yesterday, but from everything she has told me I didn’t think she would be here.

The last shuttle has already left meaning if she used the shuttles then she would have already left. She had also told him how she couldn’t be late getting home due to her home circumstances. Even knowing all this I took a seat on the bench next to the path. I kept looking around trying to see if I could spot her, but the later it got the more my hope dwindles. I sat there staring out at the ocean with the sky turning darker by the moment. After about two hours I gave up and decided to go home, I was starving. Once I got home I quickly made myself a few cup of noodles. I know coffee, food not so much. Most of my cupboard consisted of cup of noodles. I’m good with sandwiches and frying up some meat, but that is about it. I ate my noodles while I watched some television and then I went to shower and get ready for bed. I’m not sure if I want to dream about her again or not. It can only do good or bad. Although it isn’t like I have any control over it.

I was walking down the path, the path where we met when I saw her. Well I thought it was her she was on the beach near the docks looking out at the water, the wind blowing her brown hair all around her. I started jogging towards her, but the closer I got the further she seemed away. I ran faster and faster and still the distance didn’t become any shorter. I finally made it onto the beach but it spread further out. My feet felt so heavy in the sand making me slower. Then I noticed that not only was I running slow, but everything around me has slowed down. The sand that my feet send flying was shooting up and falling back down slowly, the same with the birds in the sky and the building wave. I felt hopeless like I wasn’t going to reach her, she was going to slip through my fingers. Suddenly things speed up. I was running at full speed again. The sky became darker thunder rumbling, the waves became bigger and was crashing harder. Even the wind was picking up. It was pushing me towards her, but blowing her further away from me. She was holding her hand out for me. She wanted me to save her. She was being pulled away to fast. Behind her turned into just darkness and she was being pulled into that darkness and I couldn’t get to her.

I sat up in bed again. My body drenched in sweat. That was a terrifying dream. It makes me want to see her again even more. I know it’s just my sub conscious that turned her strict home situation into darkness and I automatically want to save her from that. It’s just who I am. I guess I see my own troubled life in her, hers probably isn’t that bad. She has strict parents, but she also has money and everything she might need. I on the other hand lost my parents when I was really young. I didn’t have any other relatives so I became an orphan. I never really had anything and every time I thought I found something I lost it. I kept getting attached to foster homes only to be moved again until I got to old and was placed in a group home. I stayed there until I turned eighteen. I finished high school and then I left.

I had already saved up for a place to rent by doing odd jobs here and there. I always wanted more from my life. I wanted to go and study, but I didn’t have parents to help me out financially and I didn’t qualify for any scholarship. The plan was to get money saved up as fast as possible. I only needed enough for my first years of studies. The plan was to work hard and earn a scholarship for my second year and so on. It’s been almost two years now and I haven’t saved up enough money. It takes money to live. I get 2 936$ for all the different jobs I do. I have to pay rent that is 700$, buy food 100$, put gas in my Motorbike 200$ and I have debt to pay, 700$ worth. My debt pays of all my furniture, my coffee machine and my motorbike. Then I put 500$ into my saving towards my studies. That leaves me with about 300$ for spending throughout the month.

I can’t just have enough money for registration and plan on working to make up my monthly fees. I wouldn’t be able to work and focus on my studies like I plan to. I didn’t have anything to do today since I lost my job, so today will be another long day of looking for a new job. The longer this takes the more likely I am to actually struggle at the end of the month. The warehouse job was one of my best paying at 20$ per hour. It’s at least 330$ less a week and almost 1000$ a month. I’m going to be short. I made my coffee doubling up. I need the energy today.

I then made myself a toasted sandwich with Biltong and Avocado. After finishing I set out to find a job. I didn’t want to waist time. I changed the radius in which I was looking for a job moving further away from the docks there is no more opportunities there for me. I also want to go and try to find her again. I know that the changes of her showing up there is little to nun. She probably just came there to do something, maybe eat somewhere. I don’t think she came for the tourist things. She has probably done that before, maybe even a couple of times. She won’t just be hanging out there. I just don’t have any idea where else to look for her. I tried every business I could find in my new radius. I was willing to do anything.

I asked for cleaning jobs, assistant job, any job working with my hands but no one was willing to take chance on me. My personality isn’t very open I do come off as very intimidating and I’m young those two reasons alone makes people kind of avoid me. It was getting late and I had been at it for hours upon hours. I stopped at my favorite coffee shop. I stop here at least 4 times a week. Either on my way to work or on my way home. I want to get to the docks before the shuttles leave so that if she is there I can catch her, maybe even convince her to take another ride with me. I went up to the counter and ordered my usual black coffee with a shot of espresso.

“What has gotten you down? You don’t seem your usual self.” The old lady behind the counter asked me. Her grandson had bought the place and failed to actually make a success of it until his grandma stepped in and helped him, but as soon as it started to do good he pulled away. He saw that she was doing well and presumed she would do it all on her own. She didn’t fall for that one and ended up buying the place from him she didn’t see why she had to do all the work and he got all the money. I always make small talk with her when I come in here.

“Well I walked away from a girl that I can’t stop thinking about now.” I told the old lady as she moved to go and make my coffee.

“Why did you do something so silly. You are way to much of a loner to be throwing away chances like that. You’ll end up sad and alone with no one to complain too.” She was a brutally honest lady. The one time she told me to cut the mop of curls on my head because staring out from underneath them made me very unapproachable. If I left it to her she would have me get a military buzz cut.

“I got fired because I helped her out. I was her brave knight. I gave her a lift…”

“On that death trap you drive, Jacin you don’t impress ladies with loud, obnoxious and dangerous contraptions. I’ve told you to get a reasonable car many times before. If you didn’t loose her would you expect her to only wear pants and ruin her hair every time, silly boy.” She really doesn’t care about keeping the client happy, she clearly makes them hear her opinion.

“Well I never even got her name or number so unless I can find her I don’t have to worry about that.” She brought me my coffee and a sandwich that I didn’t order.

“You should rather worry about finding a job than finding some girl. Here you need to eat more. I never see you eat you are always just poisoning yourself with this junk you put in your body. Next time try some tea or something without caffeine.” I feel like she shouldn’t be telling customers that the coffee she sells is poison and she shouldn’t be giving food away.

“I am looking for a job, I’ve been trying for two days, but I haven’t been able to find anything. No one seems to be able to work with my schedule. I lost my night job. So I wanted to replace it with another night job.” I explained to her as I took a sip of the strong rich coffee.

“Let me see your crazy schedule before I get to judging these people for not hiring you.” I took out my phone and opened my schedule to show it to her.

“Okay I see you do a lot of jobs. You can work for me on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. You can work Monday and Friday from 13:00 to 20:00 and then Tuesdays and Thursdays 8:00 - 15:00. I can only pay you 10$ an hour and I can’t offer you anymore hours. You need to get rest in at some point. We’ll leave Saturdays open for when you meet a lovely girl.” I know she only did this because she felt bad for me, she was the only one who worked her, she also doesn’t have to many customers so this will only cost her more, but she offered and I wasn’t about to tell her no because she will not go down quietly.

“Thank you so much, I won’t disappoint you.” I told her quickly.

“You better not! No missing work to give girls rides on that death machine. You can start on Monday. Now eat your sandwich.” I ate my Sandwich before I left to go and see if I could find her. I felt hopeful now that I have gotten a new job. I’m only going to make 240$ a week instead of 330$ but I’ll have to make it work. I drove with my bike as fast as I could to make it before the shuttles left. I saw the last shuttle being loaded as I got there but no one even slightly resembled her. Imagine if I had only imagined her and I’m searching for a phantom.

I walked over to the bench I sat yesterday and started to wait. I looked out to the beach that I dreamed about and I almost expected to see her waiting there for me. I waited until it got dark again before I gave up, but instead of going home I walked over to the beach that I dreamed of. I took of my shoes as I got closer so that I could feel the cooled off sand between my toes. I walked right up to the water and let my feet get wet. I took a deep breath enjoying the night air. I though that I would be lucky since I had such luck with getting a job. I can only look for her for a couple more days, because on Monday I start my new job and I will be working to late to come here everyday. Hopefully I will find her before then. If I don’t I guess it wasn’t meant to be or maybe just not meant to be right now.